Wood Domination

First step: Take out our communications.

Anonymous College Campus - Tuesday, 1900 hours: The campus servers were attacked by a swarm of woodpeckers who successfully toppled the tower containing the wiring for campus-wide communications.

For the next two days all forms of communications leading into or out of the facility were disabled. By the time authorities arrived, the woodpecker horde had already cleared the scene.
"This is nothing less than a declaration of war by the Pecker Empire." Remarked the president in a formal speech on the Colbert Report. With public opinion behind him, the president launched a full crusade against the woodpeckers and their leader, Woody. While the crusade seemed to be getting along right and proper, the woodpeckers suddenly sent out their reserve forces, and the UN troops were decimated beneath an onslaught of beaky death. Now the dominant military power on the planet, the woodpeckers proceeded to lay waste to human cities across the globe. It was only with the assistance of Albert Einstein's sole surviving relative, Nigel Einstein, that the remaining population was able to create a weapon capable of obliterating the woodpecker aggressors. The initial firing proved successful, and the surviving woodpeckers were forced into hiding. As we rebuild our great cities, safety will only be an illusion as long as a single woodpecker remains.

True story. Well, at least the first bit is. Woodpeckers really did take out my college's servers. Darn feather-glorious little sausages.