Crim at the Movies: Bratz (2007)

(Haven't done one of these in a while. Let's get back to business, shall we?




My exceptions are usually set on the stage of your typical movie-geek level. I went in with the lowest expectations possible, knowing that this movie is going to be really bad. But I would go to such lengths to say that this movie is just a pure waste of time, where taking it seriously would provide give you a very minor case of serious brain damage...

Stereotypes is the weapon of choice for the movie based on revealing lewd dolls with huge eyes, full lips and no noses. Dolls with an overinflated infatuation with clothes, shoes and make-up aimed at a young-teen audience that basically wanted to be barbie for an older and more mature audience. You've heard about or even bought some of these dolls; now let's see if you can sit through the movie.



Nope? I thought so.

What you are witnessing is a fine example of American consumerism run amok without a leash to restrain itself, nor a master to even tame the wild beast that this movie truly is. Fortunately for you, this doesn't star Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. It its however, one of those typical highschool movies aimed at teenage girls. As long as they can remember, Yasmin, Jade, Sasha and Cloe have been "BFF" - Best Friends Forever. Inseparable since they first met, the young girls have always supported each other's individual personalities, talents and fabulous fashion styles. These four girls enter the dangerous and inhospitable world of High School, specifically Carry Nation High. Yasmin, Jade, Sasha and Cloe face a brand new world: a blackboard jungle, where for the first time they discover life as a teenager means dealing with a system of social cliques, all strictly enforced by student body president Meredith Baxter Dimly. Finding themselves being pulled further and further apart, the girls band together and rise up as "the Bratz" to fight peer pressure, in turn learning how true empowerment means standing up for your friends, being true to oneself and living out one's dreams & aspirations.

I'm not making this crap up. This is the synopsis of the movie.




At somepoint in the movie, one particularly imfamous scene comes up. Meredith 's sweet 16 party that more closely resembles a street parade, but the party audeience features your typical stuck-up plastic girls along with horny boys trying to get laid. Also trying to be what I could only sum up as “Hip and Fresh” , there are pop-culture references all over the place. One bit including an MTV crew that films the celebration (a blatant product placement for the “My Super Sweet 16" show) and a the video clip that appears on YouTube.



Appropriate reaction is appropriate

Oh, there's also a deaf kid who somehow has the power to hear Yasmin singing. And spin turntables

But hey! At least the monkeys with a typewriter that could be listed as “Screenwriters” tried to incorperate imparting moral lessons. Parents are good and should always be listened to, Ignoring your friends is bad, Fashion and Commercialism is good. You know, Capitalism! That's the thing we should be teaching to 11-13 year olds! And hey! This is also an American movie, so that's to be expected in the long run.


It's like the Cold War never ended......


This is a difficult subgenre, there is not a chance in hell that you are able to satisfy everybody even if you happened to be Stanley Kubrick or Christopher Nolan. The entire academy into divided into clicks (emo's, skaters, geeks, potheads, jocks, tree-huggers and other assorted losers). Why anyone wishes to accept this type of sterotypical hand-holding is beyond me, but anyway....

Brats. So full of propaganda and ridiculous role-models, not even adults would understand.



This movie has received One out of Five Lionhearts​