I don't enjoy doing this, but I don't know where to go. Perhaps there are organizations out there for this sort of thing, but I'm more comfortable going to people I know. For those that don't know, and as a reminder for those that do (and I apologize if it seems I don't shut up about this, I don't try to bring it up a lot, I promise), my stepfather, who was the closest friend I had, was murdered early September of this year. It's completely destroyed my life, as well as the lives of my family. It has just traumatised all of us. However, my mother, his partner and wife of 9 years, is the worst hit. She doesn't want to go on anymore and it's heartbreaking to see. It's one of the worst feelings in the world, seeing your own mother talk about wanting to give up on life. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Exacerbating this is the fact that today, the killer was handed a 3 year sentence. 3 years is nothing. That was the biggest slap to the face a grieving family could have. I'm not telling you this for sympathy. As much as I appreciate the kind words, 'thoughts are with you' ease very little of the pain. Instead, I'm asking you for help in the form of advice. My mother has no purpose to her life now, she feels. Her future was with Mikey, hence marriage. Now that's gone, I need to convince her that there is still something to live for. The thing is, I don't know what to say. Is there anyone here, possibly that has gone through something similar, that has any idea how I could help her? For those that have been in a sitation with a parent similar to this, how did you go about consoling them? 'Being there' isn't enough. I need to make her want to be alive again, because as she said during the hearing, 'I'm alive because I need to be, not because I want to be'. She's going through the motions but she's slipping away, mentally and physically. I can't lose another parent, so please, if you have any experience in dealing with this, I'm begging you to share it. This isn't easy for me to do this but I'm choiceless. I can't give up on my own mother, but I don't know what to do. Thank you in advance. This is the sinlge most important thing in my life.
Find her proffesional help, and always let her know that you are there to love and support her throughout the way. That's about all I can say. I hope things work out. Best of luck. And screw your legal system. 3 years for murder is a load of Horseapples.
I would agree with the professional help. The well being of you and your mother are at stake. I wouldn't let it wait any longer. There are professionals who know the inside of the minds of people, who know the things to do and say to help with specific issues.
I've been seeing a professional therapist for a few weeks myself. As good a notion as it is, it doesn't work for everyone. I'll of course try to convince her to go, as I have been doing for a while, but ultimately she needs to get help from those closest to her.
Try getting advice from your therapist on what you can say and do to lift her spirits and make her feel happier.
I'm sad to hear what's going on *hugs tightly* well, first I know it's tough on you as well, but you could try cheering her up every other day by making something nice for her. Also, convince her to get some professional help, also you could ask your therapists for advices on the case.
Christmas is supposed to be a happy time, not a depressing nightmare. i wish i could help, but have no experience in this. all i can say is show her a huge amount of love, more than you've ever fit possible. let her know that her being around makes everyone happy, that she still has YOU, her son. trying getting her a gift for Christmas that lasts. i recommend a picture of you and her, or a picture of the three of you, in a permanently sealed frame. it makes it immune to the effects of time and will last forever. i did this for my mom and i found her crying in happiness.
I think, in light of what Yeti and SkyRaze suggested, I'll do something for Christmas. Any ideas on what I could get her? I'm sure there are several possibilities, but I'm awful with coming up with ideas myself. Bear in mind money is no object in this case.
I totally agree with Saikyo, YetiOne and mike406. Professional help is the key to help. Your mother has locked her mind and soul emotionally. It's necessary to make her understand that life is going on and she deserves to look ahead. You play a very important role and she has to know you will be with her for ever. I lost my aunt in a road accident some years ago. My father was the one who drove the car... The car ran into a tractor. They travelled to the hospital where my mother looked after my grandfather, who was sick (I know it is a hard history). My family was shattered. As you say in your post... it's the worst feeling in the world. However, my father who felt guilty about the accident... suffered from depression and nervous breakdown. After many attempts, (because he was in a kind of dark jail emotionally), we encouraged him to receive psychotherapy. He feels better now and knows we're supporting him. I cheer you up to be strong and a nice son. Never surrender!
The best thing I can offer is: Say you need her, especially now more than ever. I've been through a lot of this in the past 7 years. I'm unusually resilient to the psychological need of purposeful living, but my father and my not so much. My brother always says he needs a purpose if he is unable to be happy on his own. He's codependent, but not in any destructive capacity. He always says he lives for me, where I always used to say the same for him. However, I don't *need* to live. I seek out amusement and happiness regardless. Grief is a powerful and difficult thing to work through. It cannot be done alone, not if you want to rid yourself of it completely. You need to convey a codependency, even if only temporary, to bring her out of it, if only a little bit at a time.
My deepest respects and sympathies go out to you and your family. I can't imagine what you must be going through As a newcomer here, you have my condolences. As for Christmas ideas, maybe spend some time with the rest of the family. It might short notice, but if you have any cousins, aunts/uncles or grandparents that can lend their support, it may make things easier. Getting together with people who knew and loved your stepfather will help keep his memory alive, and I'm sure your mother would appreciate it.
The only few things that I can say is; That your mother should seek professional help... And that it would be a great idea to do something for her for Christmas... And I know you said it already, but you need to be there for her in her time of need. I really wish I had more to say...
I am sorry to hear of your loss, it is a cruel fate and 3 years is nothing compared to the damage he has caused you and you family. Sadly, for your sake, I cannot give you much help from experiences of my own. Although I can understand what it's like, for I fear my mother is depressed due to stress and family feuds. Obviously, this is not on par with a death of a loved one, but I know what it's like to watch a mother cry, it makes you feel empty inside. I know I can't help much, but to read this and just back out into another thread would be disrespectful without saying something. The Christmas present idea is a recommended one, and I suggest you find a good photo of you, your stepdad and your mother and find a decent frame, maybe with a message on. To keep the memories alive. She needs to move on, she has you. Get her the help she needs, a psychologist maybe. I'm sorry, that's all I can say. Hope things get better, for you and your mother, stay strong, both of you.
ok im not trying to sound tarty or retarded in this kind of situation (its WAY too serious for that) but you should try and introduce her to ponies. it helped me ALLOT with my depression and gave me something to look forward to every week. but i also very strongly agree with the above comments of professional help, ask the therapist for advice and try and use their help with your problem please take my comment seriously im NOT trying to brush you off im trying to help.
Geez, I didn't know your stephdad was murdered... Like everyone said, you must get your mom professional help. If she refuses to go you may want to consider having her taken up in a clinic or something, for her own good. It's a tough descision and I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do, but maybe you should consider. Best of luck. I really wish I could give you more. And please don't feel bad for bringing it up here, it's ok.
I agree with all above comments, but especially DarkBlaze. I have heard a lot about Ponies helping depressed people. I have no idea how it actually feels though but it could be worth a try.
know the feeling lupr, and its sad to hear about your mother. All that can really happen i guess is seeking professional help and maybe get her into a group of volunteers for the local area, althou 3 months it not a long time, i don't think my parents really recovered for another year after my sisters death, (me having a crash didn't help either). Just be there for your mother and help her get thou the days ahead, this month will be hard. as the the 3 years, i agree its a joke
Well thank you everyone, I'd like to make it clear all opinions were taken into consideration. Ponies, however, aren't a suitable option considering the circumstances, although I do appreciate the help. Considering this has served it's purpose, I'd like this closed for sake of it seeming like a depression thread.
