Lord NightStrike's blog

Its funny some people are social Butterflies others are social and others are socially awkward. I sadly don't fall under any of those terms. I personally am Socially messed up. The reason for me to say this is because, When ever I leave the house whether I was going to school, The store or the mail box no matter where or how I was getting there I always had my phone/mp3 player playing music full blast. My reason for that is the fact i just don't like people for some reason, yeah I'll make friends but i just don't like people talking to me don't ask me why because I just don't know. Now the reason I'm messed up is because I battle depression and with that comes suicide (I know hot topic) which is a hard battle because, my father took his own life back in February 1991 I was born Dec/09/1990 just to give you a idea of how old i was and my mother attempted so suicide so it's rather close to me. now how that makes me socially messed is, I can't stand not having a friend to talk to it drives me insane and throws for a loop into depression which is cause by loneliness and I know I just contradicted myself. I just said i don't like people so, why should it bother me to not talk to my friends. I guess you could say I'm addicted to talking to friends i don't know but it that is the case I have no clue what to do well i just wanted to talk about myself give who ever reads my blogs a deeper understanding of me.

p.s Again if this by chance breaks any rules i will remove it thank you.

what does life mean, to live without purpose? To have no meaning in this world, other than being a waste of space. living as the shadow of your formal self, dissociated from what you once knew about yourself. Does life even have purpose at all? Some of us have the desire to help others, But how does one help others, when you can't even help yourself? Looking into the past seeing what you once were. But when you look into the the mirror you don't see that person, you don't even know what you see, you can't seem to comprehend where things changed you can't pin point the time where it all went wrong. Sure you can put pieces to together. But it's only a illusion you set for yourself. So what does all it all mean? lately I've been asking myself "Do I serve a purpose or do I purposely serve?" a question that has and will plague everyone's mind at some point in time. is it a question that has a definite answer doubtful but who am I not to try to answer for myself.

Life has a funny way of always turning around and giving you the middle finger.
What I mean by this is, A long story, but the cliff notes are me and a few friend who will be referred to as B,D,J. Well Me and D got into, with J Who had taken my words out of context. Now this happened during one of the debates between Romnie and Obama, well J said something about housing I don't remember exactly what. But I responded say "Please don't talk about politics I don't care." (a bit of paraphrasing there don't remember exact words.) well J turns it around saying that I don't care if he loses his house. Which was not the case, I had told him before on several occasions. To please not talk about politics but he still did. And this went on for a few days between me D and J. Well B gets brought in and stuff really hits the fan. Now this happened so long ago I can't remember all the details. But it ended with me cutting ties with J and it wasn't just the weeks of arguments over skype he sent me pms on youtube about suicide and even lied to my face for a week about being in a hospital getting help. Because J did need help, so fast forward to few months into 2013 everything is fine and dandy after J was gone. I was happy B and D were happy. Me and B had plans to move in together, But J enters the picture again trying to be our friend again. Well B and D had nothing to do with that, But I fell for it and again got hurt. Fast forward to now B hardly comes on skype D has a job I'm for and J yeah we are talking once again. Now I said life likes to flip you the bird its true. The irony of this is the one friend who I never wanted t leave me B has done so. And the one friend I didn't expect to come back did J. Now I'm probably setting myself up to get hurt again, but apart of me just doesn't care anymore. I guess that's life for ya you jut stop caring.

Now this I just had to get off my chest, If this goes against the rules I will take it down. I just had to talk about this i bottled up this pain so much for so long I'm actually sitting in tears after typing this up.