A Strange and Difficult Problem/Question

I believe we are born with a given purpose and position.

I am a Christian, so I'm a little biased, but I do believe that we are all given a good purpose/position. For some people it's obvious, for others, it isn't. It's funny, because this is a lot like the CMC in mlp - although they don't see their given purpose yet, they keep looking around at different things to find out what it is - but eventually, they will find it.

I also want to say that... please, don't disappear. If you're not certain, I'm glad that you're here and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. It would be your choice, but please don't give up. You'll never find your purpose if you do - and if anything, I'm sure your family cherishes you so much more than money and possessions.

If you want to pm me anytime, feel free to. I'm completely open to anything that's on your mind. Get well soon, Librarian Marquis - sending you prayers.

To me it sounds like you've been at the receiving end of bullying or punished rather harshly for messing up or not meeting expectations. I too have been in a similar position to yours where I think of myself as only being worth what I can offer to other people. The thing about raising children on Operant Conditioning is that they grow up to be restless and will have a fear of being rejected if they don't do what they're supposed to.

The only purpose that we are inherently born with is for the continuation of the human species in our environment. However, since that just doesn't cut it for most people, just make something up that'll feel fulfilling for you. What is it you find fulfilling?

I used to have that fatalistic about death being imminent at any moment as well. This is a pretty dangerous world we live in, isn't it? Tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, drought, disease, predators... I'm ignoring all societal factors here. So then how do I cope? Well, what I've been doing is getting serious about getting in touch with reality and science seems to be helping me quite a lot. From my reading into Swarm Theory and piecing them together with the human species as well as the natural environment, it became clear to me that humans are more resilient that most people would think. The way I see it, if you zoom out far enough, humans are like cells that make part of a larger organism, an organism that's pretty formidable in its ability to adapt to its environment. My focus in life has been on trying to become a resourceful individual that not only has skills of its own but it can also draw upon the strengths of other people to help me adapt to my environment. It's partly why I have a fascination for hostile environments; there's a thrill I feel in the idea of thriving in what most would consider to be harsh environments.

As for your condition that you're medicating, is it a life-threatening condition?

@Ecco the Dolphin

Thanks for going through the trouble of replying! I respect your beliefs and it gives me another idea to think upon.

I know searching is a good option, but sometimes things get somewhat unbearable. You are right, my family is extremely kind and overprotective and probably would spend just about every penny they had if it would help me recover. That's exactly what scares me. I can't bear to see them suffer like this. I can't stand to see their worried eyes gazing upon me at nearly all times. And I also couldn't allow them to risk so much on my own behalf. That's why disappearing sounds so appealing..

Thanks again for your time as well as your prayers. If you don't mind, though, could you direct those prayers towards my family?



@Sunburn

I suppose I do for the most part rank myself by what use I can be to others. One of the little joys I've gotten out of life is being able to help out someone else. I hope you don't believe that I fear rejection when I know I am rejected. That doesn't change the fact that I enjoy helping others! My fears are somewhat different, and not exactly on topic..

Fulfillment.. Never really crossed my mind that often. I honestly can't answer that.

Reality and science help you cope? That's actually quite interesting, and probably not a bad idea. In fact, all of that sounds like an interesting concept; however, I do need to research things myself as well. I guess I have problems thinking for myself at times, which is really quite disappointing..

Yes and no. Will this condition more than likely be the cause of my death when I do eventually pass away? Yes. Is it threatening my life now? Slightly, hard to tell. There are procedures that exist to slow down the condition, but not stop it completely. Problem is, I need my condition to somewhat stabilize, or I suppose decline at a rate that's easier to analyze. This, however, is quite a touchy subject for me and I would really prefer to skip it for now if at all possible..

Thank you so much for all your information! I'll try my best to make use of all this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_nihilism

That's pretty much what I have to say.

So, do you share that view completely? It's odd, I've never met an existential nihilist who hasn't told me to go hang myself until now. I suppose views vary within groups as well. Thanks for sharing!

http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2007/07/swarms/miller-text
Hope you'll find it a nice read.

Thanks, I enjoyed the reading! Only problem I found is that I think the subject needs a bit more than 10 pages.. Would you by chance have another reading you would suggest?

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/02/090211-swarm-theory-leaders.html
There's this one in a similar subject. Sorry to have kept you waiting, I'm still rather awkward with this whole blog thing.

No worries, I'm awkward with everything forum related. I create replies/posts just to delete them seconds later. Joy.

Thanks again for the link. I'll check it out soon, I have a couple other things to think about for a while..