Internet Addiction...

As much as it pains me to say it, this is definitely the case with me. Despite school having been tight or knowing full well that I need to keep up a steady pace or even sleep at a certain hour, I tend to overstay. Going on the internet even if it's for a specific purpose at a given time, there's that risk I'm going to be derping around and waste away precious hours. It's like I have to read something to keep myself entertained or sane for that matter.

Here's an interesting thing I noticed though. There was this one weekend where I stayed at my great uncle's place to avoid being driven crazy by a party on campus I had no interest in attending. They have no internet access whatsoever; not even dial-up. Al I brought were some clothes and some books for studying. So how did that go? Perfectly fine. In fact, I can't even remember having cravings or even getting bored as I got lost in my books (electronics and electrical machines). Productivity spiked and I was getting enough rest, perhaps even more so than when I'd been home. So the question is; what's going on?

Environment. When it comes to one's relationship with or attachment to another person or with one's surrounding culture or community, they tend to be hierarchical in some form. One takes a more dominant role where in a healthy relationship, this person is the caregiver with the other person being in a vulnerable and dependent disposition where one accepts the care of another. In my usual environments; on campus and even EP, I tend to be stuck in the domineering disposition but the reasons differ. On campus, it's about protecting myself against the potential for being bullied. On EP as well as among my friends (both online and IRL), I tend to be looked up to so I feel this need to be the person with all the best answers to everypony's questions so to speak. If my understanding of this whole domineering-dependent attachments and development is correct, one cannot really find rest while in the domineering disposition and that's the point I want to get to.

When I was at my great uncle's, things were different. It's clear who the caregivers were and who the caretaker was. Not only that, I was fully OK with being in the dependent disposition there as I fully accept them as my caregivers. Even if I couldn't see them when I had been studying, I could still feel their caring presence in that environment and it made me feel safe. Learning, as it turns out, happens best in an environment where one feels safe. Is it any wonder then that productivity spiked? Not only that, I was very well-rested. In fact, when I returned to campus and entered the cafeteria to get the evening snack, the chef who had been giving things out at the time noticed that I looked more relaxed and less anxious.

OK, what does this have to do with internet addiction? How is it I did not go into withdrawal when at my great uncle's? Well, being that the reason I tend to go online here is to try and shut myself off from this poisonous environment; first by locking myself up in my room, then by going online and often listen to music. At my great uncle's however, the air is much more pleasant to breathe so then there is no poisonous environment to run away from as I felt safe, secure and content just being in reality there.