You guys... Why?

Well, I was going to begin with why I have momentarily returned, but no matter how hard I try to make that reason sound sincere, it comes out insulting/evil. I have decided to instead start with something of a compliment!


And so the Compliment begins...
You guys are all wonderful, maybe even more so than that! I know I wasn't here very long, but just by looking around and reading posts and other things, I could kinda see you all are part of one big family! It might be a branching family, but a family nonetheless!

Whenever one of you have troubles, you seem to be there for them! Sure, some of you may ignore these troubles, but others seem to jump in and try to help and do whatever is necessary. It's a truly wonderful thing to see! Another good part is that it seems you all have your own personalities, yet are still able to bond together and bring out the best in eachother! It's absolutely fascinating!

You seem to have passion for what you do, and you all seem to have your own goals/interests. And to top it off, you help eachother reach these goals! I have seen artists, musicians, roleplayers, gamers, etc. critique and compliment eachother, and just have a blast in the process! I enjoy seeing it all around!

I've also heard your stories and how you've been changed by being here. It seems like you guys really are miracle workers. Makes me honored to have even met some of you!

So, what I'm trying to say it you are all amazing, and you have taught me a great deal in a short amount of time! Thank you all for being who you are, and for sometimes being there for me!
(I would advise you to quit reading here.. The following is far too long and pointless, and this segment pretty much sums up what I wanted to say to you all anyways)

Spoiler: Stuff that simply doesn't matter anymore..

Again with my Idiocy...
Now, with all that being said, I have no intention on actually returning anytime soon. To be exact, I don't even want to be here right now.. When I made the last blog entry, the goal was that no one would be able to comment so that I wouldn't have to stick around and answer all the questions and comments and instead focus on my problems and tasks..

Well, that idea went well for a few days.. until I checked my email and saw a couple messages. I knew I should have ignored them, but I couldn't resist.. And sure enough, ever since I saw them, I haven't been able to think clearly on my other problems. And when I finally decided to check back on here to see my last blog post, I found a couple other blogs above it mentioning me. Yes, they were nice, and ones who made them are absolutely fantastic, but they were what I was trying to avoid..

You see, my mind is annoying. Whenever someone says something directs towards me, I have to find a way to respond or else the comment replays over and over in my head and I can't concentrate on anything else.. I don't want to be mean, but I simply can't bring myself to stick around here right now..


An Update of Sorts?
Well, my situation hasn't really changed much.. After all, it has only been a few days! Anyways, I'm still very flawed and broken, but we'll see how "repairs" go.. I've been spending my free time on the roof, dangling my feet over the edge and either looking in the sky or at all the passerbys down below. Being ten stories up really gives you a good view on what goes on during the day/night! It's honestly now my favorite spot to be! I can think about everything and it almost feels like my thoughts/problems drift away in the breeze..

It also has helped me realize I really don't seem to belong anywhere.. My dreams are all shrouded and I can't seem to find anything I like.. Sometimes I really wouldn't mind just disappearing or fading.. and at other times I wonder if it would be so bad if I simply ceased to exist.. but I know I still have a few things left to do.. I've grown tired of suffering all the time.. Tired of all the hatred and pain all around. Tired of seeing those dear to me be swept away. Tired of those that still remain suffering. Tired of causing that suffering.. And now I grow tired of being me..

Anyways, I don't know exactly what has been triggering all these thoughts.. Could be my lack of sleep or my lack of proper nutrition (I wouldn't consider weighing 90 lbs healthy..).. Could also be that I simply miss my friends.. Or maybe it's just a bunch of factors intertwined into one big and massive pain.. I'm sure you noticed my emotions being out of control. Happy one moment, then scared, then nervous, and maybe mix in a bit of sorrow and guilt.. I can kind of feel the emptiness inside being replaced with bitterness, and it's kind of sad.. The whole situation is very irksome and I'm hoping to find solutions quickly, but I don't really see that happening..


Last Resort
Well, this is the part that I'm scared to even talk about.. You see, I still was hoping to possibly return here after I fixed my problems if that was okay with you.. but if I think I'm going to cause harm to friends or others while sticking around here, then I'll take this last resort without hesitation.. I'll get myself banned (Don't know how, but I'll find a way.. Maybe requesting it would work).. That would certainly stop me from troubling all of you as well as keep me away.. but I would really like to avoid that if at all possible..

Conclusion
Thank you.. all of you, even those I haven't met, for making this place so great! It truly is wonderful, and know that I will not forget your kindness! You offered it to a lowly being like myself who doesn't deserve the slightest bit of what you have shared, and I thank you greatly for it.. But I have to ask a favor.. A couple of you said you wouldn't forget me, but that's honestly what I'm worried of.. I know I can't forget you guys, but if I asked nicely, do you think you could bring yourselves to forget me? I'm not even sure I'm ever going to return here so forgetting sounds like the best idea.. After all, I'm just one big regret, right?

Anyways, once again, please stay safe and enjoy yourselves! Make leaps and bounds throughout life and progress into a better future! I believe you all possess the talents to achieve your dreams/goals! Well, goodbye, until we meet again..or not, just whatever I guess!