Just some ranting I need to get off my chest... I apologize

Are you serious? You've gotten mad at me for this, seriously, what is wrong with you? How many times did you leave me over the course of the last two years, how many times did you abuse me, scream at me, call me names, and hit me? How many? Then you move, you become spoiled by your grandparents and you get this whole high and mighty, "you're not good enough for me" kick going and you leave me again, after we'd already been engaged for two years? I asked you to marry me and you left! Of course I know how you feel, I mean, how could I not? But you squandered me yet again, abandoned me when I needed you, I understand your feelings entirely, so well that I don't know how to cope with the same feeling every day. I don't think about putting a bullet through my brain, I don't think about finding a way to acquire some sort of poison and taking it just to make this pain end. I don't know how to deal with it all. I am sorry if I don't feel sympathy for you, I don't really think you deserve it, after everything that happened, after how you treated me, I am not sure you deserve any bit of sympathy from me. I love you, I tell you that, I make sure you know that I would go to the ends of the Earth for you and you threw that away. So, I am sorry if I don't drop the world at large to comfort you, because you weren't there when I needed you. I know it sounds selfish, but I spent two years taking care of you, making sure you smiled, trying to get you to go outside, trying to make you laugh, loving you, cherishing you in every way, and you tossed me aside the minute you found an opportunity to do so. So, I am sorry I wasn't perfect, I am sorry for every wrong that I did. But I have yet to hear those words from you, at all.


Again I apologize if I wasted anyone's time with this, I just really needed to get this out of my head and somewhere that well, wasn't my head.