I Am a Human

Published by Yamiookami in the blog Bloggy-ookami. Views: 216

Not an automaton who will do the exact same thing the exact same way all the time. Managers appear to think I have an anger issue because they focus on a few bad moments scattered throughout two years. Sorry I'm a human with feelings and emotions who deals with them in the best way I know how. So I get rough with carts every now and then to vent my frustrations. What would they have me do? Get rough and aggressive with customers or co-workers? Out of the question. Ignore my anger and suppress it, leading to a much worse outburst down the road? That's a bad idea. They say my "anger problems" are unacceptable. Of course, they're managers, so they only care insofar as I do my job correctly. They'd prefer I not have emotions that might interfere with work. Well, I am sorry to say that I am a human being with thoughts, feelings, emotions, moods, the whole lot. I find how I handle my stress to be quite a good solution, myself, no matter what the managers think.

Someone might say I need to get my anger under control, or that I have an anger management issue, to which I disagree. Yes I can have a fiery temper, but that's part of who I am. My passion can bubble near the surface. This is, of course, a mixed bag in that I can be very caring and compassionate, but so too can I be upset and angry. I prefer not to keep a tight lid on it all and have my ways of dealing with the negatives. I can say this for the managers, though. Going on about how I have issues and how my emotions are "unacceptable" are very bad ways to get me to calm down. I was fighting the whole time to keep a lid on it, knowing my entire family's livelihood counted on me keeping my job, not just my own livelihood. Oh well. If they wish to regard me as some unstable, rabid animal who might turn on them, I don't care. To me, they're just a paycheck, just as to them, I'm just a pair of hands. No need to go any deeper than that, I suppose.

Thanks for listening to my rambling. It's something I needed to get off my chest.

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May 28, 2013
  • Glorious Rex's Apostle
    Glorious Rex's Apostle May 28, 2013
    Unfortunate that I enjoy reading these posts, Yami. Sorry to hear that things have you a bit on edge, I don't know what to say. When I get angry, I sit down, close my eyes, bite my cheek (they are constantly bleeding now), and wring my hands. Not sure if it would help you, but it's something.

    Just remember to take a step back and look at what's going on, once in awhile, kk?
  • HarleyCyn
    HarleyCyn May 28, 2013
    Unfortunately work is that very finicky thing where you can't afford to get angry too much and show it. Unless your work is awesome, which a lot of them aren't going to be awesome to this extent, you have to be angry and pretend you aren't because it's your job. You're supposed to be polite, you're supposed to give a good image for your employer (even Walmart, even Del Taco). I get where you are coming from, and at least you have carts to shove around. Might I suggest a boxing class? GREAT stress reliever. Or get a punching bag in general so you can contain then release.

    We are human. But unfortunately standards to keep our jobs are high when it comes to human emotion and there is very little way around that. Maybe even go to your manager, tell them you are having a bad day, see if they have a suggestion where you can feel a bit better without showing out outwards signs of it towards the carts, and therefore towards the customers. Which.. is really weird saying about Walmart. But that's how the world works, unfortunately. I'm lucky I work with my mother, otherwise I would've been let go long ago for being snappy - but on the flip side, if she wasn't my mother I'd never snap at her or slam things.

    Working is a game, it's a game of who can lie the best. It's highly unfortunate and hopefully one day it'll change.
  • Yamiookami
    Yamiookami May 28, 2013
    Ha. That is why I get nowhere when it comes to work. I'm much too honest for my own good, and I love myself like that. Shame it doesn't fit well with how the workplace works. As for the suggestion of boxing class, I don't have much money I can spend on things like that, and our house is very cluttered; I'm not sure there'd be room for a punching bag here. But that solution requires I hold in my anger for the entirety of my shift at work, which could have caustic effects on my mood. If I don't vent almost immediately after something happens, I'll start noticing every little negative thing that happens around me and it will get stacked up, which is...undesirable.
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