Happy to have one of the biggest stress of my life off my shoulders. What stress that is, is posted in my most recent blog entree. Though the biggest issue is now some ex-friends which are pushing us to pay them for a belt my friend borrowed and wanted to buy off a while ago back. The pressure from that has been stressing me out because I still got a lot to do for the beginning part of this month. I have my rent payed and it went through but I still go a big shopping day ahead of me in two days when me and my friend get our link benefits. Not to mention I need to get a few things today from the local Shnucks, so yeah.
Freedom at last. The once complained about *squee!* I had to deal with is gone for good~ No more stress, like at all~ But seriously, things have been peaceful and quiet with my ex-friend gone for good back up to his home in Chicago. Alternatively, I've been thinking about a lot of stuff. This is not something I talk about out loud to anyone but... In truth, I've felt alone. Not as in friends, but in a true relationship. I've been single for a while since my recent Ex and I have decided to part ways. It wasn't anything serious. We just both agreed that a long distance relationship wasn't going to cut it, especially since we cannot visit eachother anyway. But since then... I've felt more like a lone wolf than normal. I don't mind that per-say, but when I see others so happy in their relationships, it feels like life is rubbing it in my face. It especially stings because I'm still a virgin... well, as far as IRL sexual encounters go. I... just feel alone. Though there are times I relish such peaceful sanctity... but when it's at the cost of happiness... that's another story. So yeah... that's what is on my mind.
I've been a bit perturbed these past few months. As a Michigan kid in the 1980s up until 2007, there was a K-Mart (later a Super) that my family and I did the bulk of our shopping at. Just this past September, it was finally closed down due to dwindling sales. My childhood's slowly packing up and moving away, and there's nothing I can do about it.
It's probably pretty obvious to most, but I sometimes struggle with racism. I try not to judge people on race, and I never let race be the sole factor in how I interact with somebody. But it's hard sometimes, especially when I find myself among the lowest social classes of other races. When somebody is stealing your stuff, or shouting at you for refusing to hand them your hard-earned money, certain words and stereotypes come to mind, and it becomes difficult to separate the individuals from the race. It's hard to remember when you're surrounded by two dozen people who embody the worst of racial stereotypes, that they are NOT representative of the entire race.
Friend: Well, at the time, I didn't know Sailor Moon was from Japan so it doesn't count as my first anime. Me:
I find it amusing that various employers are still trying to contact me and set up interviews for skilled labor. The one thing they have in common is that they are non-union shops low-balling me on the wages (protip: you are wasting your time if you aren't offering at least US $40,000-45,000 per year plus benefits and pension paid by the employer). It is said that there is a shortage of workers in the trades. I am sure rock bottom wages and poor (if any) benefits have a lot to do with it.
If I could be truthful. Most of these holidays I could care less about. I know I seem to be all too eager to post about them... but really, I've begun to stop caring a lot. I guess I find some joy in seeing what people will be doing. I really don't know. Halloween is the about the only time I feel alive. And in truth about the only time I feel I can enjoy myself at least. Everytime else is a tedious tolerance of people who celebrate too hard. This year is a good example of how intolerable people have start to become. This year in general has been horrible. The sooner we can cast it off the better. The New Year celebration for me will be me celebrating the end of a year that really should be burned for it's ugliness. But I guess I would do the burning myself if there was something to gain... which there is a lot to gain. At this point, there are only a few things remaining in my life the continue to passify me. But eventually, those things maybe not enough.
Sometimes, you just have to pick your battles, swallow your pride, and apologize even if you feel that you're not wrong. It's hard to do but it feels a hell of a lot better than losing an old friend over a misunderstanding.
I feel certain that part of the needless suffering that happens in this world happens because hurt is self-replicating. Or perhaps it just can be. My thoughts turn to countless stories both real and fictional of countless souls whose traumas have inspired them to cause traums to others. So does the cycle perpetuate itself. It is my wish to ease the pain of others and my hope that doing so diminishes the suffering of others. It is a very personal thought. I sincerely hope that's alright.
Whats on my mind: Spoiler: ehhhhh not sure if im able to bring up my trauma no here, feel free to delete my post. I started a trauma blog on tumblr to post my "vent" art. But if i tolf my friends i feel like they'd be like, "Congrats Marissa, you just reached a new level of attention *squee!*!!" My blog is centered around abuse and mental illness.
There is no problem here in my eyes. It's all about catharsis, isn't it? I know not of your personal history. I would go so far as to say it is important for anyone to find some outlet. Please do not be discouraged and please don't do this for others' approval. Do it because this is what you sincerely wish to do and do it because you love to do it. Express yourself in a manner most true. It may not make you many friends and it's likely not many will approve either but as long as nobody is hurt, all is well. But I take it people's judgments do affect you personally. If I've been reading correctly, it appears as though you hesitate because of the anticipation of discouraging feedback. Does this ring true?
If there is one thing Nintendo knows how to do, it's to REALLY piss off their loyal fans!! What do you do when your product is at the height of its popularity? DISCONTINUE IT!!!!! No? Well, that's what Nintendo did with the Mini NES Classic!! Why? Just friggin'... WHY!?
