Corrupt Wishes

Granted, they are all bots trying to get you to check out their porn site

I wish I had a security system

 

Granted, it's made by Skynet.

Still waitin' on that car.

 

Granted. Enjoy your Yugo.

I wish for a party cannon.

 

Granted, it explodes. Your body is ripped to shreds by the giant shrapnel.

Though on the bright side, you made the news.

I wish to meet the coolest person ever.

 

Granted. Mr. Freeze says "Hi."

I wish I had a hammer.

 

Granted, as you are using it the hammer snatcher steals it.

I wish for a True True Friend.

 

Granted. They never leave your side. EVER.

I wish for a monster truck.

 

Granted, the door is locked and you can't get in

I wish for sick animating skills with the proper software

 

granted. the software eats you alive.

i wish for a copy of call of duty black ops 3

 

Granted. The game is full of angry kids who yell a lot over the mic.

I wish for time-control.

 

Granted. You have just set your alarm clock.

I wish for a fill-in-the-blank.

 

Granted. You will die by __________!

I wish for a feather

 

Granted. It tickles you to death.

I wish for an eternal supply of gouda.

 

Granted. You are swarmed by rats.

I wish my bucking wrist would heal, already.

 

Granted, you no longer have arms.

I wish for Party.

 

Granted, it's your own wake, you attend in a coffin.

I wish people weren't so stupid and ignorant.

 

Granted, but without stupid and ignorant people people who are smart don't feel as smart so people stop trying to be smart so our society goes nowhere (Have you ever noticed how nowhere looks like now here?)

I wish I could get this essay done fast and it still be good.

 

Granted but you go forward in time and it is so late you fail for tardiness.

I wish for a cute pony.

 

Edit: ...........

Granted, you get a mutant horse. It attacks you.

I wish I had some money.

 

Granted you get some foreign change, but it costs more to get it exchanged then it is worth.

I wish for a cute mutant horse, that attacks me.