Shyness [Serious Discussion]

I think it mostly has to do with fear of not being accepted within the social norm. Thinking you're not good, cool, nice or pretty enough.
You can also have a fear of people due to events in your past.

 

i agree,shyness can come from the mistreatment from other people,and sometimes its just somthing that develops

 

I used to be really withdrawn through all of grade school. Fearing you might not meet the standards society has is a big part of it and not performing up to what you think you should be at. I was also really nerdy (still am) throughout school so I worried my interests weren't the same as everyone else.

 

All these guys above me are right. Shyness can come from a fear of not being accepted. It can be due to traumatic events that happened to someone and from an inferiority complex (<--me). A person might be afraid to speak up or put themselves in the spotlight because they are afraid that they may fail to live up to certain standards.

 

That's a good question... maybe it's because shyness is associated with modesty. You don't like someone who's bragging all the time. Not cute at all.

 

I was shy. I never really talked much, so I didn't have many friends. The less friends I had, the shyer I became, so it kind of stacked on itself. I never thought anyone really liked me. I thought they would just put up with me until I'd leave.

I have red hair. In grade school I was teased a lot over it. Over the years it caused me to stay silent. I feared that because of my red hair, I'd never be accepted like the "normal" kids. I was kind of forced out of my shyness, but I'm still insecure about stuff. Now I kind of have reverse shyness if that makes sense.

If anyone wants to hear the story about me kinda overcoming/being forced out of shyness just say the word and I'll share it.

 

^ Well, if you're comfortable with it I'd like to hear it.

 

I used to think I am one of the shyest people I know. In a way I still am but I have surprised myself with how quickly I have been able to adapt, when I started going to school after spending a year straight, on my computer talking to no one except through my keyboard.

But I'll start at the beginning. I am autistic and it used to be very bad, I used to behave really antisocial when I was under the age of 11. So I was seen as a freak and bullied and humiliated every single day, I was laughed at, punched in the face, intimidated into submission and people would find my outbursts of anger and violence at this hilarious. Even though I tried to physically hurt the bullies in some way I was always too small and weak, or outnumbered. Every day was a struggle and in year 5 it got even worse when even the teacher started verbally bullying me and encouraging the class to as well.

This was the worst year of my life as I could not even run to the teacher for safety and to this day I think he is one of the most evil people I have ever met for how he treated me. Then he made it even worst by having the school consider me retarded and I got sent to the special education class once a week. This was the dumbest thing ever, I was with mentally handicapped people that didn't know what a circle or the colour blue was. I did not belong there, I was not intellectually handicapped, only socially.

In year 6 I had a kinder teacher and was back in normal classes full time. Things were still bad generally I would attempt to get into fights I couldn't win in anger. Then something changed. I started seeing a psychologist, and I don't even remember how it happened or what she said to me, but I decided to be a pacifist and to completely ignore anyone who was saying anything to me I didn't want to listen to. It was a tough transition and the bullies tried harder and harder to rile my up and would sometimes physically hurt me, but even then I would take it and deal with the pain.

Over that year things completely turned around, by the end of it the bullies were getting more and more bored. I started making some friends and I started learning to socialise. I was still bullied on occasion throughout the rest of year 7-11, but I at least had close good friends now that I enjoyed having. Over this time I learned to act more and more normal, at first it was an act and me just getting into social situations and observing. Then it became more and more natural.

Until this day when it is hard to tell the different between me and any normal person, if I know you. However I still have anxiety about people I don't know or have just met. But one I get to know you and build a comfort zone I could chat the night away with you.

Anyway back to the entire year I spent not socialising with any real people, this was after being out of school for 2.5 years and working, as a salesperson, ironically. This helped me learn more about relating to people but at the same time I found the never ending on the spot social interactions exhausting and the job and how much I dreaded each day made me go into depression and become an alcoholic.

My workmates however I got along with great, once I had built a comfort zone with them over an extended period of time I began procrastinating on work to talk with them and even went to some parties and hung out outside of work with them.

It was eventually too much. So I came up with a crazy plan to go back to school in the city to become a scientist and quit almost on the spot, with no real plan. It was all just to escape the misery.

So needless to say I was unemployed, and since I left the town I had my closest friends in, that I hung with almost every weekend and I kept since grade 8. I had no real fiends. So it was basically an entire year of almost complete solitude. Except for online, such as World of Warcraft and forums.

Then as of 7 months ago now I started studying media at collage and I was pretty terrified of the prospect of meeting people and trying to socialise for the first time in ages. Was it hard? Not really surprisingly I made a couple of particularly close friends quickly and the rest of the class generally liked me as a person and as someone who picked things up fast and was a reliable and trustworthy crew member. Seems like I kept what I learned and without a reputation that kept me at the bottom of the social ladder I could finally have people's first impressions being of a normal intelligent person.

The funny thing is that there is now an autistic person in the class who is still as bad as I was in primary school and no one likes him. Because he stammers 3 second, sentences for 10 seconds. (I suffer this to, but on rare occasions) and he goes into fits of rage for very little inconveniences and punches walls, scaring many of us. but since this is university age people now, they tolerate him and never bully him. He did probably have a more severe form of autism then I did that he could never grow out of. Or act his way out of, until it became natural. I'm not sure which case is true for me.

So there you go Manehattenite, why I don't like people, especially masculine meatheads. I told you it was long. I to this day can only even hold a conversation with nerds. I tried on a few occasional to spend some time with people that are the male stereotype and I ended up hating them with a burning passion as I learn just how despicable, immoral and insensitive they were.

That is why I am Shy. I have been working on it a lot, inspired by how much people like me at school. It's a start, but as I said they are nerds, (which basically means leaning away from the stereotype, whether they would admit it or not.)

@ Pixel I would love to hear it.

 

Okay story time.

So it started about 3 years in high school, the best place to be shy. I had recently gotten out of a bad relationship with a girl that was decently popular around school. I was kind of depressed by the way it ended. So a few weeks of moping around, a new girl got hired at the restaurant I worked at. I'd seen her around school a few times. One day she needed a ride home and me being the only one that wasn't management there I said sure. She lived about 25 minutes away from the restaurant and she started talking, I was a little nervous being the introverted person I was, I'd had rather listen to music then talk. Well we discovered that we both had every similar interests.

Over the next few weeks, we stated to hang out more and more. She told me that she had a "thing" for me and we started dating. That lasted for about 9 months, I told her I loved her, I truly did. She was surprised and said I'm glad you told me. That was not an easy thing for me to do, I had the hardest time sharing my feelings back then. Well things went fine for a few more weeks and then she started texting less and not wanting to hang out. After about 4 days of not seeing her, I got a text back with the little sig at the bottom "I <3 Timmy". My name isn't Timmy. So after a little back and forth, she admitted that it was her new boyfriend. I was shocked and asked "what about us", I never got a text back. So again I'm left heart broken. Everything I liked she liked, so nothing felt right anymore. I was then was introduced to punk music at my new job( old place shut down few weeks prior). Punk was a nice outlet, I had only listened to country for the last 7 years. I liked the music cause I had no way of connecting it to her.

About 4 months later, My phone goes off and I recognized the tone as hers. She said that Timmy was an ass and jerk. She asked if we could hang out sometime, so I stupidly said yes. She asked if I still loved her, I told her that I did. I actually still did even after what happened. I guess I kind of knew this was going to happen. I had now changed out of my country style and was more into punk, she had also changed from country to more emoish. I had no problem with that. This lasted about 2 months, until I tried texting her and got no response. Well the response I got was from nick, her newest boyfriend, it was a nice punch to the face. She never told him about me and he demanded I leave her alone. I lost the fight pretty bad, I didn't even want to fight. So that's twice the same girl has caused problems for me. After that day I changed, I don't know why or how. I just didn't feel like being stepped over or pushed around. I was guess I just snapped inside. I didn't care anymore what people thought of me. I started becoming a showoff/jerk, proving that I could do what I wanted when I wanted. Which started to make me lose the little friends I had. After I while, my jerk/showoff side started to go away and people started wanting to be around me.

I still boast about stuff but in a funny kinda way. I only do it though because deep down I still have that feeling of people not really liking me. Like I'm not on the same level that they all are. So I act all extrovert, but really I'm still introvert and left with scars from her. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to so any of this, but I guess then I wouldn't be the same person.

Now after all that is over and here in the present, I guess I'm glad to get over my shyness in a way. It's still there but just very little of it. Also HOPE, this one word has been an inspiration to me since then.

I have a few more stories but none that changed my life so much in such a short time.So that's the story, I never would have been able post that years ago.

I'm no writer so sorry for mistakes and whatnot.

Thanks for reading *hugs*

Setzertrancer all the people you described the meatheads and all, I wish they'd learn to feel COMPASSION for others.

 

Thanks for sharing that pixel. Sounds painful.

This is one of the things I like about bronies, they are never from what I've seen ignorant meatheads.

Anyway I am rational enough to know my opinions of people are likely irrationally biased, but I only have what I have experienced to form my opinion from.

There is another more personal reason that I am so into the MLP fandom, but I don't think I'm ready to share that yet. Let's just say that, I see my love of this show as a form of activism and I have been a hardcore activist of something before, I'm going through all the same thrilling emotions and fun that gave me.

 

Though I'm not antisocial and/or autistic, I still consider myself very shy, as I tend to say nothing during classes unless the topic intrigues me. In fact, this is what I consider a school: a place for education, not for social gatherings. Now, I've never had the chance to stand up for myself as, well, I've never been bullied. I would say I'm still regarded as quite respected at my school, and I like that.

If the opportunity ever arises for me to do something social, then I may do it, unless it involves sport. I'm terrible at that stuff.

 

Shyness is also part of fitting in, in regards to making the right move or saying the right thing in order not to be outcast-ed. The shyness comes from not saying or making a move so they don't end up with disappointment

 

@Setzertrancer
I don't know where to start telling you how much I admire you for what you've gone through. It might sounds strange, but yes, I really admire it. People can be such ignorant insensitive idiots. A TEACHER should know better than to mark a talented and sensitive (and therefore different) boy as 'retarded', an try to destroy him for it. It's a fear of the unknown. Basic animal fear of something one cannot understand... and it is very sad that an adult would rather make a child suffer than face an irrational fear.

I'd love to tell you everything is going to turn out alright for you (for I'm convinced it's true), but I don't know if it's my right to do so. Hell, I'm going to do it anyway...

It's gonna turn out alright for you! Maybe you'll carry the scars of your past within you forever, but they are what made you who you are, and maybe even made you realise who you want to be, who you want hang out with. In the end, it will all make you strong.

/end emotional overload
I hope this made some sense.


@Pixel Hope
Sorry, I'm currently not emotionally able to respond to your story aswell, but my heart goes with you too.

 

There is also, apparently, a possible genetic component to shyness. Imagine that. I can only speak for myself, and I probably talk too much, so I'll just say I wasn't so much shy, as reclusive. I was more interested in books than people. I had no idea how to interact with people, even to this day I still have troubles. So, I tend to avoid social interaction. Yeah, bullies beat me up, and teachers ignored the problems - I'm not sure how much better it is, but at least we seem to be talking about bullying now, rather than when I was growing up. Then, it was just "boys will be boys."

Setzer and Pixel - I have to say I'm touched by both your stories. I'm sure we're all more alike than we're different.

And as for why we find shyness "cute" - I suppose it has something to do with an ego boost. The idea that some one is so intimidated by little old us that they can hardly speak around us.

 

To be honest, I never really thought about where my shyness comes from. I suppose it originated from grade school. Oh, how I hated it. I guess you could say I was your stereotypical nerdy kid and I was frequently made fun of because of it. I didn't have that many friends in elementary or middle school, and those that I did have wound up betraying me. They took advantage of my friendship, and tossed me to the wayside when I was no longer necessary or convenient for them, I guess. In high school, in the beginning I was still made fun of. For the first time, a guy once said he wanted to fight me. Up until then, I was never physically threatened, only verbally harassed. Of course, the guy never showed up. He had some kind of dumb excuse like he forgot and today will be the day or something like that. Once again, no show. I think it was the lack of loyal friends and the verbal taunts that started it.

I think part of it is due to lack of relationships as well. I can't believe I'm sharing this on here, but I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 17 during my senior year in high school. I was even surprised it happened at all because when it comes to women, I am totally clueless. It was only thanks to my best friend at the time that I was even aware she liked me. She actually found my shyness to be "cute." I also later learned she had a thing for nerdy guys. If you want to get an idea of how oblivious I was, she used to sit at the same lunch table with my best friend, another friend and myself and I still had no clue. I can honestly say the relationship I had with her was the best 8 months of my life. The only reason it ended was because she had moved to upstate New York to attend college and the longdistance over a long period of time resulted in our feelings for each other to wane. It was a mutual breakup. I've never had a girlfriend since. I know, I'm so pathetic. Within a course of seven years, I've only dated three girls, all of which didn't end well. Since the occurrences were so infrequent, after each failure, I'd fall into a deep depression for a couple weeks. So since the last time I dated, which was two years ago, I decided to just not care anymore. It was difficult at first, because I couldn't get the thought of wanting a girlfriend off my mind, but now I hardly ever think about it. Good thing too, because if I ever seriously think about it, I get really depressed.

Despite what I've said so far, I do have a confident side. Evidently it was enough to fool a friend of mine into telling me he envied my confidence. I thought he was crazy when he said that. When it comes to academics and the workplace, I'm confident. In general, If it's something I've done for a while and I know I'm proficient at it, then I suddenly become the one that everyone else turns to for answers. Heck, at my previous job, sometimes members of management would come to me for help. That was such a great feeling knowing that I actually mattered and had some purpose or significance. I think that's the only time I could ever be considered cocky, because if anyone else tried to pretend they were better than me, I'd respond with an even greater amount of arrogance. However, only to the cocky people, not the nice ones. I guess you could say that's when I'm "out of character." I also managed to become somewhat popular with my co-workers. That was a weird feeling, because suddenly I was a popular one. I never felt that before. It even resulted in being invited to several co-worker get-togethers.

Now that brings me to today. At the moment, I only have a few IRL friends, but that's fine with me. I always have preferred a small group of friends as opposed to a large one. I'm still a very quiet person though. Even in my university classes I rarely ever talk, unless someone talks to me first. Normally I'm not in a class that involves much talking on my end, which I prefer. I'd just rather sit there and take notes instead of say anything, although in one of my classes the professor insisted we participate in discussion. I hated that. Oddly enough, my career may involve communicating with the public, but since that'll be a job environment, I think I'll be fine. My confidence and shyness are almost as unpredictable as the weather, really. Any of the friends I've made at my university, it was thanks to them taking the initiative. I guess I have a somewhat likable personalty despite my tendency to be taciturn. Eventually I do open up. On the outside I'm quiet, but once you get to know me, I can be one of the most random people around. I've even had a couple of instances when people know who I am, but I don't even know who they are. Those were weird.

So to sum it all up, I think my shyness began long ago in elementary, middle and high school. It may also have stemmed from my lack of being able to communicate with women. Some progress has been made, however. Today, I'm not quite as shy as I used to be, but I do still tend to be very quiet, especially around girls. In certain environments I can be the most confident one, and despite my reclusiveness, I still manage to make a friend or two along the way. As far as relationships go, I've put that endeavor on hold. I won't even think about it again until I've obtained my degree, get my career, and settle in to wherever I may live at that point. It all depends where the road of life takes me.

 

i dont want to bother anyone with my emotional problems but im going to tell the story anyway:
i'm not pretty sure why im shy, but it started when i was twelve and was starting to meet new people and make some friends, but it all seemed menacing to me, people judging snd msking fun of me, it all terified me so i got isolated. i got panic attacks when some new people wanted to talk to me or when there was too many people talking to me. i had no problems with bullies until the sixth grade when a guy started pissing me off and i punch him in the nose and people see me as "the crazy guy" and isolate me even more. on the eighth grade i made a lot of friends, even with the panic attacks they still standed by me. on high scool i moved from another school and had a lot of problems with my shyness and fear of crowded places, got a little agressive but still had some very good friends to stand by me, and incredible lack of ability to talk to girls (since i was twelve until now), didnt help me with going through my shyness.
i got a lot of bad things and gone through some realy bad times, and was too shy to ask for someones help, i always thaght i was bothering and disturbing and upseting someone so i tried to get through it alone and it didnt work too well.
Now im better and almost have no more panic attacks but still lack social habilities.
my shyness come from all my fears and and from dont know how to interact i couldnt get through, but i got used to it and i guess.
Ok now i finished, i think i need a hug. :/

 

At core, personality is genetic, so I think rather you're shy or not shy depends on your genes, really~

Experiences of life experience may edit this feature, however. Depression or the right traumatisation can drive an extroverted individual toward introversion, and general social anxiety can come from general bad experiences with others (trauma, as I mentioned above)

I don't really consider myself a shy pony, but I am quiet around people who I don't feel okay with, and I'm a little scared to open up to new people in fear that they may find me annoying. But when I've gotten to know someone a little and feel comfortable around them, that anxiety and introversion goes away for me~ I was generally a extroverted person from my early childhood, I was always saying "Hello!" to people and talking a lot, creeping them out xDD I seem to do it less these days, but generally the reason being is I feel very uncomfortable with my position IRL and the people I'm around. I just don't feel like myself around the people here as everything feels like a demand. I'm bound to get better as soon as I get away from my current location~

Extreme extroversion (social ponies, loves the company of many) and extreme introversion (shyness, prefers small groups of friends) can have flaws, but generally, there's no right or wrong way to it! it's just a part of you are and you should embrace it ^__^ if we were all really shy or super-social it'd be pretty boring~
I find the shyest ponies to be adorable, really. I love how they like to relax, and it's so cute when I hug them and they get all blushy!!

*hugs to Sonic and everypony else!*