The Family ~ ThePoeticPony ft Everypony

Note: This is a backstory for the XigXelTiRiBlOneSzeTicLabYalBait88781 family, which means that this fan-fiction contains light shipping and mishaps within the household.

THIS HASN’T ALL COME FROM MY HEAD; I’M JUST PUTTING ALL THE CANON IDEAS TOGETHER. THIS IS A GROUP EFFORT.

It was a gloriously sunny day in the summer of 1980, so Merri, Ronsta and Bounty all prepared for a boating trip on the Mersey. The first boat disintegrated as soon as it hit the murky water; therefore Bounty had to grudgingly return home to order a new one off eBay (which hadn’t been invented yet). Meanwhile, Merri and Ronsta stayed at the all too sudden empty docks. The sound of gulls screeching overhead merged with the gentle splash of the water hitting the rock walls below. Suddenly, the noise of creaking wood could be heard, which turned Merri and Ronsta’s attention. There before them, was a small wooden rowing boat with two oars and a heap of supplies. The pair looked at one other, as if they’d just read each other’s minds.

They stepped onto the boat, which heaved and wobbled with any sudden movements. Slumping down into the two seats, Merri and Ronsta both picked up an oar each and began to paddle downriver.

“You know Merri,” Ronsta said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else pull of wearing sunglasses quite as well as you.” Merri blushed and thanked Ronsta for his courtesy, but all the while not realising that they were heading into the vast expanse of the sea.

The ocean was calm, and the waves lapped against the side of the wooden boat. Ronsta and Merri had lost their oars days before, and now they were easy prey for the ravenous seagulls flitting above the briny blue. All they had to survive on now were countless boxes of PG Tips and Jaffa cakes, which had grown sour in the intense heat that you often find in the Irish Sea. Desperation and madness had gripped them both. "Is that a new haircut?" Merri asked inquisitively.

"Why indeed...." Ronsta replied, "Want to feel it?" Merri and Ronsta's hooves gently pressed against one another and -

*FOGHORN*

"What the hay are you two doing?!" yelled Bounty from his new, crystal white boat. Ronsta and Merri sat back down at the ends of the boat and scratched the back of their head's embarrassingly. Bounty lowered a gang-ramp from the side of his vessel and the pair clambered aboard. However, the ramp knocked off one of the boxes of Jaffa cakes so Merri dived valiantly into the depths to retrieve them. Emerging from the water once more, box in mouth, Merri climbed back onto the ship and Ronsta hoof-palmed himself in the face.

No-pony knew what happened that night, for all that was heard from the hotel room that Merri and Ronsta were staying in was a slight jolt of spring movements and a loud banging noise that rumbled through the entire nine floored building. Bounty sat against the headboard of his bed, spilling tea occasionally every time the wall into Merri and Ronsta’s room vibrated violently. He cursed when the toupee mane he was wearing to cover his bald head flopped off and onto the mucky hotel floor.

Nine months later

Nine months had passed since that fateful day in August, so according to their math skills it was now the 16[SUP]th[/SUP] September. Ronsta had been rushed to hospital after an unusual amount of water started pouring down his trouser legs in the bucket loads. The unicorn doctors were flummoxed; they had never seen anything like this before. Merri paced the white corridors impatiently outside the maternity wards where Durex and NSPCC posters donned the corkboards, which lay on the once white, but now grey walls. As usual, there were only 5 chairs for anybody waiting so fathers had forced their children to stand whilst they sat down instead. One colt looked like he was contemplating suicide because he was so bored in this place devoid of almost all life.

Finally, after hours of waiting, Merri looked in through the window, hooves pressed against the glass and wept as he witnessed the birth of his daughter. One of the unicorns was crying as they cut the umbilical cord, for they had no choice but to look at this horrifying display. Another ran over to the corner, lowered their surgical mask with their hoof and convulsed onto the floor. Merri rushed in, hooves making a trotting sound against the hard floor, and looked deeply into Ronsta’s eyes, which were clear to see from the fact they were bulging out and his jaw was still dropped open in shock. Merri smiled at the young filly that had just been born and said, “Let’s call her Miggy.”

At that same moment, somewhere far deep into the cosmos, particles bonded together miraculously to form that of a baby dragon. Speeding through the never-ending space, the creature started to fall directly towards Earth, which was a peculiar shape. Its brain wasn’t at full capacity yet, but still it asked the question inside its head, “The world is flat?” Burning through the atmosphere now, the intense heat reflected off of the dragon’s thick, green scales. It looked down slowly and saw the fast approaching ground, “Oh shi-,“ was all it had time to say before it collided with the dirt, nose firmly dug into the floor. It lay there for a moment and then spoke, “Bugger,” said Xan.

16 years later

Unlike the summer in which Merri and Ronsta had met, the January of 1996 was cold and ruthless. They had never been seen again after what happened in September; they had been working on a project to travel in time and now they had disappeared for what seemed like forever. Since then, Miggy had been raised in an orphanage with other ponies, most of whom were blank flanks that had been abandoned there by disappointed parents. But, she vowed she would find her parents and travelled the globe searching for them until finally arriving in New Zealand, the last place they were seen…

Xan was in the shopping district browsing for a new monocle. A gold encrusted one with a slender chain took his fancy over the others, but he longed for one from his personal tailor. Of course that would be impossible now that he had burned his tailor to a smouldering crisp for getting his chest size wrong by a millimetre. Having no moral guidance in life, he had tried to make something of himself by going into college and receiving student allowance money. He then went to promptly spend the money on drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. Slouching back into his gutter at the side of the street, he couldn’t help but notice the figure of one certain pony walking past, a pony who looked lost, a pony who was afraid, a pony who needed somepony or some dragon else.

Exiting the public toilets, the dragon and the pony redid their zippers and nonchalantly whistled to avoid attracting too much attention to the fact they just came out the same cubicle. They stepped outside into the sunlight and looked at one another. “Did you use the protection?” asked Miggy. Xan’s eyes widened and he replied,

“Sh*t.”

Coming out of the time machine, Merri and Ronsta staggered to the floor with their newly born child. They called this child “testy”, because it was an experiment to see if they could actually give birth to a child whilst travelling in time. Needless to say, this colt ended up as crazy as a mental patient due to the over activity in the time vortex. Staring into the very heart of reality, he saw many things including the ability to speak all languages, scarring him for life. Ronsta was puzzled after looking at his surroundings, “Why the hay are we in New Zealand?” They began to stroll down the street when suddenly they bumped into another pony and a dragon.

“Watch where you’re going!” yelled Merri as testy was knocked over and hit the tarmac.

“Sacre Bleu,” mumbled the young colt.

Miggy marched straight up to Merri and Ronsta and slapped them both in the face, knocking them to the floor.

“Miggy?” Merri and Ronsta asked at the same time.

She slapped them again. “Miggy, it’s us your parents!” Merri shouted worriedly.

“Why else do you think I’m hitting you?” she replied angrily.

“You haven’t even said hello to your sister yet,” grumbled Ronsta rubbing his freshly red face.

“私は男の子です,” testy said, his voice muted slightly from being face-down on the street.

“Hear that?” Merri asked, “she loves you already, now what do we do?”

Although the others were unaware of this, Xan had been unconscious the whole time and could see spiders underneath his eyelids. He awoke and snorted a little bit. “I’ve got a place we can crash in,” he said enthusiastically.

The house in fairness was in quite good quality on the outside. It stuck out amongst all the other houses in the street like a bad tooth sheerly because of the size of it, but it was a home for a dragon after all. The outside walls were painted a pastel green and a picket fence surrounded the property. The garden wasn’t much to look at, dead grass everywhere, which looked like it had been burnt and crates with the words “Beer, hooves off” crudely painted onto them dotted the landscape. Xan flicked through the assortment of keys on his chain and put one into the lock on the door. He turned it slightly and the lock clicked. “Duck,” he said calmly. Everypony except test ducked and a cloud of gunpowder blasted into the colt’s face. “Sorry about that, you wouldn’t believe how many dealers I get coming over here trying to get their money,” Xan moaned.

The inside of the house was to say the least, hell. The blue patterned wallpaper was coming off of the walls in strips and some of the stairs to the next floor had caved in. The living room had a rustic leather couch within the centre of the room and several beer bottles covered the floor around the TV, which seemed to be the only expensive thing in the house. The glass coffee table had bits and pieces of paper on it, a sharp shaving razor and some sort of white powder. “Don’t touch that stuff,” explained Xan, “That’s my special sugar.”

“For cups of tea?” Ronsta inquired.

“Uh….sure,” said the dragon uncertainly.

Through some glass double doors was the parlour where there was a whole cabinet stocked full of whiskey, bourbon and port. The newest addition to the family, testy, headed straight for that room. However, Ronsta and Merri decided to retire to the master bedroom on the next floor up. “Oh charming,” Xan grumbled, “I guess we’ll be having the sofa bed Miggy.”

1 year later

The birth of pixel was somewhat unexpected for everypony. After all, Xan and Miggy had never slept together as far as they knew. Nevertheless, pixel sat there in his high chair with his red mane already at shoulder length chewing on a discarded can of beer. Miggy saw this and couldn’t let it go un-punished so she designated one area of the room the corner of shame. He spent many hours in that corner for one thing or another, but at least Miggy wouldn’t hit him. Unless of course he fidgeted in the corner. The toilet flushed upstairs. Miggy came out of the bathroom and looked at the test she’d just taken. She sighed and said,

“Sh*t.”

Yet another year later

Grey was the first to be born, and had already spoken his first words. “Fancy pants” he would gurgle all day long. His love for radioactive materials was proving highly concerning, but everypony thought he would grow out of that phase eventually. Poetic was soon after, there being a week’s gap between births, and would usually sit in the opposite corner to pixel, playing with a purple bouncy ball. However, one day, the doorbell (set to say FENTON every time somepony pressed the button) rang and testy answered the door. There, in front of him, was a pram with a little toddler inside. The toddler kept mumbling, “Praise Rarity,” or something incoherent and testy read the note attached to it.

Dear testy,
Next time use protection you stupid jackass. By the way, I’m also returning the strange picture of a nude Rarity that you sent me for Valentine’s Day.
Love you, Dan

Testy looked up and straight across the street. Speaking in English for the first time, he said,

“Sh*t.”

15 years later

Dragonbait, as he was now known, settled into the rest of the family and often attended Rarity worship sessions in the parlour with testy and Poetic. He could sometimes get a little bit hectic about how much he loved Rarity, so testy made some of his special port mixed with LSD nicked from Xan’s stash to calm him down. Testy was Dragonbait’s mother and auntie to the three, now teenage, colts that had mysteriously come from Xan and Miggy. Testy went back to the time machine and went back in time to build the very house that everyone lived in, then sold the house to Xan causing a time paradox, which deleted a part of time, killing over 200 billion life forms. Then Miggy slapped pixel for not controlling him.

Grey by now had built his own thermonuclear shelter underneath the house, which Dragonbait frequently sabotaged as a little bit of a joke. Grey was exposed to radiation for a week once and glowed yellow for a month, which made everyone in the family chuckle. Then Miggy would slap pixel for not stopping Dragonbait.

Poetic perfected the art of singing terribly and made a total arse of himself entering singing events that he probably shouldn’t have done. Apart from that, he just sat there in the corner bouncing the ball back and forth against the wall. His worst job was having to revive Xan every time he overdosed because his breath stank of beer and could set you on fire. Then Miggy would slap pixel for not helping.

Nopony knew what was going on when Ronsta and Merri were in the master bedroom, and they found it better not to question the strange bumping sounds emitting from the door. Pixel and Poetic once stuck their ears against the door, and they could swear they heard a rendition of “Row Row Row your boat.” Then Miggy slapped pixel for eavesdropping.

Radaboy would usually walk in at the dead of night as drunk as a skunk often accompanied by a police escort. The police escort, of course, would always warn Radaboy to never do it again. He always did. Then Miggy would slap pixel for driving him to the bar.

DanSze proved to be an apeeling uncle to the rest of the family. His long-distance marriage to testy proved difficult in some instances, but they managed. His latest compliment consisted of saying testy had, "beautiful eyeballs," however, he also admired pixel for this, so Miggy slapped pixel for possible incest.

The neighbours seemed kind enough, one of them ranted about how everypony should praise him because he is their lord and saviour and the other was a puzzling stallion called “Valor” who claimed to possibly be from the planet Ponytron. Whatever the case, Merri kept the neighbours off the property with his huge arsenal of shotguns.

One day in Spring, Miggy received a letter from Derpy Mail. She opened the envelope carefully, expecting another bill or alarming death threat, but instead she practically beamed at what the letter actually said. She had been awarded “Mother of the year” putting her above Derpy Hooves, who had just delivered the mail. At the bottom, it said that pixel was the one who nominated her for such a role. But, over the usual din of Xan snoring and testy raving about grapefruits, she heard pixel making a terrible joke. Her head dropped slowly in shame and her shoulders sagged. How could she let her own flesh and blood do this to her?

Storming over to pixel, she outstretched her leg and pointed her hoof towards the corner of shame. Pixel instantly recognised what was going on and slowly manoeuvred around a passed out Xan to get into the corner. “And sit on the step,” said Miggy exhaustedly. Pixel was near to tears; his mother was finally speaking to him. “You’re not to come to the awards ceremony ok? I don’t want to see you happy.” Pixel nodded in acknowledgement and Xan spluttered then leant up slightly.

“Pixel?” he said, his words slurred, “Why aren’t you at work?” He turned his attention to Miggy and stared at her, entranced. “Woaaaaaah…..Mig…..Since when were you so good-looking?” He collapsed back onto the floor and rainbows vomited from his mouth. Poetic stopped bouncing his ball in the corner, sighed, and got up to get the defibrillator. This, however, would prove to be the last major family moment.

The winter was harsh in New Zealand, and the strong winds blew sheep like a plastic bag caught in an updraft across the hills. One of them hit pixel in the face as he was going to work, then Miggy slapped him for not taking its wool. But Hearts Warming Eve Day would prove to be the worst. Everyone was sitting around the fireplace, stockings hung on the wall and a small cr*ppy tree in the corner, which Xan had stolen from the neighbours. Various cards of all sorts colourfully decorated the slanted shelves and the coffee table, which p*ssed everypony off because they had nowhere to put their beer and tea.

Poetic had received a new ball from Dragonbait, which made a “Wahahaha” noise every time he bounced it. Everyone gathered around the TV to watch the Christmas special of My Little Pony and so Ronsta picked up the remote and flicked on “The Hub”. However, much to everyone’s shock, the episode had been cancelled. Curses filled the room and Miggy slapped pixel. But, that wasn’t the worst part; My Little Pony had been cancelled altogether.

Half of the huddle started to cry and Xan was seething with rage. He breathed fire at the TV, which exploded in a rain of sparks. The furniture, carpets and walls all began to set ablaze and everyone shut up. “Oh sh*t,” murmured the dragon, who proceeded to pass out as per usual.

The living room was the first room to completely fall in, and Xan, Pixel, Poetic and Grey all died in the collapse. Miggy began to slap pixel’s corpse, then had a rafter fall on her head, which flattened her. Testy, on the other hand, hid in the tree, which helped to cremate the body a bit more when it set alight, causing the baubles and lights to combust in a spectacular sight of colour. Dragonbait curled up in the corner of the parlour clutching a bottle of LSD port and a Book of Rarity. The glass doors exploded inwards, causing the shards to penetrate his skin and internal organs. The wall beneath the master bedroom gave way and the bedroom began to slant into the blaze. Ronsta and Merri were still in there, and Merri started to slip down the slope. Ronsta grabbed onto a bedpost and reached out a hoof to Merri. “Don’t let go!” he screamed, the tears welling up in his eyes. Merri looked up at him, the same way he had done on the docks, and again they understood one another. Ronsta let go of the post, and they both toppled, hands held, into the inferno.

The fire was eventually put out by Valor, who proceeded to steal anything he could of value from the wreckage, chewing on taffy as he worked. It didn’t matter to anypony, there were no survivors. The smouldering ashes dispersed into the atmosphere, forming a thick cloud of black smoke. Down from the cloud floated a small piece of charred paper, a picture no less. The picture was the family photograph, which was the only possession worth treasuring inside the house. It landed gently onto the snow, now stained black, and the wind blew softly against the corner of it.

The service was saddening. Bounty, chocolatechip and his pet Twinkledust all gathered around the gravestones of the now lost family. Chocolatechip had come to the town straightaway with his pet after hearing about the demise of the family. He stood there next to the grave grimly with his hat dipped slightly over his eyes. Bounty’s voice choked when he tried to speak and some random ponies flung themselves onto Miggy’s grave proclaiming, “I should have been the father!” Everypony fell silent, and then Bounty began to sing solemnly. Everypony else gradually joined in. The echoing sounds of, “Row, row, row your boat,” quietly rang out amongst the churchyard for the final time.

THE END OF CHAPTER ONE (Thanks to everypony involved in the planning: Merriweather, RonstaPony, Bounty, Miggy, Xaniith, testyal1, pixel hope, greyOne, Dragonbait, Radaboy, DanSze, Valor8878, chocolatechip and Twinkledust. If you wish to be entered into the family, consult Xaniith for a position and I'll see where I can fit you in.)

The Family Chapter 2 - The Vacation!:

Author’s Notes: You asked for it; here it is. The Family 2 for your enjoyment. As with last time, this is all done in a light-hearted and non-offensive way, but there is light shipping and general mayhem. Merri, note that a certain paragraph issubject to change or be added after the meet-up.

A slight jolt pulsed through his momentarily lifeless body.The excruciating pain rang out through the torso and neck, despite the fact that he had very thick scales covering his entire body. Opening his blurry eyes, the shadowy silhouette of someone familiar came into view, but water constricted his vision. Blinking back the tears, Xan’s beady, yet as Miggy described beautiful, eyes opened fully to see his youngest son Poetic leaning over him with a defibrillator in hoof and cigar in mouth. He sighed and spoke in a hoarse and croaky voice, “The fire! It was all just a horrible dream!”

“Actually, no,” Poetic quickly replied, “You still set the bloody house on fire, but Valor managed to help us put it out before it got too bad. He may have nicked some of your special stash though.”

Xan looked over into Miggy’s eyes as she slapped pixel across the face for panicking during the fire, and the spark of love flared once mor-

*ZAP*

The defibrillator was at max power when it collided with the dragon’s chest again. Xan glared at Poetic furiously and growled, “What did you do that for?”

“You didn’t get me a pony for Hearts Warming Eve’s Day,”Poetic responded innocently.

“We’ve already got three kids, why the hay would we want an-“

“Four,” Miggy interrupted whilst faking a cough. Xan stared at her and slumped down onto the floor defeated,

“Oh sh*t.”

Xan had promised, if he didn’t die during the holidays, he would take the family on a wonderful vacation. He fully expected to die so it was even more of a shock when he had to pay £5000 for each pony going abroad. Of course that was without the tax, added insurance, VACCINES, PET CARE AND NEW PASSPORTS PUT ON TOP OF THAT! STUPID GOVERNMENT! WHY CAN’T WE JU- *narrator replaced* Ahem, sorry about that. Somepony had to stay behind to make the holiday cheape- look after the house, so he needed to find that somepony. It needed to be somepony who was responsible, trustworthy and above all clever. It’s a shame there was nopony like that int he family. Xan got up from the dirt encrusted floor as testy walked past the room, swigging a bottle of his special port. Xan looked at him smiling a cunning and thin smile.

He dropped the house keys into testy’s hooves carrying a single large suitcase. Pixel was carrying the other twenty two. He dropped one onto the ice covered driveway, and the scorching pain of Miggy’s hoof against his now tender face was as familiar as the breath in his lungs. Dragonbait studied the headlights of the car vividly, for they matched the same kind of fabulosity that Rarity herself would praise. There were even black, carbon-fibre holders for glasses of port. The car of course, was an Aston Martin. “Now here are the keys,” said the father to testy, “Don’t burn the place down, and don’t let DanSze out of his cage, he’ll start biting people again.” Testy gave a military salute and marched into the house, but tripped and fell into a snow bank. Everypony else piled into the car, except for Ronstafor whom there was no space, so he had to be tied to the roof. The only time he’d ever been bonded to anything before, involved Merri a lot more.

“So jus were exactly er we goin’?” slurred Radaboy.

Miggy turned in her seat and replied, “Japan.”

The road to the New Zealand airport was treacherous; it would have been a lot safer if Merri wasn’t driving. However, Merri had to move his bowels every 2 minutes, so it was inexplicably obvious by the way that hewas swerving and knocking other cars off the road that he hadn’t moved his bowels in a long time. Veering off of the road, oblivious to the screams of terror from his passengers, Merri drove over rocks and roots, marshland and people, and one corpse even smashed through grey’s passenger window landing onto his lap. The legs dangled helplessly outside the vehicle as it bounded over the hills. Finally, they came to a stop. It was pretty sudden; I mean it would be if you hit a tree with your car. The airbags inflated, tw*tting Miggy, Xan and Merri in the face, and pixel flew into the back of Miggy’s seat. Miggy slapped him from not staying seated while the car was in motion.

Falling out of the steaming wreck, Merri dashed behind a bush to, as he explained, “Unleash the beast.” Face-hoofs and sighs adorned the field. “How could this get any worse?” Miggy asked. Pixel’s face illuminated and he began to do a dance of singing:

“Oh Miggy, you're so fine,
You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Miggy! HeyMiggy!
Oh Miggy, you're so fine,
You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Mickey! HeyMickey!
Oh Miggy, you're so fine,
You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Miggy! HeyMiggy!

Hey Miggy!
You been around all night, And that's a littlelong
You think you got the right, but I think you gotit wrong
Oh, can't you say "Good night"
So you can take me home, Miggy.”

He finished with a little jazz hoof pose, and he smiled inanely. Miggy just slapped him for missing a set of lyrics. Something was wrong with the car, like something was missing. Then it dawned on them, Ronsta had slipped through the ropes holding him to the roof and gone straight through the tree like a missile.

Xan sighed tiredly, “Let me handle this.” He stormed back onto the road and held out his claw to halt the car that was approaching. Even from a distance the rest of the family could see him punch the old pony in the face and throw her out of the car. He beckoned them to the vehicle and they all rushed over. Merri popped back out of the bush, re-doing his trousers and weirdly enough Ronsta was with him. The wet dewdrop grass blew softly in the wind as the sky lit an adoring red from the setting of the aurora sun over themountain peaked horizon. The peaceful sounds of warbling birds and crickets echoed through the valley, along with the sharp noises of gunshots being firedfrom the car they had just stolen and the police in close pursuit, sirens blazing, behind them.

Luckily for them the police only had Vauxhall Astras so theycouldn’t keep up the chase for long because of the cr*ppy low budget cars. The airport was cold and was more like a shopping centre than a transport station on the inside. Thousands upon thousands of rows of sunglasses and souvenirs stacked the shelves, but there was one shop in particular that brought their attention. Xan’s eyes sparkled as he fell in love with something that came just after Miggy in his life now. A fedora. But not just any fedora like Poetic’s or Ronsta’s, but a top fedora. Hypnotised, he wandered into the store, knocking over a kid in a baseball cap whilst doing so. However, the hand-stitched pricetag on the hat revealed it to be well over £2,000,000. This required planning. He smashed the window, took the hat and ran.

Testy paced around the house, his stash of port depleted after 3 hours. The only type of drink left in the house was “DragonBait Industries Cocoa” because all the beer and tea had been taken on the holiday. Suddenly, the sound of muttering erupted from around a dark and mysterious corner of the room. He slowly turned around, his heart racing, to see Dan’s cage with all of its bars torn open and his poo bucket on the floor. His organs lurched. The sound could be heard quite clearly now, and it was obvious that the insane chattering was saying, “Moses is Dovahkiin.” Testy saw the glint of an orange visor in the dim light, so he backed slowly out of the door and ran. He didn’t look back in case he was pounced on.

Back in the kitchen, Ronsta’s nacho pizza slowly simmered inthe MicRonWave and the cheese oozed out of the door. The shrill fire alarm screeched out the tune to the theme for EastEnders.

“I’m not going to bail you guys out again you know,” huffed Bounty as the airport security guard unlocked the door to the cell. “Was that hat really worth it? If I run out of money how will I be able to keep fully stocked with toupees?”

“Alright, alright keep your wig on,” replied Merri.

Bounty scowled at the grandfather, who was now defecating onto the floor, then turned to Poetic and Ronsta. “Guys, look what I found in the airport newsagents!” He handed them a comic book of sorts, which appeared to be Japanese in origin. Opening the pages, it all seemed fine until a bloodied face and the crick of a neck scared the pair witless. Bounty burst into laughter and Poetic and Ronsta made a vow never to trust Bounty ever again. EVER. WITH ANYTHING.

Miggy slapped pixel for not picking the lock to the cell,and they walked past the security desk and out of the airport. Well, most of them did. Dragon was behind the others, staring at Poetic’s flank when, all of a sudden, two hooves grabbed him from behind and gagged him with a rag. The prisoner dragged Dragon’s body out of the room, picking up his case file fromt he security desk whilst the guard had his back turned. A single piece of paperdrifted out, “WARNING: DANGEROUS PRISONER. HAS TROUBLE WITH HIS TENOR,” it said, in big red letters.

Obviously they couldn’t fly to Japan now, so there were only two options for travel. Either walk through the sea, or take the train. Grey went with the latter, and soon enough everyone was getting onto the gRAPEtrain. The journey across the sea channel was bumpy, and a suitcase from the carrier bays fell onto an old pony in the process of the ride. Xan turned his head away nervously as he recognised the old mare from the car. However, as grey was returning from the buffet car, the train began to derail, and he jolted forwards; spilling hot tea and beer everywhere. Miggy slapped him for being clumsy. Grey, outraged by this inconvenience, stormed into the control room and confronted the driver. “Are you nuts man?!” he shouted, “Apply the brakes!”

The driver looked at him, and it turned out to be none otherthan Tenortrouble. Grey gasped in astonishment as Tenor grinned at him evilly. Tenor snapped the brake lever and spoke demonically, “There are no brakes on the gRAPE train!” He smoothly jumped out of the train window, and rolled on the cobbled track. Grey, stunned in disbelief, noticed something moving up on the track ahead and it wasn’t good. There, just on the outside of the tunnel, was Dragonbait tied and gagged on the rails, trying to wriggle his way free of his bonds. His muffled cries for help drifted into the carriages, which entered Poetic’s twitchy ears. His eyes widened in response and he swung out of the carriage’s curtained window and used his wings to propel himself ahead of the train. He pulled out “Action” from his non-existent pockets and rapidly shot the metal bolts on the train’s wheels. It fully derailed and toppled over, grinding across the dusty, pebbled ground. Dragon winced as the locomotive narrowly stopped just in front of his face, and a dust cloud billowed around the wreckage.

Cries for help and alcohol arose amidst the turmoil, and Japanese rescuers attempted to lift out the survivors. Tenor was long gone and, before he could even land on the ground, Poetic was tazered and cuffed by the authorities for destroying the train. Dragon’s eyes softened and he smiled at Poetic, whereas, he just drooled in his unconscious state. Radaboy was offered some medicinal alcohol to put onto his wounds, but he just grabbed the bottle and swigged it much to the dismay of the rescuers. They lifted a table off of pixel, who proceeded to do a dance of thanking. The train’s funnel had blown off and landed over Merri and Ronsta, so they were now huddled together in fright and covered in soot. Xan took this opportunity to go on a bike ride with Mig whilst the others took a moment to collect themselves. Grey cut the ropes restricting Dragon and whipped them into the air. He decided to pocket this new whip as it may come in use later.

Out of nowhere, a familiar silhouette cropped up in the distance. Testy ran up to the group gasping for breath and muttering, "Jesus Christ." The locals seemed to nod at testy in approval.

Miggy slapped testy, “What are you doing here sis? You’re meant to be looking after Dan and guarding the port stash! And how did you get here the same time as us?”

Testy shook his head violently to re-position his brain, “Dan’s escaped, I called SWAT but they say it’s toodangerous for them to go after him. The port’s all gone; I-um don’t know how. As for me, I took an airplane like a normal person.”

Miggy blushed embarrassingly and Xan stepped forwards. He wrapped his claws around testy’s throat and began to strangle him. “WHAT. DID. YOU. DO. WITH. MY. BOOZE!?” Merri and Ronsta stepped in to intervene and testy tumbled to the floor, gasping for air. The road intoTokyo would be long, and they had to keep going.

The city shone like a diamond as the golden sun crept up into the sky. The mopeds that the peculiar gang were using went at approximately two miles per hour and they were too small for Xan’s hulking dragon body, but at least they got to view the sites. Everywhere they went, Miggy was on every magazine and DragonBait Industry posters coated the pristine buildings. Grey constantly poked people on the journey, whenever it seemed like people were dying. They pulled up to the hotel, and Merri locked eyes with his arch-nemesis of swag. Stainless was leaning against his motorcycle in the parking lot, a bunch of girls from Nottingham admiring him and his swag. Merri clenched his hooves into fists and marched up to Stain. The others left him to it, for only time would tell if he could win the swag-off.

The hotel rooms only had two double beds and neither of them looked sanitary. Testy was depressed by the fact that the talking toilet in the bathroom had the same Japanese speaking capabilities as him. Also, it squirted him with water every time he put his face near it. Xan landed onto the bed and flicked on the TV. “Hmm, octopus, octopus, octopus, school girls, octopus, octopus….”, he mused as he skimmed through the channels. Grey and Dragon curled up into a corner terrified as Merri and Ronsta did something very inappropriate in the next room. Meanwhile, Miggy read one of the magazines that she had picked up from a stand as they were driving through the city and pondered, “When did I ever do a contract for Playpony?” She found it best not to dwell on it; after all, Xan definitely didn’t seem to mind.

Radaboy noticed his shot of vodka begin to shake and ripple on the dressing table. “Errr, guysh?” he said anxiously. Dragon began to inspect the drink closer up and, sure enough, theg round was making it shake. A humungous roar rang out through the hotel and everypony looked at Xan. “That wasn’t me!” he said appalled. He farted noisily.“Ok, that was me.” Another roar cried out and the top half of a building flew past the window. Everyone ran outside and jaws dropped as they were greeted with the presence of Godzilla, being controlled by none other than Tenor, evil twin of Dragonbait.

“Any last words family?” he mocked from atop the colossal beast. Testy cleared his throat and stepped forwards from the crowd.

“Ddde,” he said calmly.

Tenor frowned and viewed him suspiciously, “Ddde?”

“Ddde!” yelled grey happily.

“Ddde.” Xan kept the stream going.

“C-c-c-c-combo breaker!” shouted pixel, who was then slapped by Miggy for breaking the combo. Tenor leapt down from the monster and walked up to his estranged family. Miggy whispered to Xan,“Remember that fourth kid I told you about?” Tenor approached them and gave a more gentle smile,

“Maybe I am being a bit too harsh on you guys. Your kind words of Ddde have really made m-“

Godzilla didn’t spare any time in launching Tenor up with his mouth, then catching him again, biting him into two pieces. “Thanks bro,” Xan saluted to the monster, “One less mouth to feed in the family, now I’ve just got to find a way to get rid of the other kids.” Dragon, grey and pixel all backed away cautiously from Xan. “What? He’s my brother; we came from the same cosmic event.” They watched as the locals threw raw fish at Godzilla to chase him away from Tokyo.

They probably could have stayed longer in Japan, but the Japanese officials had caught onto them using fake passports at the train station; imprinted onto postcards from Cadbury chocolate bars. Also, they left their luggage in the airport so they were all beginning tos mell of p*ss and sweat from dirty clothing. That is, for the two who were wearing clothing. They were all deported back to New Zealand in a police vehicle and had to pay fines for the car chase that had ensued before they got into Japan. “Well, at least things can’t get any worse!” pixel remarked as the police van doors opened to their home. What was left of their home at least. It was now a smouldering wreck of burning wood and cheese. A bottle of Poet’s apple shampoo lay in the front garden, and then Valor snagged it up before returning to trimming his lightly trimmed garden hedges. The family stoodt here, mouths gaping open, and Miggy slapped pixel as things had gotten worse.

They couldn’t do much else, so the family tried to lighten the mood of the situation by turning on the garden water sprinklers and allowing their manes to get wet. Dan stumbled out, ablaze with fire, and landed into the newly formed pond. Neighbours passing by shot them disapproving looks, but they didn’t care as they splashed each other with water in the warm sun. It may not have gone entirely as planned, but they couldn’t have asked for a better vacation.

The ball squeaked against the hard surface of the prison cell wall. Water dripped into a puddle in a mouldy cornerof the room. The pony sat there against the wall, contemplating how he had been forgotten by everypony. No cigarettes, no defibrillators, and worst of all no Dragon.He stopped bouncing the ball and rocked his head back so it slammed into the wall. “Sh*t,” Poetic sighed.

THE END OF CHAPTER 2​

-BONUS CHAPTER-


The silver slicks of the moon illuminated the high grey walls of the prison. Two ponies, zipped up into catsuits, crept around the perimeter, eyeing every movement that the guards made. They pounced into a bush as a unicorn guard walked past, his horn lighting up the way ahead like a flashlight. Suddenly, one of them burst out of the bush and twisted the guard's neck sideways, a small crack and a muffled scream echoing out quietly. The other pony helped him to drag the body into the shrubbery. "One down," said Sparkypony, "nineteen to go." Dragon and Sparky lowered their hoods and examined the guard towers up ahead on the road. A truck drove through the barbed wire gates, and Sparky motioned to make a run for it. They sprinted and slid underneath the truck, using it for cover as it entered the prison courtyard. As soon as the coast was clear, they made a break for the prison cells wall.

Sparky was a recent addition to the family, and testy had only just met him in Japan where they had a brief fling with one another. Needless to say, Dragon viewed him as a second father next to Dan. He placed the prison blueprint on the ground and unfurled it, revealing each nook and cranny of the facility. "Now," he said, pointing a hoof into the middle of the file, "here's where Poetic is," he moved his hoof as far towards the edge as possible, "and here's where we are."

"Hmmm," Sparky contemplated, "well that should fill up my kill list quite nicely."

Sliding through the bathroom window, they avoided the disturbing prison shower rooms and ventured on towards the heart of the jail. A faint waft of apple-scented shampoo from the showers let them know they were in the right cell block. They clung to the shadows like ghosts, Sparky taking out any guards if they got too close. "Must you keep snapping their necks?" Dragon would complain angrily. Sparky would just shrug and they would continue onwards. Finally, they reached a ventillation shaft, and clambered inside before anypony saw them. They crawled for about ten minutes when Dragon pressed his ear against the cold steel. He heard a faint squeak of a ball colliding against concrete, and that's when he knew they'd reached their goal.

He tapped a hoof against the metal and the squeaking stopped. A loud clanging sound rang through the shaft and the spot started to increasingly beep. "Back," Dragon said cautiously to Sparky. The last beep was loud and different to the rest of the others.

"HIT THE DECK!" shouted Sparky, as the spot blew open and left a gaping hole into the cell below. Poetic's head popped through and he smiled at Dragon. He climbed up and embraced Dragon in a hug. Sparky sighed, "Come on you love-pegasi, we've still got to get the hay out of here!" The couple nodded at each other and they started to creep back to the point that they had entered from. A guard holding a cup of tea hummed to himself as he passed the cell. A small rock fell from the ceiling and clattered onto the stone floor, which brought his dazed eyes and attention to the massive rupture in the ceiling. Before he could take another sip, the roof caved in completely with an earth-shaking groan, and he dropped his mug, which shattered onto the floor.

There was no need for stealth anymore. The alarm bells rang throughout the courtyard, and gunshots erupted from the watchtowers. Sparky used his close range sniper rifle to take out some of the guards, whilst Poetic defended Dragon with his "Action" revolver. Merri crashed into the gates with the rest of the family in the car so that the door was facing the fleeing ponies. They leapt into the seats one by one and then sped off into the distance, the bullets of the guards barely grazing off of the windscreen. "Where did you find the car?" Sparky asked.

Xan kept chewing on his drugs, "Stole it."

"Ah, I see," he motioned with his hooves as if he was counting, "Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen," his heart stopped momentarily as he realised he hadn't reached his twenty pony kill target. As Sparky cursed and flailed his hooves around in anger, Poetic and Dragon huddled together and fell asleep as the car drove into the distance, with the amber Japanese sun rising to greet the day.

 

Death added in :3

The sequel is in production, at this point I'm just hoping to gather some more ideas so that I'm not poking life into a dead corpse. DanSze has also been intergrated into the fic as a crazy uncle so yeaaaaaah.

So far, the next one is set in Japan as a holiday destination and to reveal anymore would be a spoiler :3 Let's just say, I'm a bleedin' genius in working out the development of the plot in the next one.

 

Chapter 2's out guys! Sorry about the font change halfway through it, for some reason I can't stop that :/