Morphin at the Movies: The Terminator (1984)

Well, now that Terminator: Genisys is in theaters, I thought I'd take a look at the film it spits in the face of: the original 1984 James Cameron classic, The Terminator.

Believe it or not, James Cameron had very little budget to work with, being completely new to Hollywood at the time. But did he pull it off? Let's find out.

So our film opens with an establishing shot of Los Angeles, California in the year 2029... which isn't really far off from present-day L.A.

Only thing missing is the yellow smog.
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Then, after showing off some machines fighting people, we learn by way of text exposition that "the final battle would not be fought in the future. It would be fought here, in our present.

Tonight..."

Well, shoot.

Then we get what is, in my opinion, the best opening credits for a movie, ever, after which we go to 1984 L.A., where we see a forklift driver with his vehicle stalling. Turns out it's an electrical storm caused by a naked Arnold Schwartzenegger.

Okay, that's a weird sentence.

So Arnie goes off to some street punks, whom he demands one of their clothes. Their response?

"*squee* you, *yay*hole."

Best. Comeback. Ever.

They try to kill Arnie, only to drop dead, and one of them is stripped nude. Not a pretty fate.

Cut to an alley, where another electrical storm happens. This time, it's Kyle Reese, who falls out of mid-air, and lands hard on the ground.

He gets chased by the cops after taking a junkie's pants. He takes the cop by surprise and asks the year. After the cop doesn't answer, Kyle runs off with his gun. He then hides in a clothing shop, and grabs a shirt and shoes, and hightails it outta there, grabbing another gun out of the cop car on the way.

He goes to a phone booth and looks for the name "Sarah Connor."

Cut to Sarah on a moped, going to work at a restauraunt. Yes, the mother of the savior of humanity was a waitress. No, I'm not joking.

Cut to Arnie, stealing a car.

Back to Sarah. She sucks at her job, and a fellow waitress snides that no one will care in about 100 years.

Arnie goes to a gun shop, and steals some guns, but not before killing the guy behind the counter.

Note to self: never sell guns to this guy.
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Afterwards, we see Kyle sawing off the stock of his shotgun, and trying to find Sarah.

Arnie also does the phonebook trick and goes to the first person he saw named "Sarah Connor."

And then he kills her.

Did I mention this was a sci-fi slasher?

Our Sarah (as in John's mother) goes on break, when the Exposition News Network tells us that a different Sarah Connor is dead.

One of the major plot points of this film is that Skynet lost almost all records in the nuclear apocalypse. This was before the Internet was invented.

Kyle starts a car, and has war flashbacks triggered by construction vehicles. Yeah, fighting for your life will do that to you. After snapping out of it, he drives off.

Sarah and a friend are doing their hair, when they get a call from a Matt guy who likes the friend.

Meanwhile, on the set of LAPD Blue, we see the results of Arnie's spree, as two reports share the victim's name: "Sarah Connor."

Sarah goes to a movie, and is followed by Kyle Reese. Then she watches ENN and checks the phonebook. Surprise, she's next!

She calls the cops, just as Arnie shows up at her place. He kills Matt and Ginger, Sarah's friend from earlier. Just as Sarah calls on the answering machine.

Arnie wastes no time in arriving at the nightclub Sarah holed up in. He finds her just as quickly.

Luckily, Kyle is there to save her. All hell breaks loose as the two have a gunfight. As Kyle rescues Sarah, he has this to say:

"Come with me if you want to live."

They manage to flee Arnie, but not before they have to knock him off the car. Arnie steals a cop car and chases Kyle and Sarah, just as Kyle explains just what the hell is going on.

They get busted by the fuzz, and Arnie hi-tails it outta there.

Arnie sneaks into an apartment, and performs surgery on himself. His eye is damaged and he removes it. He then leaves.

A psychiatrist investigates Kyle's story, deeming him insane. Because, har dee har har, no one believes him.

Arnie shows up at the police station and asks to see Sarah Connor. He is denied, so he leaves, but not before saying, "I'll be back." There, another catchphrase. This franchise is full of them.

Arnie then crashes a car through the wall, keeping his word. No better way to keep a promise in my opinion.

He then proceeds to massacre the police station. Kyle escapes his cell after the lights go out, and tries to find Sarah. He finds her and they flee the building.

They go into the woods, and they chat. Also, turns out Kyle is John's dad. Awkward.

They rent a room at a hotel, and Arnie somehow manages to get Sarah's location by way of voice imitation and luck.

Arnie arrives at the hotel, but Sarah and Kyle flee just in time. Arnie gives chase, and Kyle tries to blow him up. But Kyle gets shot and Sarah does drastic measures to survive. Arnie hijacks a truck to run down his targets as Sarah tries to save herself and Kyle. Kyle then tries one more bomb. This time, it works. But somehow, Arnie survives. His visage doesn't.

Pretty dark. Imagine if that were an ordinary killer. He'd be toast.

Arnie's skin is melted away, revealing the Terminator. It follows them into a factory. Kyle collapses, but Sarah gets him up as the Terminator gets inside. It corners them on a stairwell. Kyle gets the receiving end ot the Terminator's pimp hand before getting killed.

Well, not everyone gets a happy ending, you know.

Just before he died, he planted a bomb in the Terminator, blowing it up.

Surprise, the upper half still works. Sarah crawls away from it, leading it to a hydraulic press. She then musters up the courage to kill the damn thing, but not before delivering a one-liner that IMHO trumps even the sequel's "Hasta la vista," or even Die Hard's "Yippie kai-yay." (Yes, I'll review that too.)

The line? "You're terminated, *squee*er." '

That's the "Omae wa mo shindeiru" of cinema right there.

She is then taken to a hospital.

And so ends the second best film in the Terminator franchise. How fitting. Too bad Genisys crapped all over it.

Wonder what the Mane Six have to say?

Twilight: One of the better films of the 1980s despite its budget constraints, James Cameron turned this B-movie into a franchise that ceased to be good after the second installment. Shame, too.

Rarity: Everything just SCREAMS 80s, but that's part of the film's charisma. They knew little about a computer's potential at the time.

Applejack: ... Ya done messed up one of the classics, Paramount! The original Terminator is by far the best sci-fi film of its time, and ah say that with full knowledge of The Empire Strikes Back.

Rainbow Dash: I'm with AJ on this one. This movie is so awesome for how cheap it was that it got a sequel. Only Cameron does this franchise justice.

Pinkie Pie: That... was... brutal... I LOVE IT.

Fluttershy: *hiding under the table* I guess I'm not changing my name to Sarah Connor, then.

FINAL VERDICT:
★★★★☆

9.5/10 "See it before you are terminated." -IGN

@Tyro The Fox I summon thee.​