MST of MLP fics [video=youtube;zkd1feo1hxE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkd1feo1hxE&feature=player_embedded[/video] I don’t own these characters or profit from them. Also I didn’t write most of these fics. For those who don’t know what an MST or MST3K is it’s short for Mystery Science Theater 3000, a show from about ten or fifteen years back where they took a guy and two puppets and put them in front of crappy movies to make comments. With fan fiction it’s similar and a way to both enjoy yourself and review fics in more detail than the standard comments like “Awesome” or “This Sucks”. I’ve found that this sort of thing lets me see what people like or hate in my writing so I can do better next time. I encourage people to MST all of my fics and often leave in mistakes, make comments, and other things that a good MSTer can use for a good joke. You do this through characters in the show who sit in a movie theater like background and watch the fic like a movie. There are just a few rules. 1. You can not alter the original story. Good or bad the story stands as is and you merely comment on it. Since it’s a fan fic technically you can do whatever you want with it, but show the author a little respect. 2. Don’t overdo it. A few comments on the spelling and grammar mistakes is fine, but after a while you should let it go and try your best to just comment on the story itself. 3. Don’t use this as an excuse to insult the author or make unhelpful comments like “I hate this”. If they make mistakes you can point those out, but don’t make it personal and try to be helpful if you want them to do better. 4. Try to keep it funny. Nobody wants to read a dull clinical MST. And now, on with the fan fics! Just to show what a good sport I am, I’ll even throw in one of my own. My Little Pony Mystery Science Theater By, Clayton Overstreet MSTers Discord The Great Trixie Gilda Gryphon Discord: Huh? (looks around the theater) Where am I? Gilda: What is this place? Trixie: And why is the Great and Powerful Trixie here? (Luna appears on the screen) Luna: I felt my sister’s punishments were missing something. So I hath decided to punish you all myself. Gilda: For what? Luna: You I just don’t like. The other two… one tried to destroy the world and the other released a ursa minor on Ponyville. Trixie: It was an accident! And technically I had nothing to do with that! Discord: Ha! I’ve been a statue for a thousand years. What’s the worst you could possibly do? Luna; I’m going to make you watch My Little Pony Fan Fiction. Gilda: You fiend! Trixie: No! Let me out! Let! Me! Out! (Runs and begind banging on the door to no avail) Discord: I demand to be returned to my eternity trapped in stone! Fan fiction in 5… 4… 3… 2… All: (Sigh and take their seats) MLP:FiM -- Cloud Kicks Discord: Great, the author didn’t take credit. That’s always a good sign. A rose from any other pony would not smell as sweet... Trixie: (Farts) at least, that's what Cloud Kicker hopes. Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, is sick of her just hoping. One-shot. Cloud Kicker/Rarity Today was the day, she decided. Cloud Kicker looked down from her favorite spot in the clouds, Discord: Plane! watching her favorite pony in her shop. Gilda: (As Rarity) Can’t sleep or Cloud Kicker will rape me! Can’t sleep or Cloud Kicker will rape me. Can’t sleep… She'd waited long enough. Trixie: Tonight on Criminal Minds… She knew that it would just keep driving her crazy, All: (Sing) They’re coming to take me away haha! sitting up here and just observing the pony who'd stolen her heart. Discord: We call that stalking. The only solution to her problem was to confront it head-on. There was a rose in her hair, Gilda: (Sings) If you’re going to San… Fran… Cisco… a token she could give to show her affection. Of course, she'd kept giving herself this same speech for the last few weeks. Trixie: Wow, that is one well preserved flower. The odds of actually going down and asking out the unicorn were about as likely as Princess Celestia dressing in a top hat, vest, and overcoat and dancing the hula. Discord: You’ve been reading Twilight Sparkle’s wish list The dozens of wilted roses which were buried just outside of Ponyville were a testament to that. "Okay Cloudy. You can do this," she began psyching herself up as if she were her weather team. "It's no big. You've taken on bigger things before. Gilda: (Breathless) Oh Big Macintosh! Going down there and giving her this rose isn't a big deal. You just have to stay calm and remember that this won't be any sort of—" "Heya Cloud Kicker." The blue-grey pony jumped a few hooflengths before realizing who it was. Putting on her usual smile, she said, "Hello Rainbow Dash!" Trixie: Gray? Gilda: You didn’t know? Dash has been gray as a mule since third grade! She must have forgotten to dye it this week. "Whatcha doing?" the rainbow-maned pony asked with a smirk. Discord: (As Phineas) We’re building a giant roller coaster! "N-nothing!" Cloud Kicker said too fast, her smile dropping off her face for a few seconds. Trixie: Killing a passing pony below. This just made the blue pony's smile widen. Discord: (As Rainbow Dash) Let’s steal Christmas! "Oh really?" she drawled, looking from her fellow Pegasus to down where she'd been looking. "Then why were you so intent on staring at my friend Rarity's shop?" Trixie: I’m planning to rob it. The blonde pegasus froze as she suddenly found herself caught. "W-well… I'm considering having her make me a dress!" she stuttered, a shaky shade of a smile coming to her face. Gilda: It’s like a boomerang! "You can always go down and ask. Rarity just LOVES making dresses, especially for new customers." Rainbow Dash just wasn't making it easy for her, and Cloud Kicker felt her eyes narrow slightly as she concluded that she was somehow being teased. Trixie: No s*** Sherlock! Discord; Dig deeper Watson! "I'm too nervous," she answered, which was partially true. Gilda: There is also a restraining order "Oh c'mon! It's not like it'll bother her or anything," Rainbow Dash said, floating behind Cloud Kicker. Trixie: Five minutes later (Rarity’s voice) Get out of here! "It just wouldn't be nice to suddenly drop in on her. She doesn't even know me!" Discord: Plus for the last week I’ve been floating over her house and not leaving for bathroom breaks. "Make a stylish entrance from up here. Dazzle her with awesome before you introduce yourself with something she likes. Like that rose you have!" Gilda: Stalking seems to be a popular sport in these parts. Cloud Kicker felt her face flush as she pictured herself fluttering down in front of Rarity, surprising the unicorn with her grace and the beautiful rose she'd picked out this morning. It was almost enough to give her the courage to try. Almost. "I don't think so." The blonde pegasus flopped down on the cloud and went back to watching the bespectacled Discord: Someone has a thesaurus white unicorn measure out materials while tsking before pulling out numerous bags and searching through them. Trixie: I know I hid that body around here somewhere… She smiled fondly at the sight, recognizing it as her realizing there was something missing from her stocks. Discord: Condoms? Gilda; Dragon sized. "You're SUCH a chicken!" Rainbow Dash chortled as she circled Cloud Kicker's favorite cloud. Discord; (As Scootaloo) You called? "I am not!" the other pegasus pouted dramatically. "It's just delicate." "Asking for a dress is delicate? That's news to me." Gilda; She’s broke Cloud Kicker glared at the rainbow-maned pegasus. "You're just messing with me, aren't you?" she asked wryly. "Of course!" Rainbow Dash laughed. "Are you kidding me? I'm part of the Ponyville Weather Patrol. I've seen you hang around here like a lovestruck filly all the time!" Discord: Weather patrol gay-dar… "You haven't told Rarity, have you?" she asked nervously, a hopeful grin spreading on her face. Trixie: (As Rainbow Dash) Cloud Kicker do you like movies about amazon women? Or shows about pretty girls hot oil wrestling? "Nah." The blue pony shrugged. "It's your own personal business. If you wanna watch her like a creeper, go for it." Discord: (As Shaggy) Like zoinks Scoob! It’s the Creeper! Gilda: Ru roh Raggy! Trixie: Jinkies! Cloud Kicker ducked her head and ears in embarrassment. "Do you have to put it like that?" Twixie: That’s how’s it’s going into the police report "Yup." Rainbow Dash flipped herself upside-down and hovered in front of her face. Discord; She’s possessed! I need an old priest and a young priest! "Is there any sorta reason you're not making a move?" Trixie: Rarity’s jealous dragon boyfriend? Gilda: The fact that she’s the least gay pony in the series and the only one who has actually tried getting a date with guys? "I…" The blue-grey pony sighed, watching the mare of her affections leave Carousel Trixie: Ah! You’re sick! Do you have any idea what comes to a pony’s mind when they see a circle of other ponies impaled on a spinning wheel? Discord; And you can’t trust carousel ponies. They always turn on you Boutique in a hurry, bags and pieces of luggage floating around her as she went. Gilda: (As Merlin from Disney’s Sword in the Stone) Higglty pigglty figglty fum.. Presitidigitorium… "I just can't seem to do it." "Soooo…you need a push?" "Maybe," she shrugged with a light smile. "I guess it wou—" "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" "Wha—" Cloud Kicker suddenly found herself without footing. She gulped and looked above her as she fell, Discord: If only she could fly… Gilda: She’d better learn quick. Ponies splash when they hit the ground feeling a stab of indignation at Rainbow Dash's huge smirk as the bits of remaining cloud drifted around her outstretched hooves. "You're welcome!" the blue pony shouted down at her before zooming off. Gilda: She’s blue now? Discord: Rainbow must have stolen some of Willy Wonka’s gum… "I'll get you for thiiiiiis!" Cloud Kicker cried into the air where Rainbow Dash had been before setting about trying to correct her trajectory. Discord: (As Morgan Freeman) The object is heading towards Earth at three hundred thousand miles per hour… She managed to flip herself over and began desperately trying to stop her fall. So focused was she on working her wings to slow down and just graze the ground that she didn't pay any attention to a thing in front of her. Gilda: Dash! That’s disgusting! Find an outhouse! "Oof!" The pegasus found herself tumbling after accidentally running into something on the ground. After rolling several feet, skidding a few times along the dirt, she found herself flopped out haphazardously. Looking up, she widened her eyes in fear as she looked into the eyes of the most dangerous creature in Ponyville. Trixie: Tank the turtle? "Roooooowrrrr," the white, accessorized cat hissed in warning, a warning which granted all of a second of time to move before she struck out with a set of sharp claws. "Aaaaah!" Cloud Kicker closed her eyes and waited for the pain to hit. A few seconds went by with no pain. She opened her eyes slowly just in case Opal was waiting for her to do that. To her surprise, Opal was surrounded by an aura of blue magic which had halted her attack. Trixie: (As Yoda) Size matters not… "Opal! Such a naughty kitty. You shouldn't do that to ponies," a sweet, sophisticated voice scolded. Discord: You should only do it to gryphons Gilda; Hey! The cat began hovering in the air, the blasé expression on Opals' face telling Cloud Kicker that it was a common occurrence. She stood up as she watched, mesmerized, as the feline terror was unceremoniously shoved into a cat carrier. "Thanks for the save," the pegasus said honestly. "I was really afraid…" She trailed off as she realized just who she was talking to. "Oh, it's nothing my dear…what was your name?" All: (Wince) Ouch! Gilda; Talk about heart break! "Cloud Kicker," she answered automatically, finding herself gawking at the other pony. Trixie: Why are you wearing skin tight black leather and a zipper over your mouth? "My name is Rarity. Gilda: Didn’t she and her friends save the whole world? Discord: You’d think people would know her name. You may know me from my absolutely wonderful clothing designs." Rarity said, practically glowing with pride. Trixie: A second ago she was just glowing. "Anyway, don't mind Opal. She is just upset at having to come with me on my trip to Canterlot." Discord: And you can’t leave her home because…? Trixie: Because her parents and little sister refuse to show up for this fic. The white unicorn pointed out the various bags which were scattered around them before looking at Cloud Kicker with concern. "Are you all right? You took quite a tumble." Trixie: No, it was only three thousand feet to the ground "Y-yeah…I'm just fine." Trixie: Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, Exhausted… Cloud Kicker stood awkwardly, Discord; Woops, broke her leg. Now we have to shoot her. trying desperately not to stare at the fabulous unicorn. Gilda: Hey my eyes are up here Discord: Her cleavage is in two rows of four on her belly… Trixie; So where is she looking? She hadn't seen the white pony this close since her fashion show. She'd actually managed to forget just how breathtaking the fashion designer was up close. "Are you sure? Your face is turning bright red." Discord: Through the fur? Trixie; (As Santa) Cloud Kicker with your face so bright… "YesI'mjustfine," she squeaked, ducking her head away from Rarity's scrutiny. "Oh my! Is that a rose you have there?" Gilda; Thank you Captain Obvious "Huh? Oh!" Cloud Kicker had completely forgotten about that! Grateful for the distraction, she tried to find a way to play off its presence. Discord; I really need to wash my mane more… Smiling wide, she said, "Yup! It's a rose, thorns and all. Hehe. Nothing special, really." Trixie: Pay no attention to the pony behind the rose petals! "Nothing special?" Rarity said incredulously. "My dear, roses are quite hard to come by around here. All: (Look around Ponyville at three dozen rose gardens) The purely decorative nature of them just does not sit well with the local ponies. Discord: (Pours ranch dressing on a rose salad) Completely impractical. They're beautiful with a vicious bite. Not unlike myself, really," she mused, placing a hoof on her chest. Trixie; (Twisting her head) How do you put your hoof like that? "Hehe…" The pegasus tittered anxiously, her smile quickly becoming forced from sheer nerves. Discord: Yeah, lets impress her with your wit "They're my favorite flower," the designer continued. "I don't get to see them much unless I go to a larger city like Phillydelphia or Canterlot." "If you want, I could give you this one?" Cloud Kicker found herself asking. Gilda: Sure, you can hang it on this large ruby Spike gave me last week! Rarity blinked, surprised. "Are you sure? It must be hard to get your hooves on them." Discord: Literally. It’s really hard to hold a flower in a hoof. "Not really," the blue-gray pony said, her nerves fading as she found something to latch on to. Discord: Wait… I thought the blue-gray pony was supposed to be Rainbow Dash… Gilda: We were wrong. Just let it go. "I'm part of Equestria's storm network. I go where I'm needed to set up pre-storm conditions." Discord; She tortures butterflies She indicated her cutie mark, the partly clouded sun helping to back up her story. Gilda: Wow… the sun does shine out of her butt… Trixie: Is she making Rarity stare at the place where the sun does not shine? "I've been everywhere, including places where roses are real common. They're easy for me to find." Discord: yeah, good move. Downplay the gift you’ve been trying to give her for days… It also helped that she knew a florist who loved to grow them, but that was beside the point. "Why…thank you!" Rarity used her magic to pluck the rose from Cloud Kicker's mane and carefully place it in her own. The tickle of magic against the pegasus's head made her blush even deeper. Looking at the fashionable pony, Discord; The nude… fashionable… pony… she had to admit that the flower somehow made her even more amazing. However, she saw it was a bit off-center. To her amazement, she found herself adjusting the rose in Rarity's mane. Gilda: Using your mouth on something with thorns. Real brain trust this one. Stepping back in minor shock, she noticed Rarity flutter her eyelids. Trixie: You poked my eye with your stupid rose! "I'm glad you like it," she said shyly, not quite able to meet Rarity's eyes after being so close to her. "Like it? I LOVE it!" The pure joy in the unicorn's voice made the blonde pony's heart flip in her chest Discord: Help! This is a serious medical condition! and she kicked at the ground nervously. "How could I ever repay you for this beautiful flower?" Trixie: Marry me! A jolt went through the pegasus. This was something that she had been hoping for! An opening, a chance to ask Rarity out. But…could she? "I…well, I…" She looked into the beautiful blue eyes of the unicorn, shining with happiness, and knew she had to. "I would absolutely love to have the chance to take you out for a…well, a meal." Rarity's smile froze in surprise, freezing Cloud Kicker's heart with it. "Take me out for a meal? Like a date?" "Yeeees," Cloud Kicker Discord: Gollum could have kicked herself in the head at this point. Not only was she being a silly filly with her nervousness, but she felt she was making a huge, huge mistake. Trixie: She is so much uglier up close… 'Bail out!' her inner filly cried just as it had during her youth, Gilda: Her inner filly also said “I can’t wait until I’m eighteen and can get out of this dump…” "but you don't have to." She fought her queasy stomach as she added, "I shouldn't have just asked out of the blue. I'm sorry." She tried to trot away, but found her path blocked by the unicorn. Gilda: (As Pepe Le Pew) Ah ma cheri, I love you! "You ask me out on a date after flying into me and making me drop all my bags, then try to walk away before I can respond at all? Unthinkable!" Rarity huffed. Gilda: And puffed Discord; And blew her house down "You could at least wait for me to make up my mind before walking off." Stunned, Cloud Kicker found her rump simply sit down where she stood. Trixie: She sat where she stood? Discord: Ironically landing on the cat again. She stared at the blue-maned pony and unintentionally assumed a smile as she felt hope spread through her being Gilda: Did Rarity dye her purple mane? Discord; The author is color blind. Let’s not tease the disabled. "Better," the unicorn said with a nod. "Now then…" She critically eyed the pegasus for a few seconds as she trotted around her, nodding and tsking nearly at the same time. Trixie: Don’t forget to check her teeth "Hm…I usually try to go for more stylish ponies. No offense." Gilda; (Rolls her eyes) Why would that offend? "None taken," she said, her only outward appearance of discontent being her smile shrinking slightly. "However…" Rarity interrupted her falling smile, "I do think that you would look marvelous if you were to get a manecut…perhaps get a spa treatment…I do know the most fabulous spa ponies…" Discord: If only you were not on your way out of town… She met Cloud Kicker's confused gaze and smiled. "Would you be opposed to going for a spa day before we go on our date?" "Huh?" Cloud Kicker felt her jaw drop ever so slightly. "My dear Cloud Kicker, I absolutely refuse to date you in your current condition. It's most obvious to me that you don't love yourself enough. Gilda: Actually if you remember that small unexplained shower the other day when you left your house… Trixie: Ew! I'm sure that all that storm business is just dreadful for you beautiful coat and mane. Discord: (As Rainbow Dash) Hey! The split ends are practically screaming at me! And the dirt…just the dirt," she emphasized with a shudder. Trixie: Because there’s a lot of dirt in clouds. Gilda: Don’t they cover you in mud at a spa? "That's why I wish for us to go out for a spa day so you can get taken care of." "You…you really want to go out with me on a date?" the pegasus couldn't help but ask in disbelief. "Of course I do," Rarity said sternly. Discord: It’s breeding season and she’s lonely "I had been hoping for a shining white prince to come take me as his princess, but that fell through faster than legwarmers." "Ugh." Cloud Kicker shivered at a bad memory. "You've met Prince Blueblood, I see." "You know him?" "Know him?" She snorted comically, "He's my cousin." Discord: They used to date "Cousin?" Rarity asked skeptically, All: We walk alike we talk alike… eyeing the other pony's size. Cloud Kicker could see Rarity picturing her next to her much-larger relative and his almost obscenely large horn, making her laugh a little. Discord: Horn? He was an Earth pony! Trixie: Well Doctor Whooves did sprout wings in one episode Gilda: Lauren Faust likes to do things like that sometimes. "Cousin as in my mother's sister's nephew's brother's cousin's…" Discord: (As Lonestar) Then what does that make us? Trixie: (As Dark Helmet) Absolutely nothing! She cut herself off and shrugged. "Yeah, he's a distant cousin. Family reunions with my family are the worst, especially if we're having it at our place." Discord; Okay everyone step out of the balloon… oops. (peers over the edge) I forgot they can’t walk on clouds… She facehoofed as she thought back to the last time her family got together. "He refused to even leave his carriage without someone putting out a red carpet and playing a trumpet for his entrance. He only stopped complaining when his father lectured him on acting stuck-up." "I'm not surprised," Rarity said dryly. "He made me ruin my beautiful cloak by putting it over a muddy puddle just so he wouldn't get his hooves mussed." "That's a shame," Cloud Kicker said earnestly. "All of your dresses are so well made, and to have even one messed up..." Discord; (coughcough)stalker!(cough) "Yes, yes it is." The white unicorn smiled as she changed topics. Trixie: Do you watch Phineas and Ferb as much as the author does? "Now then, when should we set the date for?" "I think that we should go for sometime in the next few days," she answered. "There's a storm planned for late next week; we need to get started on the spring showers." "I shall be out of town for a couple days gathering materials," Rarity said. "Let's set the date for the day after I return? I will be simply exhausted after my journey and will need a day to rest." "Sure!" Cloud Kicker said happily. Discord: (holding up a flier and looking through opera glasses) I love the plot, but I come for the rivetting dialogue… "I will make an appointment with the spa for…the first rays of Celestia's sun? It's a waste if you don't get in early enough. I go with a good friend of mine weekly, so they'll know me." Trixie: I feel so special… "Wouldn't you be doubling up on treatments then?" she queried. "Darling, if there's something that you can never get too much of, it's some 'tee' 'ell' 'cee'," Rarity said with certainty. "In fact, we may need to do that with you just to take away some of the horrid treatment your mane's gone through." Gilda: Oh you smooth talker you "I guess I have been neglecting it," Cloud Kicker agreed bashfully. "I just don't want to get carried away like some people…" Discord: Ouch! "Just because you're related to a snooty-snoot doesn't mean that you'll automatically become one if you try taking care of yourself," the unicorn said with a nod. "After all, you don't find me to be full of myself, do you?" Trixie: Oh right. Him. That’s who I meant. "Not in the least!" And it was true. In all the time she'd watched Rarity from her cloudy perch, she'd seen more acts of generosity from the unicorn—from providing free outfits to those who couldn't pay, simply because they wanted new clothes, to even dirtying herself trying to help her friends—than she'd ever seen her relatives do. "In fact, you're the most generous pony I've ever met." Discord: Yeah, way to keep a low profile on the whole stalker vibe. Why not just casually mention you wear the same size underwear and have the same things in your trashcans? "Why thank you! You're fairly generous yourself," Rarity said, her magic fluffing the petals on the rose. She looked up at the sky and began picking up her scattered luggage. "I do apologize, my dear, but I simply must get going. My trip will take a few hours on hoof and I wish to arrive before Luna's night falls." Discord: (Hums the Michael Myers theme) "Oh!" Cloud Kicker hadn't noticed how late it was getting. "I'm sorry. I hadn't meant to keep you." "Cloud Kicker, dear, it is fine," the white pony assured her. "I just need to head off now." Rarity looked the other pony in her eyes. "I will expect you to find an appropriately posh restaurant for us to dine in, as I'm taking care of the spa arrangements." Trixie: This date is going to cost her a fortune Gilda: Maybe she can dig up those dead roses and cook them up "I already have a place in mind," she replied confidently, a wide grin nearly splitting her face. Finally, her family connections would come in handy! Discord; Her other cousin works at Red Lobster "Excellent! I shall see you then, dear." Rarity gave one final smile before trotting off with her various bags. Opal gave a goodbye hiss as she floated by the pegasus. Cloud Kicker turned and waved a hoof in farewell. "Goodbye Rarity!" she called after her, watching her trot away until she was out of sight. The pegasus sighed contently as she jumped up into the partly clouded sky and headed for home. Discord; There’s no place like home… She hummed in satisfaction as she lazily flew, letting her mind wander on how things would go on the date. "So how'd it go?" a voice broke through her thoughts. Trixie: Pegasi are all stalkers Startled, Cloud Kicker nearly fell out of the sky as she had earlier. She straightened her flight pattern and turned around mid-air. "Rainbow Dash…" she growled as she spotted the rainbow-maned pony flopped back into a cloud. "You kicked my cloud out from under me!" "Well duh!" the pony in question said. "Otherwise, nothing would've happened." Trixie: You almost killed me! Cloud Kicker eyed her for a second before lashing out her hooves. The cloud Rainbow Dash had been resting on poofed out of existence, causing the pony to begin falling. Rainbow Dash's eyes widened at the sudden act. As she fell, she had the audacity to scream, "Whyyyyyy?” Discord: Well that was… Luna: Next fic! All: No! The Queen of the Elements - Chapter One by Dilly Star Author's Note: This is the first chapter in what may be a lengthy series of events. Discord: (As Lemony Snicket) Rather… unfortunate events. Fans of LOTR, know that this piece is based in the events that take place in the LOTR universe, Trixie: (Facehoof) but is by no means completely bound to the LOTR plotline. Discord: Right, because we wouldn’t want any kind of continuity Gilda: And nothing goes better with ponies than a series about a piece of jewelry designed to be worn on a finger Trixie: (Holds up her hooves) It may be considered a "MLP befriends LOTR" fanfiction. It is long. All: (Sob) I warned you. All constructive criticism is welcome. Gilda: She asked for it… This is my first piece to be displayed on Everypony, so please, a teeny bit of feedback would be lovely. ________________________________________ "My dear and most admirable ponies," began Granny Smith, Gilda: Granny Smith is being played by Luna speaking through a megaphone to all of the Apple family, as well as two guests, "We are gathered on this night to celebrate my.... um.... oh yes, my ninety-ninth birthday, Discord: Lies! She’s 200 if she’s a day. She has the ring! Trixie: They killed the hobbits and built Ponyville on their unmarked graves Gilda: That’s not the sun. Celestia is raising Sauron! that's what it was." All of the assembled ponies were seated at the tables set up on the Apple family's farm land, and centered around a podium in front of the barn. Gilda: Why are they all wearing those white sheets with the hoods? Trixie: We’ll have Zecora go out and ask later. I’m sure nothing will go wrong They all clapped and neighed in raucous approval. Discord: Prepare the sacrifice! "I have gathered you here tonight Discord; To reveal the killer! for a great many purposes, but I hope you will remember to congratulate my grandson, Braeburn, because it is also his birthday." Trixie: Thanks for stealing all the thunder grandma! Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom could be heard yelling "Braeburn, Braeburn!" in the back. Braeburn himself sat in the front, enjoying the night with everyone else. He blushed slightly at the recognition. "There are two other things I must mention." A hush came over the crowd. "First, that I am proud to be your relative and friend." Discord; Exactly what she told her first husband… More cheers followed. "And as I do seem to be getting on in years, I have decided to leave behind my portion of Sweet Apple Acres, small though it may be. It goes," said Granny Smith, "To.... to um, oh yes, to my grandson, Braeburn." Discord: (Twirling his moustach like Snidely Whiplash) One day that land will all be mine! There was some clopping, but clearly other relatives had been looking forward to acquiring her estate. Trixie; Tonight on My Little Pony Murder Mystery Theater.. Braeburn had little to say; this was just as much of a surprise to him as it was to anyone else. Gilda: No grandma, the million dollar insurance policy I filled out for you is thanks enough… "Lastly, before I let you go back to your food, I have a final announcement." Total silence trailed behind this statement. Granny Smith stepped down from the podium, and faced her guests at eye level. Trixie: I can’t see! "I will be leaving immediately. Goodbye." Something small around her neck glowed pink, Discord: You mean she really did have it? Trixie: And nobody noticed the glowing ring around her neck before? and all the light around Granny Smith seemed to shift and bend as she faded into darkness. Gilda; She’s Batman! A blinding flash of white light and color erupted where she had stood only moments before. Discord: Beans do that to me every time… There was an immediate uproar. All the apple family looked to and fro, searching for granny Smith. All were astounded by her disappearance, Gilda: Her cutie mark is Chris Angel’s logo but most returned to the tables to discuss it. Gradually, all those assembled concluded that this was a prank; Granny Smith's speech had coincided perfectly with her disappearance. Everypony thought this joke was in bad taste, but this wasn't enough to keep them from enjoying their meal. Only a few ponies did not return to their tables. Discord: You mean aliens even only abduct redneck ponies? Trixie: (As Sam Gerard) I want a complete search of the surrounding area. Foot speed for a pony is roughly twelve miles per hour… Meanwhile, Granny Smith sped away from the barn with remarkable agility for one so aged, and entered into her family's home. She shut the door behind her quietly, and her necklace glowed. She became visible again. Trixie: So? I know seven different unicorns that can do that. Gilda: I assume to get the ring on she inserts her neck waddle… Quickly, she pulled a coat and hat out of a drawer, and was turning around when she bumped into somepony. "I suppose," said the blue unicorn grimly, "You believe that was an awfully clever piece of work. Allow the Great and Powerful Trixie to disabuse you of that notion. Your actions were foolish." Trixie: (Lowers her head) Fantastic. Discord: this is unfair. I should clearly be Gandalf! Gilda: Just so long as I don’t get cast as the Eagle Queen or something Granny Smith's initial shock faded into cordial welcome. "Hello, Trixie. I wasn't expecting you. Was that your flash back there?" Trixie: I flashed the audience? Trixie stepped to the side and picked up a pack that lay on the floor. "It was," she said, handing the pack to Granny Smith, "Should I take it you plan to leave for Zecora's?" Discord: I had no idea Granny swung that way… "Yes, that's right. I'd like to see somepony like you try and stop me," Granny said, now seeming slightly annoyed. Gilda: if only she had magic powers… Trixie smiled kindly at Granny Smith. "I don't plan to. However, you will recall that you agreed to leave behind your necklace when the time came. That time is now." Trixie: (Deep voice) And this is CNN "Yes, yes, all the necessary have been made. All: Huh? The necklace is on a shelf over there, and I- oh, no, here it is around my neck," said Granny Smith, admiring the small, dark pendant. Gilda: It’s not exactly easy for an Earth pony to take off a necklace A greedy look slipped into her eyes, "But, why should I give it away at all? Why shouldn't I keep it?" Discord: Early onset dementia Trixie gave Granny Smith a cold, hard look. "Lucky for you, the Great and Powerful Trixie has given this much thought. The necklace must go to a new owner." Gilda: I have GOT to go to the Ponyville swap meet some time… "Why?" snapped Granny, her voice cracking from both age and anger, "Why this time? Oh, you were happy enough to help last time, you little whipper-snapper, but it's mine now. Da magiks are mine!" Gilda: Few people know of Granny’s past as the rapper Big Granny A. Her voice might not have been very loud, but the weight of these last words hung in the air like a poison. "You do not know whereof you speak! Nor are you the first to call it by that name," said Trixie, and she appeared to tower above Granny in the small room. Trixie: What name? Gilda: Beetlejuice "That pendant has given you years beyond those allotted for you. It is time it was passed down to someone else." Trixie paused here, allowing herself to calm down. "Give the necklace to Braeburn." Discord: The rest of the family is getting seriously short changed. Granny Smith's expression softened. "You're right, of course. That was the idea anyway: to hand over my possessions to my grandson." Granny put on her hat and coat, and Trixie handed Granny her pack as Granny headed for the door, Discord: (Whistles the theme to The Incredible Hulk tv series) "I must be getting on, Trixie." "Smith," remarked Trixie, "The necklace is still around your neck." "So it is," said Granny Smith. She tried taking it off with her hooves, and fumbled with the clasp. Finally, she opened it, All: (Applaude) and it fell to the floor. She was stooping to pick it up when Trixie intervened. "That's alright. Leave it there." Another spasm of anger passed over Smith's face, but almost immediately it gave way to a look of calm relief. She stood erect, as if relieved of an enormous weight. "Well, if that's all, then I'll be going." "That is all," said Trixie with a small smile, "Good luck." Granny Smith smiled for a moment. "Yes, yes, thank you," she said, and walked down the stairs and out of the house. Trixie could hear her moving at a stately pace down the path, and muttering to herself as she went. Trixie stood motionless, and stared down at the necklace. It was a dull gold color, but was otherwise unremarkable. Trixie left it to lie there for a time as she sat in the chair, waiting. Presently, she heard the front door slam, and somepony came cantering towards the door. Braeburn burst in, but stopped cold in front of the necklace on the floor, so as not to step on it. "So, she's really, truly gone. I never reckoned she was really gonna do it," he said, "Why did she leave? Where did she go?" Discord: And who are you lurking in our house? Trixie eyed the young colt seriously. "To answer your second question first, she has gone to visit a friend on the other side of Ponyville. But the answer to your first question will have to wait. I have some pressing business to attend to in another part of Equestria." Trixie got up and headed towards the door. "Her entire estate has been left to you, I believe. That includes this necklace. Keep the necklace hidden somewhere, away from prying eyes. Discord; Or take it to the local pawn shop. The elves will give you a good deal Trixie: Or you could feed it to Spike and save everyone a lot of time and effort I will answer all of your questions when I return at the end of the month." Trixie exited the room without a backward glance. Braeburn stood there for a moment, then wrapped the necklace in some spare sheets, Discord; I suppose the Klan outfit wouldn’t have done well at Zecora’s… and slipped those under the bed. Hours later, in that same bed, sleep refused to find him. Gilda: It’s two in the afternoon ________________________________________ In the weeks that followed, Braeburn got more and more used to life on the farm. Discord; The farm his whole family was raised on… Trixie: (As Breaburn) Uh, how do we milk the talking cows? Sweet Apple acres, was more different from Appleoosa than he had once thought. Gilda: More girls. Fewer clothes. Trixie: That and the giant smoking mountain with the huge firey eye at the summit. He did more work in the fields here, and it was all individual. Discord: He had to provide all the manure himself He was hard-pressed to keep up with Big Macintosh, though he suspected Mac was slowing down to keep pace with him. He worked often enough in the fields, but jealous relatives continued to show up at the door, demanding to speak to him, or offering money for his portion of the farm. Applejack had once again set out to seek her fortune, though this time she was Applebucking in Appleoosa. Trixie; that sounds dirty… does it have anything to do with the town brothel? So, it was Sweetie Belle who stayed in her room, at Apple Bloom's request. Discord: Underage lesbian action! Braeburn's new chores included keeping the two of them out of trouble, though he wasn't sure exactly why Sweetie Belle was staying there. Discord: Seriously, it makes no sense. She has a house in town. With her parents and sister. He asked no questions, however, and in return both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle made excuses for him when all those resentful relatives turned up. Gilda: Actually Applebloom made them all up and was the only one who didn’t like him. "He isn't home right now," they would say, "He's out in the fields." Discord; But we have this check from Publisher’s Clearinghouse… It was only on these occasions that Braeburn did shirk his chores and confine himself to the house. Trixie: It began to creep everyone out… Big Macintosh was more than sympathetic. "Do you think," said Big Mac one day, "That you'll be here long?" Gilda: Well he owns the place now… "I can't be sure, Mac," answered Braeburn, thinking of that mysterious blue unicorn and her promise to return. Trixie: I’m busy in Pony Vegas! I’ll be back when the money runs out and we need to sell the necklace for more. ________________________________________ It was nearly three weeks later that Trixie returned, and the month of July had already ended. Braeburn and Macintosh were out in the fields, Discord: I can’t quit you… finishing up for the day. Macintosh was just bringing in the plow, when Braeburn saw somepony racing up the road. Her blue star-spangled cloak and hat billowed out behind her, and Braeburn recognized her as the blue unicorn he had been waiting for. Black clouds flicked about behind her, obscuring some sinister forms in the sky. Discord: Rainbow Dash, get back to work you lazy pony! Lightning nipped at her heels as she rushed into the house. Trixie: Lousy stinking karma! The clouds paused, and then shot up into the dark heavens. Before he knew it, Braeburn was headed up into the house. He looked around, and clopped slowly up the stairs, taking care not to wake Apple Bloom or Sweetie Belle. He stepped lightly into his room, only to see that same blue unicorn waiting for him. "Hello, Braeburn," she said. All: (Jump) Gah! "How do you know my name?" asked Braeburn, caught off guard. Discord: Your grandmother used a megaphone last time she was here. "The Great and Powerful Trixie knows all, you fool of a farmer!" said Trixie proudly and diminutively, before turning serious again, "Do you still have it? Is it secret? Trixie: (Unfolds newspaper) Necklace auction at Sweet Apple Acres… Is it- wait, is that a safe?" Gilda: No, it’s a cake "Sure is," said Braeburn, who had pulled out a small combination safe from under his bed, Discord: You could see it under there? "I bought it last week." He pulled some blankets out of the safe, and opened them to reveal the necklace. Gilda: An old man showed up and gave me this book that predicts the outcome of sporting events. Said I should get a safe. "Place it on the floor." Braeburn obeyed. Trixie then sat on the floor on the other side of the necklace, and Braeburn sat opposite her. Discord: Spin the bottle! "Now," Trixie began, "I will answer the other question you put to me so many nights ago. Trixie: What question? When your grandmother was young, she went on many adventures. All: (Hum the Indiana Jones theme) As she grew older, she went less frequently, Trixie: she had pills for that yet she still traveled periodically. Gilda: A pony in a blue box sometimes appeared and took her away… It was on one of these adventures that she became lost in the mountains: more specifically, under the mountains. There, she met an evil pony; her name is unimportant, Discord; Because clearly this story is going nowhere but it was from that pony that your grandmother won this necklace." Trixie: (Setting up three card monty) Find the lady… find the lady. You miss, care to try your luck? "I can't piece it together," said Braeburn, Discord: Maybe if she had bothered to tell you anything. "Why is the necklace important?" "The necklace matters," Trixie continued, "Because it is not a necklace, All: (Stare blankly) but the necklace. Originally, there were six Elements of Harmony: Honesty, Kindness, Generosity, Laughter, Loyalty, and Magic. But, a corrupt former princess of Equestria Trxie: Aren’t the two princesses immortal? Gilda: Do you want another “explanation?” Trxie: No… created this seventh Element of Harmony, though its true nature remains a mystery to all but her. Its powers, too, are mysterious, though we know it can counter the powers of the other elements, and it can hide its wielder from unfriendly eyes. Discord: So Granny’s whole family hated her? It is also that princess who has risen after so many years of banishment." "Who is she?" asked Braeburn quietly, his eyes widening, "What could she possibly want?" All: (Slap their forheads) MORON! Trixie: Okay, you’re told to guard the glowing necklace. My doppleganger is telling you about the magical glowing necklace. Gilda: She wants Sweet Apple Acres. "Must I spell it for you?" Discord: (Stands at a podium) Welcome to “Are you Smarters Than a 5th grader?” Trixie said, exasperated, "It is the necklace itself the princess desires… and, ultimately, whoever possesses it." Braeburn felt his blood run cold as Trixie continued. Gilda: So he gets a princess and a magic necklace and he’s scared? Maybe he really is gay "If she were to gain the seventh Element of Harmony, the seal upon her created by the six Elements of Harmony would break, and Equestria would be engulfed in her eternal flame," said Trixie, cantering over to the window, "Even now, her servants are searching." Discord: So the seventh Element of Harmony is… fire? Trixie: By your elements combined I am captain Planet! A soft, whispery intake of breath drifted through the open window. Discord: Think it’s another pegasus stalker? Without warning, Trixie activated her unicorn magic, and somepony let out a yell as he was flung through the window and onto the bed. "Macintosh!" cried Braeburn, "What are you doing? Were you eavesdropping?" Discord: God I hope so. Otherwise he spends his time staring in your bedroom window… Trixie: Aren’t they on the second floor? "Eeyup," said Macintosh. "What do you want?" asked Trixie, "Speak quickly!" Macintosh looked Trixie in the eye. "You're going to send him away," he said, "I'm coming with." Discord: Their love is strange but endeering… Gilda: So they have to drop the pink glowing ring into Brokeback Mountain? "I don't even know what I'm supposed to do!" interjected Braeburn, but Trixie interrupted. "You must go to Ponyville in two weeks. Meet me at Sugarcube Inn. Trixie: It will be $200 per hour… I will then guide you personally to the council, where you will be allowed to see your Granny Smith." Gilda: Shouldn’t he go straight to the magical princess who rules the land? Trixie eyed Macintosh. "Having some companions would do you good." Discord: We’ve established that he spends a lot of time alone in his room. "In that case, we're coming, too!" shouted Apple Bloom, galloping into the room with Sweetie Belle on her heels. Gilda; Does nobody in this family knock? "You most certainly can't," said Braeburn, "It's far too dangerous for you, little cousin." Trixie: Don’t they take the kids on field trips to places where they keep evil gods imprisoned in stone? Discord: Yep. "But I want to come!" said Apple Bloom. Gilda: (opens mouth to speak) Trixie: (Puts a hook over her beak) Too easy Trixie looked at the two young fillies appraisingly, Trixie: Ew! but she said only, "You may have need of other companions." Discord; Does anyone know of any local group of ponies with experience saving the world? Anybody? "Won't you help us?" asked Braeburn. "No," said Trixie, Trixie: Good call! who seemed to be lost in thought, "I must visit with an old spirit, one both wise and dangerous. It is very unlikely that I will be back before you reach the inn, but I will surely meet you there. Trixie: (On a cell phone) yeah I need a ticket to the Bahamas… "Remember: leave in one week, Trixie’s Cell Phone: Seven days… or you will not make it in time," Trixie said, "Stay off the main road, and in the shadows of the trees." Discord: Where the basilisks, hydras, manticores and other monsters live. She cantered down the stairs, out of the house, and onto the empty road. Thunder shook the night as she vanished into the forest. Quietly, Macintosh herded the two young fillies into bed, despite their protests. Then he returned to Braeburn, who remained seated on the floor. Within the confines of his own mind, Macintosh thought, He's scared for his life. He hasn't even learned to fit in here, and now he has to go on another journey. Gilda: He does? Because you know there’s no way the princess knows he has the necklace. "We'll leave soon. And we are coming with you," Macintosh said aloud, and he blew out the candle that lit Braeburn's room on his way out. Braeburn climbed into bed, placing the Element on his nightstand. Discord: Not in the safe? He watched it until restless sleep found him, and whenever he his eyes off it, he fancied it glowed with a pale flame. ________________________________________ Two weeks came and went, Trixie; I said a week you lazy bastard! and the pretty fall weather grew cold. Gilda: Wasn’t it just the beginning of August 2 weeks ago? All the apples were bucked and stored for the season. Braeburn wasn't sure what it was that kept him from leaving, but he suspected it was the quiet life he had found here on Sweet Apple Acres. He was loath to abandon that which he had only just discovered. Here, as nowhere else, he was able to enjoy himself even while he worked. Discord: Y…M… C… A… On the third morning past the second week after Trixie's departure, Big Macintosh woke Bareburn. "We're days late," he said, "We should be going." "I suppose," Braeburn said. He wasn't sure he wanted to leave, but he had already promised to at least get to the inn. Trixie: I am going to have such a huge bill… Once the sun had risen high in the sky, they made to depart. Macintosh had already packed saddle bags for himself and Braeburn; they slung these over their backs. "Shouldn't we wait for Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle?" asked Mac. Braeburn shook his head so violently that his hat fell off. "This whole mess is far too dangerous for us to take the little'uns along," he said, dusting off his hat and placing it on his head. Macintosh reluctantly agreed, though he had a suggestion of his own. "Why don't I show you around Whitetail Wood, cousin?" said Mac, hoping to distract Braeburn for some time, to get his mind off everything, "You haven't been far outside the farm, and it might do you some good to see some trees that don't bear apples." Braeburn smiled. Discord: Their first date "I'd like that, Mac," he said kindly, and off the two of them went. They made their way to the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. Whitetail Wood wasn't directly in-between Ponyville and the farm, but there was a path that wound its way through all three. Braeburn and Macintosh began to trot down this road, aware that they still had all day to reach Ponyville, Discord: It is only a mile away after all though daylight was getting shorter as fall waned; The Running of the Leaves had already been undertaken. Trixie: It’s winter now? Gilda: And here I thought it only SEEMED like this story was dragging on forever The trees of Whitetail Wood shimmered, standing alone in what would have seemed a stark and unforgiving landscape if it weren't for the occasional shuffle of woodland creatures moving among the fallen leaves. Discord: That and the busy town nearby and the forest full of animals. The birds had already begun to fly south for the winter, and they dotted the sky with their angular formations. A path snaked between the trees at some points, and ran straight for long stretches at other points. About one quarter of the way down this path, Braeburn and Macintosh stopped to have a snack. Discord: You left three minutes ago! Mac pulled two red apples out of his bag, and started to hand one to Braeburn. Trixie: If only they had hands… Quick as a striking snake, Apple Bloom leapt forward, snatched the apple from Mac's hoof, and popped it into her mouth. Discord: My fingers! Gilda: Ponies have no fingers Discord; Oh, right "Cousin Apple Bloom!" said Braeburn, more startled than angry, "What're you doing? Go home!" "We're here to help," said Sweetie Belle, trotting up behind Braeburn. "And we're not going back," put in Apple Bloom. Gilda: You’re out only other gay relatives "Remember what that unicorn told you," said Macintosh to Braeburn. Trixie: Apple Bloom isn’t a virgin. I’m a unicorn. We know these things. "Trixie?" said Braeburn, recalling his second conversation with the mare, "She said-" He stopped short. "Everypony listen! We've got to get off the path and head for Ponyville by a different route!" "What in the-" started Apple Bloom, All: (Nod) Discord: We’re all thinking the same thing kid but Mac was already pushing the two fillies off the path and into the sparse trees. "What's this all about?" asked Sweetie Belle indignantly. "We can't be seen," said Braeburn, Trixie: Owner of a magic invisibility necklace lowering his voice almost to a whisper, "We've got to move quietly and out of sight." Macintosh asked no questions, and herded the sullen fillies into the trees. "Now," continued Braeburn, "Which way should we go?" "We can take you to Ponyville!" said Apple Bloom, becoming excited once more, and Sweetie Belle nodded enthusiastically. Braeburn agreed to this, having no other ideas. So it was that the four ponies set off through Whitetail Wood, attempting to take the most direct path to Ponyville. Trixie: West, for ten minutes Discord: You’ve put it off for half a year already They had been walking for little more than a half hour when Apple Bloom said, "We're almost there! If we keep going straight here, we'll be there in no time!" All: (Half crying half laughing) Trixie: You’d think I would have checked on them at some point Braeburn breathed a sigh of relief. The group continued for a few more seconds, and then they stepped out into the open. Discord: (Hanging up a sign that says “Pony Season”) Sh, be vewy vewy quiet… Braeburn blinked once, and realized they had cut through a long stretch of the forest only to end up back on the path. Gilda: (Playing solitaire) The sky began to grow dark at an unnatural pace. Thunder could be heard in the distance. Something inside Braeburn told him they needed to leave. "Run!" he shouted, "We're almost there!" He took off at a mad dash, aware of his companions beginning to run right behind him. Heavy footfalls sounded even as lightning rang out, and he saw Mac carrying both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle while still keeping pace with him. The two of them turned off the road, Braeburn following Mac, and cut through another grove of trees. The false darkness was almost pure black. Lightning spiraled in the sky, and shrieks split the night. Discord; (As Rarity) I chipped a hoof! Braeburn looked back, even as they approached Ponyville. Three black, winged figures shot through the clouds, wheeling about, attempting to surround him. In another few seconds, they would be upon him. Trixie: The Wonderbolts! In those last moments, they entered the village. The black shapes in the sky peeled off, whirling around high in the sky as the darkness began to recede. For the moment, Braeburn and his friends were safe. Discord: That’s it? Gilda: You wanted more? Discord: No! Bring on the next fic! I don’t own these characters or profit from them. Note: This story takes place the night of the final episode of season 1 (season two has been announced but hasn’t aired yet at this point). Gilda: You mean it’s one that’s actually based on the show? Also for those unfamiliar with my other fan fics, I tend to do a lot of lesbian fics. A… LOT… of lesbian fics. Discord: Yeah, thanks for clearing that one up. I was unsure what you meant the first time. And books, which I must point out, are readily available from Amazon under either Clayton Overstreet or C.D. Overstreet. So just fair warning, I don’t want to hear one complaint about this fic’s lesbian content, especially considering how stereotypically gay the series is on its own. Gilda: What do you mean? I mean you can’t get mad about this after a rainbow colored pony known for spending a lot of time with a girl (gryphon) she met in camp dresses up in sweatbands and later participates in an “iron pony” competition with another girl. Gilda: … Okay that’s a complete unfair- Trixie: -accuracy. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic… With Benefits By, Clayton Overstreet Twilight Sparkle walked slowly at the back of the herd as Spike led the others on a tour of Canterlot. Discord: And to your left is the castle. To your right is the giant gorge. That is the tour. Pinky Pie was directly in front of her dripping crumbs and limping because one hoof was busy stuffing donuts into her mouth. Twilight had to keep an eye on her because she tended to get distracted and coming to a sudden stop in front of a unicorn was a bad idea resulting in either injury or embarrassment depending on where the horn ended up. All: Ouch! Applejack and Fluttershy were next, walking side by side and staring around in wonder at the royal city. Rainbow Dash was floating above, pretending to listen, but from the look of her eyes just looking for trouble. Rarity was up front with Spike, enjoying every second as he broke his speeches to compliment her and open doors after her disastrous evening with the self-involved prince from the Gala. Discord: If he was a prince is he related to Celestia and Luna? “And this is the hall of crystals.” Spike was saying. “Where the princess keeps the Equestrian Royal Treasure.” Twilight cleared her throat, “Spike, you know you’re not allowed in there.” “But I wanted to see the treasure,” Rarity said. “Why ever can’t we go in?” “Oh you guys can,” Twilight said. “But ever since Spike ate princess Celestia’s favorite crown, there’s a strict ‘no dragons’ rule.” Spike sighed out a puff of fire. “It’s okay. I’ll wait here while you…” “Wouldn’t think of it dear boy,” Rarity said. The others quickly agreed, “Now you mentioned a fabric store…” Discord: Oh the poor boy. Nothing scares a man more than haing to take women to a fabric store. They continued on and Twilight smiled at her friends. Despite the disaster from earlier things were much better. Still she did have some regrets. Top of the list was that Princess Celestia, after assuring them that they were not in trouble and that she enjoyed having them at the party, had to leave to take care of some of her other guests. Trixie: Now for the royal orgy Twilight hated to see her go, but Gilda: Loved to watch her leave (Whistles) Shake that rump! she understood. The princess was busy and always had been. A thousand years ruling the kingdom herself had not been easy. And truth to tell up until recently Twilight had been used to being left on her own anyway and not just since she started studying magic. Discord: Nobody likes me, everybody hates me… Speaking of which, “Hey, you guys go on ahead. I have to go check on something.” “Really?” Pinky asked, turning to look. She nodded. “Go on ahead. I already know all about the city.” She looked at Spike. “Make sure they see everything.” Trixie: What’s this room with all the wooden crates? (Opens one lables “Arc of the Covenant”) Ah! More fan fics! (Slams it shut) Spike saluted. “You got it Twilight.” “Are you sure?” Rainbow asked. “I just want to catch my breath,” she said. “It’s okay. After meeting all of those ponies entering the party I could use a break.” “That’s okay,” Pinky said. “All those stuck up ponies at the party would make anyone want to be alone. Except me because I love hanging out with my friends all the time and I’d like to do it all day every day, but everyone needs to sleep, even me. So I can’t spend as much time with my friends as I’d like. But if I could I’d have us all up all night partying all the time again and again and eating cake and candy until we popped like piñatas until we were sick of sweets and hallucinating and—” Rarity shoved a hoof in Pinky’s mouth. Discord; Considering all the ponies and the fact that I’ve never seen a bathroom in this show, that has to be unsanitary. “We understand dear. Everypony needs some quiet time. But do catch up when you can.” “I will, I promise.” She winked and turned to gallop quickly away. Trixie: Crazy! They’re all crazy! “Up ahead,” Spike was saying as she ran around the corner. “Is the royal library where Twilight and I lived and studied before we came to Ponyville…” Gilda: Whose stack of unicorn porn is that? --- Twilight took a deep breath, standing on the wall overlooking the mountains surrounding the city. Discord: Jump… jump… jump… In the distance she could hear the sounds of the party, but was too far to tell if it was getting back into the swing or winding down. Not that she cared anymore. The fun had been in being there with her friends and trying to be a part of “upper crust” society had not worked out well for any of them. Trixie: Fluttershy was scary Gilda: I hear in season 2 she beats up a bear She chuckled, remembering the look on Fluttershy’s face when she burst in, demanding that the animals love her. Discord: Ew… that is just… ew… “Who knew she was such an attention *squee!*?” Though her overly shy personality made sense in that context. The less she was outgoing the more people tried to make her be outgoing and the more attention she got. It was cute. Gilda: In a psycho needy kind of way. Of course Twilight already knew about that aspect of her friend. She had been helping Fluttershy clean her house and had accidentally bumped open a certain closet and the door had popped open. Twilight had been buried in a mass of black leather, spurs, spikes, whips, riding crops, and things she had not seen but had buzzed loudly and caused the whole pile to move and shift in weird ways. Fluttershy had helped Twilight out and then quickly shoved it all back in. Then she pushed her face into Twilight’s and said, “You saw nothing!” Discord: (As Shultz) I see nothing! I hear nothing! I know nothing! Twilight of course knew all about that sort of thing. Trixie: Oh do tell She had read all the books about it. And every pony knew that the top male pony in an area had the right to be head stallion and had his pick of all the fillies. In Ponyville it was Applejack’s brother (which was why most of her family lived spread out all over Equestria). On the other hand that was about breeding and not love so there was also a tradition of ‘friends with benefits’ so that other ponies paired off as they saw fit. Gilda: (Glances at Trixie) Weren’t you hanging out with those two goofy unicorn boys? Trixie: What happens in Ponyville stays in Ponyville “Beautiful view, isn’t it?” A voice said as Twilight stared off into the distance. She looked over and saw another pony, although it was too dark to make out more than her shadow. “The best I’ve ever seen,” Twilight said, returning her gaze off into the distance. “I’ve seen better, but you have to be up pretty high for it. And I like it better low to the ground. Go up too high and you can’t hear anything and you feel alone.” “I know what you mean. I spent a lot of time in libraries growing up.” She sighed. “Even my parents never spent much time with me. And the other kids were not interested.” “Why ever not?’ “Uh…” (Flashback) Twilight’s parents smiled down at their baby as she lay in her crib. Suddenly her horn glowed and they flew up into the air, yelling as their baby daughter giggled. Discord: (In a priest outfit with a bible and a cross) Begone thing of evil! A kid tried to take Twilight’s cake at a crowded birthday party. Her eyes narrowed and suddenly thirty guests were replaced with frogs. Gilda: I bet that’s how she got straight As if her teacher grades on a curve. Twilight stood on a stage covered in red paint and looking mad as other ponies laughed and called her “Freak.” Suddenly the lights started flickering and things flew around the room as the ponies screamed. Those running to the door found them slamming in their faces. Trixie: And that is why unicorns rule the world. (Flashback ends) “No reason,” Twilight said. “I’ve spent a lot of time alone too.” Twilight heard hooves on ground as the other pony came forward and stood next to her. She felt a wing brush against her side. “That’s why I left the party. It’s so noisy.” Discord: Celestia is really drunk… “Not noisy enough in some ways,” Twilight said. “My friends tried to liven it up, but they’re all so stuffy.” She glanced sideways and saw a horn. Suddenly her jaw dropped. “Princess Nightmare…” She slammed her mouth shut. The dark pony smiled. “Princess moon will do Twilight Sparkle. After all you defeated me so there’s no need to stand on ceremony.” Twilight wasn’t sure what to do or say. Apologizing would be a lie, since defeating the princess had kept the world from being basked in everlasting night. And it had all worked out in the end, restoring her to her throne and reuniting her with her sister. Trxie: Oh go on, turn her into something. Ignoring her uncomfortable feelings the princess stared up at the moon. “I don’t know what I was thinking back then. Things have been so complicated since my return. And the nights aren’t as quiet as I remember. Of course a thousand years ago nobody stayed up to party or have sleepovers or work on projects.” Discord; Stalkers everywhere, I swear it. “Everyone was tired from hunting, farming, and avoiding being eaten by monsters,” Twilight said. “These days the night isn’t as scary.” “You don’t think so?” “Heck no,” Twilight said. “I do a lot of work at night. Plus my friends and I often go out with my telescope to look at the sky. All you can see during the day is sometimes the moon and the occasional eclipse and sometimes Jupiter if you know where to look.” “You don’t like the day?” She asked casually. Remembering whom she was talking to Twilight said, “Well the day has its benefits too. Watching clouds, playing in the sun, and everything else. Night and day both have their place. And their downsides. Sometimes the days are too hot and even when you are asleep the dreams you have in the dark are more vivid than the ones you have if you try to sleep in the day.” Trxie: Bunnies! Bunnies everywhere! They’ll steal our carrots! The princess chuckled. “That explains your name ‘Twilight’, the line between night and day.” She looked into Twilight’s eyes. “So why are you out here, all alone? My sister tells me that ever since you defeated me you have made many friends.” Discord: She puts out “I love my friends,” Twilight said. “But sometimes I just enjoy the quiet too. Spike is showing them the city and I lived here most of my life. So I took the time to get away after helping Princess Celestia greet everyone for the Gala.” She sighed sadly. “Something wrong?” “My friends and I had a lot of plans for tonight. I was going to spend time talking with Princess Celestia, but she’s so busy with the party and the guests that all I could do was stand there like a purse or something.” “I know how that is,” Moon said. “Even I have trouble getting time alone with my sister. Most ponies barely ever even see me, even though I’m back on the throne again.” (loud flushing sound) “Well she does have important work to do. I’m not as lonely as I used to be since I made all my new friends.” “I should do that then,” Princess Moon said. “My friend Pinky can help throw you a real party if you want. It’s her special gift.” Gilda: (eyes narrowing) Lousy stinking pink little pain in my… “Sounds like it. Are those five who helped you defeat me your only friends?” “They are my best friends, along with Spike, but I get on well with most of Ponyville and even a few other places. I’m always meeting new people these days.” “Anyone special?” Twilight looked startled. “I noticed you did not bring a date tonight.” Blushing Twilight looked down. “I uh… haven’t found anyone like that.” Discord: (As Maury) Big Macintosh you are… not the father! “You have a crush on my sister, right?” All: She does? (Fake looks of shock) Looking up suddenly she saw the princess smiling at her. “No! I mean… um…” Trixie: Yes “Oh don’t worry. Everyone does. It’s part of what made me so jealous of her. The worst part is, you know she knows, but thinks it’s unfair to show too much for any one pony because either she’d be too busy or she doesn’t want to pick favorites.” Discord; That and the way you all die on her “I know,” Twilight said, leaning her chin on the railing. “So do you like any of your friends or any of the boys at Ponyville?” Twilight shook her head. “Um, not really. I care about my friends and I’ve thought about it, but… each one has her own thing going on.” “Like?” “Well sometimes I catch Rainbow Dash and Pinky Pie making out. Trixie: So that is where all the cake frosting went Pinky is a party girl and will do anything if it’s fun and Dash is a lot like her. They’re practically best friends especially since her old girlfriend from camp, a gryphon, turned out to be all possessive and rude to her friends. Gilda: (Sniffs) But then Dash would do the whole Wonderbolts Team if she got the chance partly for fun and partly just to prove she could. Discord: That’s why it’s called a rainbow party “Fluttershy is waaaay too into some freaky things and frankly scares me in the whole relationship area. Really demanding too. Gilda: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me Applejack is straight and told me so the one time I asked her out and Rarity is really straight and a bit of a size queen, plus my friend Spike likes her.” “Nobody else?” “One or two, but... it’s not easy even knowing if they like fillies. With me I think they’re just so pretty and I’ve always had a crush on…” She paused. “My sister,” Moon filled in. ‘Yeah. Plus guy parts, especially on ponies, remind me of snakes and I hate snakes.” Discord: Hey! The princess chuckled. “That’s adorable.” Suddenly she leaned over and gave Twilight a kiss on the cheek. Twilight’s head came up and she stared in shock. “What was that for?” “For all the nice things you said about the night. And because I think you’re cute.” She smiled and turned away. “Let me know when that friend of yours can set up that party.” With a flick of her tail she flew up, vanishing into the night. Discord: Twilight can pop out of the cake (Monroe voice) Happy birthdy, miss princess… A moment later she heard Spike say, “See, there she is! I told you this was always her favorite spot.” The other ponies came galloping up and were suddenly all around her. Rarity said, “When you didn’t come back Pinky Pie insisted we come looking.” Trixie: While we looked we found some guy named Waldo “I was worried,” Pinky said. “Well the city is nice and all,” Applejack said. “But I’ll sure be glad to get home to Ponyville.” Rainbow Dash said, “No kidding. This place is too noisy. I don’t know how you could stand it Twilight, knowing what a bookworm you are.” Twilight laughed. “You’re right. In fact I had to try so hard I ended up locking myself away pretty much all the time.” “Hey, I was there too,” Spike said. Trixie: (As Twilight) Who are you again? “I remember,” she said nuzzling the baby dragon. Fluttershy said softly, “Um, maybe we should, uh… go home now? If you want.” Everyone nodded and a few of them yawned. Outside the castle Rarity went up to the two guys who had pulled their carriage to the city in the first place. “Thank you boys. You’ve been real gentlemen.” She gave each one a kiss on the cheek. They both blushed and stood up straight. Trixie: (head tilts) They do look like snakes… Spike pouted. “Aw.” Rarity smiled and gave him a kiss on the head. “Thank you for a marvelous tour Spike. We really appreciate it.” The dragon swooned and the ponies all laughed. --- Back in town the girls said goodbye to one another. Pinky, the last to leave before Twilight and Spike headed for home, promised, “In a couple of days I’m going to throw a real party, not some snooty get together like this one.” Discord: It will involve strippers “Can I invite someone?” Twilight asked. “I made a new friend at the party.” “Sure! Who is it? I’ll make them the guest of honor.” “Uh, let’s leave that as a surprise.” “Great, I love surprises! Surprises are so much fun except when they’re like that time when I accidentally found a newt in my punch except that I kind of liked the taste and when I spit it out I ended up spraying it in Applejack’s face which in itself was a funny surprise and after she got done being mad at me we both laughed and laughed until I coughed more punch out of my nose and sprayed her again—” She suddenly yawned. “Goodnight!” Then she turned and ran off. Twilight shook her head. “That pony needs to eat way less sugar.” Spike was snoring gently on her back as she walked back to her home. Inside she tucked him into bed Discord: (As Spike) (Half asleep) Not the mama… and went downstairs to write a letter to Princess Celestia. Her horn glowed for a moment and the quill rose into the air. “Dear Princess Celestia, Trixie: Dear Penthouse… “Thank you for inviting us to the party. My friends were… grateful to finally see the royal city. Gilda: The ponies there disgust us I think we all learned a little something about expectations and what is really important. Discord: We would rather chew off our own legs than return Sometimes dreams should stay dreams and people just have to be happy with what you really have. Trixie: You can take your royal Gala and shove it right up your royal heiny! I am sorry we could not spend more time together, Discord: I love you! Take me now! but I realize you are busy and have important things to do. Gilda: (As the Godfather) You broke my heart You are of course always welcome here and I hope to see you soon. Trixie: preferably nude or covered in whipped cream “Your student, Discord: Stalker Twilight Sparkle.” Yawning Twilight shrugged out of the designer dress Rarity had made for her and hung it gently on a wall hook. Discord: (Porn music) Bow chicka wow wow Then she started towards the stairs. It was time for a good long sleep. As she headed up though she caught a glimpse of the moon through her window and paused. After a moment’s consideration she went back to her desk and took up the quill again. “Dear Princess Moon, if you are free I would like to invite you to a party being thrown by my friends shortly…” Discord: Wear something tight yet revealing Blushing Twilight wrote for some time. Trixie: I have dirty dirty thoughts that I want to share with you Then she sealed it with a magic delivery seal and set it next to the other one before finally going up to bed. Just before dawn she had a nice dream, involving a new friend in the form of a pretty mare from the moon who simply stood by her side and watched the night pass. Gilda: It’s pretty creepy if you know that it wasn’t a dream. Author’s Note I swear the Faust lady who made this show sold her soul to do it. Fantastic work considering she did it on her computer and clearly the result of a pact with unholy powers from the underworld much like Harry Potter. Discord; Expelliamus! Admittedly parts of it are so sickeningly sweet, particularly the songs, that I felt the urge to call Cristos the Gluemaker (go to Youtube and look up NPR’s interview with Bill Clinton where they asked My Little Pony questions), but overall it’s a good show and frankly I’m surprised it’s not on one of the major networks. Parts were just twisted enough to enjoy (Fluttershy: “Love me!”) and for months now I’ve been seeing pony joke pics online so I had to check it out. Trixie: The Great Trixie looks sexy as heck in some of those That being said, I think we can agree that at least some of the ponies are probably gay (note that I also mentioned how real horses do things, so don’t get all ‘it’s not realistic’ on me as we discuss the magical ponies and their pink dragon sidekick) despite what they are allowed to show on children’s TV. Discord: Season two is all about Rarity and Spike as a couple Anyway I hope I kept everyone in character and gave you a quick laugh and the idea of a possible romance to come. Sorry it’s so short, but frankly there’s not much to do with this show. It’s pretty darn good. Discord: (As George of the Jungle) Pretty darn good They could use a more stable (pun intended) villain, All: Hey! but aside from that for a show that’s apparently supposed to be teaching the magic of friendship as learned by talking ponies with various mental disorders who have a remarkably advanced society for people with no fingers, not bad. Gilda: Someone spends a little too much time overthinking cartoons Personally I like the attitude of the scary zebra pony who lives in the scary woods and rarely sees the others (now there’s another one who might be a “friends of Rainbow Dash” if you know what I mean) Trixiel I do, but since she spends so much time with Apple Bloom Trixie suspects it is best not to speculate. but I suppose as fun as it might be for me a lot of people don’t want to see a show about the swamp witch/hermit pony. Discord; I could sell that to Nickelodeon or Disney Too bad, they could use a zombie episode (See the book Macho Pony). Trixie: Brains… brains… (Runs into Derpy. Taps a hoof on her head. Turns and wanders off) Brains… brains! Luna: Alright, now if I let you out of here will you do anything bad again? Gilda: No! We’ll be good! Trixie: Friendship is wonderful and magic! Just don’t make us read any more fan fiction! Discord: Screw that. I’m locking MYSELF in stone for another thousand years after this. Call me when the internet ceases to exist! All: (Run for the exit) MST Author’s note I actually had some other fics I was going to do with this, but when I tried reading RESONANCE my eyes started to cross and I had to call it quits. I hope you enjoyed what very well may be the first My Little Pony MST. Again, feel free to do it to my fics if you wish. Last edited by Clayton; Today at 10:55 PM.
What EXACTLY do you guys like and dislike about it? The spacballs reference? The original fan fic jokes? What?
I can't find anything tat I disliked about it besides the fact that there were jokes that i didn't get. But that is just me and my short range of humour. I loved the part at the end when Discord and Gilda were "Translating" what Twilight was writing. Also I don't fully grasp the idea of homosexual relationships with ponies. But that is honestly my opinion. You can do what you like.
I don’t own these characters or profit from them. I have not altered the fics in any way. Despite the fact that I don’t actually have to, I also got permission from the author’s to do this. They were actually enthusiastic. On the other hand I have written several books available for sale if you like my writing. [video=youtube;Np9eflhMx08]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Np9eflhMx08[/video] MLP MST 2: It’s 3 o’clock in the morning. Do you know where your fics are? MSTers Rainbow Dash (RD) Applejack (A) Pinkie Pie (P… just P. Not PP). Zecora (Z) Rainbow Dash: What are we doing here? Luna: I BROUGHT YOU HERE TO TORTURE THE TRUTH OUT OF YOU! RD: About what? Luna: WHO STOLE MY SISTER’S MUFFINS? YOU WILL NOT LEAVE UNTIL— RD: It was Derpy. A: Derpy did it. Z: I will not lie and must decree, it indeed was Der-py P: She is Keyser Soze! Lune: Oh.. um. Huh. And I had the theater all set up. This is rather… I cleared my whole day for this… All: (Sigh) RD: Just take us to the theater. A: It’s not like we don’t know it’s an MST anyway. Luna: Really? Well… okay. Fan fiction in 6…5…4… 3… The Best Little Whorsehouse in Equestria by Kenyru Z: A pony fan this guy may be, but I suspect he’s also into anime A: If’n this turns out to have me as Dolly Parton I’m apple buckin’ this guy’s “apples” across the county… RD: How would a pony like that even walk? They’d be dragging along the ground. P: Ouch! Got this idea immediately after watching the episode 'The Last Roundup.' A: (Sings) Ghost rider’s in the sky… I'm not the only one who's thought of it, but I'm going to give my own impression of what I thought really happened between AJ and Cherry Jubilee. A: Oh this cain’t be good… P: Isn’t she dating your brother now? RD: That’s Cheerilee I will leave a plot here, for my own convenience, and to keep track of my progress. Z: You’re saying that you forgot? You can’t remember your own plot? Also, it's not like I'm spoiling anything since I'm going to use the episode as kind of a backbone here. I'm just filling in the gaps. P: You probably should have waited until the end of the season… Applejack meets CJ at Canterlot -FINISHED P: Great we can go! RD: Yeah, right. Sit down Pinkie. Applejack and CJ take the train to Dodge Junction A: I kinda want to get the heck outta… Others: Don’t say it! Applejack starts work for CJ, CJ decides to try and recruit AJ in her 'side business' P: Children for sale! Get them while they’re young! AJ and CJ get it on as CJ 'demonstrates' her business practices A: Uh huh… that makes sense. AJ considers the offer for 'extra' work. RD: Looking a lot like she did when she tried to harvest the whole family orchard by herself. 'Hmm... Nah.' Though she is still flattered and thankful for the offer. A: I’ll just leave the money on the dresser… The rest of the gang shows up, RD: What the heck were we doing there? P: Rarity makes their costumes and Madame Jubilee Z: (Dressed as Storm from the X-men) Let me ask you something. Do you know what happens when a fan fic gets struck by lightning? is impressed with them, tells AJ in private that she will recruit them. P: We want you! AJ thinks this is a terrible idea, they argue their respective points. RD: Today on Larry King… Applejack comes up with the brilliant plan of stringing her friends along, to get them to chase after her, in order to quickly 'get outta dodge', All: AH! so to speak. This also distracts them from any of Cherry Jubilee's advances. AJ leaves town and they give chase, pretty much like in the episode. ---The dusty, sun baked ground outside the borders of Dodge Junction was hot against my hooves and my bag lay with its flap wide open, its dirty secrets spilt for all to see, P: Dead buffalo as far as they eye could see across the relatively lifeless and desolate desert brush. I considered for only a fraction of an instant to try and gather them back up, to stuff my shattered pride safely back into my bags, but then even if I did that, well... Dashie and Fluttershy RD: Dashie? Seriously? had caught up with me, and they weren't going to give up the chase. All: Burn the witch! Burn the witch! I fell back onto my ass, P: Sorry mister donkey amidst the clear evidence of one of my biggest personal failures, A: Hooked on Phonics… my old enemy. and felt the heat of the dusty, dry desert dirt warm my flanks. I looked down at the medals I had 'won', RD: Participation trophies! That’s worse than just losing! and heard my friends draw closer. P: (As Jason) Ch-ch-ch-ch Ha-ha-ha-ha I felt my eyes start to heat up hotter than the ground around us, A: She’s Superman! despite being protected by my hat from the searing, blinding light of the sun... __________________________________________________ ___________________________________ P: The fic flatlined! It was eerily quiet, after the crowd left. Z: It seems to me, they hung that pony from a tree… P: It’s a piñata! I sat in the bleachers and leaned against the wall that surrounded the field, my head on my hooves as I watched the maintenance crew clean and maintain the thoroughly used field, A: Are we still talkin’ about that pony on pony orgy stuff? no longer under the direct attention of the now vacant crowd of ponies that were here a couple hours ago. A: Answer ma’ question! They came to watch ponies like myself do amazing athletic feats, A: I’m still not sure. such as hurdle jumping, hay bale tossing, and racing... all in competition and good sport. Back on the farm, I had felt so confident about my ability to do all of these events and more, and even had trouble breaking my own records. RD: Ha! You need someone to compete with! I heaved a great big sigh and let my forelegs hang over the edge of the field's wall, paying no mind to a member of the event staff as he expressed his condolences for my not winning first in anything, P: IS that Burt Reynolds? Man his career has gone downhill. or congratulations for winning second place in a lot of things. I was way too busy wishing I could do all of those events over again, because it sure wasn't doing myself or anyone in Ponyville any good if I didn't return with prize money. A: Uh… don’t we own a huge apple farm? RD: Don’t go cluttering a fan fic up with things like “facts”. No chance in hell of that happening, though, because the events were all over now, and the field was empty, and so were the bleachers. Just like my wallet, Z: You have a wallet? Where do you keep it? A: Don’t ask RD: You’d think people would give us a break on paying for things since we saved the world save for the train fare to head back to Ponyville. There was no reason for anypony to hang around now, save for the few who remembered that I was one of the ponies that helped free Princess Luna from Nightmare Moon, or that I and 5 of my friends faced off against Discord and saved all of Equestria from eternal chaos. P: Yeah, no reason to remember that I was a part of all that, and in a simple athletic competition like this... I couldn't even walk away with one blue ribbon? RD: HA! A: (Kicks her) RD: Oof! Pathetic. That's what I was telling myself I was, pathetic. No prize money, and a whole bag full of second or third bests. I would be going home with nothing, unlike the winners, or some of the other more athletic ponies, who were here not only for the competition, but to sponsor brand labels such as Tommy Hoofinger, and Colt Navy. P: You get the feeling this author has issues? Those ponies got money just for showing up! I even came ahead of most of them, and yet... I would be going home with nothing. None of the money that I promised to bring back, to help fix town hall, All: What happened to the town hall? and no blue ribbons to stick up. Applebloom, my dear sister, would feel so upset, I'm sure. RD: Uh, has the author watched the show? I watched one little filly hop over the wall a little ways down from me, dropping down onto the track that surrounded the field, her face sporting an enormous grin. She was about the same age as Applebloom, looked like. She scurried across the chalked lines of the racetrack and onto the grass of the field, towards another pony, a mare, about my age. A: They wouldn’t… Nothing too remarkable about either of them, except that the mare was smiling pretty big, a big, frilly blue ribbon was clutched between her teeth. P: She ate the winner! The filly and the mare met in the middle of the field and embraced warmly, the mare dropped the blue ribbon as the filly caught it in her mouth, (Tango music plays) then clambered onto the mares back, both of them looking as proud and as happy as can be. They'd just about look like myself, and Applebloom, as I stepped off the train in Ponyville... Oh, Applebloom, I'm so sorry. "Um, excuse me Missus Applejack?" A sweet and youthful-sounding voice rang out next to me, and I jumped with a bit of a start. I shook my head and realized that I was starting to fall asleep against the wall, and turned to face a small group 5 little fillys. "Oh, erm, howdy there, lil' fillys! What c'n ol' AJ do ya for?" A: And when did I turn inta a grizzled prospector? P: The Sheriff is a ni— Z: (Hits her head with the sound of a loud bell) I tried to put on my best smile. RD: Her dentures fell out It wouldn't do for these young'uns to see me feeling as depressed and downright crappy as I felt. "Hiya missus AJ!" A: Yer repeatin’ yerself darlin’. "We heard you helped defeat Nightmare Moon..." said a frail-looking, soft spoken one. A: And yet I’ve got money trouble. Probably the only reason I noticed her was that she seemed a lot like Fluttershy, and I was used to her quiet demeanor. A: I get it now! This is all a dream. And you were there! And you! And you! RD: (Flies overhead) A: Somewhere over the rainbow… This filly was an earth pony, though. "AND Discord! Wow, so awesome!" piped up another one. This one jumped up and down a little bit as she spoke, her tiny under-developed wings helping her hover in the air as she bounced. she reminded me of Dashie... I had to fight back a blush as I thought about my mare, waiting for me back in Ponyville. RD & A: (Share a look) Ooookay… Z: You may not make the admission, but everypony suspects since the Iron Pony competition "Miss Applejack, you handled those hurdles quite well; I'm so sorry that you happened to trip on one towards the end... You would have won a blue ribbon!" This one... was a filly Twilight, with glasses, wings, and a dark blue coat of fur. as right as she was, and though she wasn't trying to rub it in... she was. P: So now she’s Brittish with a cockney accent? I couldn't help but feel a sting in the truth of her words, and the fact that I could have tried just a bit harder. I could have left here with at least one blue ribbon, dammit! RD: There is a lot of cursing and depression here for a show based on friendship… "Miss AJ! Miss AJ! You were really great out there! Sucks that you didn't win, though... but it's okay, because you looked like you had fun anyway, and we had fun watching you, so it's all good, right? Hey, hey! Can we get your autograph?" RD: Hi Pinkie P: Hey! "Pleeeeeease? We heard you were showing up and we just had to see how one of the ponies who saved all Equestria not once, but twice, would fare in this competition. Even though you didn't win, an autograph from YOU would be the. Best. EVER. Period!" P: It’s going up on Pon-eBay as soon as they get home I couldn't help but toss my head back and laugh. These little ponies were the very spirit of my own friends, here to get my autograph! I chuckled and peeled myself from the wall, RD: Ew! Someone couldn’t find an outhouse? and faced the happy little group of friends. "Well then, my little ponies! Is this here all a' ya'll? Ya'll aren't missin' a friend or two from ya'lls little group, are ya?" RD: I am Fuk Mi. This my sister P: Fuk Yu They all at once shook their heads, and the five of them said in unison "Nope!" Well, I felt that it would be right proper if there were a sixth one, but I suppose groups of best friends come in all sizes. I shrugged and just chuckled as one of then handed me a pen, and I pressed it to a notepad. All: (Stare in shock) How the heck…? (Looks down at their hooves) The notepad glowed with a blue sparkle as one of them; P: It’s a Deathnote! Don’t write your name in it! the one that reminded me of Rarity tried her hardest to levitate it, the pages flipping over once as I signed my name twice. A: So that’s what happened to my bank account… The little filly made a really admirable effort, but the pad fell to the floor after signature number two. I smiled and crouched down to finish my duty as she let out a few soft little exhausted pants after expelling all of her magical effort on the task. "It's all rahght sugarcube, ah'll take it from here." I signed my name a few more times, pushing the pages back with my hoof, and then handed the pen back to the mini-Rarity. A: I shall call her mini-Rarity… The poor thing looked like I did after I came in third on the quarter-mile event. I never did claim to be the fastest pony what walked the earth. P & RD: That’s me! (Stop and glare at each other) P: Hey you fly fast, but I can outrun you and you know it. "Thank you, missus Applejack..." "All right, awesome!" "Yay! Thanks!" "Thank you very much, Miss Applejack!" P: You’re part of a complete breakfast! "I think I'll frame this... ooh, or maybe put it in my scrap book! A: Fine just stay out of my garbage this time. I'll label it: 'The pony who helped kick Nightmare Moon's and Discord's tushies!'” Luna: WHAT WAS THAT? All: Nothing! I couldn't help but see my friends in these little fillys, RD: You’ve established that they were all so much alike. P: Like how all those background ponies in the show have that hourglass cutie mark? Z: While that may be the truth, don’t go dissing Doctor Whooves. It really did brighten my day to see happy little girls like them come and enjoy an event like this, and it was made even better by the fact that they were fans of myself and my friends. A: Just don’t go tyin’ it in with that sex stuff from earlier ya hear? My friends... everyone back in Ponyville. What was I going to say when I got home? RD: Nothing. What would they all say to me, after I came back with nothing to show for the promises I made? . P: (Snort) loser A: Hey! I tried not to think about it. RD: Clearly the author didn’t put much thought into it either. I didn't have to because... well, some of these little fillies had the nerve to ask me the same exact thing I was thinking... If I helped defeat Nightmare Moon, and Discord, why hadn't I come in first place, in the competetions? P: They what? RD: If we’re being honest here Twilight did most of the work on the whole world saving thing. I couldn't for the life of me think of a reply that would make sense to these young girls, A: And that’s different from the rest of this story how? so I just shrugged and kept that smile up until they were all walking away. Why did these girls ask me that... I'm ashamed to say that I asked myself the same thing. At that point I realized... I couldn't even come up with an answer that would make sense to myself. A: Seriously, I’m totally confused here. I suddenly felt like I was at the bottom of the barrel once again, P: Then it’s a good thing you’re at a rodeo! and I wandered away from my spot on the wall as I tried to find something to drink. RD: May I suggest a glass of applejack? A: Nah, I’ll have whiskey… and beer for ma’ horses. --------------------- "Applejack Daniel's, if'n ya don't mind- Ah, th' whole bottle, if'n ya don't mind." Z: The bottle you can have pretty philly, except you already admitted you have no money. P: Yeah, you can’t afford a train ticket but you can buy a bottle of booze? I didn't have any prize money, but I had at least enough for the trip back. I also had enough for a nice, stiff drink for a few hours, thanks to Dash. RD: I left the money on the dresser… A: (Hits her) She specifically labeled it 'booze-money’, A: Wow… how much of a drunk am I? P: And since you expected to win why did you need booze-money? just in case. Heh, she made sure that I knew it wasn't in case I lost, because she expected me to win, of course. She said it was in case I needed a drink, she wanted to be able to help me get one. RD: Apparently I like my mare’s drunk… So much like her, to say that kind of thing. RD: It is? So, I took her gift and used it at a bar just a block from the rodeo grounds. P: Wow… you know I don’t remember anyone at the rodeo drinking. My stomach felt upset even before I took a shot of the whiskey that sat on the counter under my hooves, because I was using this money because I lost, not because I really needed a drink... Zecora: So you say, but may I suggest a trip to AA? Well, actually, I really did need that drink, but I suppose I should say I felt sick to my stomach because I was letting Rainbow down. I was letting everyone down. I cursed and just picked up the whole bottle and drowned my sorrows in about a third of the bottle's contents, and laid my head on top of my hooves on top of the counter. For a few moments, I felt a tingling along my back, which I assumed was the drink. Then, the tingling started to travel up and down, and it turned into a slight pressure between my shoulder blades, and it radiated outward and then started to travel down. A: I’m bein’ skinned alive! I never should have come to Texas! "Ohhh..." I started to moan, and squirmed in my seat as the pressure on my back continued. It felt good, and I suddenly realized that feeling drunk didn't normally involve getting backrubs. P: You’d think with only one drink she’d recognize hooves on her back… I shot up in my seat and looked to my side, seeing nopony. All: A g-g-g-ghost! I looked to my other side, and found the source of my nicely tingling back and shoulders. P: Leeches! "Awuh... Ah, ma'am? C'n ah help you...?" It was a mare, with a bright red and decidely fancy mane. A: Oh no! Tell me I ain’t gonna get laid by a pony that looks this much like ma brother! One that Rarity would be jealous of. Maybe. RD: Hey! I thought I was supposed to be your girlfriend in this story! Well anyway she was big and fancy, and she was smiling at me and still rubbing my back. I may have a few shots in me, but I can hold my liquor well enough to tell when a strange mare is invading my personal space. "Ma-*hic* 'am, please git yer hooves offa mah b-*urrp* mah back..." P: So she grabs Applejack’s butt… I tried my best to scowl at her, but I'll admit, the Liquid Friendship was already coursing its way through my veins, RD: Liquid friendship? P: So if friendship is magic, then magic is alcohol? Z: It can be in voodoo P: Hoodoo? Z: You do P: Do what? and well... it was feeling kinda good. A: So one drink and I’m suddenly bicurious? Way to be a role model for the little sister… Well, after the kind of day I had... Ah, ponyfeathers. RD: (Flaps her wings) P : I prefer Horsefeathers. (As Groucho Marx) Say the magic woid… I didn't say anything for a minutes or two as I rolled my shoulders and took another a shot, not really doing my best at feigning annoyance and indifference. I looked at the mare again, and decided to get one good look before the beer-googles fully took effect. Pink eyeshadow, big fancy hair. Matching pink scarf thingy what was tied around her neck (What was it I heard Rarity call those things again? Mascot? An apricot?). She seemed like a Manehattanite, just like Aunt and Uncle Orange. I remember as a little filly, I wanted to be all fancy, just like them. It might have been partly that fact, and partly the Liquid Friendship, but I was already feeling like I could trust this mare. She even sounded pretty legit when she opened her mouth and asked me in a sweet country-fied accent that reminded me of my own, only more raw, like cousin Braeburn and his ilk. A: Wait a second… that is Macintosh! RD: He looks good in drag. "Well howdy there Miss Applejack!" She just kept smiling that reassuring smile, RD: Everyone just keep smiling and back away slowly… and rubbing my back. I couldn't help but return the smile with one of my own as I found myself... leaning back against her hoof? P: You should have washed that after leaving the fair grounds. Well, she seemed okay, anyway. She was smiling like an honest mare and her hoof was starting to tingle more, or that could have been the drink. A: She’s radioactive "Wuh... whatcha want, missus...?" "Cherry Jubilee, sugar, it's a pleasure to meet you! You put on a mighty fahne performance out there, do you know that?" I nodded my head and felt in complete agreement. I did put on a good show, didn't I? RD: Terrible. Absolutely terrible. I may not have come in first, but I did the best I could! The mare continued talking while I nursed the rest of the bottle. "Listen, love. A: Is she southern, Texan, or Brittish? I think you deserve to come away from this competetion with more then a bag of 'nice try's' and a hangover, and I could use a nice, strong, charismatic mare like yourself. How would you like to make some money by doing a little bit or work for me, hmm, dear?" A: Plowing? My eyes widened at the mention of money. Nope, still not completely drunk to miss that, and any self-respecting business mare recognizes money talk from a mile away. I pushed the half-empty bottle away and turned in my seat to face the mare. Her hoof seemed stuck against me as it slid from my back to resting on my shoulder, All: Ew! and I sat there on the bar stool facing who was not only a very friendly mare, but also my ticket at reclaiming some of my lost pride, and the money I promised to bring back to Ponyville. I raised a hoof and gently, politely pushed Cherry Jubilee's hoof off of my shoulder, and grinned at her. I couldn't believe it- was this mare actually offering me paid work, after I had come in 2nd, at best? "Ma'am, pay for this here bottle of Jack, and I'll do whatever you want!" All: (Facehoof) Z: Drunk and blond Applejack, are you also smoking crack? I'm pretty sure I actually meant that, as well. I just couldn't return empty-hooved! She smiled back at me and clapped her forehooves together in celebration. P: Hi ho Silver, away! "Oh goodness, yes! I can already tell that you and me will get along swimmingly. I like you already, sugarcube." Cherry Jubilee leaned close to me and put her foreleg around my shoulders, her hoof pulling me close against her "Oh yes, I've been needin' an extra pair of hooves back at the farm, and I think you'd do fine working for me as well." A: Raight, cause ah don’t spend enough time workin’ on a farm… I wasn't quite sure what she meant by that 'as well'. Might have been the whiskey muddling my senses, but was she proposing that I work two jobs for her? I needed some bits, but I didn't think I need to move away from my home just to get them. "Erm, it's just farm work, right? Ah mean, I'm good at that kinda stuff sinc-" She raised her other hoof to my mouth and shushed me like I was just a filly. P: The same sticky hoof from before? "Ah-ah, don't worry about a thing, sweetheart, I'll help you out, just let Auntie CJ take care of things." "I- erm... Ma'am?" I was right confused at the point, though she did seem to know what she was talking about. I decided that I'd already made an agreement, and I wasn't in no condition to work out fine details with the drink in my blood. I simply nodded and let her keep on talking. "Now, there's a train, headin' out towards Dodge Junction. RD: We wait until high noon and then blow the tracks! I'll be waiting there with our tickets, so you just get your things ready an' meet me at the station in two hours, all right, love?" A: My family will wonder where I am "Okay." 'Love'? Was she trying to covertly flirt with me? RD: Covertly? She was feeling you up thirty seconds ago! "Ah'll see ya'll train on in two hour- Ah mean, see ya'll on two in th' tra- Ah ponyfeathers, ya'll know what Ah mean." I pushed the bottle of whiskey away and shook my head. Much more of the stuff and I was liable to work myself into something I regret. "Excellent!" Cherry slipped off of my shoulder and started to walk away, then turned and looked over her shoulder at me and gave me another saucy wink "Platform 12, all right, AJ?" I couldn't help but blush. I blamed the alcohol, stirring up my emotions as it mucked up my head. A: How come my ticket says platform 9 ¾? And what’s Twilight’s owl doing here? "See ya'll there, Cherry." Okay, so I was about to board a train to go work for some mare I just met, for who knows how long. She might have been flirting with me, but it's okay, I'm a good mare. All that blushing was from the drink. What could possibly go wrong? P: Well seeing as how 90% of the sites about our show don’t allow adult content, I’m not sure how much further you can actually take this story. Luna: Next fic! RD: How many are there? L: Four Z: Around this fact I’d hate to prance; we should have left when we had the chance. Rekindling: RD: You’re going to burn it down? A joint Fan fiction by Nova Glitz and 51m0nn P: A joint? Do we get stoned first? This is a joint fan fiction by 51m0nn and Nova Glitz. We both hope you ponies enjoy it! We decided to merge the two writing styles of two authors and the result is and will be this fan fiction! RD: Oh goody It was a week after Winter Wrap Up day P: Which Celestia made up as a joke to mess with the ponies of Equestria and all the ponies were settling into their new spring surroundings of brightly coloured A: Oh another Brittish person… flowers and birds flying and chirping overhead. P: (Shaking) Uh oh… All: (Dive under the seats just before the bird poop hits) For a certain pony things were going very well. Skylark had just finished his first ever Ponyville Winter Wrap Up. RD: He normally lives alone in the woods building bombs By now he fitted in nicely after his arrival one year ago. He was on his way to go and buy a few of Sweet Apple Acres’ famous apples to satisfy the gnawing hunger in his belly. P: Tapeworm! He headed over to the Apple cart where Applejack was standing yelling “Fresh, sweet apples! Come and get ‘em while they last!” Skylark walked up to her and said A: This doesn’t have to do with that Whorsehouse fic we just did does it? “Hi I’m looking for the best apples in Ponyville. I believe they are being sold around here by a pony called Applejack have you seen her?” RD: Never heard of her. Applejack smiled at his sarcasm and played along. “Ah’m sorry but those were all sold out within five minutes sugarcube. But ah have some apples that ah’m willing ta part with.” She said P: Horse apples! “Well then I guess they will have to do.” He said They both laughed. “All right how many do ya want?” Applejack asked. “Just two thanks.” Skylark replied He paid for the apples and thanked Applejack and went on his way, munching the delicious apples as he walked. He came across Rainbow Dash. RD: Can you spare some change mister? Applejack took all my booze-money. “Hi Rainbow” He said “What’s the weather forecast for today?” He asked “What's up Skylark! Forecast you say? RD: I’m a little hard of hearing. And an eighteenth century miner… Well then I'm your pony! There is going to be a storm tonight, so if I were you, I would get start getting prepared for it by closing the windows and locking them tight! P: Cause Rainbow Dash likes to peek in the at night… RD: Quiet you! I would love to stay and chit-chat, but I gotta go warn the other ponies” She said “Thanks for the heads up!” Skylark said. He headed home to start making the necessary preperations. Z: Someone must be smoking the joint, because that encounter had no point… That night while Skylark was asleep through the raging storm a lightning bolt hit the roof of Skylarks home. P: He became the Flash! This spark started a flame inside the house. It slowly grew larger. Skylark awoke at a roll of thunder and found his house enveloped in flames. RD: And so began the story of Pony Krueger He was surrounded by fire with seemingly no way out. The roof started to cave in. Skylark rushed for the door and tried to open it but something was blocking it on the other side. He decided to attempt to buck down the door. He cracked it after two attempts but there was no way he could open it. P: Curse you door knobs! (Holds up hooves) My one weakness! The flames were getting closer now and he looked for the window. He ran towards it only to be enveloped in the collapsing roof. “HELP!” He cried “HELP!” He cried again. He heard screams outside of a pony yelling that somepony’s house was on fire. All: Duh! The fire brigade was sent out. RD: You’d think a unicorn could do something about this… The Fire Brigade immediately started to attack the flames. Skylark pushed with all his might and emerged from the burning roof supports. He broke the window in front of him and dived out without hesitation. Z: You may have wanted to wait on the door. Your bedroom is on the third floor… He landed hard on the ground. A Fire Fighter Pony grabbed him and placed him on a stretcher. They asked him. “Sir is there anypony else in the house? “ RD: Just my elderly mother with the thirty million dollar life insura— I mean… “No.” he said “Just me” P: Kaching! He was carried away to get his burns treated at the local hospital. He woke up in the morning in a soft comfortable bed. He opened his eyes and looked around. A: I am going to kill Bill… There was a nurse monitoring some equipment. P: Why are you unplugging that? She noticed he was awake. “Ah good morning.” “Do you feel alright?” She asked “Uh yeah…” “I think so.” He said. He examined himself. Other than a few bandages on his legs P: He’s seeing extra quotation marks Zecora: It may just be a whim, but do you think they have to shoot him? and chest where he was burned he seemed okay. “Uh can I be released because I seem fine.” He said P Aside from the unwanted sex change. The Nurse replied “Certainly. You just have a few small burns on your body, nothing serious.” RD: He figured that much out already. What did he need you for? “Just be sure to check out at the office.” “I will.” He replied. He got out of the bed and moved slowly to the reception area. As he entered the reception area he was met by the six faces of his friends. They all embraced him at once. “Skylark you are okay!” They all said. “I most certainly am.” He replied. P: Who is Skylark? And why does he have a Buik symbol where his cutie mark should be? He checked out of the hospital and headed to his house to inspect the damage. It was completely burned to the ground. A: They don’t build too well in Ponyville, what with the carpenters havin’ hooves and all. P: No wonder Twilight lives I a tree Z: And what is wrong with dat? All his belongings were now ashes. His jaw dropped. Where would he now stay? RD: You’re a horse. And it’s Spring. It’s not like you lost a boat load of clothes in the fire. “I’m really sorry about all this.” Applejack said. “If you want. We do have an extra room on the farm.” She said consolingly. Others: Ooo! A: (Blush) P: You will have to be gelded first of course “Thank you Applejack. I appreciate it very much” He said still in shock about the whole ordeal. He had no possessions to move now so he started to head on his way to the farm. “You must be hungry.” Applejack said “I am ravenous.” Skylark said. “Well then we better be gettin’ you some grub!” Applejack said with a smile. “Skylark smiled back. “Thanks...he said I would like that very much.” He replied. Z: As I sit here in my seat, some of these things seem to repeat… They headed over and when they arrived Applejack started cooking some breakfast for the family. P: That’s an awful lot of meat… by the way has anyone seen me in this fic? She explained to the others that Skylark would be staying at the farm. They were more than happy to have him in for a while. Sweet little Applebloom showed him where he would be staying. Applejack yelled out to them “Come and get it!” They headed down to the dining room and ate. After breakfast Applejack and Big Mac started on the farm work. Skylark insisted on making himself useful for the while that he was there. He helped Applejack with the applebucking. He watched Applejack do some applebucking. It was this moment that he realised he had feelings for her. A: Well we clearly know each other very well what with him havin’ bought an apple from me the once. It was this moment he realised how beautiful she actually was. A: Hey! She looked him in the eye, his heart started pounding. P: Get a defibulator! RD: (As Doctor Horse) (Taps her cane on the floor) It’s Lupis! “Alright Sugarcube your turn!” She said. Those words...they would normally be taken as a friendly gesture...but to Skylark they seemed the most beautiful words he had ever heard. All: Stalker! He was confused along with these feelings. Z: It seems a bit beyond his kin, up until now he liked only men. He had never felt this way about a pony before...how should he react? P: (Holds up a film strip entitled “Breeding Horses”) You’re on a farm! Figure it out! After the farm work he decided to casually ask Big Macintosh what he thought. RD: So that sister of yours, sweet piece of tail huh? P: And how! A: Shaddup! This was probably not the best decision however...what would Big Mac know about love? Z: You know not what you are askin’, because he and Cherilee are now canon. He asked him anyway. “Hey Big Mac...” “Howdy Skylark.” He replied. RD: That doesn’t seem much like him. P: Eyup… “Uuh...Have you...uhh.” “Yes Skylark?” He inquired. “Have you ever uhh, fallen in love with RD: Your sister? another pony?” He asked rather nervously. Big Mac looked like he had been taken by surprise a little. He thought for a moment. “Well there was this one filly...” He said. All: WHAT? A: Big brother, ain’t you a bit too old ta be datin’ foals? They got laws against that sorta thing… P: Just ask Princess Molestia… Celestia’s Voice: I heard that! All: (Gulp) Just as I thought, Big Mac neve- wait did Big Mac just say yes!? All: Eyup. “R-Really?” he replied. “What did you do?” P: Well to give you some clue, I started at this farm on a work release program… RD: (As the Dragnet narrator) Big Macintosh was arrested and tried in an Equestria supreme court in the city of Ponyville. In a moment the results of that trial… Big Mac was put on the spot now... “Well I never did get the guts to tell her in the end...” He replied “Why do you ask?” Big Mac asked Skylark. A: I like you a lot RD: Applejack, that’s so… All: (Grin, imagining it) “Uhh...well” he stammered. Should he tell Big Mac? Would Big Mac be protective of his sister? “Uhh I was just wondering...” Skylark said. P: Marry me! Big Mac looked at Skylark clearly not believing that statement but he left it there. Skylark still didn’t know what to do... and the more he saw or talked or spent time with Applejack the more he loved her. A: It’s been less than a day! I gotta tell you sugar, you’re creepin’ me out a bit here. Still confused he was not sure what to do. He wasn’t ready to tell her. He simply hid his feelings away. P: I could lend you my rock people to talk to. However the more he was with Applejack the more his feelings for her grew. RD: (Roar) Hulk horny! Pretty soon he found himself day dreaming about her. A: Are we sure that his house burnin’ down was an accident? Cause this is gettin’ weird Whenever he looked into her eyes his heart soared through the clouds. RD: (Smack) What is on my face? Come on Skylark what are the chances that she likes you too. P: Pretty slim. He thought to himself. RD: (As Gollum) But Applejack is the precious… (As Smeegle) But we mustn’t touch it… He kept on trying to think himself out of this condition but his love for Applejack grew even further... But pretty soon his house would be finished and he will move back. A: Whew! What then? Must he tell Applejack before he has to leave or must he just keep them locked away? Z: She is single and lives a block from your house. Be you a pony or are you a mouse? P: So he has a house in town but he only heard about Applejack’s apples a week ago? He had never been in a predicament like this before...Nor had he felt this way about a pony. He had no idea what to do... RD: Perhapse repeating myself over and over again will help me decide. Rekindling: Nova's addition -Off somewhere in Cloudsdale- P: Warning, pegasi float on clouds. Pegasus poop doesn’t. Never visit the area UNDER Cloudsdale. Nova woke up to the warm sun shining through the window of the nice cloud home he and FireBolt had built. Slowly he would yawn and turn over in the bed and was greeted by the sleeping pegasus he fell in love with. A: They’re both very handsome stallions He smiled at her sleeping form as he would slowly get out of bed, just so he didn't wake the heavy sleeping mare. He trots over to the window and looks out at the lovely morning they had just arose, and deep down he felt a bit homesick. P: He thinks in the third person… Nova had missed his home in Ponyville, P: Wait, I’m standing on a cloud… AIIIIIIiEEEEEEeeee… (Splat) he moved away for FireBolt A: (As Harry Potter) We’re sueing! so they could live together. He took in a deep breath of morning air and closed his eyes, picturing what was probably going on down on the ground, ponies working the farms, SugarCube Corner baking their tasty treats, and the busy ponylife down there. P: Is there ponylife on other planets? "Feeling a bit homesick aren't you?" A voice suddenly spoke out, startling Nova as he looked around, only to see FireBolt awake and leaning up in the bed. The tan colt nodded, P: She can read minds! "Eeyup... A: What is my brother doing here? Z: They lost three actors before; anyone remembered clouds make a lousy floor. I really want to go pay a visit." he said and smiled over at her, "But I have my duties Celestia asked me to attend to." Since he had successfully sealed Discord permanantly, A: What? RD: You jerk! Taking credit for that! P: Do you know how hard it was for us to beat that Labyrinth reject? he had taken some of Celestia's duties and took the position as an ambassador of sorts, Luna: Uh, be that not my job? helping ponies in need when she was busy with others towns. When he really considered it, he was more or less a prince. P: Someone’s pretty full of themselves. "Oh come on Nova, even unicorns needs vacation's, P: (Snicker) If he does fall out of the clouds do you think he’ll stick in the ground like a lawn dart? ask the princess and I'm sure she'll give you a few days off to go see everypony again." Nova would give a nod in agreement, "Perhaps, but I don't wanna look unreliable to the princess." He said to her in a stern tone, he had a bad habit of wanting to impress the princess. A: Please. As long as he ain’t forcin’ love spells on someponies to make them like a ratty old doll, he’s still head and tail above some ponies we could name in the whole ‘obsessed with the princess’ category. RD: I’ll take ‘Ponies who need heavy medication’ for a thousand Alex After all, it's not every day a pony becomes a rulers assistant. P: I can’t remember it happening in the last few thousand years, I’ll give you that FireBolt could see why he felt this way and nodded to him with understanding, Z: As her skull begins to weave and bob, I’m smacking her if she gives one more nod. "I can tell the stress of doing all this political work is getting to you, perhaps a vacation would be nice? P: A vacation? He’s been at it a week. Besides, I'd like to go back to Ponyville and see everypony!" FireBolt seemed to be really wanting to go, RD: Great. Just one thing. Who are you people? "Okay! I'll send her a letter and see what she thinks." He said and turned away from a suddenly excited FireBolt, using his magic to begin writing the princess, "" Dear Princess Celestia, Z: Hello Muddah. Hello Faddah. Here I am at, camp Renada… I am sending a request to take a vacation for a few days to return to Ponyville and see my friends. My absence from my home is making me homesick P: Isn’t that how it works? and I really miss my friends. A: Auntie Em! Auntie Em! FireBolt also wishes to go and I feel it would give us even more bonding time. I hope this will work in our favor and can't wait to hear your response, Your Faithful Student, Nova"" All: (Wince) Z: We could let that pass, but Twilight’s going to shove a hoof right up your… P: (Slaps hooves with Rainbow Dash) Ask me no more questions, I’ll tell you no more lies… Nova focused his magic and a blue aura covered the rolled up parchment, RD: Help me Poni-wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope! suddenly making it vanish into a cloud of mist and fly away. He turned around and walked over to get on the bed with her, "And now we wait for her response, and if I know her as good as I think I do.... the letter will arrive in exactly 3...2...1-" Just as he said one, a letter suddenly appeared. Nova snatched it with his magic before it could fall, "I totally called that." He said and unrolled the paper, reading what the reply was, "" My Most Faithful Student Nova, RD: Ouch. It’s a good thing Twilight isn’t here. I believe a short vacation would be wonderful for you. I am impressed with your work thus far and you have done far better than I have expected. But even you are still a pony A: Dragons get no time off. They’re slaves! P: Poor Spike. and need time to rest and refocus, so I am issuing you a vacation in Ponyville and will arrange a place for you to stay with Twilight. I do hope you will enjoy yourself. Yours truly Princess, Celestia "" RD: (As Celestia) Finally I can get that guy out of the castle. Worst assistant I ever had… and that includes Discord. Nova suddenly jumped up happily, wanting to scream in excitement, A: Help! He’s keeping me here against my will! Call the police! "She said yes!" He said and hugged FireBolt, All: (Stare) P: How? RD: You’ve just won the Superbowl. What are you two going to do now? "We're going to Ponyville!" He said happily and hops off the bed, preparing for the trip to the ground. All: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh… (Splat) FireBolt hopped off, just as eager to go as the unicorn was. Within a few moments the two happy ponies soared across the sky, P: (As Nova) Wait a minute.. unicorns can’t fly! Unicorns can’t fly! A: Ah! They killed my brother! flying torwards ponyville swiftly. In the time Nova had learned a spell for pegasus wings, All: (Snicker) P: Like Rarity’s? Cause those would look so cute on him. he had grown very good and skilled with them. He now was able to keep up with FireBolt on her best day, but not quite beat the speedy mare. The trip wasn't long and before long, A: You know yer an alcoholic when ya repeat yerself… he had arrived at Ponyville with the hotheaded pegasus in tow. "Wow... not much has changed, just the way I like it." He said and focused his magic, making the wings disappear and returning his magic to its full strength. Using wings required plenty of energy and focus, fortunantly he was a special unicorn, P: Like Derpy? among the many others. Firebolt nodded to him in agreement, "I missed this place, Hay! Let's go to SugarCube Corner!" She said and quickly ran into the building, Nova following. As they entered, they we're greeted by none other the pink pony herself, RD: (Looks at the authors) Okay, just to clear this up. This is a comma (,) and this is a period (.). Learn the difference. "Welcome to SugarCube Cor-" Pinkie Pie suddenly let out a gasp and grew a large grin across her face, " Oh my gosh! Nova! FireBolt!" She said and bounced over to them happily, P: How dare you show your faces here after what you did? "Where have you two been? What is Cloudsdale like? All: (Blink) P: So did I know or not? RD: I’m still pissed at him for taking credit for Discord. I say we unleash him again and let Mr high and mighty “I can grow wings” go up against him. A: And the author of that last fic while we’re at it.
Are you two getting along okay? How are yo-" Nova suddenly pressed his hoof against her mouth to shut her up, RD: Did I give you permission to talk?! "Easy Pinky, we're glad to see you too." He sets his hoof down, "And we're pretty hungry from the trip." Pinkie Pie nodded and jumped up happily, "Then I have the best foods for you! We have sweets of all types and in the best flavours possible!" The energetic filly said while bouncing happily, A: When Pinkie bounces it means characters that aren’t actually in the show are nearby. "How about... a party?" FireBolt said suggestively, her tone made her sound as if she was asking, but she knew what the response would be. P: (Rolls her eyes) Hey, what am I? A one dimensional character? "OH! That's right! We need to throw a welcome back party! You two stay here while I get things prepared!" She said before zipping off quickly. Nova sighed and shook his head, P: Oh, right… "FireBolt... you shouldn't encourage her.." He said and chuckled, "besides, I'm still hungry and now we gotta wai-" Pinke Pie suddenly returned with 2 delicious looking pies, P: I found them in the cow pasture! "I almost forgot you two had a long trip, and you must be hungry, so here's a pie to hold you over till the party!" Pinkie Pie said before dashing away again, All: Dashing through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh… "Sometimes, I wonder where she gets all that energy..." FireBolt said, giggling before enjoying the pie with Nova. RD: Sugar. Lots and lots of sugar. A: And cocaine P: That and I’m absolutely insane with a split personality. 51m0nn’s edition -That night- RD: On Unsolves Mysteries… Everypony was headed to Sugarcube Corner for one of Pinkie Pie’s famous parties. Z: (Sarcastic) Oh golly gee, I wonder if anyone invited me. Nova and Firebolt being the special guests were given a VERY Pinkie fashioned welcome when they arrived. All: Rape! (Let’s just say whoever built Sugarcube Corner knows how to build one heck of a strong house!) A: They didn’t build Skylark’s Nova and Firebolt weren’t exactly the kind who enjoyed too much attention. They thanked everypony for the warm welcome and entered in quietly. However they didn’t get very far before being dragged off by Pinkie again to go meet some old friends Nova knew before he left to live with Firebolt. “Hey everypony look who is back! Can ya see them? Look it is Nova and Firebolt! Isn’t it great to have them back? RD: Uh Pinkie, we can’t see anyone. You’re talking to thin air. Omigosh you haven’t met Skylark yet have you? Here let me-“ Thankfully Pinkie was cut off before she could carry on speaking. P: (Eyes tear up) My friends don’t like me anymore? Nova and Firebolt were greeted warmly by the six mares. Then Skylark walked up to greet Nova. He shook both Nova and Firebolt’s hooves. All: HOW?! “Hi I’m Skylark! I’m very pleased to meet you.” He said with a warm smile. “Hi Skylark. I’m Nova and this is my wife Firebolt.” Nova replied. “Charmed.” Skylark replied as h smiled at Firebolt. P: Were you named after a car too? Firebolt blushed slightly and smiled back. A: Hey, that’s my stalker! “Hey we’re not just gonna spend the whole night greeting eachother c’mon we have so much to tell you guys while you were away!” Pinkie Pie said energetically. Z: (Whispers to Dash) Keep it under your wing, but Celestia doen’t tell him anything. She dragged them all off to a table and the seven friends told Nova and Firebolt about the adventures they had had after Skylark arrived in Ponyville. They told them about the encounter with pirates and the wizard as well as the recent fire and how Skylarks house was burned down. A: (As Skylark as Ralph Wiggum) The leprechaun told me to! “Wow you ponies really have been busy while I was gone...” Nova said. “Have you by any chance-“ “But he was cut off by none other than Pinkie...again. “C’mon this is getting boring! And seeing as this is a party you’re not supposed to be bored! C’mon let’s do something fun!” The next activity involved music and dancing. All: Strippers! Not really anypony’s specialty except Pinkie. P: (Shakes her rump) Slap it baby! The night had finally come to an end. Everypony was heading back to their homes. Nova and Firebolt had not thought of where they would stay and were now asking around. “Why don’t you stay in the library with me?” Twilight asked them. A: You’ll have to share Spike’s basket… “Thank you so much!” Nova and Firebolt said gratefully. They started heading that way after they had said their goodbyes. When the three arrived at the library Twilight unlocked the door and let Nova and Firebolt in. “Wow this place hasn’t changed a bit.” Nova said “Doesn’t it bring back memories?” Firebolt asked staring into Nova’s eyes. She giggled. “Why yes it does.” Nova said, blushing. RD: It sounds like they did something naughty… wait, when she moved in Twilight had me help change out the mattress in her bed! They weren’t the only ponies who had memories of the past events in that library. A: Thankfully Twilight also had the memory of her and Nova, working on trying to bind Discord forever. RD: (Grumble) You son of a… She also had the memory of the first time she met Firebolt, seeing them together, she remembered that one night on Sweet Apple Acres that she shared with Nova and especially she remembered the feelings she felt after Nova left to live with Firebolt. All Good ridance! She snapped out of the trance, determined not to go down that path again. A: Follow the yellow brick road! “Make yourselves at home.” She said to the two ponies. They were all exhausted after the party and wasted no time in getting settled into the exact same beds they had slept in the time Nova and Firebolt met. ... It was a beautifully clear night. Skylark and Applejack had just returned home from the party. When Skylark and Applejack entered the house they saw Big Macintosh had just finished his work and was cleaning himself up. A: That’s it baby. Scrub down for mama… He spotted them and said. “Well I hope you two had a good time at that party while I was working.” P: Weren’t you invited? It said everyone. “Well shucks! Big Mac you could’ve asked us to help you and we would’ve skipped the party!” Applejack said. “Aww Ah’m jest kiddin with ya sis.” Big Mac said “I hope you had a good time.” “Well goodnight Ah’m heading off to bed.” Big Mac said as he headed up the stairs. RD: I suspect that he is headed someonewhere. Call it a hunch. Applejack decided to stay up a little longer and get some things done around the house that she needed to do before work in the morning. After she had done that she called goodnight to Skylark. She didn’t get a reply. A: Jerk She figured he was already in bed so she went up to his room to check. His room was empty as well. “Well that’s odd...” She thought. A: Check under your own bed before you go to sleep. She called out for him...no answer. P: The killer is in the house! She headed on outside and looked around. On top of the near hill she saw a silhouette of a pony. She headed up to the top of the hill and sat down next to Skylark. Zecora: (Makes a loud farting sound) He was busy taking in the view, acres and acres of apple trees dimly lit by a full moon in the clear starry sky. Luna: (Talking into a mike from inside the moon) And the last thing I would ever do Truman… is lie to you… “It’s beautiful ain’t it?” Applejack said. “Skylark replied in awe “It is breath taking.” “This was and will always be mah favourite place on the whole entire farm.” Applejack said “I can see why...” said Skylark. The two ponies sat there in silence and took in the view. Skylark was enjoying Applejack’s company. He still however was unsure of how Applejack felt about him. Applejack didn’t yet feel quite the same way about Skylark. A: Maybe if ya didn’t watch me shower every mornin’… But as they sat there staring and taking in the view, they shared an occasional glance into each other’s eyes. A: You have some eye goobers The more they did this, the closer Applejack felt to Skylark. She felt closer to him than to any other pony she knew. P and RD: What? RD: You’ve known him a couples days P: That hurts Applejack A: It’s just a fic ya crybabies! None of the two wanted to leave the beautiful view or the company of each other. Back at the P: Hall of Justice! library Nova and Firebolt were cuddled into one bed facing the window also enjoying the view of the clear night sky. Little to their knowledge was that Twilight A: Apparently in this fic grammar is a nice old lady who makes good puddin’ was sitting at the doorway ever so quietly watching them. All: (Shudder) P: She heard about the letters with Celestia RD: (Sharpening a knife) Just go to sleep Nova and soon I’ll be the princess’s favorite again… The memories of past experiences were rushing through her mind. She was not sure what to do. It seemed to her that even after all that had happened...the anger she felt after Nova left her for Firebolt... Z: She lived alone for many years. When did this happen? Where were the tears? even after all that she still seemed to feel a small glisten of love, or as Princess Celestia had explained to Nova, puppy love. A: Wynona! But she knew it was too late now. Firebolt and Nova were happy together... But then a single evil thought came into her mind as if it were sent by Discord himself...What if it wasn’t too late? P: Anyone else remember those cell phone commercials with the crazy stalker girl in the tree? What if she could still win Nova back? RD: He moved to another town where you can’t go. Take a hint. That one thought hovered in her mind the rest of the time she sat there. All: (Together in little girl voices) Lalalalalaaaala… If it wasn’t too late...what then could she do about it? A: Seek help, Sugar. To be continued... 28 Neighs Later Others; (Turn to look at Zecora) Z: What you’re thinking, I can see, but I swear it was not me! P: (Kicks a copy of “The Call of Cthulhu” under her seat) A: Okay girls, time to put on our zombie fightin’ outfits. (Dresses up as Buffy the Vampire slayer) Does this mean I have to sleep with Spike? P: (Dresses up as Lady Gaga as a zombie in a tux) I was born this way! Z: (Dresses in Michael Jackson’s old red outfit) Somehow this just feels right. Maybe you can tell me, am I black or white? Others: (In chorus) We don’t know! RD: (Attaches a chainsaw to her left hoof) Anyone know how a pony is supposed to use a shotgun? by Tekkie-The-Quiet P: Shhh, be vewy vewy quiet. We’re hunting zombies. Hehehhehe! Please note: This fan fiction does not follow the same lore as “28 Days /weeks later” RD: Great, so there is no plot. the name was simply the most fitting thing I could think of. I also apologise for the length of it. A: We’d rather you apologized The smoke rose from the large, fiery mess of what was once ponyville, Pinkie: Oops, forgot to turn the oven off I watched as rage engulfed my body, my legs trembling, struggling to support my own weight. A: Skylark? Twilight sparkle placed a hoof on my side, I shrugged her off, she had never known me personally what right was it of hers to touch me? Z: This all strikes me as very trajic. Is it just me or do these fan fictions seem kind of dark for a show entitled “Friendship is magic”? P: This guy was molested as a foal, you can tell I looked over my shoulder towards “big” Macintosh; A: I don’t appreciate the implication of them there quote marks. P: (As Dr. Evil) He has a giant “laser beam” attached to his head he was a well built pony, carrying a saddle armed with two shotguns, RD: You’re kidding right? Cause the saddle in a world of ponies aside, I believe I’ve covered the whole shotgun problem. I was impressed needless to say when I first saw him put it on P: I would be too. How can an earth pony do that? I know Twilight has one for Spike to ride on, though I always thought that was kinda kinky… I thought he was going to break his back. Twilight joined the rest of her friends in the mine – A: Oh no, tell me this ain’t Black Beauty. That book done gave me nightmares when I was a philly… RD: Done? A: Get ‘er done! yeah that’s right we’re living in a mine – you’re probably wondering what caused this event right? All: No I thought so; two days ago my team and I were deployed to ponyville to prevent a certain event from happening. All: (Hum the A-Team theme) Unfortunately while we were away somepony attacked canterlot Zecora: This sounds like fun. How’d they fare against she who controls the sun? the aftermath of it was something we all passed off as impossible: A: The previous 2 fan fics in this MST? zombie ponies, P: I read that book! Macho Pony it’s called! Princess Luna and Celestia both helped evacuate the people of canterlot to Cloudsdale, luckily zombie ponies – even zombified pegisi – cannot reach Cloudsdale, All: Why not? the team and I decided to take it upon ourselves to protect and evacuate any of the remaining ponies in Ponyville, to our surprise we found a small group of survivors, we all knew one which was Twilight, Celestia’s “number one Student” neither of us saw any combat potential in her unless she knew a spell that could crush a pony skull. A: If only ya’all had hooves and could kick like a horse… You’re probably sick of hearing me refer to the team as, well, just that “the team” P: Not really. It seems to be moving the story along fast. Besides I get the feeling that when you start with names this is going to go all Resident Evil 4 on us. let’s start off with the rookie: Mudclap A: (Wince) I’d hate to see his cutie mark he specialises in setting up places of preparation, he made the mine we are currently living in, well, habitable. RD: (Singing) Thor would like to quit and be a florist, Mudclap is into interior design… Next up is Sharp Mark, he’s large and he knows how to map out a plan, so we gave him a name that didn’t require allot of brain power to make. P: Is that really useful when fighting zombies? The final member of the team is me – my name isn’t important A: Then why do we have to listen to ya? nor is my rank or positioning, but my squad mates call me Long Shot mainly because my saddle of choice is and always shall be, a rifle, preferably scoped. P: But we already… RD: Pinkie, they’re clearly not listening. A; Where the heck are they gettin’ all these weapons? We all have our obvious differences physically – our cutie marks – are all different, Mudclap’s is a wired fence, P: How does that teach you about friendship? Mark’s is a map and feather it’s probably a quill RD: Bawk bawk bawk! and mine is a rifle saddle. Z: So as a child rather than race or jump a steeple, you were out there shooting people? P: That foal shot Mr. Burns! Mudclap is the shortest of the team, while Sharp Mark was obviously the tallest. I stand A: Alone, because I am incredibly cheesy. with a long, shaggy mane, RD: (Holds Long Shot up) The Pony King! I never took care of it and never saw the point in it to be honest, nobody knew me apart from my squad mates and nobody cared about me until recently. P: Aw, you need a birthday party! And a hug! Now, where was I? A: Explainin’ why unicorns and the all powerful god-like princesses ain’t just fixin’ this mess with magic. Oh yes, Twilight went back into the mine to check up on her friends, RD: Or she just wanted to get away from you. You are seriously bringing us down. P: Are we digging out miners? they were all worried about a yellow pegisi, by Celestia’s beard All: (Gasp) RD: People get sent to the moon for less than that! if they hadn’t asked me to go and look for her she would be shambling amongst the masses of dead ponies. P: When did this become “Saving Private Fluttershy”? I pulled on the string attached to my rifle RD: Ma-ma… quickly as a loud chic noise erupted from the contraption, it slowly reloaded as I tilted my head to the side to A: End it all look down the scope, hold my breath and steady my hooves then fire, just how it always went. Macintosh and Mudclap circled the make-shift walls, popping off any zomponies that came too close to the perimeter, I wasn’t willing to take any chances and neither were they. Every time a gun went off you could hear the faint whimper of the pegisi who is apparently called “Fluttershy” emit from inside the mine, ALL: AH! Z: Say what you want about our princess fair, but insult Fluttershy you should not dare! P: Brony wrath is terrible to behold! RD: Being upset with her over being scared by flesh eating zombies seems harsh too, don’t you think? A: Tell me somethin’ I don’t know P: I open mouthed kissed Austin Powers once. (They all stare at her) That’s something you don’t know. I don’t understand why she and the rainbow one don’t just head to Cloudsdale like all the other pegisi have done. Looking around I noticed there was a larger amount of zed’s than what we normally have to kill off, whether the sounds of our guns going off were what was attracting them, or if it was when we had the rainbow pegisi scout out the area that was attracting them I don’t know. A: Someone else who don’t know how to properly use a comma. Mark says we should only have her scout once every two days I on the other hoof want to find other survivors ASAP. RD: If only someone had magic.. .or could fly… Looking over my shoulder to Big Macintosh and Mudclap I couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong, very wrong. After our daily patrols we headed inside at sunset, lighting a small torch above the entrance to the mine before Big Macintosh pulled the large boulder in front of the entrance to hide the brighter lights inside the mine, P: (In a baseball cap) Mr. Indie! Watch out! unlike the others I found the mine’s confined space and small caverns that we all used as sleeping quarters to be unusually comforting, A: Well it is a cave P: So? Dragons probably left a ton of furniture there. that night I lay down at the bottom of the mine, next to an underwater stream watching the reflection of the water against the rocks, I never slept, not since I was a recruit – which some time ago – but enough of that and back to current events: I watched the reflection against the top of the mine, something about the textures mixing with the reflection helped me feel at home , there was a slight cough that caused me to quickly jump up and pull my saddle’s reloading mechanism, only to put it back down again at the sight of Twilight RD: I can’t blame her. I wanted to shoot the screen durring that movie too. “S-sorry did I disturb you?” she stammered, I simply replied with a grunt, Twilight sighed quietly and put on a smile P: But you don’t mean it! “I’d like to thank you for finding our friend Fluttershy and, well, putting up with her.. Shyness” she said, I didn’t want to talk to this filly, I didn’t even want to be here. A: Zombie hordes tend to have that effect I looked her in the eyes as I dropped the saddle onto the floor Z: So she held the saddle and shot the gun? How are you going to explain that one? “Look, I didn’t save her because she’s your friend, I saved her because she’s another survivor and my mission is to evac all survivors, pony or otherwise.” I snapped at her, I knew it was wrong of me to snap at her like that P: It’s a bad idea to yell at the princess’s favorite student. Especially after that beard crack. She may turn you to stone. but I didn’t care, I never have. Twilight stepped back a little bit, whether it was just to give me a feel of dominance or she was genuinely stepping down I couldn’t tell but either way I was wrong – she looked up at me and smiled lightly, I didn’t understand at all, I had just put her in a smaller position of place within the conversation and she was just smiling? P: She’s being friendly. Wow, you really need help. I hated that; she stood there smiling as if everything was alright in the world and could she not see the anarchy outside the perimeter? I coughed into my hoof and waited for her to respond, which she did. A: Well ya see, in order to stop the zombies she has to sacrifice someone and as the biggest jerk around you got picked. “Look, mister..?” “Long shot” “Mister longsho-” “Only my squad mates call me that, you can call me sir” A: Well there’s a few things we’d like to call you, but sir ain’t one of ‘em. “Okay, sir I think you need to try and understand just what Fluttershy means to me and my friends, you stopped her from becoming one of them ponie-“ A: Them? Am I Twilight in this fic? “Them thing’s aren’t ponies, they’re long from ponies, I’ve seen the dark side of ponykind and I know for a fact, that despite all I have seen, this is by far the worst.” “well, sir, I can’t say I can relate entirely to the horrible things you have seen, P: So many cakes… lost… but please try to understand that what’s going on isn’t your fault” Twilight said. I froze at the sentence and lowered my head, I was angry, enraged, when did I ever say this was my fault? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtqvMCP8GNE I turned around and picked up my saddle, jumping over the gap between us I started heading up to the entrance of the mine and slowly opened it – just enough to let me out – I slid a silencer on my rifle RD: Run Twilight! and lay down, getting into the usual position as I started picking off any straggling zomponies nearby. P: Wait, I’m just a little dirty! I’m not a— (BAM!) The next day came quickly, I looked over at the entrance as Big Macintosh forced the boulder aside, carrying the heavy weaponised saddle on his back, accompanied with Sharp Mark and Mudclap, I watched them start the daily patrol only to be confronted by Twilight Sparkle again. Twilight sat next to me without a sound and that’s how it stayed, for three whole hours. A: Twilight’s a zombie you fool! I coughed into my hoof and peered down the scope of my saddle, pulling the leaver again as I felt the kick back, reaching for the reload straddle I widened my eyes slightly at the sight of the ammo cartridges being replaced by Twilight’s magic. I frowned and looked back down the scope, picking off more zomponies as I did so. We continued this collaborated onslaught for an hour or two, I occasionally let slip the rare “Thanks” or “Reload” Twilight seemed to be quiet at the moment, as if waiting for the right time to speak. From my experience this only meant one thing: she wanted – or needed – something I sighed and looked at her “What is it you want?” RD: See the author over there? Take careful aim… I asked as politely as I could, if we were going to be stuck with each other for a few weeks (if not months) I may as well try and get along with her, Twilight smiled lightly and coughed into her hoof as if she was trying to keep some form of elegance in this *squee!*ed up world. All: (Sing) The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky. Are also on the faces, of ponies goin’ by… I waited for her response, which came a little sooner than expected “I need you to go to the library in the middle of town for me” she explained “Now why would I want to go and do that?” P: The vast collection of magic books which in all likely-hood could save all of Equestria from the rampaging horde of undead monsters? The fire breathing dragon who will happily roast all of them to cincers, thus saving our lives? (Laugh) Just kidding,. I left my comb. “Because if you do you’ll be able to stop by Sweet apple acres and pick up some food for the stock, we are running out you know.” She said, I sighed as I knew it to be far more than true, the rations were getting smaller and smaller by the day. I sighed and stood up, looking down at her “alright, I’ll do it, but if I find any survivors the food will have to wait.” A: He’ll kill them all I muttered, picking up my spare cartridges of ammunition and slipped them into my saddle, I headed towards Big Macintosh & Mark to explain the situation, they both looked at each other quietly but then nodded and headed towards the gate’s control panel to wait on me; I turned around and headed into the mine, slipping my saddle off my back and tucked it into what was supposed to be my sleeping quarters, coming back out with a bronze saddle attached to a bronze helmet, quickly I slipped it on and listened for the metallic click, smiling as it went off seconds later I bit down on the mouth piece of the helmet, small drills came out of the side of the saddle started to melt as it took tight hold of my body, hardening into thick bronze plates at my knees, torso, neck, head and flank, where wings would have been if I were a pegisi two large bladed wing-like contraptions quickly formed; RD: That was a long sentence… With the process complete I headed out of the mine, passing Twilight and her friends as I did I was stopped by an orange land pony, I sighed and looked her in the eyes “What is it you want?” I asked, trying not to show any arrogance or ignorance.. Applejack frowned at the gray land ponies response and shook her head in dismay “Ah know y’all are busy and me ahn’ ma friends are gratefull fer all yer help, but mah sister is out there and ah’m really concerned fer’ah, would ya’ll mind lookin’ for ‘er when yer out there?” she asked as kindly as she could. I simply blinked; I had no *squee!*ing clue what she just said, but I just nodded and agreed to help her, she said something about sister, so I imagine I’m probably looking for an orange foal or somethin’. I stepped out into the light and walked down the path to the gates, nodding to Mark & Macintosh to open the gates. The blades on my side shifted a bit as I took a few steps back so I could get a running start. The minute the gates open I sprinted as fast as I could through them, the swords ripping through the necks, heads and various other body parts of the undead, my hooves hitting the ground hard as I galloped through the hordes. P: He’s gone! All: Hooray! RD: Quick, lock the gate! It was a matter of minutes before I arrived in town, I knew where the library was, RD: It’s a forty foot high tree in the middle of town! It’s hard to miss but I wanted to scout out the other buildings too however. P: Because when you’re being chased by zombies it’s time to take a moment to investigate. The blades started to morph again as they changed shape and position into two large automatic rifles, smiling I placed my hoof against the door and forced it open, there was nothing of interest here, just broken glass a half-eaten pony who was clearly dead, A: Applebloom! however their bottom half wasn’t there so I couldn’t identify her by her cutie mark, deciding there was no point in continuing searching this house I turned around and closed the door behind me, my helmet forming a knife-like blade I carved the words “R.I.P” into the door’s wooden body. P: It seemed funny at the time After an hour of searching houses and some shops I had narrowed the list down to three places: The library, a bakery and a stylists, Z: You said yourself your mane is f***ed up. Maybe a manicure would cheer you up. deciding the bakery would be a good place to hit in case of food I quietly walked over, sneaking past any zed’s nearby like I had done for the past hour, no need to alert a horde over a search and recover mission. I pushed the door open and snuck in, quickly closing it behind me. I turned around to be met with a metallic click and the barrel of what seemed like a well-crafted –yet clearly the work of an amateur – barrel of a gun. All: FIRE! I smiled underneath the armour plating and pushed the saddle’s barrel aside, surprised to be met with three young fillies, one white, one orange and the other yellow. Derpy: (Appears) I see dead people! RD: (Cuts her head off with a chainsaw) She was dead the whole fic. She was just a ghost, right? All: Right! I blinked and watched as the white one slowly pulled the gun back and slid it under the counter, the other two looked at me, I could tell I was being sized up, so I did what any other soldier would do in the presence of an unsure V.I.P – I saluted. RD: Shoot him now! Me and the three fillies started to barricade the door, they had told me their names and their relations, I felt somewhat relieved when I found out the yellow one was that Applejay’ or Jack, or Jill or something’s younger sibling. I nodded quietly as they slowly explained how they forged such a complex weapon as unequipped as they were – then they showed me their marks – all three had different parts of a weapon on their flanks, the white one, Sweetiebell was it? I think it was; hers was a trigger strap, obvious to tell what strap it was due to the Ruby on it. Scootaloo’s was a cylinder. Not that kind of cylinder, (Crickets chirp) the cylinder they have on miniguns and similar automated heavy weapons, A: Hey, what we keep in the bunker under our barn is our own business! the final one was Applebloom, hers was an explosive ammo cartridge, it soon came to me that their marks were to show their bonds with each other – and their tendency to disobey what their elders said. I stood up and looked around the bakery; they had done pretty well setting up defences, barricaded windows and doors, with a large rifle mounted in front of the entrance, needless to say: these fillies were definitely going to be helpful, I looked down at them and smiled politely “Girls, I happen to know where your sisters are, but the way back is rather dangerous.” P: Now get in this unmarked van. I explained. The sudden twinkling in their eyes struck a worry in me; these fillies liked danger, thank god. I didn’t want to carry three terrified fillies back to the mine, later that day we packed everything up and headed out, something had attracted the zed’s because there wasn’t any ponies or zed’s there. The walk ‘Home’ wasn’t a long one as the girls were pretty fast on their hooves. Three days later. RD: Deprived of other food the cutie mark crusaders turned on their rescuer, devouring him much like the zombies that pursued them. I watched, fascinated as the weapons on the walls ripped the zed’s apart, them fillies knew what they had in mind and what would give us an upper hand. I looked back at Twilight who was going about something that I didn’t particularly care about, P: No seriously, I can clean up the zombie problem in thirty seconds if you get me the elements of Harmony from me and my friends’ houses. Are you listening to me? but over the past four days I’ve grown to like her a little bit, I even let her call me shot, however ‘Long Shot’ was far from her current status in my books. A: We saved the whole world. TWICE. We’ll call you what we want and you’ll like it I just watched her talk and nodded a few times, listening carefully for anything that would mean I would have to go out and risk it, after a while she mentioned something that caught my ears “She’s a zebra, but she isn’t like the others at all, Z: I hate on this sort of thing to stick, but what does that mean you racist prick? so we could do with some of her medicine for Rainbow Dash” I nodded slowly, but wearily, oh yeah, did I forget to mention that the Rainbow one’s sick? RD: I should fly and get help. Yeah. Sorry, anyway back to the point: I stood up and headed into the mine, putting on the usual bronze equipment, letting it form and this time instead of blades, two revolver barrels formed through the plating on my shoulders, I looked up and walked up the make-shift pathway, nodding at the occasional pony I passed, sighing quietly as there was a loud clicking noise on my shoulders. I walked down the path to the gates and waited for Pinkie to open them, I nodded quietly as she saluted in a somewhat comical manner with her left hind hoof, how she did that I’ll never know, I looked down at the pathway that was carved from real-dead bodies, I called this the walk of passed times, I served in the celestian weaponised military for three-to four years Luna’s voice: Sister, what the **** hast thou been doing whilst I was away? before I was promoted to my current rank, during my serving times I had seen pony after pony fall victim to either the opposition or the psychological side-effects. I had been one of the few to come out unharmed, except from one wound, one which nobody knows about. All: Yes! RD: Dead pony walking! I walked down the path, looking at tall the dead zeds, not even wondering how there could be so many in such a small town. I stopped at the end of the trail of dead bodies and looked back, flashbacks of when I served on the front line, mercilessly slaughtering anything that was seen as a threat to the Celestial Empire. A: (As Derpy as Forrest Gump) Lieutenant Dan! P: Oh does this mean we’re getting chocolates and shrimp? I love chocolates and shrimp! I started to gallop slowly, keeping my wits about me in case there were any zeds nearby, but luckily there were none. Until I got to town. I stopped, shocked at the still growing masses of the undead, gathering and bumping into each other as they searched for new prey. Smiling at the challenge ahead of me I pulled my front hooves up into the air and slammed them back into the ground, the revolvers slowly starting to fire as a chain suddenly rips out of the revolvers, forcing them to fire even faster as more and more zeds became aware of what was happening. I felt at home doing this, finishing off the undead, it felt like war. Now, I never was a one to enjoy other ponies’ pain, but these things aren’t ponies now are they? RD: And here we see the killer justifying his psychotic actions I slowly stepped back as the ever growing hoard started to limp towards me, the revolvers slid down my shoulder to the side of my body rigging themselves into automatic rifles, I laughed as more and more of them fell to the floor, I was enjoying this a little too much I knew it, but there will most likely never be a war this easy to win, RD: Really? Because Celestia and Luna could send all the zombies to the moon or the sun or turn them into stone or something… P: We could get some dragons to help clear them out Z: I know you did not ask me to save you all, but I could help if you were to but call… so I took my slice of cake and ate it, P: That’s mine! just like any other pony would do, after a long and somewhat enjoyable onslaught the rifles clicked and transformed into two-lance-like blades, so I charged head-first into the remaining horde, forcing the tip of the lance’s into their heads as I ran through them, I quickly turned, throwing the now limp and obviously dead zed’s off of my lances, I turned and started to run towards the forest, both weapons melted back into the bronze armour. I stopped, panting heavily outside a small cottage, the design was familiar – as it should be – you see, when I signed up there was a war between the Celestian P: Prophecy Empire and, whatever the Zebra’s Empire is called, I served as a frontline rook, my entire service that year was finding zebra colonies and towns, then burning them down and leaving no survivors. All: (Stare zombie-like) P: And you zoned out listening to Twilight? I don’t talk about it much, for obvious reasons, I had been forced to pull the strap on mere kids and children, I shook my head at the recollection and knocked on the door with my hoof, smiling politely “who is it?” a hoarse female voice asked from behind “I’m one of Twilight’s.. Acquaintances, would you mind letting me in?” I responded, choosing my fifth word carefully. There was a loud chinking noise as the female Zebra; I think Twilight said her name was Zecora? I can’t remember, opened the door and let me inside, I sat down next to the door and looked at her “Thank you, as I’m sure you are already aware there is a... ‘plague’ of sorts, infesting itself within Ponyville” Z: I live alone in the wood. But please explain if you would. I explained, Zecora raised a hoof and looked at me “I know too well of the ‘Plague ‘you are referring to and tell twilight there is no cure.” She raised her voice; I stepped back slowly and tilted my head “You alright miss?” I asked as a revolver slowly formed behind my neck Zecora frowned and placed her hooves inside a the cauldron in the middle of her house, scowling as she stepped out, the blue liquid slowly spread across the floor, ripping up the floor boards as it did so, revealing dead foals, fillies, mares. P: Mm-mm, Cajun cookin’ in that big old pot! Z: Blackened pony, I have a lot. I stepped back in shock as different years were carved into their skulls, then looked back up at her “What in Celestia’s beard is all this?!” RD: You’re under attack by zombie ponies and you don’t suspect the local voodoo queen might be involved? Z: (Shrugs) I thought it might be me when I saw the title. Though this racist crap begins to bridle. I yelled, the revolver quickly split in two and positioned themselves at the shoulders again, stepping back and placing my back two hooves against the door I forced it shut as more of the blue substance enveloped her body and the bodies of the skeletons, I scowled at this hostile action and dug my hooves into the ground, waiting for the Zebra to make the first strike, I didn’t know why she was attacking me like this, then I remembered: during my first year of service a rare occurrence happened – I took pity on a Zebra female after I killed her parents before her eyes – Zecora may have been the girl. Z: (Shakes her head) No, that I would remember. I saw my family just last December. I gulped quietly, I was too familiar with what anger and a lust for revenge could do. Zecora opened her mouth as slowly hooves reached up from the ground and pulled the rest of their bodies up, I opened fire, giving them all I had, their limbs ripped off easier than a Zed’s – then it hit me, the sound of the guns would be attracting zed’s – A: I’ve let this go fer a while now. What in tarnation is a zed? I grinned and allowed the suit to morph into a large cannon, I fired it at the max power, P: The kick shooting him through the air like a baseball. loud bangs erupted from it as the mossy-like creatures exploded from the collision of the cannon balls, I proceeded carefully as Zecora walked towards me, extending her hoof to the skies she said something in a foreign tongue – something I had never heard before and never want to hear again – P: This is called a period… the moss shot her up into the air, making her taller and all the more demonic-looking as her yellow eyes turned white, speaking in strange tongues as she attempted to whack me away with her new insanely long and now spiked hooves, I rolled back and fired again and again, I could hear the moans of zed’s now, this was getting serious and I had no idea why. Quickly, Zecora caught me off guard as I turned around to take care of a Zed, forcing me up in the air she brought her head forward and head butted me into a patch of nearby tree’s, I stood up and growled under my breathe “*squee!*!” I yelled, galloping as fast as I could, my entire torso forming into what seems like a spiked head, Zecora stamped out some of the zeds – literally – while chanting prayers, suddenly there was a large stabbing pain in her rear hoof, quickly the moss and blood mixture jumped out of her wound as the pain got even worse, she looked down and howled in even more pain as the land pony ripped a vein straight out of place, digging into her new bones, she swopped a hoof down and forced him out of the way, paying attention to the zomponies she started to crush them again, laughing loudly as her eyes shifted colour again and again. I grunted as I hit the tree with a loud crack, my hind leg had been twisted out of place and broken, coughing I stood up as the bronze armour made a metallic cast around my broken leg, allowing me to limp back to that pyscho*squee!* Zecora, the torso of my armour turned to normal as my legs were now starting to develop casts around them. I limped back to Zecora and kept behind the tree line. A: Get the feeling that the author has a problem with Zecora? All: (Nod) Sweetiebell looked down the scope of the trio’s newest invention, grimacing at their huge success with night vision, the three fillies tapped each other’s hooves together, then jumped from fright as a series of loud ‘Bangs’ suddenly erupted out of the quietness. Twilight, AppleJack and Big Macintosh all rushed out of the mine, staring in shock & awe at the sight of a colossal Zebra-looking creature being hit with explosions, Twilight recognised the location instantly, as did AppleJack. P: Are we sure we can’t try friendship before we kill everyone? Then, it hit them, the sudden realisation: a Soldier pony and a Shaman-like Zebra, long-term enemies, A: Really? Cause I’d like it if you’d explain it ta us. left in solitude in a forest, without warning a large chunk of Zecora’s familiar-like body was ripped off by an explosion, forcing her to fall to the ground in loud and clear agony. Twilight watched in horror and started running towards the gates, forcing them open with sheer force as she did so, running across the town and past the zed’s, Applejack followed her soon after, as did Big Macintosh with AJ. Mudclap woke up and rushed to the entrance, standing behind the three ponies and then turned his attention to a loud coughing sound, the rainbow Pegisi started having a coughing fit, Mudclap quickly held her down and pressed his hooves against her chest, pushing downward to try and help her breathe. I looked up and laughed as the Zebra fell to the floor with a victorious crack; the moon highlighted the blood in the grass, against the house and on the tree’s, I took a step towards her and spat on the ground next to her “you should’ve stayed in the desert” Z: How about “no” ya freaky dutch bastard? P: You didn’t rhyme. Z: I don’t have to do that every time I hissed as a revolver formed on my shoulder “You were stronger than your parent’s, I’ll give you that” I muttered quietly, just as the revolver was about to go off, I was forced over onto my side and rolled into the house, standing up to see Twilight panting as a zed came up behind her, I quickly pulled the trigger, the bullet deflected off of another bullet’s scatter, Big Macintosh came behind twilight, followed by AppleJack, I looked at them with confusion as Twilight approached Zecora, placing a hoof against her head and whispered something into her ear, to my disgust the Zebra opened her mouth in response. Twilight looked up at me with confusion as she helped Zecora up, who immediately pointed a limp hoof at me “You” she growled through grunts of pain Zecora: I was upset to be shot at I will admit. But after reading this, I’d welcome a bullet. “You killed my mother and father, P: (As Darth Vader) I am your father! then didn’t even have the decency to kill me too?!” she yelled, I stepped forward and frowned at the response she gave me “You do realise I could have been killed for letting you live?!” I yelled back, furiously “I wish you were!” was her response; All: Us too! Twilight’s horn glowed as I felt something smack me and Zecora simultaneously. I looked back and sighed heavily “look, how about we all just head inside and we talk this out?” I suggested quietly as the moans of a zed could be heard nearby. (Film snaps) MST Author: Due to the unending torment and complete lack of structure that was the rest of this fic which was begining to make me long for the sweet embrace of brain eating zombies I have chosen to cut it off here and instead replace the rest with one of my own. All: Hooray! RD: Seriously, I’ve heard less psychotic stories than these from serial killers talking about ripping wings off of flies. Do any of you watch the series or what? Could you please talk about something that’s a bit less depressing? Like maybe torturing rats with a hacksaw? This is a sequel to More Than Friends which people asked me to write. See, this is why you review fan fics. Give me enough information on what you like and dislike in my fics and I can do better next time. Keep that in mind as you read this, my other fics, or my books. On a side note I as always encourage MSTs of all my fics. P: Well if nobody else will do it I suppose you’ll have to My Little Pony Friendship is Magic: More Than Friends 2 By, Clayton Overstreet Previously: Under the guise of a friendly reward for saving the universe a couple of times Fluttershy took Twilight Sparkle out on a date. This was revealed to Twilight when Pinkie Pie accidentally crashed in while trying to spy on them. Once she realized what was going on Twilight decided to go with it and after giving Fluttershy a kiss she promised her a second date. All: (Stare in shock) RD: Impossible A: Never happen P: Yeah! I follow people around for whole episodes. There’s no way I’d get caught! Now Fluttershy stared at the group in front of her door and blinked. RD: Celestia’s Witnesses “What are you all doing here? Not that I’m not happy to see you because you’re my friends and all. I’m just surprised and…” “I did promise you another date,” Twilight said. She had Spike on her back sitting on a folded blanket and holding a large basket that smelled of delicious food. Rarity was standing next to them smiling smugly. Next to her was her sister Sweetie Belle. A: This could be one heck of a date! “But I thought… well I guess I thought it would just be… you know, the two of us.” She looked apologetically at Rarity. “I mean…” “It’s okay,” Rarity said. “I understand totally.” “I did some reading on dating in my books,” Twilight said. “Because I… well before I came to Ponyville I did not do much besides study so I thought I should try to find out. And it said that sometimes it was a good idea to read up on it. The book said that it was a good idea to bring friends for a double date. If you don’t mind.” “No, of course not,” Fluttershy said softly, though from the look of things she obviously did mind a little. “I had to bring my sister along too,” Rarity said. “My parents are away and they left me in charge. Besides it’s not as if Spike and I are really on a date.” P: Why not? “We’re not?” Spike asked a little sadly. Rarity raised an eyebrow at him. He forced a smile. “Well it’s still nice to spend time with you Rarity.” “Of course it is,” Rarity said haughtily. “Plus my sister is spying for the rest of your friends so they know what happens on your date,” Sweetie said. Rarity stamped on her hoof. “Ow!” All: (Laugh) “It’s better than having them sneaking around behind bushes,” Twilight said. “And after we eat I thought we could go for a walk alone.” Fluttershy smiled at that. “I’d like that.” A: Two ponies enter the forest. One comes out. 000 On the walk to the woods Sweetie Belle wasted no time asking awkward questions. “You said that this was a date for Fluttershy and Twilight, right?” A: That’s what the recap said anyway. “Yes,” Rarity said. “But they’re both fillies.” Fluttershy and Twilight both flushed, smiling slightly. “I thought only stallions could date mares! On Applebloom’s farm we saw Applejack’s dog and it—” “We know what it did,” Rarity said quickly. “You told us all about it at dinner last month. Several times.” P: I can lick myself like that “So how come…?” “Fluttershy dear, do you want to handle this?” Fluttershy blinked. “Me?” RD: No, the other Fluttershy “You are the one who asked Twilight out in the first place,” Spike pointed out. “Oh well, um, you see Sweetie Belle I… I think Twilight is really pretty and nice and smart and caring and everything.” Twilight smiled and looked away blushing even more. “So are a lot of ponies. Are you scared of boys? Because you’re scared of a lot of things.” “No! Not… not like that,” Fluttershy said. “I just… some fillies don’t feel that way about colts and stallions. Sometimes stallions like other stallions and mares like other mares. Some don’t like anybody that way and others can fall in love with more than one pony. Others: (Look at Applejack) A: You implying somethin’? All: No! It’s just how the world works sometimes. It’s not always easy and doesn’t always go the way someone might think it should, but it’s just the way things are and pretending that it isn’t does nobody any good.” “Like how my sister likes stallions and Spike likes her?” “Um, yes…” Z: Sweetie Belle is adorable, it’s a fact. But she needs a lesson in tact. She turned to Twilight. “So do you like girls too?” “I never gave it much thought until Fluttershy took me out the other night,” Twilight said. RD: (Snort) Right. If Celestia asked you to make love to her you’d make a sonic rainboom right to her bedroom. “But when we kissed I got all kinds of butterflies in my stomach and I really liked it so… P: So that’s what her cutie mark means! I wondered about those butterflies! A: Those’re butterflies? RD: What did you think they were? A: (Blushing) I’d rather not say I think so.” She felt something warm brush her side and noticed that Fluttershy was walking close to her. “Oh look, there’s a good spot.” It was a small clearing next to a stream on green moss. The sun shown down like a spotlight as Spike hopped off, taking the blanket and basket to set up. He flicked it out into a blue checkered patch and began setting out the food. They gathered together, Fluttershy and Twilight on one side. Rarity sat with her sister between her and Spike. The young dragon was clearly not happy about that, but not surprised either. They started to talk about their days as they ate. Twilight had been doing a lot of reading as usual and discovering many things about friendship. P: Did you know it makes a great topping for pizza? She had also learned three new spells. RD: Acid trip, Bixby’s Groping hands, and something involving Spike and a gender swap. “She can turn invisible, light a fire, and use mirrors to talk to people all over the world,” Spike said proudly. All: Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary… Fluttershy had been working with her animals. “A tiger wandered in with a broken leg and he’s recuperating now.” “I know how you stop them from eating each other,” Twilight said. “I mean I’ve seen you wrestle a bear. P: She kilt her a b’ar when she was only three… But how do you feed carnivores if they can’t eat the other animals?” “That’s why I keep my chickens,” Fluttershy said. “I know it’s only natural for them to eat meat, but I can’t stand it. So I just feed them eggs and milk until they go back to the wild.” “That seems fair.” Rarity said, “I recently got a commission from Celestia and Luna. RD: Lingerie! They’re going to the dragon kingdom next month to speak with their king over some political matters and I was asked to make something for them to wear and a large robe for the dragon’s queen.” P: That guy with the moustache that lives in the river? “We’re going with them,” Twilight said. “I want to spend some time studying dragons when they live together, not like the ones we get out here who live alone in caves.” “I get to act as an ambassador,” Spike said proudly. “You’re leaving?” Fluttershy asked. Twilight turned to her. “Just for a few weeks.” Before she could say anything else Sweetie Belle asked, “So is Spike going to get a dragon girlfriend while he’s there?” Everyone turned to look at her. “There are going to be lots ad lots of dragons there, right Spike?” “I guess,” he said uncertainly. “Too bad,” Sweetie Belle said. “I was thinking since my sister didn’t want to go out with you I’d ask you.” “What?!” Everyone asked at the same time. A: You go girl! She looked around at them. “Well why not? My sister is always saying how nice and charming Spike is, especially compared to that stuck up stallion she met in Canterlot and a lot of other guys she knows. But she never goes out with him so I thought maybe when I was a little older I’d ask him out. At least I’m not older than he is.” “Uh gee, I never even thought about that… All: Liar! though if you grow up to be anything like your sister you will be really cute.” “Spike!” Rarity said. “What? He said I’d be cute. Why are you upset?” Rarity turned and glared at her. “You’re too young to even be thinking about this sort of thing!” Twilight and Fluttershy shared a look and slowly got up while the sisters glared at each other. Spike sent them a “Take me with you” look, but they ignored him and walked softly off into the nearby forest. He was too close to move without catching the sisters’ attention. RD: Ooo, that was cold. 0o0 Twilight and Fluttershy walked through the forest together, listening to the birds sing in the trees. They came to a small patch of flowers with butterflies fluttering over the petals everywhere in a rainbow of colors. “Poor Spike,” Twilight said. “Relationships are complicated.” “Especially when it’s so unusual. But then he is the only dragon really living in Equestria with ponies. All the others are big grown up dragons who come here to be alone with their hordes.” A butterfly landed on her nose and she looked at it cross-eyed, a smile on her lips. “Can dragons and ponies even… you know. Have kids? My parents always said that sea ponies for example are why cousin’s shouldn’t marry. And dragons are so big. So would a dragon and a pony even be able to…?” “Sure,” Twilight said. Startled Fluttershy turned to look at her, the butterfly flying off her face. “They can?” “Didn’t you see Luna’s guards when she came for Nightmare Night? The ones with dragon wings, dragon eyes, and fins instead of manes and tails? And I’m still trying to figure out how, but that same night I swear Pinkie laid an egg identical to the one Spike hatched from.” Others; (Look at Pinkie) P: Remember in Dragonshy when I went into the cave and the dragon roared and the ground shook and I came out looking a little disheveled but otherwise okay? RD: Really? P: (Nods) And when they say dragons are hung like horses they mean it’s as big as an actual horse. “Oh! So that’s what a dragon and pony baby looks like!” Fluttershy said. “We’ve all been kind of wondering about that.” “Spike doesn’t exactly keep his feelings hidden too well,” Twilight admitted. “Even if he thinks he does.” P: FOREVER! “You’re much better at it,” Fluttershy said. “What do you mean?” “Until Sweetie Belle asked you I had no idea how you felt about our kiss. You seemed like you liked it, but you didn’t say anything. I’ve been wondering.” “Worrying about it?” Twilight smiled as Fluttershy looked down. “I just… I really love you Twilight. More than anybody in the whole wide world. A: What about her parents? RD: Well both of them seem to have been abandoned by their families at an early age. But I know you might not feel that way about me and I don’t want to push…” Her soft voice trailed off and tears glittered in the corners of her eyes. “Fluttershy look at me.” The pegasus looked up. Twilight moved close to her, pressing her side into Fluttershy’s so that they could feel each other’s hearts beating. Both were pounding away like drums. She flicked her tail up and on the way down it brushed over Fluttershy’s flanks like soft feathers and made her shiver, in a very good way. All: Shalalalala Z: (Sings) Don’t be scared you got de mood prepared. Go on and kiss de girl… Others: Whoa-oh “I love you too.” She leaned forward and kissed Fluttershy on her lips. O0o Meanwhile back at the Hall of Justice! P: Oh right, he wrote this fic and the MST Woops, I mean back at the picnic blanket. Spike sat there silently while the two sisters stared at one another. A: And kissed “Why do you care anyway? Spike isn’t your boyfriend!” Sweetie Belle asked. “That is besides the point!” Rarity said. “You are too young to be thinking about things like that.” “I like to plan ahead. RD: Thank you MacGuyver A: She’s gonna wrap Spike in duct tape? Just because Spike is a dragon you don’t think he should date ponies?” “Yes… no! That’s not what I’m worried about.” P: You’ll get dragon warts on your naughty bits Others: (look at her) “It’s why you aren’t dating him, isn’t it?” “No it isn’t!” “Than why can’t I want to date him? He’s a dragon so it’s not like he’ll be too old by then. And you don’t love him.” “I do love him!” “You do?” “Of course. You think you’re the only one who has noticed how nice and sweet and caring Spike is? He can never do enough for anyone, especially me. Sometimes he’s falling over himself so much I feel guilty for taking advantage of him.” Z: S&M can be a joy. Is Spike that kind of boy? “Then why don’t you ever say it? If I felt that way about someone then I’d tell them.” Rarity shook her head. “It’s not that easy. Especially when you don’t deserve it. I’m way too self centered to think Spike could be happy with me! He would be totally miserable if I thought for a second I deserved someone like him.” “You really love me?” All: Oops The white unicorn froze and then closed her eyes, her lower lip trembling. She had forgotten Spike was there. When she fought with her sister the whole rest of the world tended to fall away. “I… um…” She felt fingers and claws brush her mane and fell silent. “Sweetie Belle?” “Um, yes Spike?” She asked quietly. Rarity wondered what he was going to say. She shuddered under his claws. She could not believe she had just admitted that. What would he say now? She could not imagine him saying that he did not actually love her. Sometimes pretending that she did not know how he felt about her was the hardest part of Rarity’s day. RD: Spoiled brat… She felt guilty ever since she had first ignored him because of her plans to marry some rich handsome pony at the Gala, only to realize what a snob the guy was and how perfect Spike had been despite her own ego. To tell the truth since then she had somewhat played up her own snobbish behavior so that Spike would realize how stuck up she was and how little she deserved him. Now instead he was probably going to tell Sweetie belle how much he loved Rarity and how he could never possibly… “Good job! I didn’t believe you when you said you could trick her into it, but you were right.” All: (Laugh) RD: Way to go! “What?” Rarity said, her mouth hanging open in shock. Ignoring her outburst Sweetie Belle said, “Oh it was easy. Rarity says all kinds of things without thinking when she fights with me. Especially if I’m trying to argue with her about something she wants.” “Here’s the diamond I promised you if this worked.” Spike reached into the natural pocket on one of his legs and handed her a large glittering ball of crystal. “Can you go play over there while we talk?” “Of course. Momma and daddy always send me away like that too when they want to be alone.” RD: The truth is she has a mutant twin they keep in the basement. She giggled and looked at her sister. Then she dropped the diamond and moved it like a ball with her hoof. “You… you…” Rarity stuttered. “You manipulative reptile! You cold blooded serpent! I can’t believe you tricked me!” P: Believe it…or not. RD: (As Naruto) Believe it! Spike smirked. “I’m a dragon. We’re supposed to do things like that. If there is something I want I’m supposed to take it. It’s how we work.” A: My Little Dragon: Greed is Magic She turned up her nose. “Huh! I just misspoke. I didn’t mean any of…” Spike, hand still holding her mane, kissed her. She was startled at first, but then let out a tiny moan as his forked tongue slid into her mouth, her eyes closing. Zecora: Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that thing nine feet long? As he kissed her he swelled up, growing by the moment until he was suddenly two or three times bigger than Rarity. His hand moved down caressing her back and then ran through her soft tail, tugging softly. Finally they broke and Rarity stared at him. “What happened to you?” P: He’s been drinking milk! A: Nah, yer Charizard just evolved into a Charmeleon He smiled. “It’s that whole hoarding thing. I took you so you’re mine and I grew.” RD: Yeah, that’s the explanation. Sure. “Yours? What makes you think I belong to anyone? I’m not some thing that you can just own!” Spike opened his mouth to speak, but before he could Sweetie Belle called out from down by the stream, “Rarity stop being dumb and just kiss him!” “Shut up!” She called back. Then she and Spike both smiled, looking into one another’s eyes. “This is a mistake. You know it’ll never work out.” “Well it is a little lame that you still live with your parents,” Spike said in an offhand way. “But I can over look it.” P: (Slow teen movie clap) Others: (Join in) “Spike…” “What?” He asked. Rarity stared at him. There were a dozen reasons not to do this. Spike was a dragon and she was a pony. The fact that they were different species aside, Spike was going to live for ever. Dragons were immortal. Ponies weren’t, for the most part. He would still be young when she was old and dying. A: So next week… P: Be nice! Then there were ponies out there who would have a huge problem with them just being together. P: That racist pony in the last fic How would Rarity’s own parents and customer’s feel about it? RD: Finally she can move out of her parent’s house A: You’re 21, pack up and move out! Not to mention the sheer physical parts of any male-female relationship. A: I’ve spotted Moby Di— Others: (Cover her mouth) Here Spike was now huge, dwarfing even Big Macintosh. A full grown dragon… Rarity had seen several and the size of them made even the largest house in town look small. Spike had once grown large enough to hold her in the tip of his tail like a tiny doll. She could just imagine… “Rarity?” P: You’re drooling “To heck with it. Kiss me you fool!” She kissed Spike and before she closed her eyes again she saw him almost melt, falling limply in front of her like a love struck puppy, barely keeping his head up to continue kissing her. “Ew!” Sweetie Belle teased playfully from nearby. Rarity opened one eye to shoot her a threatening look, but just as quickly forgot everything else but the pounding of her own heart in her ears as Spike ran his claws up and down her back. A: Oops, found a tick 00o Fluttershy and Twilight made their way back to the clearing some time later. Time had passed and they had found things to do that were, frankly, nobody else’s business. Though one might speculate by their satisfied grins and the leaves and twigs and flower petals in their manes that it had been both satisfying and rather energetic. RD: I’m not satisfied with that explanation They were both lost in each other’s eyes and leaning together when they finally looked up and saw the blanket. Sweetie Belle was using her diamond to play with rainbows. But what caught their eye was the other couple. Spike, grown to big but not gigantic proportions, sat against a tree with Rarity’s head on his lap. RD: Woo hoo! You go girl! He had already braided her tail and was currently working on her mane. All: (Disappointed) Oh… Pinkie: (Mouth ringed with white goo) Mmm, delicious… (holds up the box of cupcakes) You want some? There’s lots of frosting! His claws were brushing gently through it every now and then, letting the silk smooth strands brush through his fingers. Sometimes he would run his hand down her body and over her flanks, making her ears and tail twitch. A: (As Sweetie) You should have seen what they did while you two were gone! At the sound of their hooves Rarity’s eyes opened and she looked at them, daring them to say anything. “Yes?” Twilight and Fluttershy both smiled at each other, knowingly. Fluttershy said, “Congratulations.” “You know what this means don’t you?” Twilight said. All: No “That I need a bigger bed?” Spike asked. P: Because he’s bigger now Others: Riiiiiight “True, but I was thinking that now it’s our turn to tell everyone about you two like when you spied on our first date.” “What?” Rarity stood up. “You wouldn’t!” Turning she said to Fluttershy, “Race you to Applejack’s farm.” “I know a shortcut!” Sweetie Belle said. “Follow me!” The three of them turned and galloped off. “Come back here!” Rarity cried, running after them. Spike watched them go and smiled to himself. Looking down at his claws, which still had some strands of pony hair in them, he looked down at himself and then around at the peaceful forest. :”This was a good day.” Reaching into his natural pocket he pulled out a scroll and a pen. RD: Twilight, I quit… Oo0 In her castle a green flash and a scroll appeared in front of Celestia. RD: My Victoria’s Secret catelogue! She smiled and unrolled it, reading carefully. “Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned P: What a “Cleveland Steamer” is. Next week “A Dirty Sanchez” and for my birthday Rarity promised me a “Rainbow Party” with all our friends that it can be okay to consider someone yours only. Being jealous and possessive can be bad when taken too far or when the other person does not feel the same way, but it is not wrong to want something like that for yourself or if you know that the other person feels the same way about you. Feeling too much that you have to share someone or something so amazing with everyone to be fair to them and others can mean giving up what you want and that means you can never have it yourself. In a way being selfish and keeping the most perfect person in the world for yourself so that nobody else can have them is what life and love are all about as long as you don’t smother them. P: (Holding a pillow over Zecora’s face) LOVE ME! It puts the lotion on its skin! My friends, my family, my love… RD: Hopefully unlike the Apple clan those aren’t all the same thing… A: (Hits her) it can’t be wrong not to want to share something like that because then it would be less rare and special. Friends can’t be what that one special person can to you. A: An alibi It doesn’t mean that you can not share other things with other people you love and care about them in other ways, but some things mean more than friendship.” It was signed by Spike. “Are you alright?” Luna asked. P: I’m not reading porn! I mean… hello. Celestia looked up and realized her sister had been there for a while. She blinked away her tears. “I’m fine.” She paused. “Luna you know that I love you right?” “Of course,” she said. RD: We’ve all seen the pictures…and the statues A: And the ancient temple carvings of the Pony Sutra “You’re my sister. Nobody can get between that.” RD: Because you watch them all age and turn to dust She smiled. “You’re not still on that whole moon thing? I thought we forgave each other for that.” P: She’s really just waiting for her ultimate revenge. “No, you’re right. You’re my sister. That makes us more than friends.” She nuzzled her sister’s nose. “Come on, let’s go out and get some icecream.” “Certainly sister,” Luna said, slightly confused. A: While we’re out want to turn more ponies to stone so that we can devour their life force to keep outselves immortal? RD: Of course (Fic ends and the girls stampede out the door.) MSTer Note: That was mean. I’m not apologizing because… well those fics deserved it. Yikes. I’m just pointing it out.
ok... That was hilarious and at the same time I dunno embarrasing? ok wow that stung...but bear in mind we are all amateurs here.
Yeah it's always funnier when it's not you. Still... you deserved it. Seriously. Think this'll help you write better next time? [video=youtube;IIq7P0jBfRQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIq7P0jBfRQ[/video] MST of The Poetic Pony's "The Family" or as I call it "Realease the Crack-on!" MST By, Clayton Overstreet MSTers Twilight Sparkle Fluttershy Rarity Spike Rarity: Why are we doing this again? Twilight: Pinkie, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash insisted. Something about "If we had to sit through that psycho zombie fic, you can read this one. Fluttershy: (Looking around at the dark theater) I hope it isn't too scary Spike: If it is Rarity you can hang on to me... Rarity: (Smirks) I'll keep that in mind Spike. The Family ~ ThePoeticPony ft Everypony Note: This is a backstory for the XigXelTiRiBlOneSzeTicLabYalBait88781 family, which means that this fan-fiction contains light shipping and mishaps within the household. Spike: Most accidents happen within a mile of home THIS HASN’T ALL COME FROM MY HEAD; Rarity: Make the voices stop! I’M JUST PUTTING ALL THE CANON IDEAS TOGETHER. THIS IS A GROUP EFFORT. All: (Sing) Ring around the rosey... It was a gloriously sunny day in the summer of 1980, Fluttershy: Ah, 80's ponies! Spike: What are you so scared of? They look more like real horses than modern ponies so Merri, Ronsta and Bounty Twilight: The quicker picker upper all prepared for a boating trip on the Mersey. Spike: (Stands on his seat, arms wide) I'm king of the world! The first boat disintegrated as soon as it hit the murky water; Twilight: Oh screw that! Take the train! therefore Bounty had to grudgingly return home to order a new one off eBay (which hadn’t been invented yet). Fluttershy: I guess the trip will be a little delayed Meanwhile, Merri and Ronsta stayed at the all too sudden empty docks. Spike: I coulda been a contender! The sound of gulls screeching overhead merged with the gentle splash of the water hitting the rock walls below. Suddenly, the noise of creaking wood could be heard, which turned Merri and Ronsta’s attention. Fluttershy: What is that stallion doing to that wooden horse? Rarity: And why are there sounds of people inside screaming in Greek? There before them, was a small wooden rowing boat with two oars and a heap of supplies. Spike: This was no boating accident... The pair looked at one other, as if they’d just read each other’s minds. Twilight: I think we're too early for Miss Cleo too They stepped onto the boat, which heaved and wobbled with any sudden movements. Slumping down into the two seats, Merri and Ronsta both picked up an oar each and began to paddle downriver. Spike: (Looks at the ponies next to him) How do non-unicorns use a paddle? “You know Merri,” Ronsta said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone else pull of wearing sunglasses quite as well as you.” All: (Put on Sunglasses) Fluttershy: You know the difference between us and you? Rarity: We make this look good. Merri blushed and thanked Ronsta for his courtesy, but all the while not realising that they were heading into the vast expanse of the sea. Spike: Until a dead seagull landed in their boat The ocean was calm, and the waves lapped against the side of the wooden boat. Rarity: Great day for a double suicide Ronsta and Merri had lost their oars days before, and now they were easy prey for the ravenous seagulls flitting above the briny blue. All: (Sings the song from Muppet Treasure Island) We've got cabin fever, no ifs ands or buts. We're disoriented and demented and a little nuts. All they had to survive on now were countless boxes of PG Tips and Jaffa cakes, which had grown sour in the intense heat that you often find in the Irish Sea. All: (Share a look) Twilight: Because Ireland is known for its heat...? Desperation and madness had gripped them both. "Is that a new haircut?" Merri asked inquisitively. "Why indeed...." Ronsta replied, "Want to feel it?" Merri and Ronsta's hooves gently pressed against one another and - Spike: Wait, are they ponies or humans? *FOGHORN* Rarity: (As Foghorn Leghorn) I say I say I say that boy's about as bright as a tub of tar. "What the hay are you two doing?!" yelled Bounty from his new, crystal white boat. Rarity: Maybe they are ponies. Hay is for horses. Ronsta and Merri sat back down at the ends of the boat and scratched the back of their head's embarrassingly. Fluttershy: Alien implants? Bounty lowered a gang-ramp from the side of his vessel and the pair clambered aboard. All: Where the hell have you been?! Spikel He really is a quicker picker upper. However, the ramp knocked off one of the boxes of Jaffa cakes so Merri dived valiantly into the depths to retrieve them. Spike: Did they leave shore in a tiny boat full of small cakes and head out to the open ocean with no navigation skills for a reason? Twilight: I assume that's in the part of the story we're missing. Emerging from the water once more, box in mouth, Merri climbed back onto the ship and Ronsta hoof-palmed himself in the face. Spike: (As Picard) (Face palm) Damn it number 1! All: (Hum the Jaws Theme) No-pony knew what happened that night, Fluttershy: (As Columbo) I'm just looking for answers (This Joke in Memory of Peter Falk.) for all that was heard from the hotel room Rarity: (Rocking back and forth) NORMAN! that Merri and Ronsta were staying in was a slight jolt of spring movements and a loud banging noise that rumbled through the entire nine floored building. Fluttershy: I thought they were on a ship... Bounty sat against the headboard of his bed, spilling tea occasionally every time the wall into Merri and Ronsta’s room vibrated violently. Spike: Woo hoo! Twilight: Spilling tea occassionally? How does a pony even hold a tea cup? Fluttershy: Two sided tape He cursed when the toupee mane he was wearing to cover his bald head flopped off and onto the mucky hotel floor. Spike: It is Picard! Twilight; I knew this would happen when the vice of Q was cast as Discord. Nine months later Fluttershy: Wait, I thought they were both girls Rarity: If this is a pregnancy thing it's pretty late for a pony Nine months had passed since that fateful day in August, Spike; The Brittish are coming! so according to their math skills it was now the 16th September. Twilight: Your math sucks! That or you have a seriously screwed up calendar. Ronsta had been rushed to hospital after an unusual amount of water started pouring down his trouser legs in the bucket loads. Rarity: Don't go chasing waterfalls... The unicorn doctors were flummoxed; they had never seen anything like this before. Spike: (As Fox Mulder) Scully, do you realize what this mean? Merri paced the white corridors impatiently outside the maternity wards where Durex and NSPCC posters donned the corkboards, which lay on the once white, but now grey walls. Fluttershy: That's not a very clean hospital As usual, there were only 5 chairs for anybody waiting so fathers had forced their children to stand whilst they sat down instead. Rarity: Obama Care strikes again One colt looked like he was contemplating suicide because he was so bored in this place devoid of almost all life. Fluttershy: The two from earlier could lend you their boat. Finally, after hours of waiting, Merri looked in through the window, hooves pressed against the glass and wept as he witnessed the birth of his daughter. Spike: That is the ugliest baby I have ever seen! One of the unicorns was crying as they cut the umbilical cord, Twilight: I can't see! What did I just snip? Spike: I think that kid just got a eunich opertunity for they had no choice but to look at this horrifying display. Another ran over to the corner, lowered their surgical mask with their hoof and convulsed onto the floor. Merri rushed in, hooves making a trotting sound against the hard floor, Fluttershy: you stepped on the doctor and looked deeply into Ronsta’s eyes, which were clear to see from the fact they were bulging out and his jaw was still dropped open in shock. Merri smiled at the young filly that had just been born and said, “Let’s call her Miggy.” Rarity: I think that's her butt Twilight: How can you tell? At that same moment, somewhere far deep into the cosmos, Spike: All hail Galactus, eater of worlds! particles bonded together miraculously to form that of a baby dragon. Spike: 2001 A Space Fantasy Speeding through the never-ending space, the creature started to fall directly towards Earth, Twilight; Only to burn up on reentry Rarity: (As Princess Luna) Watch where thou art going! which was a peculiar shape. Its brain wasn’t at full capacity yet, but still it asked the question inside its head, “The world is flat?” Fluttershy: It's landing on Discworld? Burning through the atmosphere now, the intense heat reflected off of the dragon’s thick, green scales. It looked down slowly and saw the fast approaching ground, “Oh shi-,“ was all it had time to say before it collided with the dirt, nose firmly dug into the floor. It lay there for a moment and then spoke, “Bugger,” said Xan. 16 years later Twilight; They were STILL trying to make sense of this story Unlike the summer in which Merri and Ronsta had met, Fluttershy: Woodstock... the summer of love. SPike: Who's on stage? Twilight: Who S: The band on stage T: Who S: That band right there T: Who S: That's what I want to know! the January of 1996 was cold and ruthless. They had never been seen again after what happened in September; they had been working on a project to travel in time All: Oh! Fluttershy: So that's why September was nine months after August! and now they had disappeared for what seemed like forever. Since then, Miggy had been raised in an orphanage with other ponies, Rarity: Please sir, I'd like some more Twilight: MORE? most of whom were blank flanks that had been abandoned there by disappointed parents. All: HOLY *squee!*! Spike: No wonder Apple Bloom is so psycho about that! But, she vowed she would find her parents and travelled the globe searching for them until finally arriving in New Zealand, the last place they were seen… Rarity: So they get out of the fic, but we're stuck here. That is so unfair. Xan was in the shopping district browsing for a new monocle. Spike: Try Park Place A gold encrusted one with a slender chain took his fancy over the others, but he longed for one from his personal tailor. Of course that would be impossible now that he had burned his tailor to a smouldering crisp for getting his chest size wrong by a millimetre. Rarity: (Eyes wide) Oh I am so taking him off my customer list! Having no moral guidance in life, he had tried to make something of himself by going into college and receiving student allowance money. Twilight: How many teachers did you have to incinerate to get a 4.0? Fluttershy: It depends on if they grade on a curve He then went to promptly spend the money on drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. Spike: My Little Pony: LSD is magic Rarity: A-B-C-D-L-S-D, Gummie Bears are chasing me... Slouching back into his gutter at the side of the street, he couldn’t help but notice the figure of one certain pony walking past, a pony who looked lost, a pony who was afraid, a pony who needed somepony or some dragon else. Spike: Run! He's a killer! Exiting the public toilets, Fluttershy: Why was he in the women's side? the dragon and the pony redid their zippers and nonchalantly whistled to avoid attracting too much attention to the fact they just came out the same cubicle. All: What's a "zipper"? They stepped outside into the sunlight and looked at one another. “Did you use the protection?” asked Miggy. Xan’s eyes widened and he replied, “Sh*t.” Rarity: You couldn't tell? Coming out of the time machine, Fluttershy: Doctor Whooves? Spike: (In Sunglasses again) (His hand is starting to vanish) Doc, something's wrong! Twilight and Rarity: (As Bill and Ted) Excellent! Merri and Ronsta staggered to the floor with their newly born child. They called this child “testy”, Spike: Wow... they're even worse parents than I thought. Being named Miggy and abandoned to the care of a killer dragon is nothing compared to being named Testy because it was an experiment to see if they could actually give birth to a child whilst travelling in time. Fluttershy: (Reading an Encyclopedia) Sir Issaac Newton discovered gravity when a plascenta fell out of the sky and hit him on the head... Needless to say, this colt ended up as crazy as a mental patient due to the over activity in the time vortex. Rarity: Derpy? twilight; I certainly would have changed my name Staring into the very heart of reality, he saw many things Spike: Beter than cable including the ability to speak all languages, Fluttershy: How do you "see" that exactly? scarring him for life. Twilight: So much My Little Pony Fan Fiction... All Pound their feet on the ground) Thump-thump-thump-thump... thump-thump-thump-thump... Ronsta was puzzled after looking at his surroundings, “Why the hay are we in New Zealand?” They began to stroll down the street when suddenly they bumped into another pony and a dragon. Rarity: (As Miggy) Keep walking. Pretend we don't know them. “Watch where you’re going!” yelled Merri as testy was knocked over and hit the tarmac. “Sacre Bleu,” mumbled the young colt. Spike: So in New Zealand they learn French from old Pepe Le Pew cartoons? Miggy marched straight up to Merri and Ronsta and slapped them both in the face, knocking them to the floor. Fluttershy: Well if you get hit with a hoof it tends to do that. “Miggy?” Merri and Ronsta asked at the same time. She slapped them again. “Miggy, it’s us your parents!” Merri shouted worriedly. Twilight; How do you know? “Why else do you think I’m hitting you?” she replied angrily. Spike: I've wanted to slap them for a few pages “You haven’t even said hello to your sister yet,” grumbled Ronsta rubbing his freshly red face. “???????,” testy said, his voice muted slightly from being face-down on the street. All: Ah! Kill it! Kill it now! “Hear that?” Merri asked, “she loves you already, now what do we do?” Spike: Stop dropping the baby on its head? Although the others were unaware of this, Xan had been unconscious the whole time and could see spiders underneath his eyelids. Rarity: Whoa, bad batch of acid... He awoke and snorted a little bit. “I’ve got a place we can crash in,” he said enthusiastically. Spike: Wasn't he nconscious? The house in fairness was in quite good quality on the outside. It stuck out amongst all the other houses in the street like a bad tooth sheerly because of the size of it, but it was a home for a dragon after all. Fluttershy: I am very confused. The outside walls were painted a pastel green and a picket fence surrounded the property. Rarity: The horror... honestly who decorated this place? I don't care how stoned he was there is no excuse for that. The garden wasn’t much to look at, dead grass everywhere, which looked like it had been burnt and crates with the words “Beer, hooves off” crudely painted onto them dotted the landscape. Spike: Huh? Xan flicked through the assortment of keys on his chain and put one into the lock on the door. Twilight: Why do they live in New Zealand? He turned it slightly and the lock clicked. “Duck,” he said calmly. Everypony except test ducked and a cloud of gunpowder blasted into the colt’s face. Rarity: Lucky. “Sorry about that, you wouldn’t believe how many dealers I get coming over here trying to get their money,” Xan moaned. All: You're right, we wouldn't. The inside of the house was to say the least, hell. The blue patterned wallpaper was coming off of the walls in strips and some of the stairs to the next floor had caved in. The living room had a rustic leather couch within the centre of the room and several beer bottles covered the floor around the TV, which seemed to be the only expensive thing in the house. Fluttershy: Wasn't he buying a gold monocle earlier? The glass coffee table had bits and pieces of paper on it, a sharp shaving razor and some sort of white powder. “Don’t touch that stuff,” explained Xan, “That’s my special sugar.” Twilight: The cocain however you can suck up like a vaccuum. “For cups of tea?” Ronsta inquired. “Uh….sure,” said the dragon uncertainly. Through some glass double doors was the parlour where there was a whole cabinet stocked full of whiskey, bourbon and port. The newest addition to the family, testy, headed straight for that room. However, Ronsta and Merri decided to retire to the master bedroom on the next floor up. Rarity: No, they're just planning to jump out the window. “Oh charming,” Xan grumbled, “I guess we’ll be having the sofa bed Miggy.” 1 year later All: (Blink) Twilight: So people with a functioning time machine just spent a year in a crack house? I feel the technology may not be being used to its full potential. Spike: But something tells me that the crack is. The birth of pixel was somewhat unexpected for everypony. Fluttershy: Because the year of drug use had shrunk the males' testicals to the size of raisins After all, Xan and Miggy had never slept together as far as they knew. Nevertheless, pixel sat there in his high chair with his red mane already at shoulder length chewing on a discarded can of beer. Rarity: They've replaced one of the characters with a goat. Miggy saw this and couldn’t let it go un-punished so she designated one area of the room the corner of shame. Rarity: (looking around at the house) It's a house of shame darling He spent many hours in that corner for one thing or another, but at least Miggy wouldn’t hit him. Spike: Wasn't he a giant dragon? Unless of course he fidgeted in the corner. The toilet flushed upstairs. Miggy came out of the bathroom and looked at the test she’d just taken. She sighed and said, “Sh*t.” Yet another year later Fluttershy: (eyes wide) Those are some GOOD drugs. Grey was the first to be born, and had already spoken his first words. Spike: Pimpin' ain't easy “Fancy pants” he would gurgle all day long. Twilight: I suspect the baby might be gay His love for radioactive materials was proving highly concerning, Fluttershy: Thus was born Pony-man, a boy bitten by a radioactive pony Rarity: They should have played with that before bringing a child into this life but everypony thought he would grow out of that phase eventually. Spike: Uh, the kid is playing with raw plutonium. He's not going to be growing anything but tumors. Poetic was soon after, there being a week’s gap between births, and would usually sit in the opposite corner to pixel, Twilight; I suspect this is the SMART sibling playing with a purple bouncy ball. However, one day, the doorbell (set to say FENTON every time somepony pressed the button) Spike: Doorbells for a species with hooves... that's just sick. rang and testy answered the door. There, in front of him, was a pram with a little toddler inside. Rarity: Who the hell keeps letting these people care for children? The toddler kept mumbling, “Praise Rarity,” or something incoherent and testy read the note attached to it. Others; (Look at Rarity) Dear testy, Next time use protection you stupid jackass. By the way, I’m also returning the strange picture of a nude Rarity that you sent me for Valentine’s Day. Love you, Dan Spike: (Peeking) Wait... that's not Rarity. it's Twilight's brother Shining Armor Testy looked up and straight across the street. Speaking in English for the first time, he said, “Sh*t.” Fluttershy: That's English? 15 years later Dragonbait, as he was now known, settled into the rest of the family and often attended Rarity worship sessions in the parlour with testy and Poetic. Rarity: I am not a god. If I were you people would never have been allowed to walk the Earth He could sometimes get a little bit hectic about how much he loved Rarity, Spike: Understandable. so testy made some of his special port mixed with LSD nicked from Xan’s stash to calm him down. Fluttershy: (As Bruce Willis) He thought he was the subject of government mind control experiements. As it turns out he was geing given daily doses of LSD... for fifteen years. Testy was Dragonbait’s mother and auntie Fluttershy: Are they Appljack's relatives? to the three, now teenage, colts that had mysteriously come from Xan and Miggy. Rarity: Spike, promise me that out kids won't be that ugly. Spike: Rarity, we could beat them in the face with sticks daily and they would still turn out better looking and smarter than these ponies. Testy went back to the time machine and went back in time Fluttershy: To learn what "redundant" means to build the very house that everyone lived in, Spike: You should have hires a contractor then sold the house to Xan causing a time paradox, which deleted a part of time, killing over 200 billion life forms. Rarity: Unfortunately none of them the ponies and dragons int his fic Then Miggy slapped pixel for not controlling him. Twilight: You're beating the little retarded radioactive pony for not doing your parenting for you? Grey by now had built his own thermonuclear shelter underneath the house, which Dragonbait frequently sabotaged as a little bit of a joke. Fluttershy: I replaced the lead walls with cardboard. April Fools! Grey was exposed to radiation for a week once and glowed yellow for a month, which made everyone in the family chuckle. Spike: How much LSD do you have to be on for that to be funny? Rarity: About as much as it takes to enjoy reading this fic. Then Miggy would slap pixel for not stopping Dragonbait. Fluttershy: Where is Social services? Poetic perfected the art of singing terribly and made a total arse of himself entering singing events that he probably shouldn’t have done. All: (Lines up like the Judges on American Idol) Rarity: (As the last Judge) You were awful. Frankly I'd rather shoot myself in the face than hear you sing again. Apart from that, he just sat there in the corner bouncing the ball back and forth against the wall. Twilight: Still smarter than the rest of the family His worst job was having to revive Xan every time he overdosed because his breath stank of beer and could set you on fire. Then Miggy would slap pixel for not helping. Rarity: I'm your sister! (Fluttershy slaps her) Your mother! (Slap) Your sister! (Slap) Nopony knew what was going on when Ronsta and Merri were in the master bedroom, and they found it better not to question the strange bumping sounds emitting from the door. Rarity: Right because drugs, child abuse, and playing with radioactive isotopes in the livingroom is fine, but sex is going too far. Pixel and Poetic once stuck their ears against the door, and they could swear they heard a rendition of “Row Row Row your boat.” Fluttershy: Ventriloquists! Run! Then Miggy slapped pixel for eavesdropping. Radaboy Spike: Scooby-doo? would usually walk in at the dead of night as drunk as a skunk often accompanied by a police escort. The police escort, of course, would always warn Radaboy to never do it again. He always did. Then Miggy would slap pixel for driving him to the bar. Twilight: A horse that can drive? And you're slapping it? DanSze proved to be an apeeling uncle to the rest of the family. His long-distance marriage to testy proved difficult in some instances, All: (Blink) Twilight: She married her uncle? Rarity: Like that's the worst thing we've seen so far? but they managed. His latest compliment consisted of saying testy had, "beautiful eyeballs," Fluttershy: (As Hannibal Lectur) They'll be lovely with some fava beans and a nice chianti... however, he also admired pixel for this, so Miggy slapped pixel for possible incest. Fluttershy: (Crying) Make the bad fic stop... The neighbours seemed kind enough, Spike: If they were kind they'd call the police one of them ranted about how everypony should praise him because he is their lord and saviour and the other was a puzzling stallion called “Valor” who claimed to possibly be from the planet Ponytron. Twilight: Still makes more sense than worshipping the pony who "raises the sun" and makes peoplework to bring Spring. Whatever the case, Merri kept the neighbours off the property with his huge arsenal of shotguns. Spike: It would be slightly more threatening if Merri had the fingers required to operate a gun. One day in Spring, Miggy received a letter from Derpy Mail. She opened the envelope carefully, expecting another bill or alarming death threat, but instead she practically beamed at what the letter actually said. Twilight; You are being served... She had been awarded “Mother of the year” putting her above Derpy Hooves, who had just delivered the mail. All: (Jaws drop) Rarity: Who was the competition? Mrs. Dahmer? At the bottom, it said that pixel was the one who nominated her for such a role. Fluttershy: Aw, poor baby. How hard did they hit you? But, over the usual din of Xan snoring and testy raving about grapefruits, she heard pixel making a terrible joke. Spike: Okay so these two baby seals walk into a club... Her head dropped slowly in shame and her shoulders sagged. Twilight; This is what brings you shame? How could she let her own flesh and blood do this to her? Rarity: This is where you draw the line? Storming over to pixel, she outstretched her leg and pointed her hoof towards the corner of shame. Pixel instantly recognised what was going on and slowly manoeuvred around a passed out Xan to get into the corner. “And sit on the step,” said Miggy exhaustedly. Pixel was near to tears; his mother was finally speaking to him. “You’re not to come to the awards ceremony ok? I don’t want to see you happy.” All: Not a problem... Pixel nodded in acknowledgement and Xan spluttered then leant up slightly. “Pixel?” he said, his words slurred, “Why aren’t you at work?” Spike BAck to the coal mine! He turned his attention to Miggy and stared at her, entranced. “Woaaaaaah…..Mig…..Since when were you so good-looking?” Twilight: Since you downed a bottle of varnish He collapsed back onto the floor and rainbows vomited from his mouth. Poetic stopped bouncing his ball in the corner, sighed, and got up to get the defibrillator. This, however, would prove to be the last major family moment. All: Hurray! Fluttershy: Suddenly the people on Jerry Springer look well bred and classy... The winter was harsh in New Zealand, Twilight: Do they even HAVE winter in New Zealand? and the strong winds blew sheep like a plastic bag caught in an updraft across the hills. One of them hit pixel in the face as he was going to work, then Miggy slapped him for not taking its wool. But Hearts Warming Eve Day would prove to be the worst. Everyone was sitting around the fireplace, stockings hung on the wall and a small cr*ppy tree in the corner, which Xan had stolen from the neighbours. Various cards of all sorts colourfully decorated the slanted shelves and the coffee table, which p*ssed everypony off because they had nowhere to put their beer and tea. Spike; Where is a Wendogo when you need one? Poetic had received a new ball from Dragonbait, which made a “Wahahaha” noise every time he bounced it. Everyone gathered around the TV to watch the Christmas special of My Little Pony and so Ronsta picked up the remote and flicked on “The Hub”. However, much to everyone’s shock, the episode had been cancelled. Fluttershy: The Mayan's were right! The world is ending! Curses filled the room and Miggy slapped pixel. But, that wasn’t the worst part; My Little Pony had been cancelled altogether. Half of the huddle started to cry and Xan was seething with rage. He breathed fire at the TV, which exploded in a rain of sparks. The furniture, carpets and walls all began to set ablaze and everyone shut up. Twilight: Heroine residue burns fast “Oh sh*t,” murmured the dragon, who proceeded to pass out as per usual. (A leprechaun appears on Fluttershy's shoulder) You know what to do. Burn the house down! Burn them all! The living room was the first room to completely fall in, and Xan, Pixel, Poetic and Grey all died in the collapse. Spike; And the peasants rejoice Miggy began to slap pixel’s corpse, then had a rafter fall on her head, which flattened her. Rarity: Anyone else feel like beating a dead horse? Testy, on the other hand, hid in the tree, which helped to cremate the body a bit more when it set alight, causing the baubles and lights to combust in a spectacular sight of colour. Flutershy: They're British now? Twilight: I think some English people did colonize the area... if they're still in New Zealand. Dragonbait curled up in the corner of the parlour clutching a bottle of LSD port and a Book of Rarity. Rarity: it's all flamable The glass doors exploded inwards, causing the shards to penetrate his skin and internal organs. The wall beneath the master bedroom gave way and the bedroom began to slant into the blaze. Ronsta and Merri were still in there, and Merri started to slip down the slope. Ronsta grabbed onto a bedpost and reached out a hoof to Merri. “Don’t let go!” he screamed, the tears welling up in his eyes. Spike; Yes, please stay in the burning building. Merri looked up at him, the same way he had done on the docks, and again they understood one another. Ronsta let go of the post, and they both toppled, hands held, into the inferno. Twilight: Uh, sir, it's time for Miggy's punishment Fluttershy: (As Satan) Already? Rarity: (Hands her a large pineapple) Use this. The fire was eventually put out by Valor, who proceeded to steal anything he could of value from the wreckage, Spike; Like what? chewing on taffy as he worked. Fluttershy: That's what's left of Pixel It didn’t matter to anypony, there were no survivors. Rarity: Personally I'd love to get voted off that island The smouldering ashes dispersed into the atmosphere, forming a thick cloud of black smoke. Down from the cloud floated a small piece of charred paper, a picture no less. The picture was the family photograph, which was the only possession worth treasuring inside the house. Twilight: (Reads the words under it) Wanted: Dead or Alive It landed gently onto the snow, now stained black, and the wind blew softly against the corner of it. Fluttershy: Don't eat the yellow snow! The service was saddening. Rarity: they lived? Bounty, chocolatechip and his pet Twinkledust all gathered around the gravestones of the now lost family. Spike: Look, an Ouija board! Chocolatechip had come to the town straightaway with his pet after hearing about the demise of the family. He stood there next to the grave grimly with his hat dipped slightly over his eyes. Bounty’s voice choked when he tried to speak and some random ponies flung themselves onto Miggy’s grave proclaiming, “I should have been the father!” Rairty: Anybody else would have been a better choice Everypony fell silent, and then Bounty began to sing solemnly. Spike: I don't want her you can have her, she's too fat for me.... Everypony else gradually joined in. The echoing sounds of, “Row, row, row your boat,” quietly rang out amongst the churchyard for the final time. THE END OF CHAPTER ONE (Thanks to everypony involved in the planning: Merriweather, RonstaPony, Bounty, Miggy, Xaniith, testyal1, pixel hope, greyOne, Dragonbait, Radaboy, DanSze, Valor8878, chocolatechip and Twinkledust. If you wish to be entered into the family, consult Xaniith for a position and I'll see where I can fit you in.) Twilight: I'll ake sure Celestia sends them all to the moon Rarity: The sun The Family Chapter 2 - The Vacation!: Author’s Notes: You asked for it; All: No we didn't! here it is. The Family 2 for your enjoyment. As with last time, this is all done in a light-hearted and non-offensive way, Rarity: I would hate to see what you call depressing and highly offensive. but there is light shipping and general mayhem. Twilight: When was there any shipping? (looks through dictionary) Shipping definition #4... sloppy sex in the third stall of a public bathroom. Oh. Merri, note that a certain paragraph issubject to change or be added after the meet-up. A slight jolt pulsed through his momentarily lifeless body. Rarity: It's alive! It's alive! The excruciating pain rang out through the torso and neck, despite the fact that he had very thick scales covering his entire body. Opening his blurry eyes, the shadowy silhouette of someone familiar came into view, but water constricted his vision. Fluttershy: (Holding his head under water and crying) Just breathe deep. It'll all be over soon. Blinking back the tears, Xan’s beady, yet as Miggy described beautiful, eyes opened fully to see his youngest son Poetic leaning over him with a defibrillator in hoof and cigar in mouth. Twilight: (As Groucho) Why don't you take a long walk over an open manhole? Spike: (As Chico) Sewer He sighed and spoke in a hoarse All: Ha! and croaky voice, “The fire! It was all just a horrible dream!” All: NOOOOOO! Fluttershy: (Falling to her knees) Why god, why? Rartity: Why are you looking at me like that? “Actually, no,” Poetic quickly replied, “You still set the bloody house on fire, but Valor managed to help us put it out before it got too bad. He may have nicked some of your special stash though.” Xan looked over into Miggy’s eyes as she slapped pixel across the face for panicking during the fire, and the spark of love flared once mor- *ZAP* The defibrillator was at max power when it collided with the dragon’s chest again. Spike: Pull the plug! Xan glared at Poetic furiously and growled, “What did you do that for?” Twilight; You deserve so much worse “You didn’t get me a pony for Hearts Warming Eve’s Day,”Poetic responded innocently. Fluttershy: You are a crack addict whoburned down the house. Santa doesn't like you! “We’ve already got three kids, why the hay would we want an-“ “Four,” Miggy interrupted whilst faking a cough. Xan stared at her and slumped down onto the floor defeated, “Oh sh*t.” Spike: They're describing this fic Xan had promised, if he didn’t die during the holidays, he would take the family on a wonderful vacation. Rarity: The first step is to not join them. He fully expected to die so it was even more of a shock when he had to pay £5000 for each pony going abroad. Of course that was without the tax, added insurance, VACCINES, PET CARE AND NEW PASSPORTS PUT ON TOP OF THAT! STUPID GOVERNMENT! WHY CAN’T WE JU- *narrator replaced* Spike; Can you replace the cast? Twilight: Or euthenize them? Ahem, sorry about that. Somepony had to stay behind to make the holiday cheape- look after the house, so he needed to find that somepony. It needed to be somepony who was responsible, trustworthy and above all clever. It’s a shame there was nopony like that int he family. Xan got up from the dirt encrusted floor as testy walked past the room, swigging a bottle of his special port. Xan looked at him smiling a cunning and thin smile. All: (Shudder) He dropped the house keys into testy’s hooves carrying a single large suitcase. Pixel was carrying the other twenty two. He dropped one onto the ice covered driveway, and the scorching pain of Miggy’s hoof against his now tender face was as familiar as the breath in his lungs. Dragonbait studied the headlights of the car vividly, Rarity: Just jump in front of it. for they matched the same kind of fabulosity that Rarity herself would praise. There were even black, carbon-fibre holders for glasses of port. The car of course, was an Aston Martin. “Now here are the keys,” said the father to testy, “Don’t burn the place down, All: Too late and don’t let DanSze out of his cage, he’ll start biting people again.” Fluttershy: They're leaving him home alone?" Others; (Place hooves and hands on their cheeks) Ahhhh! Testy gave a military salute and marched into the house, but tripped and fell into a snow bank. Everypony else piled into the car, except for Ronstafor whom there was no space, so he had to be tied to the roof. The only time he’d ever been bonded to anything before, involved Merri a lot more. “So jus were exactly er we goin’?” slurred Radaboy. Miggy turned in her seat and replied, “Japan.” Fluttershy: Do they eat ponies there? Twilight: No, but they worship dragons Rarity: One look at Xan and they'll change that Spike: He's giving my whole species a bad name The road to the New Zealand airport was treacherous; it would have been a lot safer if Merri wasn’t driving. Twilight: So I take it you're no longer using the time machine? However, Merri had to move his bowels every 2 minutes, so it was inexplicably obvious by the way that hewas swerving and knocking other cars off the road that he hadn’t moved his bowels in a long time. Spike: Really? Because everywhere we look, we're seeing crap Veering off of the road, oblivious to the screams of terror from his passengers, Rarity: I admit it, I cut the breaks Merri drove over rocks and roots, marshland and people, and one corpse even smashed through grey’s passenger window landing onto his lap. Fluttershy: Look, Charlie Sheen and that nice girl from the Buffy movie are in the next lane... The legs dangled helplessly outside the vehicle as it bounded over the hills. Finally, they came to a stop. It was pretty sudden; I mean it would be if you hit a tree with your car. Spike; He thought he was swerving to avoid a tree, but it was just the air freshener The airbags inflated, tw*tting All: Huh? Twilight: I have no idea... unless they were Tweeting? Miggy, Xan and Merri in the face, and pixel flew into the back of Miggy’s seat. Miggy slapped him from not staying seated while the car was in motion. Falling out of the steaming wreck, Merri dashed behind a bush to, as he explained, “Unleash the beast.” Face-hoofs and sighs adorned the field. “How could this get any worse?” Rarity: That is a good question. I was wondering the same thing Miggy asked. Pixel’s face illuminated and he began to do a dance of singing: Twilight: You're still stoned off your ass, aren't you? “Oh Miggy, you're so fine, You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Miggy! HeyMiggy! Oh Miggy, you're so fine, You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Mickey! HeyMickey! Oh Miggy, you're so fine, You're so fine, you blow my mind, Hey Miggy! HeyMiggy! Hey Miggy! You been around all night, And that's a littlelong You think you got the right, but I think you gotit wrong Oh, can't you say "Good night" So you can take me home, Miggy.” Fluttershy: It wasn't that funny in Wayne's World. He finished with a little jazz hoof pose, and he smiled inanely. Miggy just slapped him for missing a set of lyrics. Something was wrong with the car, like something was missing. Then it dawned on them, Ronsta had slipped through the ropes holding him to the roof and gone straight through the tree like a missile. Xan sighed tiredly, “Let me handle this.” He stormed back onto the road and held out his claw to halt the car that was approaching. Spike; It didn't stop. The End. Even from a distance the rest of the family could see him punch the old pony in the face and throw her out of the car. All: (Stare) Twilight; What is it with people writing these fics and getting everything wrong? Rarity: You want to have these people write about us? Fluttershy: Oh sh*t no! He beckoned them to the vehicle and they all rushed over. Merri popped back out of the bush, re-doing his trousers and weirdly enough Ronsta was with him. The wet dewdrop grass blew softly in the wind as the sky lit an adoring red from the setting of the aurora sun over themountain peaked horizon. Fluttershy: How pretty. You could almost forget he just carjacked an old person. The peaceful sounds of warbling birds and crickets echoed through the valley, along with the sharp noises of gunshots being firedfrom the car they had just stolen and the police in close pursuit, sirens blazing, behind them. Rarity: Welcome to Grandtheft Auto Equestria Edition Luckily for them the police only had Vauxhall Astras so theycouldn’t keep up the chase for long because of the cr*ppy low budget cars. The airport was cold and was more like a shopping centre than a transport station on the inside. Thousands upon thousands of rows of sunglasses and souvenirs stacked the shelves, but there was one shop in particular that brought their attention. Xan’s eyes sparkled as he fell in love with something that came just after Miggy in his life now. Fluttersy Does it involve black tar heroine? A fedora. But not just any fedora like Poetic’s or Ronsta’s, but a top fedora. Hypnotised, he wandered into the store, knocking over a kid in a baseball cap whilst doing so. However, the hand-stitched pricetag on the hat revealed it to be well over £2,000,000. Rarity: Two million pounds? Did Indiana Jones eat gold and then *squee!* out that fedora? This required planning. He smashed the window, took the hat and ran. Testy paced around the house, his stash of port depleted after 3 hours. The only type of drink left in the house was “DragonBait Industries Cocoa” because all the beer and tea had been taken on the holiday. Suddenly, the sound of muttering erupted from around a dark and mysterious corner of the room. He slowly turned around, his heart racing, to see Dan’s cage with all of its bars torn open and his poo bucket on the floor. His organs lurched. The sound could be heard quite clearly now, and it was obvious that the insane chattering was saying, “Moses is Dovahkiin.” Testy saw the glint of an orange visor in the dim light, so he backed slowly out of the door and ran. He didn’t look back in case he was pounced on. Twilight: See, this is why crackheads aren't known for their stroy telling skills. Back in the kitchen, Ronsta’s nacho pizza slowly simmered inthe MicRonWave and the cheese oozed out of the door. The shrill fire alarm screeched out the tune to the theme for EastEnders. “I’m not going to bail you guys out again you know,” huffed Bounty as the airport security guard unlocked the door to the cell. “Was that hat really worth it? If I run out of money how will I be able to keep fully stocked with toupees?” Fluttershy: (As William Shatner) Damn it Chekov. Someone... stole my hair! “Alright, alright keep your wig on,” replied Merri. Bounty scowled at the grandfather, Fluttershy: The grandfather? Are we in Heidi? who was now defecating onto the floor, Rarity: And yet, it's still better than this fic then turned to Poetic and Ronsta. “Guys, look what I found in the airport newsagents!” He handed them a comic book of sorts, which appeared to be Japanese in origin. Opening the pages, it all seemed fine until a bloodied face and the crick of a neck scared the pair witless. Twilight: (Readin the headline) Godfather leaves deadbeat pony's head in rival's bed... Bounty burst into laughter and Poetic and Ronsta made a vow never to trust Bounty ever again. EVER. WITH ANYTHING. Miggy slapped pixel for not picking the lock to the cell,and they walked past the security desk and out of the airport. Well, most of them did. Dragon was behind the others, staring at Poetic’s flank when, all of a sudden, two hooves grabbed him from behind and gagged him with a rag. Rarity: FinallY! Now finish off the others! The prisoner dragged Dragon’s body out of the room, picking up his case file fromt he security desk whilst the guard had his back turned. A single piece of paperdrifted out, “WARNING: DANGEROUS PRISONER. HAS TROUBLE WITH HIS TENOR,” it said, in big red letters. Twilight: Skin them all and I'll make sure Celestia gives you a full pardon. Obviously they couldn’t fly to Japan now, so there were only two options for travel. Either walk through the sea, or take the train. Grey went with the latter, and soon enough everyone was getting onto the gRAPEtrain. Spike: (Covers his eyes with his claw) This can't possibly end well The journey across the sea channel was bumpy, Fluttershy: Tonight on Deadliest Catch... and a suitcase from the carrier bays fell onto an old pony in the process of the ride. Xan turned his head away nervously as he recognised the old mare from the car. However, as grey was returning from the buffet car, the train began to derail, and he jolted forwards; spilling hot tea and beer everywhere. All: Huzzah! Miggy slapped him for being clumsy. Grey, outraged by this inconvenience, stormed into the control room and confronted the driver. “Are you nuts man?!” he shouted, “Apply the brakes!” Spike: (Holds up a broken handle) These brakes? The driver looked at him, and it turned out to be none otherthan Tenortrouble. Grey gasped in astonishment as Tenor grinned at him evilly. Tenor snapped the brake lever and spoke demonically, “There are no brakes on the gRAPE train!” All: Our hero! He smoothly jumped out of the train window, and rolled on the cobbled track. Grey, stunned in disbelief, noticed something moving up on the track ahead and it wasn’t good. There, just on the outside of the tunnel, was Dragonbait tied and gagged on the rails, trying to wriggle his way free of his bonds. His muffled cries for help drifted into the carriages, which entered Poetic’s twitchy ears. His eyes widened Fluttershy: They seem pretty bloodshot Twilight: That happens when your bloodtype is Moonshine in response and he swung out of the carriage’s curtained window and used his wings to propel himself ahead of the train. Rarity: I'm good with him laying down on the racks and waiting now He pulled out “Action” from his non-existent pockets Spike: Like how the author is pulling this fic out of their ass? and rapidly shot the metal bolts on the train’s wheels. It fully derailed and toppled over, grinding across the dusty, pebbled ground. Fluttershy: It wasn't me, it was the one armed man! Dragon winced as the locomotive narrowly stopped just in front of his face, and a dust cloud billowed around the wreckage. Cries for help and alcohol arose amidst the turmoil, and Japanese rescuers attempted to lift out the survivors. Tenor was long gone and, before he could even land on the ground, Poetic was tazered and cuffed by the authorities for destroying the train. Spike: (Fist pump) Yes! Dragon’s eyes softened and he smiled at Poetic, whereas, he just drooled in his unconscious state. Radaboy was offered some medicinal alcohol to put onto his wounds, but he just grabbed the bottle and swigged it much to the dismay of the rescuers. They lifted a table off of pixel, who proceeded to do a dance of thanking. The train’s funnel had blown off and landed over Merri and Ronsta, so they were now huddled together in fright and covered in soot. Xan took this opportunity to go on a bike ride with Mig whilst the others took a moment to collect themselves. Fluttershy: Run! It's Godzilla! Grey cut the ropes restricting Dragon and whipped them into the air. He decided to pocket this new whip as it may come in use later. Out of nowhere, a familiar silhouette cropped up in the distance. Testy ran up to the group gasping for breath and muttering, "Jesus Christ." The locals seemed to nod at testy in approval. Miggy slapped testy, “What are you doing here sis? You’re meant to be looking after Dan and guarding the port stash! Rarity: I'm betting it's been drunk And how did you get here the same time as us?” Testy shook his head violently to re-position his brain, “Dan’s escaped, I called SWAT but they say it’s toodangerous for them to go after him. The port’s all gone; I-um don’t know how. As for me, I took an airplane like a normal person.” Twilight: Do you like Gladiator movies? Miggy blushed embarrassingly and Xan stepped forwards. He wrapped his claws around testy’s throat and began to strangle him. “WHAT. DID. YOU. DO. WITH. MY. BOOZE!?” Merri and Ronsta stepped in to intervene and testy tumbled to the floor, gasping for air. The road intoTokyo would be long, and they had to keep going. The city shone like a diamond as the golden sun crept up into the sky. The mopeds that the peculiar gang were using went at approximately two miles per hour and they were too small for Xan’s hulking dragon body, but at least they got to view the sites. Everywhere they went, Miggy was on every magazine and DragonBait Industry posters coated the pristine buildings. Grey constantly poked people on the journey, whenever it seemed like people were dying. They pulled up to the hotel, and Merri locked eyes with his arch-nemesis of swag. Stainless was leaning against his motorcycle in the parking lot, a bunch of girls from Nottingham admiring him and his swag. Merri clenched his hooves into fists and marched up to Stain. The others left him to it, for only time would tell if he could win the swag-off. The hotel rooms only had two double beds and neither of them looked sanitary. Rarity: Just like home Testy was depressed by the fact that the talking toilet in the bathroom had the same Japanese speaking capabilities as him. Twilight;: That's the part of this that depresses you? Also, it squirted him with water every time he put his face near it. Spike: An honest mistake on the biday's part Xan landed onto the bed and flicked on the TV. “Hmm, octopus, octopus, octopus, school girls, octopus, octopus….”, he mused as he skimmed through the channels. Grey and Dragon curled up into a corner terrified as Merri and Ronsta did something very inappropriate in the next room. Meanwhile, Miggy read one of the magazines that she had picked up from a stand as they were driving through the city and pondered, “When did I ever do a contract for Playpony?” She found it best not to dwell on it; after all, Xan definitely didn’t seem to mind. Radaboy noticed his shot of vodka begin to shake and ripple on the dressing table. “Errr, guysh?” he said anxiously. Dragon began to inspect the drink closer up and, sure enough, theg round was making it shake. A humungous roar rang out through the hotel and everypony looked at Xan. “That wasn’t me!” he said appalled. He farted noisily.“Ok, that was me.” Another roar cried out and the top half of a building flew past the window. Everyone ran outside and jaws dropped as they were greeted with the presence of Godzilla, being controlled by none other than Tenor, evil twin of Dragonbait. Fluttershy: This time Tenor, finish the job. Twilight: Yeah, don't go all Sideshow Bob on us “Any last words family?” he mocked from atop the colossal beast. Testy cleared his throat and stepped forwards from the crowd. “Ddde,” he said calmly. Tenor frowned and viewed him suspiciously, “Ddde?” “Ddde!” yelled grey happily. “Ddde.” Xan kept the stream going. “C-c-c-c-combo breaker!” shouted pixel, who was then slapped by Miggy for breaking the combo. Tenor leapt down from the monster and walked up to his estranged family. Miggy whispered to Xan,“Remember that fourth kid I told you about?” Rarity: I suspect the people here barely remember their own names Tenor approached them and gave a more gentle smile, Fluttershy: That'd be more friendly looking if his teeth weren't cracked black stumps... “Maybe I am being a bit too harsh on you guys. Your kind words of Ddde have really made m-“ Godzilla didn’t spare any time in launching Tenor up with his mouth, then catching him again, biting him into two pieces. Rarity: No! He was out only hope! “Thanks bro,” Xan saluted to the monster, “One less mouth to feed in the family, now I’ve just got to find a way to get rid of the other kids.” Dragon, grey and pixel all backed away cautiously from Xan. “What? He’s my brother; we came from the same cosmic event.” Fluttershy: And god said unto him, "Let there be an *squee!*" and thus it was They watched as the locals threw raw fish at Godzilla to chase him away from Tokyo. Twilight: Wait, was that a dead seapony? They probably could have stayed longer in Japan, but the Japanese officials had caught onto them using fake passports at the train station; Spike: Hey, it worked in Megatokyo imprinted onto postcards from Cadbury chocolate bars. Rarity: How dare yous ully the name of the Cadburry bunny Fluttershy: Poor Angel. Also, they left their luggage in the airport Spike: The drug dogs were going crazy so they were all beginning tos mell of p*ss and sweat from dirty clothing. Rarity: It's been three hours. Trust me, your lack of luggage has nothing to do with it. That is, for the two who were wearing clothing. They were all deported back to New Zealand Twilight; But the officials didn't want them in a police vehicle and had to pay fines for the car chase that had ensued before they got into Japan. “Well, at least things can’t get any worse!” pixel remarked as the police van doors opened to their home. What was left of their home at least. It was now a smouldering wreck of burning wood and cheese. A bottle of Poet’s apple shampoo lay in the front garden, and then Valor snagged it up before returning to trimming his lightly trimmed garden hedges. The family stoodt here, mouths gaping open, and Miggy slapped pixel as things had gotten worse. Rarity: They burned the house down two chapters ago! They couldn’t do much else, so the family tried to lighten the mood of the situation by turning on the garden water sprinklers and allowing their manes to get wet. Dan stumbled out, ablaze with fire, and landed into the newly formed pond. Neighbours passing by shot them All: YEs! disapproving looks, but they didn’t care as they splashed each other with water in the warm sun. It may not have gone entirely as planned, but they couldn’t have asked for a better vacation. The ball squeaked against the hard surface of the prison cell wall. Water dripped into a puddle in a mouldy cornerof the room. The pony sat there against the wall, contemplating how he had been forgotten by everypony. No cigarettes, no defibrillators, and worst of all no Dragon.He stopped bouncing the ball and rocked his head back so it slammed into the wall. “Sh*t,” Poetic sighed. THE END OF CHAPTER 2 -BONUS CHAPTER- The silver slicks of the moon illuminated the high grey walls of the prison. Spike: Luna, save us! Two ponies, zipped up into catsuits, crept around the perimeter, eyeing every movement that the guards made. They pounced into a bush as a unicorn guard walked past, his horn lighting up the way ahead like a flashlight. Twilight: Mulder? Where are you? Suddenly, one of them burst out of the bush and twisted the guard's neck sideways, a small crack and a muffled scream echoing out quietly. The other pony helped him to drag the body into the shrubbery. "One down," said Sparkypony, "nineteen to go." Dragon and Sparky lowered their hoods and examined the guard towers up ahead on the road. A truck drove through the barbed wire gates, and Sparky motioned to make a run for it. They sprinted and slid underneath the truck, using it for cover as it entered the prison courtyard. As soon as the coast was clear, they made a break for the prison cells wall. Sparky was a recent addition to the family, and testy had only just met him in Japan where they had a brief fling with one another. Fluttershy: Testy raped him and gave him an embarrassing social disease Needless to say, Dragon viewed him as a second father next to Dan. Spike: (As Maury) Sparky, you are the father! He placed the prison blueprint on the ground and unfurled it, revealing each nook and cranny of the facility. "Now," he said, pointing a hoof into the middle of the file, "here's where Poetic is," he moved his hoof as far towards the edge as possible, "and here's where we are." "Hmmm," Sparky contemplated, "well that should fill up my kill list quite nicely." Sliding through the bathroom window, they avoided the disturbing prison shower rooms and ventured on towards the heart of the jail. A faint waft of apple-scented shampoo from the showers let them know they were in the right cell block. They clung to the shadows like ghosts, Sparky taking out any guards if they got too close. "Must you keep snapping their necks?" Dragon would complain angrily. Sparky would just shrug and they would continue onwards. Finally, they reached a ventillation shaft, and clambered inside before anypony saw them. They crawled for about ten minutes when Dragon pressed his ear against the cold steel. Rarity: Any chance the killer from the Scream movies is on the other side? He heard a faint squeak of a ball colliding against concrete, and that's when he knew they'd reached their goal. He tapped a hoof against the metal and the squeaking stopped. A loud clanging sound rang through the shaft and the spot started to increasingly beep. "Back," Dragon said cautiously to Sparky. The last beep was loud and different to the rest of the others. "HIT THE DECK!" shouted Sparky, as the spot blew open and left a gaping hole into the cell below. Poetic's head popped through and he smiled at Dragon. He climbed up and embraced Dragon in a hug. Sparky sighed, "Come on you love-pegasi, we've still got to get the hay out of here!" Fluttershy: WHy won't it end Twilight? Why won't it end? (Sniffle) Twilight: (Hugs her) It has to end sometime Fluttershy. (Haunted eyes) It has to... The couple nodded at each other and they started to creep back to the point that they had entered from. A guard holding a cup of tea hummed to himself as he passed the cell. A small rock fell from the ceiling and clattered onto the stone floor, which brought his dazed eyes and attention to the massive rupture in the ceiling. Before he could take another sip, the roof caved in completely with an earth-shaking groan, and he dropped his mug, which shattered onto the floor. Spike: No wonder Celestia prefers turning her prisoners into stone There was no need for stealth anymore. The alarm bells rang throughout the courtyard, and gunshots erupted from the watchtowers. Sparky used his close range sniper rifle to take out some of the guards, whilst Poetic defended Dragon with his "Action" revolver. Merri crashed into the gates with the rest of the family in the car so that the door was facing the fleeing ponies. They leapt into the seats one by one and then sped off into the distance, the bullets of the guards barely grazing off of the windscreen. "Where did you find the car?" Sparky asked. Xan kept chewing on his drugs, "Stole it." "Ah, I see," he motioned with his hooves as if he was counting, "Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen," his heart stopped momentarily as he realised he hadn't reached his twenty pony kill target. As Sparky cursed and flailed his hooves around in anger, Poetic and Dragon huddled together and fell asleep as the car drove into the distance, with the amber Japanese sun rising to greet the day. The MSTers walk out of the Theater. Applejack: So how was it? Twilight: (Holding a softly sobbing Fluttershy) You are no longer our friends Pinkie: The Zombie fic we watched was worse. Fluttershy: How is that possible? Zecora: The truth in this case is very sad, but maybe this one was only just as bad Rainbow Dash: Where are Spike and Rarity? Twilight; Rarity said something about getting herself and Spike fixed, as clearly bringing a child into a world with fan fiction like that would be an act of intolerable cruetly. MSTer note Seriously, what the hell was that? Was there supposed to be a point to all of that? Dear gods...
Lol, I wonder what it would be like if you did my story... Unfortunately, it is unfinished, so it would be weird, but you seemed to end several fics before they were done, so...
Will somebody here besides me PLEASE MST some fics? I'm trying to start the ball rolling here people. Use mine or someone else's but please get to work!
I've considered MSTing a fic or two. I'm currently reading (when I get the chance) My Little Unicorn.
Wonderful! Keep it up., Also you might want to start a seperate thread for this, so mine won't keep appearing up top. Also feel free to MST my fics.
I like your MST's. You can use any fic of mine. They can be found on Fanfiction.net. Just search for the author, "Karl Kadaver." I'd give you a link, but my internet's acting funny right now.
