Ailment's blog

Well.. I think one of you might have seen my original thank you before I deleted it.. but I'm trying it again.. I edited my blog settings so this time it should work.. This thank you is specifically for you, my contacts! I suppose I should be thanking others as well, but I'm afraid to make the blog.. well.. too public.. I think I turned off comments as well because I.. uh.. just wanted you to know what good you did for me!


You.. probably already forgot who I am.. but that's fine! My sort of goal here is just to state how great you are to me.. I doubt you remember, but when I joined I could only post in my introduction thread.. That I guess really hasn't changed.. except that now I can't even bring myself to do that..


Well.. I should get back to the point.. You actually made me feel like I had a home in the thread.. You all tried to be nice and help me out for a short while.. I felt.. sort of safe, you know? The home of course was fake and eventually collapsed, but it.. uh.. was really nice while it lasted.. You trying to help me was more than I could ever ask for or deserve.. I know you guys said I didn't owe you anything, but I.. uh.. still feel indebted to you.. I thank you and thank you again for it.. It was.. an honor, I guess?


I.. uh.. also wanted to tell you how this affected me.. To tell you the truth, it really hurt when I stopped.. well.. getting messages back from you guys.. (Oh.. I'm really sorry.. I forgot to mention someone did send me a message later.. I was just forgotten was all, I'm not exactly memorable..) After about 10 days, I.. uh.. thought I would make a farewell thread, but then I noticed I was never really here in the first place, so saying goodbye was sort of.. well.. pointless. Anyways, I'm not going to go through the whole "story of my struggles", but I wanted to.. well.. say that at the end of it all, I found my happiness in solitude.. Sure seeing others happy and trying to help also grants me happiness, but I can exist either way without pain now..


I also realized I.. uh.. need to work on my social skills.. I'm still terribly afraid of everyone, but now I'll at least.. try.. Sure I'm mocked for it.. but in the end it should all be for the the best.. Thank you for all you've done.. Even if this wasn't your intention, you still taught me plenty.. A fool like me doesn't deserve kindness from others like you.. and yet, I'm still thankful.. Gave me hope that maybe one day I can find a friend.. but even if I can't, I'm still capable of being happy..!


So.. I guess what I'm trying to say is.. well.. that you're all very special to me, and I thank you for everything..! Even if you grew to hate me, I completely understand, and I thank you for that hatred as well..! I want you to know that the deeds you did for me will not be wasted or forgotten.. I will cherish these memories, even if there are only a few.. And on a final note, I'm even more afraid of online people now, so I doubt I'll be.. well.. sticking around.. Thank you for everything, it was truly wonderful..!