What has been going on in my life and coming out.

Published by A Jewel of Rarity in the blog A Jewel of Rarity's Butt Blog. Views: 1142

So recently I have been feeling extremely down and not confident in myself, I just want to vent and I have no where to do it so I thought I would make a blog entry.
This isn't the best place to come out but if I want to explain stuff I have to, I am transgender MtF I am still currently trying to get help for transitioning but it doesn't seem to be going well anyway.
Recently I have been having a lot of depression related to two things, my community and my gender. I will start off with my gender problems, I had gotten out of a bad break up and my ex was pissed off even though she was the one that broke up with me and she started spamming my forum saying that I was "a fake trans" and that I need to stop pretending to be female "to get with people" even though that makes no scene since I am not into guys so me "pretending" to be female wouldn't help me get with anyone, anyway that was the start of what started making me feel depressed, sure the break up hurt a lot and her trying to expose me when I wasn't ready to come out hurt too but then some people from years ago found my forum and tried to say I was "tricking people to be a dick" and that kinda hurt. I just don't like how insensitive people are towards me being trans the guy that found my forum even suspected I might have been trans but instead said he doubted that and thought I was just tricking people and it has been stuck in my head for weeks now and I have beating myself up about it questioning who I really am, am I female or male ect.

The second thing is my community, I have two communities I tried to merge and it has been a complete disaster, I purchased a forum software in hopes of making a hub for both of my communities to merge and I made multiple announcements on them both, one is a deviantart group of almost 500 members and the other is a steam group with almost 400 and I feel with the announcements I have made people have just ignored it and my forum has been a failure which has sent me even deeper into depression thinking was it even worth all that time and money I put into making my forum work and look nice.

One last thing, I have a college interview tomorrow for an art course and well with all this depression I am doubting myself more and more and I just feel like I wont get in.

So that is all, I just really wanted and needed a place to vent, if you read all this thanks for caring about my boring life.
Dec 14, 2015
  • Queen Cerali
    Queen Cerali Dec 14, 2015
    I wish I had more to say.... but I think I can say this: don't doubt yourself so much. you know who you are, they don't, and they have no right to act the way they did. and your forum wasn't a failure. it has members who enjoy being on there, and personally, it's my favorite forum, even compared to this one. I wish there was more I could say to cheer you up, but I mean everything I've said, and I hope that counts for something, and makes you feel a little better.........
  • Tyro D. Fox
    Tyro D. Fox Dec 15, 2015
    This seems kinda common. Some people just don't get it or feel the need to seriously dig into you. You've always got your friends to help you out and fall back on. Whether they're here or elsewhere, it's the people you know the most you can turn to when you're being beat down for no good reason.

    The surprising number of trans friends I know can tell you first hand how rocky a transition can be.

    As for a forum? Well, your not Noah. This is not a 'Build it and they will come' kind of deal. Everypony had huge boost by being a forum right in that swell when Bronies became a thing. Sure, our numbers have dwindled but it's not about how many numbers you have, it's about what you do with your space. We've got my articles, Legion's tabletop games, Dragonbait topping up the radio with new stuff. It's all to make sure our members have a reason to turn up outside of having a good ol' chat with each other.

    Now, Everypony has a long standing history to help it out but a brand new forum is going to need time. Your going to have to sing to the rafters over and over to get people to move from their usual haunt to your site. Have an angle or a focus or even just a little show. That's pretty hard work and I can't guarantee it'll pay off but you don't see me stop trying.
  • Azeth
    Azeth Mar 9, 2016
    First rule to being who you wanna be is to ignore ignorance and judgement when it is directed at you in pure scorn of misunderstanding. Never let people tell you who you should be as society doesn't know who you should be, just what they want you to be. Normal. There is no such thing as 'Normal'. It's perception, nothing more. I welcome you for you. Nothing about you would change my mind, unless there was a reason to. Being trans isn't a reason though. I share that place in the boat with you to be honest, Cerali also does. Be confident in who you are and don't take BS from anyone. If someone doesn't like you as a Trans, that's their problem.

    As for the Ponytheaters, I do wanna apologize for not being more active. It's as Tyro said on that front. It'll be stressful to get enough attention to interest people, but that kinda determination will pay off eventually. Rome was not built in a day after all. I know you can make something out of it. It's already is looking good. There are going to be some issues, but it's par for the course. You just need to tough through it.
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