Corrupt Wishes

Granted. They are replaced by akimbo G18s with underslung grenade launchers that also fire kniferunners.

I wish the CoD devs got their heads out their behinds and released a game that had mod support, dedicated servers, was properly balanced and a significant update from the last Call of Duty game in all respects, particularly graphics.

 

Joking of course.

Granted. The trucks carrying the game and all records of it a simultaneously cream cheesed into oblivion.



I wish that I had a voice like Sir Christopher Lee.

 

Granted, but no one like it on you.

I wish I would never have to shave my face ever again.

 

Granted. You are now Slenderman and have no face to shave.




I wish for Tuesday.

 

Granted, but you would want Friday.

I wish I didn't look like a poor man's version of Rick Ross.

 

Granted. Now you look like a manly Nicki Minaj.




I wish that I could type 300 words per minute

 

Granted but your finger bones disintegrate from the sheer speed

I wish I had the worlds best singing voice

 

Granted. You now live on Mars.




I wish for more cowbell.

 

Granted. You are now a dairy farmer.

I wish my hair wasn't so difficult to keep under control.

 

Granted your permanently bald

I wish I had a pet duck

 

I wish I was allowed to wear this to school.

 

Granted. You now go to school in the middle of the desert. The suit is now permanently locked.




I wish for an extra foot.

 

Granted, you get an extra foot of intestines.

I wish more people had the same nerdy interests as me.

 

Granted but now those people stalk you 24/7

I wish I could fly

 

Granted, but you can't carry any extra weight, so you have to fly in the buff. And it's really cold up there. Also, there's photographers everywhere.

I wish I hadn't lurked on /b/.

 

Granted, You hadn't lurked on /b/, You had lurked on ALL the deep web.

I wish everypony in this forum (including me ofcourse) have a pony friend.

 

Granted, but they hind-kick all of us, I wish I would win a multi-million dollar lottery.

 

Granted. The dollar is now worth nothing.




I wish that I hadn't tried to cook salad.

 

Granted. You tried to deep-fry a turkey and got third-degree burns over 95% of your body. People from the neighbouring cties are now calling to complain about the smell of burnt flesh.

And the turkey wasn't that good either.

I wish geography and history were banned from the curriculum.

 

Granted, but only for a day, cause after that day, I become President of Education, and will bring them back, cause Social Studies is my favorite school subject and one I excelled in.

I wish computers would never go slow.