I've tried asking for feedback, could i have others help me improve it, I've tried to ask the audience to give me feedback, but it doesn't seem to work. Could i get some help? http://www.fimfiction.net/story/125725/friends-to-journeys-end
If you want some advice, I think the best I can do is to critique a small section of one of your stories. This is the beginning of "A new Journey" The opening dialogue, is fine. However the "said spike Twilight slowly arose from her bed as she said" has a few problems with it. "said Spike.*" Dialogue typically stays in its own paragraph as different characters speak. So end the paragraph there. Next "Twilight climbed out of bed, "Why would she send a latter this late at night" Drop adverbs, they are fluff that you don't need in your writing. In story writing, simpler is better. Also, in this case we know who is performing the action; in this case Twilight. So just move right into her dialogue without said. ugh, dang sorry I'll continue later on I have to head to class. I still have to finish off the rest of this opening, and pull it all back together so you can see what I am explaining.
After a quick read, the main issue I identified is formatting and proofreading. If you can fix the small mistakes in your text, people will have a different mindset when reading the fic and have a better response. For example, look at my other posts. I just churn them out as fast as possible, which ends up making them look like alphabet soup. Really boring alphabet soup. If I split it up in to paragraphs and capitalize it, though, you get a completely different impression of the same text. Also, you could make the passage quoted above a lot shorter. Your reader is smarter than you think. If you hand someone the letter, they are going to read it. It's a pretty obvious implication. You should also quote or in some other way set the letter apart, probably by italicizing or something like that. It's much easier to see when someone is talking or reading that way. In general, you shouldn't really have to say that someone did an action, unless the focus is on the action. When people are speaking, you don't need to say they said it if they were just talking, or if it's obvious it was them from context. If you can say the same thing in less words, you always should.
All the above suggestions look generally valid, but as a general rule of thumb, chapters should rarely be any shorter than 1000 words. Usually it means you're either lacking in detail, description or plot progression. A quick look at the first two sentences of the fanfic reveals this to be the case. We don't really get any context or formal introduction, you're just kind of thrown into the middle of things without being told which way is up. Another little thing is that you seem to group a lot of different actions together into a simple block of "he/she did this, this and that". While effective in say, trying to get a point across, it makes the entire scene seem rushed and doesn't really give the reader much insight into what the characters are feeling or thinking. With a little bit of wizardry and a bit of thought, here's a possible redux for that little segment: Spoiler: Example Rewrite "Twilight." A very sleepy purple pony rolled over in her bed. "Twilight." She could hear Spike was calling her, but at this time of night, all she wanted was sleep. 'Note to self, don't go to sleep at 3am...' "Twilight. Twilight! Wake up!" "Nnnn... It's the weekend Spike," mumbled the very same - now also very unhappy - purple pony, pulling the covers over her head. It's not that she wasn't used to being woken up in the middle of the night - especially by Spike - but it was still dark, and while he may be her number one assistant, right then and there, her bed was her number one best friend. "Go back to sleep..." "Twilight, this is important!" Spike watched Twilight bury her head under the pillow, vainly trying to ward him off. With a sigh, he grabbed onto the covers, pulling at them as hard as he could, "I'm serious, it's a letter from the Princess." Twilight Sparkle shot out of bed fast enough to send an unfortunate Spike toppling backwards into a heap, 'A letter from the Princess? Right now? Did I do something wrong? Did I miss one of my royal duties? Did I forget to send her a report?' She snatched the letter away from a still-dazed Spike, levitating it over with a bit of magic. That's a quickly done example of what you can do to roughly the same idea, with a bit of thought. I realize the above isn't perfect, I didn't exactly put much thought into it, but I think you get the idea. A little more detail, a little more personality, and a little more character. Don't fret if this sounds difficult or imposing, it's the kind of thing that takes practice, a lot like drawing or playing music. You'll get it with time, just start slow. Personally I like to write a basic framework for a scene of event and then come back later to add nice detail or rework it a bit. Best of luck!
I think your main issue is basic grammar. In everything, grammar is important. It makes the flow choppy(Or if done in perfection, flow nicely) if you do not fix it. I suggest you constantly edit it. I always check for errors in my fanfics, and trust me, while it's taxing, it'll pay off.
I get where you're coming from, and I do greater detail later on, but in the earlier chapter I hadn't had much motivation, since i hadn't posted it online yet .
Sorry, I'm looking at chapter 45 now and I'm seeing many of the same mistakes. You need to pick up a book on grammar, and maybe one on writing in general. Stephen King's Autobiography is one of the books that helped me out quite a bit. and this is going to be a bit harsh, but even here on the forums I'm noticing it. Spoiler: Sorry I get where you're coming from, and I do greater detail later on, but in the earlier chapter I hadn't had much motivation, since i hadn't posted it online yet This is just a large run on sentence, with several grammar errors that make the read painful. I get where you're coming from, and I do better later on. Earlier in the chapter I did not have motivation since it wasn't posted yet.
Yeah I don't really have time to proof read after I'm done. I kinda write them at night, and I'm extremely tired when I'm writing. I have to go to school to, so yeah that's why I have spelling/grammar problems.
Ah, then we found the solution to your problem. Just proofread instead of writing on some nights. After your grammar is fixed, the bulk of your problems with fimfiction will be solved.
