Hello everyone. As most of you know, I went to a rehab center for alchoholism. I'm going to tell you all what I told them, because I trust you enough. Let's start off with the crap I went through in my youth, which started me drinking alchohol illegally. My father and mother got divorced. It was a terrible time. My mother took me, and my father took my brother (who was 3 months old). (Which means I was 8; the events leading to the alchohol started when I was 15.) I was so depressed, since I hated my mother so much. I became involved in drugs and alchohol at 15 years old. Not long after, though, I realized how ****ed up my life became with drugs, so I forced myself to stop using them by starving myself. Then stuff got real serious. My mother... she was losing her mind. I mean like going insane, in my eyes. ...She thought of me as a man, not her son. If you know what I mean by this... Now you know a bit. If you don't know what I mean... I shall explain it in as little detail as possible. ...After being forced to... have... you know... with my mother over and over again, I finally had enough; I ran away, found the nearest phone, and called my father. After I told him what happened, he called the police, and he picked me up from the side of the street. I didn't see my mother again. My mother is in a mental institution now. Anyways; after this, my drinking became far worse. My father knew of it, but he didn't do anything about it. He said he "Didn't care if I drank myself to death." I drank all through my high school years, and became more and more dependent on it. After high school, I go to college, and well, you know where I am now. At home, fresh from a rehab center. I've had a messed up life; I'm not saying it's the worst childhood anyone could have. I'll never get that year back, nor will I ever speak to my mother again. But the past is the past; and I forgive my mother, even if she did... love me, to say the least. I take care of my brother now. We don't know where father is, and quite frankly, I don't care. I refuse to let that man harm us any more than he did, especially when he didn't help me when he knew I had a problem. I'm sorry if I have shocked you with this news. It's the only reason I'm here now; even if mistakes are made, whether they are yours or others, they make you stronger in the end. ...That's my story. I have no regrets, except to tell my father that I loved him, even if he didn't care. Grandpa, and my wife are the only people alive that care about us now. And I'm grateful to have someone to love, and be loved in return. This is why I am determined to quit drinking; for everyone's sake, not just my own.
I'm Proud of ya. Your a good man. It's time to put the past, behind and live forward in life where you are surrounded by those who love you, no matter what.
I....I never would've guessed... I'm so sorry that you had to go through that dreadful childhood. However, now you are taking control and you're finally getting better over that alcoholism. I applaud you, I really do. Stay strong Saikyo, we got your back!
Oh wow, I'm not sure what to say to that. That sounds horrible. I'm an alcoholic too, but when I see your reasons, it really makes mine seem stupid in comparison. I became an alcoholic out of depression, but it was only because I hated my job. In fact when I see the temporary jobs i've had since it make we realise how good I had it at that jobs, there are so many worse ones. Anyway have a hug, I wish you the best to stop drinking. I should stop too. I am employing a strategy to throw most of my money towards my school fees and rent so I only have enough for the cheapest food, If I leave my self with any more then that I'll just rationise buying alcohol and cheap food. I started drinking at 18 1/2, six months after it was legal, because I was a goody two shoes and I only drank after my best friend pressured me to get drunk with him as my 18th birthday present for him. This was fine though as I was able to drink in moderation and didn't become addicted until I was 22.
Ouch... that's a horrible way to experience your childhood... It's nice to see that you've managed to get yourself together after those experiences, and now you're going into rehab willingly and even willing to tell everyone about it... That in itself is amazing, I wish you the best of luck! I'll be waiting for the news of your success, then... Good luck for you too Setzertrancer! I'm sure you will succeed as well!
A combination of trust, depression, and my own will. I've been wanting to share it, but going to the rehab center made me want to actually share it immediately. Believe me, I wouldn't have bothered posting this if you guys weren't as nice as you were. I don't think I would have stayed here even. So many people have been sharing things about their lives that they felt uncomfortable about. This is my turn. Sharing this with you guys is like admitting that I've made mistakes; if you read the last part, Mistakes make us stronger, whether or not they are your own or someone elses. ...Me and Chris are going to have a very long talk.
I already gained a certain respect for you due to your reply on my thread. Now, you've reached a whole new level. To find the courage to share such an eventful and traumatic past isn't something a lot of people can do, yet you've pulled it off gracefully and honestly. For that, you have.in my eyes bettered yourself even further as a person. That was a rough, rough childhood you've described, and to think it's one that produced such a smart, honest and respectable adult such as yourself begs belief. You've moved on well, but there's still more to go. You've done well, incredibly well, to get to where you are today, and you've taken all the right things from your experience. Because of that, I'm not even prepared to question you'll get through these upcoming hurdles. You're going in with the right attitude, and I just know it will work out for you. It's not the easiest road, but it is the most rewarding. It's nice to know there are people like you in the world. So many people use bad childhoods as excuses for things. Yet despite going through worse than they have, you've emerged an infinitely better person than them. You'll do your loved ones proud, buddy, as you will everyone here.
I certainly hope so. Having Bipolar Disorder can be really stupid sometimes. It's nothing major, but I just feel down right now. It's probably the reason why I put this here in the first place. I was made fun of so much in school, I have contemplated suicide more than once. Partially due to Alchohol, partially because of my "Condition." But I knew that suicide wasn't the answer, specifically because the woman I loved was right in front of me, and I wanted to actually live to ask her out. ...If she had said no... I probably wouldn't even be here. I don't mean to be an attention horse or anything, I'm just trying to feel... free, if you know what I'm saying. I feel like I can actually scream out "I feel good!". For once in my life, after putting this here, I actually feel accomplished, that I can actually do something right for once. That is why I have to thank all of you. All of you, especially Lup and Zephyr and Setzer, are wonderful people. I honestly don't how I would be able to get this done withoiut your help. Setzertrancer, you were the one who inspired me to get help in the first place. Both of us need to be fixed up, and I'm sure both of us can help each other. I'm crying right now, simply because I never had any friends in school, besides my wife. You guys are basically the only friends I've ever actually had. And I couldn't ask for anything else. For once in my life, I don't feel that I'm a mistake. For once, I feel like I can do anything I want to. For once... I actually feel free. I no longer need somebody to feel happy anymore. I've done so much to get where I am. I can't stop now, and I realize that, now more than ever. I can't even describe the feeling anymore. It's like something has been lifted off my shoulders, and I can breathe easy again... Thank you all so much for your support. I seriously wouldn't have done it without you guys. No. I don't hate my mother. I don't hate my father. I hate my past self for not realizing that I could get things done if I apply myself and became focused and educated, even if things were bad. In a sick, twisted way, I'm... glad this happened. I never would have met my wife if I had not been picked up that day. I would never have joined such a beautiful community. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't run away. I can't stress how much I thank you... so... thank you. All of you. I'm going to keep going for my child, my brother, my wife, my Grandpa, and you guys. I now realize that with friends and family, anything is possible.
The ability to take positives from a complete negative is the difference between the making and breaking of a man. There's not much advice I can give you, as you have the exact right mentality as it is. That's one tightly screwed on head you've got there. I honestly look forward to seeing how you get along. Much love.
I never stop being amazed by all the love here. I am truly touched that I inspired you to get help. I would feel really bad if you got better and I continued to drink myself into liver disease. I think you may have inspired me as well Saikyo. I wish I could say I'm not going to drink again. But I don't think I can. I'm getting paid today and I am not convinced I will be able to keep myself from buying booze, but I am going to make sure I only get enough for a few nights and lock the rest of my money any towards my school fees. This will at least allow me to cut down immensely. If I keep this up I should be able to work my way towards being able to find life fun without booze again. That's the reason I'm addicted, every moment I'm sober feels boring and sad. I need to learn to appreciate life outside of the high again. One achievement recently that I am proud of, is that I edited my latest PMV completely sober for the whole thing. Haven't done that since well before I was making PMVs. In fact creative euphoria is a much better high and ponies are making me experience that a lot more, which will help me cope with the addiction.
I'm glad your decide to share Saikyo, You said in the name thread that Saikyo meant the strongest, well your showing your strength right now. You have taken everything negative in life and forced it into a positive. While a lot of people would give up, you've decided to go forward and I applaud you for it. I'm glad you are getting help, but remember you got the entire forum on your side supporting you and your family.
Good grief, what a horrible way to go through childhood! Still, it's a good thing you chose to reveal all this. Believe me - we can help in every way we can. God knows I'll be willing to try!
Wow, that sounds like a depressing childhood. You've done a good job to share all of this. In fact, I'm not even sure if I would share my problems, if I had any! As for rehabilitation, I'm sure you'll get through it easily. Just think of ponies and this goddamn awesome community.
My god * tears in eyes* I very sensitive to the problems of the others, and your story make me feel.........................sniff................nevermind, I happy now to see how much this help you Saikyo, because you are right, whit friends, everything is posible, you count whit us for anything!!!!!!
You are indeed the strongest, Saikyo. I'm glad you're seeking help - are you also in therapy? It sounds like talking to a professional would help. It's kind of funny, though - when my parents got divorced, my life got better (somewhat). There's not much more I can say, except - *hugs* Oh, and of course, if you need to talk to some one, at any time, there's a few here that are available.
No, I'm not in therapy. I've already come to terms with these events; what has happened has happened. Whether this be for the better, I know not. I only know that I can only move forward, not the other way around. Running away from my problems like I always have has just made them worse. Which is why I'm not running away any more.
Sharing is always helpful, but it depends on who you share with, and what you're expecting for a reaction and support. If it helps you move on, more power to you. I don't talk about my own very much, but I feel I've moved past them. Here's some music that might inspire or bolster you: We Came As Romans - To Move On Is To Grow ---- A great song with fairly uplifting lyrics. Times of Grace - Hope Remains ---- Another song that's about overcoming obstacles in life. Dream Theater - The Glass Prison ---- (This song is legitimately about the writer's own struggle with alcoholism.) Anyway, find what helps you through the day.
