A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am? " The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field. " "You must work in Technical Support," says the balloonist. "I do," replies the man. "How did you know? " "Well " says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless. " The man below says: "You must be in management. " "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know? " "Well ", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're still in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault. "
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were stuck on an island. They decided they would each try to make it to the next island, which was populated and was 100 miles away. The brunette swam 1/8 of the way, then swam 1/8 of the way back, saying she was too tired. The redhead swam 1/4 of the way, then swam 1/4 of the way back, tired as well. The blonde swam halfway there, then swam halfway back.
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi.. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare I'd really rather have a job. " The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur / bodyguard for his 18-year-old nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have an adjoining room. The starting salary is $200,000 a year. " The guy says, "You're joshing me! " The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it. "
1.) A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks 'why the long face?' The horse does not respond because it is horse. It can not understand nor speak English. It is confused it s surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables. 2.) What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come. 3.) Why isn't there any gambling in Africa? There are too many cheetahs! (and now for the grand finale!) 4.) What do you call a pony's cough? A LITTLE HOARSE!!!
