The Generalized Noise of the Massively Delusional

There are words in my head
That I can't seem to release
Slamming at the walls of my mind
Begging to be free

The subject is the same
A tale of lies and pain
Songs of a broken man
Drowned and left lame

Dragged through Hell itself
Standing all alone
Unable to call or scream
With nowhere to call home

I've wondered where you went
How long you'd be gone
It's been almost a year now
Since my world came crashing down

So I stand here on this field
Soaked red with my own blood
And wonder to the stars
How I got here now

Got to this point of no return
But with no direction to flow
Nothing but a broken man
Hollow as a rotten tree

Soulless as I am
As I will soon become
Something less than human
What I should've been all along

So I wait for the day
When my sorrows will take hold
And I'll look down the barrel once again
Of my fathers old gun

The songs of my heart
Cannot heal what I've seen
The things I've done, the life I've led
Has landed me on this path

So where am I going
What will I become
Can I save myself from this
Or will I just drown?

Are you serious? You've gotten mad at me for this, seriously, what is wrong with you? How many times did you leave me over the course of the last two years, how many times did you abuse me, scream at me, call me names, and hit me? How many? Then you move, you become spoiled by your grandparents and you get this whole high and mighty, "you're not good enough for me" kick going and you leave me again, after we'd already been engaged for two years? I asked you to marry me and you left! Of course I know how you feel, I mean, how could I not? But you squandered me yet again, abandoned me when I needed you, I understand your feelings entirely, so well that I don't know how to cope with the same feeling every day. I don't think about putting a bullet through my brain, I don't think about finding a way to acquire some sort of poison and taking it just to make this pain end. I don't know how to deal with it all. I am sorry if I don't feel sympathy for you, I don't really think you deserve it, after everything that happened, after how you treated me, I am not sure you deserve any bit of sympathy from me. I love you, I tell you that, I make sure you know that I would go to the ends of the Earth for you and you threw that away. So, I am sorry if I don't drop the world at large to comfort you, because you weren't there when I needed you. I know it sounds selfish, but I spent two years taking care of you, making sure you smiled, trying to get you to go outside, trying to make you laugh, loving you, cherishing you in every way, and you tossed me aside the minute you found an opportunity to do so. So, I am sorry I wasn't perfect, I am sorry for every wrong that I did. But I have yet to hear those words from you, at all.


Again I apologize if I wasted anyone's time with this, I just really needed to get this out of my head and somewhere that well, wasn't my head.