I don't know how to start this... but I may as well begin with my story. The start is only what I've heard... I was born to a fresh-out of university engineer and a somewhat rich accountant, who married after two months due to my conception, and my maternal relatives' persuasion upon my dad. After my birth, I supposedly lived a happy life for a while, till my mother's real personality started to show. Eventually it led to her chasing all my paternal relatives, and even her own parents away, and using threats about me to manipulate my dad, who did nothing as he truly loved her, in my opinion even to a fault. By the time I was two and my younger sister was one with my mother having one other sister in her stomach, my mother decided to move, to Canada as she had relatives there, that she felt she could trust. T get her way, she threatened my dad, saying she would jump off the apartment we were living in, with my sisters and I. So we moved to Canada, and my mother cut off all our contact to all our relatives and friends in Singapore. I don't know much of the details of the start of my life in Vancouver, but I do know that by now I've probably moved around 15 times at least, some across provinces, and even across the world once, a feat we were only able to accomplish at first due to my dad's job, and the money he had saved up. However, there was a time that my family and I lived in the Crescent Hills apartments in Coquitlam, I can remember fairly well from there on. I'll skip a bit, and basically say the outline of my life from here: In BC, I stayed till grade 2. During that time, I may or may not have had anger problems, I do not know... but my mother pushed for me to go to many psychologists, never satisfied with them not finding major issues. After grade 2, we moved to Sasketchewan, for not much reason other than that my mother heard the rent was cheaper there, and had always seen herself as a country girl though such things are impossible for someone born in Singapore. We moved firstly to a town called St. Walburg... and from there moved to a smaller town I do not remember the name of. By then my mother was often threatening divorce to my dad, in front of me and my siblings, of whom there were four: two brothers and two sisters. Eventually we moved to an acreridge, where we gained another brother. Around the time of our second Christmas there, my mother secretly called police claiming my dad abused her, something each and every one of my siblings know to be untrue, and the opposite. She then took most of my siblings with her to a halfway house, with only me and my brother Denis staying behind. We were forced to go to her after two days, though. After she left, my dad, a very religious person, attempted suicide by driving to Saskatoon and hoping he would lose control of the vehicle or fall asleep, as he had a large life insurance on him then due to his previous job in Sasketchewan as a truck driver, which he had to leave after he hurt his back badly. He lost the will to suicide though. In the interval home, I disagreed with the workers there, who sided with my mother. I do not intend to sound cruel, but I hate those workers still. They did not allow me to call my dad or the police, and the home was like a prison to me, with security cameras and the sort. They also lied to the police when I managed to call them to report my mother, who mistreated my siblings when there wasn't security cameras around in ways like dragging them by the arms, or even fingers if they struggled, as she did not care. By then I was convinced that she was crazy, as she justified her actions religiously, taking scriptures out of context and even calling us demons, and telling me that I would go to hell and that she had visions of my death. I managed to take a phone from the interval home's office eventually, and used it to call my dad's cell phone. I would continue to call him, telling him what my mother had done. My dad had not known of what my mother had been doing to us till I called, and thought he would give my mother whatever money he had left and return to Singapore. After hearing from me he decided to fight in court for our custody. By then I had caused enough trouble to get us kicked out of the interval home. We then moved to a house we had to rent, and my mother threatened me and my siblings with my being sent to foster care and never seeing them again if I misbehaved. I was often starved, locked up in the basement though I was afraid of the dark, and forced to sleep at the door, while my siblings were harshly treated, and not fed properly. Eventually however, I decided that I had enough, and started to fight back, refusing to do the chores, go to school, taking cans of food and hiding them so I could eat, and trying to smash down the basement door when I was locked in. Often my mother would call the police, even when I had just taken food to eat. By then, my dad had finally gotten visitation rights, and we visited him for two hours in the Lloydmister church basement. Before we had the chance to visit him again though, my mother called social services on me, intending to send me to foster care. However, the social services agent had met my dad and knew he was not a bad person, and so I was sent to live with him. After this, things became better for my siblings and I overall, and by now my dad has full custody of me and has custody of my siblings except the youngest. But, I have also done my fair share of wrongs, especially with my anger while I was with my mother. Being 11, I was much larger than my elementary and baby siblings. I once beat all three of them and tossed the middle brother against the wall, for destroying the remainder of my personal items at my mother's. I have also stolen many things, not even for food eventually. That is a habit I have only been able to break around a year ago. There are other things I have done I cannot even say here, and even now I hold pure hatred and bloodlust for my mother who has destroyed my life, and those who have, and currently are helping her knowing fully well what she is. I am aible to maintain a straight face in front of her, but I have imagined things that sometimes even frighten myself, as I realise that over this period I have become a coward. I do not ask for pity, I just believe that if I am to be among you all, you may as well know me for what I am, and have been. I don't need replies, either... just bear in mind I may not be the kind of person you may want here. I can only be at peace when I forget everything. But I can't forget forever, and recently I've been thinking about my past and current situations again. I don't know what I'm even looking for in writing this thread, but I can't answer all your posts without feeling guilty is all. I try my best to be happy online, but I am a huge hypocrite sometimes, and an extremely depressing person. I'm sorry if I tainted this forum in any way, but I can at least say that I haven't lied, all this while. If you think I should leave I will do so, as I can't help but feel I don't belong with all you good and kind people. I'm sorry if this thread ruined the mood. I just think you all should know.
I'm not sure what to say. Other then I'm sorry. My life has been paradise compared to most people on these forums, makes me feel kind of guilty. I wish everypony could have a mum like mine. Who is in the opinion of all my friends one of the coolest mothers they have ever met. My mum did give me up to a friend of hers to look after because she felt she was too nice and lacked the capability to instil discipline, to look after me herself. The year I was in her friend's care was one of the worst years of my life. But it was really nothing compared to what other bronies here have been through. She was strict about bedtimes and eating everything on my plate and physically abused me and her daughter who I lived with on a few rare occasions, but by physically abuse I mean she would hold our arms so tightly that her nails would pierce our skin, that's all. Hearing all these stories has really put my life in perspective and made me realise, I had it pretty good as a kid.
I'm sorry to have made you remember those moments.. And it's okay, I see it as my life should be better as an adult is all... I was just feeling really depressed around an hour ago is all, I often do that. At least my father is good though. I realise that some people had it worse, too... it's just that at that moment I felt I couldn't post without letting you all know. I won't quit unless I have to though, because I did that before on deviantart and I felt horrible about it forever. I'm sorry to bring down the mood of the forum is all.
Now why would you have to quit? If anything, we want you to stay, so we can help you. And I think the level of "up" in this forum is pretty high. I think you're safe from bringing us down too much. If you give each of us a little tiny bit of your problems, you'll find them a light burden indeed.
Please everypony, stop thinking we don't care about you this is like the 4th post I've seen this week saying, I'm too screwed up to be considered a good brony, I should leave. There is absolutely nothing anyone of you could confess to me that could make me stop unconditionally loving you. I'm sure most other bronies would say the same. We all love everypony. Well I can't really speak for others, but I at least know that I Love Everypony!
^ Agreed. No one here is so bad, as to be unforgivable. Love and tolerate includes forgiveness. The hard part is to forgive yourself. We're humans, we make mistakes, we sometimes do bad things. If you need assurance that we still love you, and want you around, then just ask. You'll get just as many responses, I bet. If I sound a little harsh or I appear uncaring, I don't mean it like that. I simply mean, talk to us, get whatever's bothering you off your chest, confess whatever you want to to us, but for hevins sake, don't proclaim yourself unworthy of our love and attention! Like Setzer, I'd be hard pressed to find a reason for not liking any brony.
I agree wholeheartedly with Setz here. We accept ANYPONY, no matter how they act or what their background is. We are WILLING TO HELP. *Sigh* Just accept this hug. *Hugs*
Thanks, to everyone... I'm sorry for making you all worry so much. I wrote this in one of my deep depressions, but I'm mostly out of it now.. Thanks for being so accepting and all, is what I'm saying. And it's okay, I usually don't have too much problems with my depressions or anger. I simply thought you all should know, especially if I was to continue posting, especially when trying to help or support someone. Replying to those without saying this made me feel guilty as well.. Thanks for your concerns, though. I'm glad to be a part of this community, and I never wanted to leave. I hope I didn't bring down the mood of the forum too much, I tend to get lost in depression is all. But don't worry as my depressions often fade away. Sorry for posting such a thread, I simply felt that everypony should know then.. I don't even know completely why anymore. Thank you everyone, I'm sorry for being a downer at times.
That was a hard story Thanapony, but thank you for sharing it. No need to apologize for anything. I hope writing this out made you feel a little better. You're no bad person, and of course you're always welcome here. *goodluck and hugs*
*hugs tightly* as Setzer said, we accept everypony and we forgive and forget for whatever you've done in past. Besides it's not even your fault. I'm very sorry that you had such hard life.... *hugs tightly* you have me on msn, whenever you feel down, I'll always be there to listen (when I'm ok pc) . *hugs tightly*
Thanks, everypony... I'm sorry for bringing the story up though, I didn't mean to make you all worry so much. And don't worry about all the times I say sorry, it's actually a habit as well. I've managed to get out of my depression, I must thank you all for it. Thanks, everypony! I'm sorry for making you all worry, I'll be more cheerful again. And don't worry, I can handle my depression quite well... I'll avoid being online when depressed, too. Thank you all! But please don't worry anymore, I am almost perfectly fine nowadays. I'm glad to have met you all... I'm glad to have met such kind and accepting people. I may not be completely deserving of acceptance, but I will not take it lightly... I love you all, as friends and fellow bronies.
Thanks.. I'll try to keep from talking about this subject though, there's no need for any more depressing stuff from me. I would be more than happy to chat with you about anything though. Thanks for your concern!
