About three years ago I spent a bit of time in Georgia. In that time I ended up in the forests and I have to say the general feeling of the place was just...uneasy. Trees that climbed to the sky and had almost no branches. Eerie. It inspired me to write this. Although it is rough I'd like some thought from other writers since this has plagued my mind for so long. Heavy boots slammed into the damp earth as he sprinter through the hazy dense forest. Every step crushed soggy leaves and pine needles beneath him. The trees around him no longer resembled anything he had every seen. They took a form much more sinister. Instead they looked more like iron bars, blocking his path at some points and causing him to redirect himself. He could hear nothing but his own boiling blood pumping and pounding in his ears. Sharp wind whipped around him, chilling his body to the very bone. He knew that eventually his muscles would give out after pushing themselves to the limit. Out of breath, tired and weak, he stopped and spun around and faced the menacing woods. All was quiet. But it was a different kind of quiet. No more wind. No shifting of the trees. There weren't even any noises from any wildlife. All that was left was him and the trees. Then he saw it. A mere image in the corner of his eye but when he turned to face it his blood ran cold. In the distance there stood an ominous figure, blocked partly but the tall sickly trees. Fear struck his entire body as the figure started moving closer. It didn't run. It didn't walk. The legs of it seemed to move but the entire body of it sort of shifted across the ground. In an instant his vision started to blur. Everything going in and out of focus. He rubbed his eyes but nothing helped. The the noise came. Like metal scraping against metal it hit his ears like nothing he had ever heard before, hard enough to drive him to his knees. He clenched his teeth and groan, forcing his hands over his hears to no avail. The sound kept coming. as did the figure. With his eyes watering he looked up and was able to make out that the figure had been continuing its approach. He could do nothing as it came close and closer. Crying out in pain was all he could do as he pleaded fro both the pain to stop, and the shadowy figure to leave him alone. The closer the thing drew, the more pain it brought to him. The sound in his ears growing louder, turning his stomach and making him feel on the verge of getting sick at a seconds notice. He keeled over and and tears began to stream down his face in agony. Not even the cool Autumn ground could sooth the searing pain that coursed through every vein in his body. Laying on his back he managed to open his eyes, watching as the figure stood over him. Watching his body writhe in pain. The trees around the both of them seemed to shift and contort, curling in towards him as if to engulf his twisted body. The figure reached down to him. A bony sharp fingered hand reach out from a skeletal arm and came within an inch of touching his face. And then nothing. The noise had stopped. The pain had stopped. His stomach had settles and his eyes ceased to water. Nothing was there Not even the forest. He had been left in a black void, robbed of all feeling, sight and sound. Everything had left him. And the figure had gone with it. Don't you just hate it when you have those kind of dreams?
Whoa, that was an intense read...reminds me of something I'd see in a Stephen King novel. *shivers* All in all, very good writing here. There's only a couple spelling errors, but they're not too noticeable unless you're looking for them. Just thought I'd offer my two cents...
Thanks for the input! It's still considered a rough draft in my mind. Far from being finished. But I enjoy peoples critique
Gr8 m8. Honestly though, I really wish I had legitimate, helpful criticism, but that was some good sh*t. Maybe that it ends pretty abruptly. Also maybe the "cool Autumn" line was a little corny. Just a little. I can tell you the part I liked the best: "The trees around the both of them seemed to shift and contort, curling in towards him as if to engulf his twisted body". There is a primitive fear instilled in people about inanimate objects reaching out, and trees just have that captive element with their extended branches; using that imagery for the end to represent overwhelming worked well I thought. What is this for, may I ask? Is this just a short story, or a part of something longer?
Well I had intended on making this into a short story, but I always get writers block so nothing ever came of it sadly.
That sucks. Not the story haha, I mean the writer's block. It's a cool little piece of something to say the least
