Been on my mind...

I don't know why but I've been thinking about this. Ever since I've been watching a playthrough of Fran Bow, it's provoked a lot of questions about my thoughts and why I picked Queen Chrysalis as my fave villain, or maybe as one of my fave characters in general. I've brought the question up before with myself but for some reason it's really bothering me tonight. Maybe it's because I see myself in her. I'm sure many of you could probably question how I feel a connection with something fictional... but for some reason Chrysalis calls to me in ways that not many other characters in MLP FiM would. I'll openly admit that love Fluttershy a lot and, for some time, I'm compared myself to her. But for some reason, it didn't feel like there was enough of a connection. Like it was never meant to be. But with Chrysalis I feel a connection that cannot be explained. Maybe it's just my like for her as a fan... but it feels deeper than that. Practically spiritual... if that makes any sense.

Queen Chrysalis is headstrong and wanting the love of Equestria, but she doesn't know how to do it in a way that would be friendly. She forces it. It's almost odd that I would compare myself to somepony who cannot mix properly with pony society. But that's where I think I may understand where many others may not. While Chrysalis seeks love by force... but she also seeks for the world to burn at the same time. She doesn't see the world the way other ponies do. She suffers knowing that ponies will despise her kind no matter what. Her hive, her home, is the only place of comfort. Where she feels safe from the world. This is how I feel with a lot of the world, and I seek to be alone a lot. When I lived with my parents, I stayed to myself and hid from the world in the basement. While I am here now in my apartment, I feel safe and isolated from the world... I've always hated a lot of the world. I've always hated what this world has turned into. I know I'm powerless to change it, no matter how much I'd like to try on my own, or with others.

The other things is my spiritual connection with nature. Unlike most who just enjoy from afar, I actually enjoy being apart of it. I mediate much in the heart of a forest, to gather my mind and remove the stresses of the world. My mind connecting with nature in ways the human mind cannot see normally. That's maybe where the hive mind comes into play. I'm aware of may surroundings through nature itself. Much like Chrysalis talks to her changelings and maybe the hive itself. By hive, I mean the organic home she lives in.

I don't know. I maybe think into it to much, but this is how I feel. I feel happy as Chrysalis in a sense of speaking, like it was something I was meant to be. Even now, I don't really see myself being any other way. Though I guess there is no pain in admitting something like this.