Diagnose the condition above you (for entertainment only- not real advice)

Well, it's not lupus

I can't see my sink when I'm skipping around my kitchen in a pair of short shorts

 

Get new short shorts.

I have no SHORT SHORTS!i!

 

Shrtshortitus

Whenever I get very bored unintentionally speak a demon language that I can only comprehend while I am speaking it, then I forget what I said in said demon language.

 

Its not a demon language..its just nonsensical gibbering.

I..cant..get...to..THE GIANT COOKIE!!!

 

You have GCDD, Giant Cookie Diefiency Disorder

Help, everywhere I look I see a world that looks extremely colorful and animated and there is this pony that lives in a tree that keeps on calling herself Twilight Sparkle and is strangely a lot like me!

 

wereiwannabeitus which can also be translated to (Were I Wanna Be)

I have a tumor on my stomach that curses at blind people for some reason.

 

^that's not a tumor, you were merged with a random pony as a result of poison Joke. Talk to Zakura.

I think Crackle is the best dragon for some reason @_@

 

You suffer from Spikensons delusion.QUICK!!EAT SOME GEMS!!

I have the strangest craving to eat somepony...

 

Oh dear, this again O_O um.. I believe you have las plagas and are similar to a zombie pony

I suddenly feel the need to teleport away *does so.

 

NO STAY!!

I can fly and i dont have wings.

 

It's called telaporting.

I have been telaporting like crazy and am getting tired as a result *telaports* (also I believe I know how the most recent post on a whole bunch of boards in a row)

 

Its called get-a-dictionary-to spell-Teleport-and check-grammer-Syndrome!

I think I have glasses on but I dont.