I honestly like it, and how it sounds and reads off. BUT my biggest thing is it's kinda a rip of Christianity, as some of the laws sounds similar, just reworded. Not that I mind, but other than that and the thing other ponies pointed it. It sounds good. Lets start building churches now! xD Jk
The beginning of a new school year at Canterlot High also brought around some changes to the social structure. The holidays seemed to be quiet and generally boring, but that was all about to change. On a quiet Monday morning, a familiar face reappeared at the school...
This was Circuit's first day as a senior. He wasn't used to being the highest on the school food chain. Not to mention his classes had become more difficult. At least he had his girlfriend Rainbow Dash in his first and fourth period, though that wasn't enough. He was headed to his locker, when he heard a familiar voice. No, it couldn't be... "Crim?" he asked, as he turned to find Crimson standing across the hall, looking at his schedule.
Crimson turned around to see Circuit heading towards him. Crimson had just entered his final year at Canterlot High, and he knew that this was going to be an emotional time for him. By the end of the year, he was going to have to say goodbye to the school that had changed his life ever since he arrived in America. "Circuit!" Crimson cheered out happily before giving Circuit a brohug. "It's been forever! How have you been?"
"Great," he replied, "I was beginning to think you moved back to Australia forever!" After they finished hugging, the bell rang. "Well, shoot," said Circuit, "That's the bell, we should get going. See ya!" He said, as he ran off towards his first period class.
(Le time skip) That afternoon, just before school ended, Circuit found a sheet of paper poking out of his locker. He had just finished Crimson's welcome back party. What he found was a message from Crimson. (Plot-relevant message)
"I've been gone for a while, but I didn't just go to Australia just to visit family. I need to speak to you in private after school today, bring the girls as well. This is serious" -Crim
Circuit gathered each of his friends; Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, and Sunset Shimmer, Crimson's girlfriend, as well as Rainbow Dash, and they went off to the city park, where Crimson was waiting for them.
Crimson was standing in the park when the others met up with him, looking uneasy about something. Despite the fact that Crimson was gone, he never said what he actually done during his several month absence. "You guys made it" Crimson said almost flatly before cutting to the chase. "Alright, other then visit my family, I met up with the underground arcane community in several cities. Adelaide, Sydney, Perth, so on. When I found them, they found something....has surfaced. Something in the Middle East."
“This is what I know, Applejack.” Crimson begun before clearing his throat. “During WW2, the Allied and Axis powers fought for control over the world. As you know, this was the most widespread war in history. Every country was that participated was in a state of "total war", and the major participants threw their entire economic, industrial, and scientific capabilities behind the war effort, effectively erasing the distinction between civilian and military. Throughout the war, when things began to get desperate, the major Axis and Allied forces hired a total of 1,000 mages per country to fight for their homelands. All except the Soviets, of course, where 95% of their mages were killed during the Great Purges. There was an entirely secret war being fought inside of another war. The Nazi’s own mages were directly led by Adolf Hitler himself, otherwise known as Millennium, appropriately numbering 1,000 for the Third Reich’s “Thousand Year Rule”. Out of Millennium's commanders, a relatively unknown SS-Standartenführer completely outclassed the rest of the entire Axis forces in terms of leadership and battlefield prowess. He was completely unlike any sort of SS commander you would have ever seen. Just days before the end of the war in Europe, and after Millennium's destruction by the Allied Mages, this commander vanished from the face of the earth. But before he did…he is believed to have achieved Immortality.” “If my sources are correct, he’s coming back. Seventy years in hiding, gaining experience and planning something. I fear that when he reveals himself, something terrible is going to happen.”
"Simple, we kill that son of a b***h" Crimson told the two. "It's not just us however, he's starting to get some pretty big attention. Especially since he's not only a surviving Nazi, but quite possibly the very last survivor from Millennium."
"Yes, but how do we kill him? I thought he was supposed to be immortal," replied Fluttershy. "Ooh, I know!" said Pinkie, "Dinosaurs! No one can ever survive a dinosaur." "Bad idea, Pinkie. You've seen Jurassic Park, you know what happens," said Circuit.
"I'm assuming biological immortality. If he was a true immortal, then I suppose we could either seal him or ensure that he never harms someone again" Crimson said before looking above and seeing a very specific girl in the trees, bubbly and full of life, before the branch snapped and caused her to fall to the ground. "Oh...Derpy's agreed to help." Crimson said to the group.
"Derpy, huh? Are you sure about this?" said Circuit, "She's kind of a human disaster area." "Which is what I'm counting on," the lazy-eyed young lady replied, "I may be klutzy, but I'm far from stupid."
