Sinderlocke's blog

So, I got a suprise visit from my GP (Doctor) this morning and he told me he wrote a letter to Mariner house (the place that treated me badly and pretty much screwed me over a few times) asking for a home visit due to my mental health problems preventing me from leaving the house, and they declined. My Doctor was so displeased with them.

BUT they wrote back that I had an 'Unstable Personality Disorder' My Doctor told me that it's basically a generic term for (Borderline) Multiple Personality Disorder, (or possibly another degree of it) I don’t know whether to feel pleased or not but…

I have a diagnosis~! I suppose now I know what I’m dealing with. If you follow my tumblr then you might already know this, but after the really bad time I've been having, at least I have something stable in my life.

I've also rekindled a very old friendship that deteriorated because I was suffering with the symptoms but didn't tell anyone, and I was an ass. It feels like we're close friends again, and we had so many great years together so I'm so happy to be friends with her again!

Happy times!

There is something in here with me.

Looming over me.

Making my shoulders cold, my neck stiff and my breath tight.

I'm terrified to turn around.

The home phone has stopped working.

Everyone is asleep.

I can run away right now, just out the door, never look back.

Into the vast, peaceful night.

Forever.

Forever.

And ever.

Hello all~! Some of you may recall my depressive first blog post in regards to my medical confition and whatnot. I'm scheduled to visit the hospital regularly and attend various recovery sessions and all that Jazz. Although I still evidently suffer with thinning and brittle bones, I can at least hope that my treatment wil help me improve.

Now for the very good news.

A few days ago, It was made official that I became part of an ametuer Gorelesque tropue Based in London~ It's been my dream to be a part of a fun, chilled back group where we can all be creative and perform in the atmosphere that we love~<3 The group consists of 6 gorgeous gals~

Kitty Sin (Head Doll)
Cherry Desire
Missy Gore
Lady Smex
Joey Livid
And I'm the newest addition to the group, Baby Sinders.
Kitty came up with Baby Sinders after I told her my desired nickname and my birthdate. Obviously I'm the youngest member so she thought it was fitting to take advantage of that haha, I love it!

The Manager is Dan Parkes, who handles bookings and promotions etc. It's all very laid back and I think we will all grow with experience. I myself have practised Burlesque for many nights through watching Tutorials and DvD's, but there's only so much you can learn by yourself~!

I can't wait until we officially meet in person for a photoshoot/promotional video. Even if I get lost in London, it would be sooooooo worth it!

http://www.facebook.com/deadsexydollsofficial Please check us out and perhaps spare us a like? It'd be amazing if you could like and share us. We'd love to start performing on stage and with bands all across the UK. And we all have to start somewhere~

So yes, I have recorded me singing;

'God Help the Outcasts' - The Hunchback of Notre Dame...
'This Day Aria' - My little ponnnnneeeehhhhhhh (Duh)
'Why don't you do right' - Inspired by Peggy Lee's interpretation.

Over the past couple of days, as I have planty of free time on my hands...(Hand, actually. Though it is painful, I can now move my fingers.)

Now I just need to tweek and HOPEFULLY I will be pleased with result and gain the confidence to actually upload them. I dressed up for This Day Aria, it was swell, like my own little party...

/forever alone

Despite being ill and initially sounding awful, I thought it was half decent given my situation. Hopefully...Possibly...Maybe.

I also intend to cover numerous other Disney tracks, as you do, and hopefully many Wonderous Jazz tunes such as 'All for you' by Imelda May, 'Zaz-Zuh-Zaz' by (my beloved) Cab Calloway, 'Evil Night Together' by Jill Tracy and 'All the Cats Join in' conducted by Benny Goodman & the Pied Pipers, Which will be a special joint project where I will upload a comic strip to fall along with the music. (Seeing as the music consists of less singing more SWINGING BABY.)

And also, I'll be trying my voice at Billy Holiday's 'Strange Fruit'. It is a controversial and beautiful song that was sung during the times of racist discrimination against black people and their struggle for equality.

So uuh, yes. I'm being productive. Just thought I'd share it with you seeing as we don't know eachother in real life and therefore you cannot pummel me with rotten fruit if you think it's terrible. I would very much like criticism, as long as it is constructive of course.

I'm doing things I enjoy, because I might not be here in a few years time. So I hope I can acheive something before that possibility.

Right, to begin this post, let me just confirm that Art Requests are underway and the delay has only been due to my condition getting far more severe. It started off with tiredness, a head cold, sore throats and other minor symptoms, but now I'm experiencing Blackouts, fracture pain, lack of appetite and...well, an overall soreness when I'm in any kind of motion. I'm finding it very difficult to actually concentrate on minor tasks and can barely finish cleaning the house, whenI do I go to sleep for about an hour. This then leads to me staying up until the very early hours of the morning, and let me just say this; Although I have said I will do requests for free, I ask for more patience, as completing images is taking me a lot longer considering I'm very weak. If I get any messages persistently nagging me about Art requests taking a long time, I will just flat out stop doing them, as I'm already overencumbered whilst looking for employment. Any impatience will be dealt with by scrapping the request and refusing to do it. i think I have much more important things to focus on, like my health for instance, than worring about people who want to nag me about getting something for free. Itmight just be easier to be less active, but as it stands I'm not very active anyway.


If I'm put under any more stress, my doctor told me I might as well just stay bed ridden my entire life and forget about a functional existence, so for the love of zombie christ do not push me. Hopefully through blogging this I can avoid the less than civil users that seem to be infecting the site recently. I feel awful, and although I am not offended easily, I am in no mood to tolerate any foul humor about my condition/situation, especially after recieving so much bad news recently.