the Two things i Can't stand with me is Breaking Promises and Lying...Especially Lying. I hate to Lie so much. I feel like a loser and even call me self one if lie about something. I hate to lie to anyone...Even my mother. I sometimes lie to my mother about school issue but I can't help but to lie.
[video=youtube;9zSHz7Thvbc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zSHz7Thvbc&list=PL960209E463E86E34&index=1&feature=plpp_video[/video] You do not realize how much i laughed! I download music.. illegally..Maybe..i dont know!
Well, I'm a bit of a stalker. It's not really my fault, I just like to know where people are, and what they're doing. I constantly monitor all kinds of things, and even the slightest changes are memorized and understood. Of course, this has come in handy. For instance, I knew exactly where I could find a certain person because I memorized their schedule. Plus, I know exactly WHO people are and how to persuade them into doing things. On that note, I am also a control freak, and people who don't do what I say are either tolerated but discouraged strongly, or are immediately stomped out of the group. Although strange to some, it comes into excellent use to me.
hmm, where to begin... to start off, I am a compulsive liar. There can be no benefit to me lying, but I'll do it anyway, just because I can. This manifests itself everywhere, with my friends, teachers, family, everyone. As sorta an extension, I act a lot around others that I want to like me. I'll change myself to fit what they'd like most, just to earn their approval. I am lazy as hell. If something isn't pressing, and sometimes even if it is, I won't do it. Its sorta killing my grades right now, too. I've always been able to BS my way through school, but now that its getting really difficult and I'm not putting the work in, things aren't working for the first time. And its really messing me up. I guess my worst shame though would have to be being gay in a really intolerant family/community. I don't see anything wrong with it, but when everyone around you uses *squee!* as an insult, supports laws against gay marriage, and acts thoroughly disgusted every time they see any homosexual relationship/interaction, I can't help but feel there's something wrong with me. Like I'm defective in some way. and then there's MLP. :derpe:
I don't like lying or manipulating others, but I'm really good at it... Even white lies. I hate my moral compass. Injustice. Chores around the house are really bad. I'm pretty much stuck with cleaning the kitchen. Even if my uncle's kids are tasked with it, they either a) don't do it, or b) half ass it so badly they might as well have never bothered. I'm asked to do a lot of little bull*squee!*, even if I'm preoccupied with something that might be important or not. For example, my uncle sent his daughter to ask me to unplug a USB drive from his media server right behind me. Because I blast my music to drown out everything else, I didn't hear her trying to get my attention with a really quiet voice because she's too shy or something. Yet, still, after standing next to me for a while, she didn't just do it herself because... I really don't know. I don't understand his kids sometimes. Fighting fire with fire is hard when the original fire doesn't properly understand the concepts of guilt and entitlement.
I kinda hate myself a little because I'm lazy, I never do stuff as going to the gym or so. I take walks sometimes, but not so often in the winter. I am also very shy, so I often mess things up with boys who actually likes me. (Everytime I see him, I feel so sad..) I have no self confidence. I see myself as ugly all the time, no matter what people say. I suck at giving friends comfort. Once, my best friend was suicidal, because of a boy. I didn't know what to say, so I just got angry at her and said that she had to learn how to just brush things off and move on. She was sad all day, but she is still alive. I told her that I would hate her forever and ever if she did something stupid, I guess it worked :$ I always keep my feelings inside, wich makes it easier for me to start cry at movies.. Haha xD
I talk to nobody when I play cod. I can hear myself shout "Why the @$#%! did he call in a second UAV?!" and etc. I get a lot of music off youtube. I get up really early, like 5 in the morning. Just by myself. No clock.
Lying, breaking a promise, manipulating others. I just can't get myself to do it. If I feel I'm accidently manipulating someone for my own profit, even just a little, I feel horrible. And well to be honeeest, I'm kind of proud of my honesty. :3 But what I can feel really bad about is how I can't stand up for myself in many situations. Like when someone is being mean to me, or to someone else, just for the sake of being mean. It just makes me feel at the mercy of other people. Which, in turn, doesn't make me feel very proud of myself. Maybe I should give this Iron Will guy a try.
