Shadow Step's blog

First off, sorry I've been gone from this site for so long. I was hoping to finish school and catch up on pony but I've been way too slow (gotta find a good day to watch like 7 episodes) and I guess I didn't want to see any spoilers or anything. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, looking back at my last blog entry from October, I was surprised to see some of the things I said. Unfortunately that's not because I got used to my friend moving. Instead, I got something way worse: he became an ass.

When he left, I talked with him a bunch and I had thought we were possibly as close as ever. I was so consumed with this thought that I had completely forgotten any suspicions of "jerkiness" in him as he left. In fact, I remember telling myself to deal with it so I could try to have a good time with him in his last few weeks. As time went on I got more used to him leaving. Although, while we had our good times online, we also had our share of bad moments. I remember getting irritated as he rarely answered my texts while answering group text messages from another friend right away. But any suspicions lingering would be erased whenever we had a fun time playing a game online (which was every now and then).

This summer, he texted that other friend and me that he was able to visit us for 3 days (July 6-8) because his dad had to come here for work. Here's the catch: his dad couldn't pick him up until late, meaning he had to stay with my friend or me every day until then. Now this doesn't sound like a bad thing, but you'll see why it is soon.

So he arrived on Monday, and when I saw him for the first time in about 9 months, he was slightly different (somewhat lower voice, a little taller). My other friend couldn't meet us until late because he had basketball practice, so it was just him, my brother, and me. We caught up, watched some videos, and then watched part of a movie. It was a great day and it certainly reminded me of some good times we had together.

The next day, I woke up a little late as he and my other friend asked me to play basketball. They had been out for a while though, so they got tired and we went inside my house quickly. We watched some videos and cooled down. But instead of playing any games with my brother and me like usual, they continued watching videos. They were ridiculously stupid, and were the types of videos my friend hated before he moved. This went on for a while, as if it were just the two of them. Eventually, I tried to start a conversation by asking him if he remembered a YouTuber who we used to hang out with online. He said no, so I showed him a video of his, and he stared at it with a blank look on his face and said "is this supposed to be funny?" I'm pretty sure he couldn't hear half of it because of my other friend's video blasting loudly, so the comment kind of irritated me, like he was going to say that no matter what. After more videos from the two of them, I grabbed a guitar and just started to play something. But my friend grabbed it away and (I think) jokingly said he could play it easily. This left me with nothing to do until the other friend left. Afterwards, we played a game until his dad was ready to pick him up. The game happened to have customized music that I put in, and when the first song started to play he said it was terrible. Insulting my music was something he had started to do around the time he moved, so that didn't rub off well on me. To me, dissing someone's interests can be funny if it only happens a few times, and if it persists then it really turns into a personal attack. I thought I'd bring up a reason as to why I liked a band of mine to keep the conversation going, but it was no use because he insulted them as well. Sometimes I'd actually respond to his "attacks" in a not-so-serious tone, but he'd laugh and say I'm mad like it was really just teasing, which at this point to me it wasn't.

Wednesday, the final day, was by far the most interesting day. I was upset at how my friends had come into my house and treated me poorly, so I decided to take out my frustration on some basketball while listening to music (this usually helps me calm down). I knew they'd come outside eventually, so I got up early to try and beat them there. I stayed out for 2 and a half hours (much longer than I normally would) and was about to go in when they both came out. Of course, they immediately said "why didn't you tell us you were out" and then asked in a "roll-your-eyes" tone why I was listening to music. I told them it was for excercise and ignored any tone they used toward me. My brother then came out and we played a nice, long game. However, whenever my brother said basically anything they would make fun of him for it, a trend also from the days before my friend had moved. I was just noticing how he had seemed to instigate most of the teasing, realizing it had somewhat died down after he had left. After the game, a friend from school asked me to play even more basketball, so I agreed and took my friends and brother with me. Unfortunately the exhaustion was getting to me and I had started to cramp up from seemingly everything. Luckily for me, the game ended quickly as it had started to rain, and my friends from school left. My brother called for a ride, but my friends still wanted to walk, as the weather here changes quickly. As we were leaving I noticed we forgot our balls, so I went and kicked one over, which sent a wave of pain through my calf. I was cramping up again, but this time it was a full one. I tried to walk it off, but my other leg suddenly cramped as well and I fell to the ground in pain. My friends both looked at me incredulously and kept asking why I was laying on the ground. The one who was visiting kept teasingly swearing at me to get up, calling me a p***y. At first I didn't mind because he was obviously joking this time. Then my other friend told me to stretch to try and make the cramps go away. As I remained on the ground in the rain, the friend who was teasing me suddenly walked home with my other friend. Yep, he didn't even wait to make sure I could stand up (which I still couldn't). When I finally got up and walked to the library with my brother to get picked up, I was drenched and fuming. How could they just leave me there writhing in pain? Oh, but it gets better. After we passed them (with them staring at us) and got home, my other friend had practice again. So of course, as soon as I stepped into my house, I got a call from my "homeless" friend asking me to take him in. Now, this is where a lot of people would prefer to tell him off and hang up the phone. But I just couldn't do that. I couldn't break off a friendship that had lasted for so long with so many great memories, especially on the last day he was here. Just a little longer and I didn't have to see him anymore anyway, right? So he came in and we decided to finish the movie. As we did I subtly dropped him a hint I was angry by saying "yeah, that's why you left me on the ground..." He just laughed jokingly. My brother even added "yeah, he's actually pretty pissed about that..." as we set up the movie. Afterwards, my parents even offered him dinner because he had nowhere to go. My other friend joined us afterward and we played games, which was pretty fun except for one thing: they were again poking fun at everything my brother said. He swore at them at one point and I could only try to keep the situation calm. Later we watched some videos until the friends went and watched their own stuff. It wasn't as excluding as the first time, though, as they still payed attention to me. My brother, on the other hand, was playing a game by himself and having nothing to do with them. At one point I asked my friend if he'd come back next summer, to which he said "probably not" because apparently his dad was only around to close a business deal and didn't actually have to come here very often. I said "yeah, but you know, if your dad has some other important business thing..." and he apparently took this as me begging him to move back (?) because he said "there is no way it would work for us to move here" or something like that. I let the topic go and soon his dad came to pick him up. My friend left with a casual goodbye and we talked to his dad for a minute or two before they were on their way.

As they drove off I thought this would probably be the last time I would ever see him again, and yet I didn't feel anywhere near as sad as I did when he left 9 months ago. I thought back and realized he had been needlessly rude to me way too often. He questioned half of the things I said, including jokes. He berated my brother constantly. He probably didn't say "thank you" one time the entire visit for our hospitality. I had gotten the whole deal with him in these 3 days: the good, the bad, and the mixed. In a way, I had gotten closure after his sudden departure 9 months ago. In the end, I came to the conclusion that maybe him moving wasn't as devastating a loss as I had originally thought. Sadly, even the closest of friends can change like this, and while he remains oblivious to everything that has gone on between us, it will always remain sharp in my mind. I'll also never forget the awesome times we had over our 6 years as neighbors. But things have changed, and I can without a doubt say I am ready to move on.

So about 6 years ago when I was in 6th grade, a few new neighbors moved in. Before them, we only had 1 friend in the neighborhood. We became best friends and had our own little group. We'd hang out all the time and our friendships really developed as we got older. Then, in 2011, one of those friends told me he was moving in the summer of 2012. I didn't know how to handle it because I had never considered the possibility of my friends ever leaving. So, as the year dragged on and my friend was enjoying his last year in our neighborhood, I slowly got used to the fact that he was moving. It made the final moment easier but it was obviously still hard to say goodbye. I never had a face-to-face final goodbye as I believe he left early in the morning or so, so that also may have helped. We would end up texting every now and then and talking on Xbox, but of course it wasn't the same. It could have been a lot worse, and I'm glad we still keep in touch. We may even go to the same college in the near future. Then, by some crazy luck, a new kid moved into his house that summer and we instantly hung out and became friends. It was almost like an actor replacing another on a TV show. Although no one could replace any friend, we were lucky to have the opportunity to have another one right away.

As the years went by, things happened as you would expect: other kids went off to college, teachers I liked changed jobs or retired, that kind of stuff. It's still hard to digest because I remember not thinking about this stuff or the future at all. It was just nonstop fun and I never wanted it to end.

Then, just a few weeks ago, the other of the two friends that had moved in 6 years ago told me he was moving. But not in the summer when I would be off to college, no, he said he'd be gone in 3 WEEKS. His family had always been eager to move back to Michigan so they really jumped at the opportunity. That really hit me hard knowing someone I knew for 6 years would just be gone in the blink of an eye. I was going to try to release some of that pressure that had suddenly built up inside me in a blog here, but didn't have the time. So time went by and we had some great moments. We went to a football game, started up a fantasy hockey league, played Smash Bros 4, and had our usual hangouts outside. His family apparently was ready to move even quicker than 3 weeks, and I was told it would be Monday (tomorrow). Then I recently found out it would be today. Yesterday was a hard day for me. We did a lot of stuff together knowing it was his last full day here, and after we went into our homes I realized that may have been the last time I'd ever see him (I thought he'd leave early in the morning as well). I woke up today at 10 and asked him if he'd left yet and to my surprise he hadn't, though when I asked him to come outside he told me he was busy with stuff. I went outside anyway and he joined me pretty quickly. Our other friends came out too knowing it would be the last time we'd hang out in real life. I was told he'd leave in an hour or two. We all talked about the near future and laughed about it. We talked about different ways we'd keep in touch although I already knew we had quite a few. In 30 minutes (they moved the moving time closer again, sheesh his family was eager to go) his mom simply said they were ready to go. He jokingly said "Oh ok, bye forever" and headed toward the car. As they backed out, they slowed and the window opened. After the family said a quick goodbye my friend said "HEY" a few times before calling us scrubs (his catchphrase) and they took off as we watched their car slowly leave the neighborhood until it disappeared. I walked away feeling pretty weird.

So the two goodbyes really contrasted each other. The first gave me time to digest it and we threw a going away party that actually wasn't sad at all and was a ton of fun. The family (mainly the friend) actually didn't want to go but the mother got a job offer she couldn't refuse. I never saw them leave and we just texted each other about his new home and stuff. The second gave me as little time as possible because his family really wanted to go back and there was obviously no time to throw them a party. It happened way too fast, but I wish the best for him and his family. Despite him loving Michigan as much as his family, he grew up here and I feel like he's really gonna miss living in the area. I'm confident we'll keep in touch and we still have that fantasy league he set up to have some fun as well, and we've already got some more online stuff planned. While this leaves me with a pit in my stomach, I know we'll still have a lot of fun together. As for me, I've got to make my "dramatic goodbye" soon but I'm gonna try to be in-state so hopefully no tears are shed over that. I've still got a whole year ahead but it feels like this is the future that you never want to come as a kid. I know adjusting is a process I've got to get used to, but I'll always remember the fun I had growing up.

Sorry for the long read but I just wanted to pour some words out.

5 years ago today (August 28) I probably was fast asleep eager to party and open presents like every other 12-year-old. But I still liked to make a note of what changed since I was younger. Suddenly, I'm here. I have 1 year left of high school and I've still got a lot of growing up to do. I just don't feel like I'm 17, which is understandable because people say this kind of thing on their birthdays every year, but in 1 year I'm technically an adult. And there is NO way I see myself as one any time soon. To me a birthday is something more than just a day to celebrate - it's a milestone that makes me think about where I've ended up in life and how I've gotten there. But age is just a number in the end, because while you'd think getting a year older means you have to grow up a little more, you don't really have to. No matter what there's always going to be a kid inside me, reminding me of all the other "milestones" I've hit. It's important to look forward, yeah, but don't ever let the past escape you.

Oh, and cake is pretty sweet too.

So I've had a YouTube account for 5 years with over 3,000 subs and a few videos with almost a million views and it just got suspended. I assumed it was for copyright, being that I've uploaded "YouTube Poops" that have gathered attention from copyright companies in the past (most instances went successful though thanks to the fair use law). But, out of all the 150+ videos I've uploaded, only one got me suspended. So this must have been realllly bad, right? Well... no. It was a video I uploaded many years ago that gave a link to a Pokemon hacking tool. Why was it so evil? Apparently that link had a virus, meaning YouTube was probably led on to believe that I had this malicious intent to give people viruses, even though I responded to the first comment saying there was a virus by adding a warning about it in the link. This video was extremely insignificant to my channel. Hell I would've probably deleted it had I remembered it even existed. So now all of the fun stuff I've done with friends, my YouTube Poops that got a lot of views, my subscriptions, favorites, and everything is gone because of a little Pokemon thing no one watches anymore. I'm working on getting it back though, so all of my stuff isn't quite lost. It's crazy though just how willing YouTube/Google is willing to terminate everyone's account. :S

A week or so ago, I opted to lose all 4 of my wisdom teeth as soon as possible to get it over with. I'd probably have been more at ease about it if I had previous

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experience with surgery, but this was a little nerveracking being my first time. Nevertheless, I decided to just go with the "get it over with" approach, and today I'd say it paid off. While the nerves returned as they were putting me to sleep, I felt like I was as ready as possible. I woke up a little later and that was it! I woke up feeling a little nauseous though, which wasn't fun. Now I'm dealing witb numbness and occasional pain (plus limited food ), but I feel like the tough part is over with and I'll be back to normal within a few days. I really think if you push yourself to face something you're uncomfortable with, you'll be as ready as you can be. Surgery is yet another thing that this approach helped me with. Still though, I'm not gonna be eager to have surgery again in the future.