Improved wishes

Granted; it's so flat it's actually two dimensional.

I wish my car could talk.

 

Granted. It's name is David Hasselhoff. It has this neat scanning red light that bounces back and forth across its grill so it looks spacey and intelligent. And it comes with it's own synthesized theme song that plays anywhere within eye-shot of the vehicle.

I wish for a soft pretzel.

 

Granted; it's warm and smells delicious.

I wish I could pipe music directly into my brain.

 

Granted. A state of the art implant from Apple allows precisely that. It also pipes hot apple streusel into your brain. The streusel goes well with MegaDeth. And Weird Al.

I wish for a trans-dimensional library containing all the best variations of every classic work of story-telling the many worlds have produced. Also, If I could have a bunk in there, that'd be pretty sweet.

 

Granted, You get the perfect library full of all the classic books and it has a personal room.

I wish for unlimited power.

 

Granted. You also get a bunch of minions to do your bidding.

I wish for a tiny griffon.

 

Granted. That tiny griffon grows up to be a big griffon named Gilda

I wish for a billion milkshakes

 

Granted, and the milkshakes refill itself.

I wish for Everlasting hippie powers.

 

Granted. You also get Goth powers, and a few Geek powers.

I wish for a better job.

 

Granted, and you get it without going through the abject misery of the interview process.

I wish for a size-adjustable dog that I can ride and/or put in my pocket.

 

Granted, and it doesn't scratch your face when you use it.

I wish I had the ability to make trees grow instantly wherever I point.

 

Granted; it is neither too challenging nor too soul-crushingly boring.

I wish people would stop taking the money from my trees.

 

Granted, and it's not one of mine so I don't have to kill you!

I wish I didn't have to kill people quite so much.

 

Granted. It's Alfred Pennyworth. Also you're Batman now.

I wish for a Red Lantern power ring.

 

Granted. Also, things happen after the date. Nice things. Things that leave a man weak-kneed and in need of rehydration.

I wish for a pair of custom silver daggers.