I promise this isn't a depression thread, it's something that I need help dealing with. Any advice, support or encouragement is much appreciated. Anyway, a little background. I'm the youngest of three children, my brother and sister are all grown up and have moved out. For a while I've stayed with my grandparents while my parents were having trouble until recently. While I was with my grandparents my aunt and her son lived there too. There was a lot of tension between my aunt and grandparents and they fought a lot, mostly over money. My aunt would take her welfare checks and steal money from my grandparents and no one knew where it was going. She would leave the house a lot and sometimes wouldn't come back for days. It hurt us all whenever she fought with my grandmother. When my grandfather wasn't there she would hit her. We've lost so much money the house is torn apart. The sink has no faucet and the water comes from the hose running into the house. We washed our dishes in the bathtub. My grandparents had no real money in the first place, and so every dollar stolen hurt. Anyway, I went back to living with my dad and didn't contact my grandparents as much. On monday though I heard that my aunt was finally caught for having drugs and was taken to jail, but her boyfriend bailed her out. My dad and I drove over and found her sleeping on the floor in her room with my grandparents crying in the living room. No one knew what to do. So my dad went in the room and took my aunt and her stuff and drove her away. He won't tell us where he took her. My grandparents still had my cousin and filed for custody. But today we found out my aunt picked him up from school and he is gone now too. He's only twelve, and I'm scared for him and don't know how to deal with all this sudden stress. My grandparents are upset at my dad now for taking her away. I'm very troubled with all of this and don't know how to deal with all of it, besides the normal just be there for your family and stuff. It's just something I can't make much sense of and I'm scared. This wasn't meant to be a thread to complain or be depressed, I just am troubled and don't know how to deal with all these new emotions. I'm so scared, thank you everypony for reading. EDIT: I ran it by the mods and it is okay. Thank you for the support everypony, god knows I'm not getting it from my family tonight.
Stuff like this makes me realise my childhood was heaven in comparison. How old are you out of curiosity? I don't really have any suggestions except confront your aunt and make her get help. I have experience with addiction and it normally required a lot of support from loving people or nearly dying before I could start to make a change. I wish you the best.
I suggest getting your aunt professional help. I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. I already talked with you on this, so if you ever need anything, you know where to find me. I hope it all goes well.
Hello mein freund, I am a foster kid, but not for the reason you may think. I have an idea about what's going on, I have a bit of a screwed up family myself, cousin's a druggie, haven't seen him in a few years. I feel for ya, if you want to have a more extensive conversation, just send me a line.
Okay well first of all you need to know that all these crazy emotions such as fear are natural in a situation like this. You'd be weird if you took this completely normal, so don't feel bad for feeling like that. Now, what really stands out for me is your cousin. Maybe I've read the situation wrong, but from what I understand your aunt has basically taken himand nobody knows where they are. If that's the case, I can't stress enough how important it is to get the police involved. That's paramount. If that's not the case, I apologize for assuming. You ask how to deal with this stress? Well you're going through what is a very scary and stressful time, so as I said earlier, it's natural to feel that way. The truth is, you deal with it however you see fit, not how you feel you should. If you want to cry to let some of it out, you do that. If you need to take your mind off it and get away from it all, you do that. You do whatever you feel like. As harsh as it sounds, this isn't going to get better just like that, not until these matters are resolved. All you can do other than cope with this stress in your own way, is just make sure that the appropriate measures are being taken in the cases of your cousin and grandparents. You're in a situation there is a way out of, just be safe in that knowledge. I'm not promising it's going to be okay, I'm just truthfully reminding you that this is not beyond control. You have every right to be scared, nobody would tell you otherwise, but don't feel you have to strengthen up and hide it. Letting it out can often be the key to feeling okay, as strange as it sounds.
I'm sorry I was away for so long. Thank you everypony for all the advice and the distractions. :] Anyway, my dad is a cop and yes they tried to get the police involved, but my aunt still has custody of my cousin, since my grandparents hadn't received custody yet, and they don't know where she is and they have no proof she has drugs anymore so they can't try and look for her for that. My dad wouldn't tell anyone where she went because she didn't want him to tell anybody, so I still don't know, but maybe he's told somebody by now. I'm sort of being left out of all of this everyone is freaking out. So I'm sort of in a fog tonight, I can't really sleep well, me and my cousin were really close. By the way I'm seventeen. And you guys are being a big help thank you so much.
Firstly, I agree with ^. If you were not scared, confused, or other adjectives describing your current state, THAT would be a problem. As for the problem at hand, do you know where your aunt could be? Since she is known to have been charged with/caught in an illegal act, I would first and foremost worry about your cousin's safety. Next on the list for me would be getting some sort of help for you aunt, but depending on how the whole situation plays out, that may be taken care of by the state. Of course, throughout, remember: We're here for you. Even if we may not seem to be, we are. At least the people I know of, which is quite a force in itself.
As unfortunate as it is, there isn't much of anything you can do about your cousin. Legally speaking, if she has custody then she can take him wherever she wants without notifying any of the other family members of their whereabouts, and there isn't anything you can do about it. The only way your grandparents would ever gain custody of your cousin would be if they can prove that she is an unfit mother, or if she relinquishes custody. The latter is probably not going to happen, I won't get into why, but it just won't, and it wouldn't necessarily improve the situation if she did give up custody. Furthermore, it is exceptionally hard to prove that she is an unfit mother. Courts typically rule in favor of the mother when it comes to custody issues, even in drug addict cases, because all she has to do is check herself into rehab once and say she's trying to get better, and they'll let her retain custody. Addicts are very good when it comes to lying and getting what they want. We have an addict in our family too, and although the situation is similar, it is also far less complicated, so I'm afraid I can't really give you any specific advice on how to deal with it. However, like the other posters have already said, it is natural to feel the way that you do. You also have to accept that certain things are out of your control, and as much as you want to help them or resolve the issue, sometimes you just can't. I don't know your family or your particular situation, but you should be able to take a modicum of comfort in the fact that your dad is a police officer, and he knows where they are, so he's probably keeping tabs on them. Also, given his position, he may be a valuable asset as a witness if it comes down to a custody battle. So that's something. I'm sorry that I can't be of more help. We're all here for you though if you ever need someone or someones to talk to. Stay safe.
You could try to get the point across that you're worried sick for your cousin's safety and well-being. Maybe your dad might cave into that. I haven't encountered any situation like yours, unfortunately. My sisters were quite the delinquents growing up, but I was too young to be involved in their problems. (Got to the point where my mom condemned my sister to juvy just so she would learn her lesson.)
Unfortunately, you aren't in much of a position to help your cousin. If your father is an open person, I would talk to him regularly about the situation to keep yourself informed and so he can put things in perspective for you. I had a similar situation happen in my family when I was much younger and it was easier to understand and cope with when my parents stopped hush-talking about everything and instead talked evenly with the children. What is also important to think about is that things which may be causing you anxiety may not be obvious to your father. Let him know if a situation makes you feel uncomfortable. That's about the best advice I can give.
*hugs tightly* firstly, I think your aunt needs some professional help. I hope your cousin is ok, and that you'll hear from him soon. it's normal to stress out in situations like this, specially if you can't directly influence it. if you need someone to chat to, I'm here for you *hugs tightly*
