why me?

people in my community are morons! for the past eight or so months the lakebed has been dry. all the plants are dried up and are VERY FLAMMABLE. then i learned that my next door neighbor is a freaking pyro.
What could go wrong?
lemme tell you.
im sitting and watching doctor who when i hear a loud bang go off somewhere behind me. in my head im going, "the lake bed's on fire the lake bed's on fire the freaking lake bed's on fire. sure enough i turn around and BAM! lake bed's on fire. it burned all the way down to my house and next thing i know the cops THINK about bringing in a chopper.
*facehooves and sighs*
gee, i'd like to shake hands with the genius there. why are people in my town just so....blunt? have they never thought with portals?