Morphin on the Couch: Teen Titans Go! Episode 102: The Return of Slade

I have found my new least favorite cartoon. Ladies and gentlemen, your so-called new favorite show, Teen Titans Go.

People are saying that this is the new Johnny Test, and for the record, I don't blame them. It's the worst Cartoon Network show by a mile. The concept of the show, I think, is that five young superheroes sit around and do nothing when they're not fighting crime, i.e. 99.999999999999324% of the time. So basically, the Fantastic Four, minus the rockstar publicity.

But I encountered an episode so bad, I had to see it for myself.

How is it? Let's find out.

Our episode begins with Starfi- no, it would be a disgrace to the original show to refer to them by name.

It starts with an alien, a goth poser, an immature robot man, and a shapeshifter with the mentality of a five year old; all of whom are watching this show's resident Friendship is Magic parody (by which I mean mockery): Pretty Pretty Pegasus. It seems to be made entirely of bad Flash assets vaguely shaped like horses dancing like idiots in a meadow. Oh, and there's a close-up of shaking horse butt, because ha ha, brony stereotypes.

Suddenly, in through the TV bursts Chris O'Donnell. I mean, Burt Ward. I mean, that little wuss that Batman has to rescue every 0.4 femtoseconds. He tells the others about an evil Deadpool look-alike, which scares them.

Then, some time passes, and they beat him offscreen. That reeks of lazy.

And then they spout positive critic jargon.

I... I think I realize what this is. This is a kneejerk reaction to completely valid criticism.

So after defeating the bad guy, they have a party. And then we learn the alien is afraid of clowns. I don't see why not.

Then the fake emo girl tells the shapeshifter and robo-person that clowns are for kids, and that they're too old.

Soon, the Tyler Perry Robocop and the green Animorphs reject realize that clowns are lame, but think it's because it's not how they remember it.

So they do some sciency crap to the clown which makes him an evil, 2edgy4u jerkhole who looks like a budget version of Sweet Tooth from the classic PlayStation 1 racing game Twisted Metal.

He proceeds to beat up the Boy Wonder Bread, and the faux punk chick scolds Dumbot and Dumberdork for making the clown "inappropriate for kids." Their response? Send him to the outside world to spread joy to kids. Good luck with that.

So the pseudo-tsundere girl tries to watch Pretty Pretty Pegasus, except something's off about it. Namely, it got an injection of Shadow the Edgehog.

Where's that DAMN fourth Element of Harmony?!
​

But could its sudden shift to dark and edgy be the work of a psychotic clown going around making kids' shows hardcore? Or is there another, more out-of-this-world explanation? No, it can only be the work of... FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!

Just kidding, it's the clown.

Said clown goes to a toy store and makes the toys evil. Batboy interprets this as "tainting" children's entertainment. Kinda like what Teen Titans Go is doing in real life.

Tweedletron and Tweedledum "realize" that they must let go of the past. Um, no. Childhood is something to be remembered fondly, not discarded.

So they try the "find the real you within you" routine on the clown, to no avail. It ends with the alien punching out the clown.

So, how was it? Since I'm too offended and traumatized and the Mane Six are weeping in a corner, I'll let this thirty-something nerdy critic do the talking.

FINAL VERDICT:
0/10
"It sucks, and I don't like it." -IGN

@Tyro The Fox TURN BACK NOW​