Irelynn Skye's blog

Behind this laptop sits a lost, confused, and generally depressed young woman. Now, don't sit there and tell me that I'm not depressed and I'm just making up stuff for attention. All the signs are there: insomnia, suicidal thoughts, feeling useless, anxiety, etc. What brought this on? Well, most of you are fully aware of my past relationships and what I've been through so there's no need to mention that again. For those of you who don't understand what depression is like, it really sucks (to but it bluntly). It becomes a hassle to wake up every morning, sometimes I find myself laying in bed for hours before I actually force myself to move. I'm not sure what brought all this on, but once it hit me, it hit like a ton of bricks. A few times I thought about getting a therapist, but it was a matter of convincing my mom that I desperately need one. I knew she wouldn't believe me so I stopped bothering.

Being depressed opened up a significantly large gap in my relationship with my family and Henri. I found myself drifting apart from both parties and it scared me. It became so bad that I came close to losing Henri a few weeks ago. That same night, my mom threatened to kick me out if I didn't change my attitude. Once I realized I could have lost everything I worked so hard to maintain, I almost instantly got my **** together. I'm doing my best to be happier, even if I have to force it sometimes. I try to not get so upset whenever I don't get to see/talk to Shining and I try to keep back the anxiety whenever I have to leave for work.

On top of that, I finally decided that it's time for me to go back to college. I already finished two years at the local community college, which earned me my Associate's Degree in Business Administration. I know for sure that I need this. I need the brain stimulation, keep myself busy so I won't have the time to sit and dwell on past events. It's time for me to get my life back together so I can provide a somewhat stable living condition for whenever that big day comes.