Seven dwarves are all I need. They retrieve the particular diamond with dwarves instinct. I then hide the diamond in a mystical cave somewhere in Arabia.
The Cave of Wonders? Really? I walk in, grab it, then walk out. LIKE. A. BOSS. I then chuck the diamond about as far as a woodchuck could chuck wood.
I take two steps then pick up the diamond. Woodchucks aren't very strong apparently... I open a portal to my personal dimensional space, put the diamond there, and close the portal.
Disregarding the fact that you need two scarab pieces and the fact that touching anything but the lamp causes the cave to fill with lava and collapse. The diamond does count as "not the lamp". Ah well, I discover through my adventures in Minecraft that a certain portal leads into your personal dimension. I swipe it and give it to Optimus Prime for safekeeping.
I call up my main man, Megatron, and he gets it for me. I then cast a spell on the diamond, making all who seek it wear pink and purple pony merchandise. Good so far? I then lob the diamond in a mob of haters.
I get the diamond, easy as pie...mob of haters love me. I put the diamond into one of my "you-have-to-eat-it-or-else-you-can't-get-the-diamond" cupcake.
I eat the cupcake. I feed the diamond one of the Other Gods who lurk on the edges of the Outer Hells.
I hire the Deep Ones to beat the crap out of the Other Gods and retrieve the diamond. I then get an orphan kid to swallow it. The diamond gets stuck in his small intestine, but is otherwise unharmed and unhindered by this development.
I convince the Orphan to participate in a kidney stealing scam. In the process, I get the kidney and the diamond. I then make a kidney and diamond sammich, and give it to Charlie the Unicorn. He then hides it in the portal in his back, saving the sammich for later.
I trade my pudding cup for the sandwich & diamond. Charlie loves his pudding... I give it to Alice and she takes it through the looking glass.
I meet Alice in Wonderland, where i steal the diamond, dart out of wonderland to Hern Airport, and get on a plane to spain, We crash on route, the plane sinks to the depths of the English channel
I get a fishing rod and fish the diamond out. (Makes no sense, but I got it.) I hide the diamond in one of my "ships"
I eventually find it in the hetero ship. I leave it where it is, I don't want to know what it was covered in.
I slip aboard the "S.S. Rainbow isn't Gay" and swipe the diamond, which I found on a life preserver. I take the diamond and I place it under the care of the Doctor, who uses it to power some unfathomably complicated device in his TARDIS.
I take the device, and tell the parts to a pawn shop, and keep the diamond. I'll hide it back in my ship of shipping.
I ask Neptune to do me the favor of destroying that abomination and he obliges. He then keeps the diamond as a spoil of war.
I ask the other Greek/Roman gods to help me in swiping the diamond. I then give the diamond to Hades/Pluto, who puts the diamond in Cerberus' collar.
I give the Cerberus a bone, and I get the diamond. I give it to Luna, and she places it somewhere on the moon.
I ask Ground Control to have Major Tom send it over. I then hide it in The Goblin King Jareth's Labyrinth.
