Missive To Princess Celestia

A note from the Author: I'll periodically be updating this work into a fully fleshed-out story. Huzzah!
That being said, this first part is now "Chapter 1."

Spoiler: Chapter 1: A Missive to Princess Celestia

To Her Royal Majesty Princess Celestia,

My time in Ponyville has been rather…productive. I have recovered the volume that you have requested and will be returning to Canterlot with it shortly. Although, I do have one small concern. I promise you that I am not questioning your authority, and I would not dare mention this unless I absolutely believed that it needed mentioning but…I believe that a copy of this particular volume is already residing within the stacks of Your Majesty’s Royal Library in Canterlot.

In fact, if I may be so bold, I might say I am certain beyond the very shadow of a doubt that this very volume is present in the Library, for I have read it many times by myself.

I would never dare to presume that I could ascertain your motivations, but is there possibly some other reason that I have been sent here? I only ask because during my time here in Ponyville, I believe that a certain number of events, which I hesitate to call coincidences, have occurred…

-----

A dark yellow pony with a quill and inkwell Cutie Mark quickly leapt from the basket of the hot air balloon before it even touched down outside Ponyville. This unicorn, with the brown mane and tail with the blonde streak, and large-framed glasses was a certain student, and Scribe in Training, of Princess Celestia’s named Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell. To his friends, he was simply “Quill Inkwell.” To the citizens of Ponyville who watched him “disembark”, he was quite a sight, as he crouched down and embraced the ground.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” He lowered himself as close to the ground as he could possibly get and kissed the grass. “How I’ve missed you, Ground! I’ll never leave you again! I’ll walk back to Canterlot if I have to, but you’ll never see my hooves leave good old terra firma ever again!”

Noticing now that a small crowd had gathered to gaze at the newcomer, Quill quickly coughed and composed himself, brushing his chest off with one hoof. Nervously glancing around, he chuckled, “Right then, nothing to see here… Aheh…”

He pushed his large, round glasses back onto his face and magically drew a scroll from his saddlebag. As he walked into Ponyville proper, he unrolled the scroll and read it aloud to himself:

Dear Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell,

I, Princess Celestia, have come to the conclusion that my knowledge of the various creatures that can be found in the Everfree Forest is sorely lacking as of late. As I have deemed this matter to be of vital importance to myself and the very kingdom which I oversee, I have decided that you, as one of my faithful students, shall be given the mission to retrieve a copy of “The Compendium of Creatures, Critters, and Creepy-Crawlies of the Everfree Forest” from the library in Ponyville. The library’s caretaker, Miss Twilight Sparkle, will be more than happy to assist you.

Please return with the book very soon, the fate of Equestria depends on you!

Sincerely, Princess Celestia

Quill gulped. No pressure… Sure, my last encounter with Twilight Sparkle…didn’t go so well…but that was back in Canterlot and it’s been a couple of years. Maybe she won’t even recognize me. I can get in, get the book, and leave before anyth-

*bump*

Quill had found himself so distracted by his thoughts that he had bumped into a pink earth pony with what could best be described as a “fluffy” mane and big, blue eyes. He quickly took a couple of steps backward and stammered, “Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean-“

“Hiya!” The pink pony grinned at Quill for a moment before continuing. “Heeeyyy… You’re new around here, aren’t ya? You must be because I’ve never seen you around here before and I know everypony in Ponyville and you don’t look like anypony I know! Where’re you from? Is it Manehattan? Or Fillydelphia or OH! I’ll bet you’re from Appleloosa! OH OH! I know! You’re from CANTERLOT! You must be! You have that…uh, what’s Rarity call it? Je ne sais quoi! Or is it déjà vu?” She put her chin on her hoof. “La Vida Loca?” She got right up in Quill’s face then. “It doesn’t matter! Whatever it is, boy, you got it! You got it all over ya!” She put her forehooves on his shoulders and exclaimed, “We should throw you a HUGE welcoming party! Stay right here, and don’t move a muscle! This is gonna be great!”

After the earth pony dashed off to do who-knows-what, Quill quickly left the scene.

-----

After realizing that the crazy earth pony wasn’t following him, Quill relaxed a bit. “Whew! I had heard that the citizens of Ponyville were a little backward, but I wasn’t expecting that…”

“Expectin’ what?”

Quill quickly looked around for the source of the voice. “Who? Wha-?”

“Heheh. Up here, guy.”

Quill looked up and saw that he was standing directly under a small, white cloud. “Umm…did you just speak?”

The cloud chuckled. “’Course I did! What did you expect? Pinkie Pie?”

“Pinkie…Pie…? Is that the pink earth pony? The one who likes to shout and throw parties?”

The cloud responded, “Yup, that’s our Pinkie Pie! So you met her, huh?”

Quill nodded. “After meeting her, I suppose that speaking to a cloud wouldn’t be the strangest thing I’ve ever done…”

“’Speaking to a cloud?’ What’re you talking abou- Oh! You think that-“ The cloud shook and began laughing uncontrollably. In between giggles, the cloud said, “Hold on. I’ll be right down.” As the giggling continued, a light blue pegasus with a rainbow-colored mane and tail leapt from the cloud and glided down to the ground in front of Quill. After striking a pose, the Pegasus remarked, “Hiya. Name’s Rainbow Dash.” She extended her hoof to shake.

Quill cautiously returned her greeting by shaking her hoof. Then he bowed slightly. “My name’s Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell. Most ponies call me Quill.” Then he said, “You’re a pegasus.”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and replied sarcastically, “You’re a unicorn. And I don’t even need glasses to tell that.”

Quill stammered, “That’s…that’s not what I meant… It’s just that, well, uh, I thought only earth ponies lived here and that pegasi lived in Cloudsdale…”

“So what if pegasi live in Cloudsdale? It doesn’t mean that I can’t have friends here! Maybe I’m just visiting!”

Quill took a couple of steps back. “I- I just meant that-“

Rainbow Dash advanced a couple of steps. “And Fluttershy lives here! She’s a pegasus! What’re you going to do about it? Huh? Huh?!” Her muzzle was practically pressed up against his. Quill was visibly shaking.

After he took a large gulp, Quill managed to squeak, “Do you know where the library is?”

Rainbow straightened up and resumed her cheerful demeanor. “Of course I know where the library is! It’s right in the middle of town. Just keep going that way,” she pointed her hoof down the street, “and you’ll be there in no time! See? You can almost see it from here!”

Quill nervously turned his gaze toward the end of Rainbow’s hoof, and noticed the large tree-house building. “Uh…thanks.”

“No problem! See ya around, Four-Eyes!” With those words, the pegasus blasted off into the air.

-----

Quill felt a pit in his stomach as he approached the door to the library that served as the home of Twilight Sparkle. Ok… All I have to do is knock on the door… Then Twilight will answer…

“Oh, hello there, Pony-I-Can’t-Recall-Ever-Seeing-Before. Is there something I can help you with?”

“Yes,” I’ll reply. “I’m running an errand for the Princess. She needs your copy of ‘The Compendium of Creatures, Critters, and Creepy-Crawlies of the Everfree Forest’.”

“Oh, yes,” she’ll then reply. “I have that book. Just wait right here.” Then she’ll get the book for me and nothing weird or crazy will happen and then I’ll walk back to Canterlot and I can put this whole mess behind me.

As he took a couple more steps toward the library, he wondered, But what if…

I knock on the door and Twilight answers. I barely manage to get out, “Hello. I’m running an erra-“ before she recognizes me…

She’ll glare at me and say, “I know you… Quilliam, is it? Oh ho, yes, I recognize you… You tried to ask me if I’d be your date to an insipid party back when I lived in Canterlot. A pitiful attempt, if I say so myself. You just stood there holding that stupid daisy with your “magic” if you could call those parlor tricks that you do magic… What a loser you were, with your stupid glasses and that disgusting rat’s nest you call a mane. Puh! Like I’d ever deign to be seen with an ugly, dorkish, geeky, loser troll like you! And here you are, begging another favor from me! You make me sick, Quilliam. When will you EVER learn? You and I, we aren’t even on the same level! Go on! Run back home to Canterlot! I’ll bring the book to Princess Celestia myself. Oh, how did I know that she wanted a book? Because I’m. Just. That. Good. Now go away. You’re sullying my doorstep.”

Then, *SLAM!* I go home having not accomplished anything…

Quill sighed. As he slowly brought his hoof up to knock, he was startled by an enthusiastic and friendly voice coming from behind him.

“Well, howdy there!”

“Wah!” Quill stiffened and turned around. He was met by another earth pony, except this one had a long blonde mane and wore a hat. The hat, Quill noted, appeared to be a Stetson.

The earth pony smiled. “Are ya’ll lookin’ for Twilight? She ain’t home right now.”

“She isn’t?” Quill inwardly sighed in relief.

“Sure as shootin’, Haystack. Why you lookin’ for her?”

“I, uh, I’m running an errand for the Princess. She needs a book.”

“Well, while yer waitin’, why don’t ya have one a’ my delicious apple fritters?” The pony walked behind him and gently pushed him toward a cart that was set up nearby. The cart was stacked with shelves of apples, apple dumplings, apple pies, apple fritters, apple crumbles, apple tarts, apple turnovers, apple cider, and apple juice (for the foals). Quill knew this because the friendly earth pony named all of her products off one by one for him. “So, whaddya say? Wanna try one a’ Sweet Apple Acres’ World Famous Foodstuffs?”

Quill looked over the goods that the earth pony had for sale. “Well… I am feeling a little peckish… Perhaps I will try something…”

“You certainly must. It’s all quite delicious.” A white unicorn with a well-styled, purple mane approached. “Hello, Applejack,” she said to the earth pony.

The earth pony, who Quill assumed was this “Applejack” that the unicorn was addressing, cheerfully replied, “Well howdy, Rarity! What can I do ya for?”

“I heard there was a new pony in town, and I also heard that he was from Canterlot. I decided that I simply must meet him!”

Quill coughed and took a step back. “I…I’m from Canterlot…”

Rarity glanced in Quill’s direction, and then seemed to examine him from the tips of his mane to the bottom of his hooves. She opened her mouth to say something, and then examined Quill again… Then a third time for good measure. “You…don’t seem like someone who lives in Canterlot. You seem too…oh, drat, what’s the word I’m thinking of?”

Applejack chimed in, “Average? Normal? Not stuck-up?” Then she continued, “Not hoity-toity, frou-frou, or too good to be seen around common ponies?”

Rarity seemed to chew on the words for a moment before deciding, “It’s not exactly the phrase I was looking for…but it’ll have to do.” She looked back at Quill. “I sincerely apologize for not introducing myself. My name’s Rarity. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mister…”

Quill quickly composed himself. “Aha… Quill Inkwell, Miss Rarity. Miss Applejack. The pleasure is mine, really.” He bowed slightly as he said each pony’s name. If these ponies thought that all residents of Canterlot were “stuck-up”, as Applejack put it, he’d do what he could to change that reputation.

“Aw, shucks! You don’t have ta’ call me ‘Miss…’ Just Applejack is fine.” She stuck her head up to Quill and whispered, “Although Rarity does prefer bein’ called ‘Miss’ Rarity. Just sayin’…”

“So, Quill Inkwell… What’s your business in Ponyville? Surely you couldn’t have come just for Applejack’s food,” Rarity asked.

“He wants one a’ Twilight’s books!” Applejack interjected. “He says he needs it for the Princess!”

“Oh my. I’m not sure you’ll be able to get it now. Twilight’s not home.” Rarity replied.

Quill rolled his eyes. “Applejack just told me that.” He then sighed. “Actually, I’m kind of relieved...”

Rarity cocked an eyebrow. “Relieved? Why?”

Quill sighed again. “Well…Twilight and I…we have a little history…”

The two ponies edged in closer. They asked in unison, “’History’…?”

“If I could have one of those tarts, I’ll tell you about it…”

-----

“In Canterlot, there exists a school. It’s called “Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.” I’m sure you’ve heard of it; it’s world-famous. Much like Sweet Apple Acres’ food products.

Only a few gifted unicorns are accepted into this school every year, as the requirements to get in are very difficult. One would have to be a very special and gifted unicorn indeed. I made it in by utilizing my special talent and penning an essay on why I should get in and what I would do once I was there. On the three proctors’ clipboards. At the same time.

Twilight Sparkle, as you may already know, was also enrolled in this school. I’m not entirely sure what she did to secure her place, but she was taken in to be taught how to utilize her talent by Her Royal Majesty, Princess Celestia herself. What an honor!

Now, I had been infatuated with Miss Twilight Sparkle for some time while we attended school together. We shared many of the same classes, and I thought I had grown to know her during that time. She was a quiet student who kept mostly to herself. She held the Princess’s approval in high regard and as a result she was incredibly studious. This left her with little time for friends, and I think this is what drew me to her.

You see, I also had very few friends, but not by choice. As a youngster, I was painfully shy and awkward. I had always had trouble speaking to other ponies, but I had a lot to say, so I took up the quill and paper. This is how I got my Cutie Mark, but this information is inconsequential and has no bearing on the story at hand.

Where was I?

Ah, yes. I remember now. For many weeks, I had admired Twilight Sparkle from afar, but I had never gotten the courage to actually speak to her until one fateful day…

It was the day after an exceedingly difficult and taxing test. Many students were completely wiped out by the experience, and celebrated having actually survived the test by throwing a party that most of the students made plans to attend. I didn’t know for sure if Twilight Sparkle would be among the attendees, but I resolved to find out.

I had tracked her down to a large, shady tree. I had a feeling I would find her there, as I took note that this was a favorite spot of hers. I gathered my courage, and a daisy, and approached to her. She was busy reading a large book when I approached. When I was within speaking distance, I held the daisy out in front of me and asked, in as unobtrusive of a voice as I could manage,
“Twilight? Will you be attending the party being held by Star Dancer?” I barely managed to speak my next sentence before she glared at me, her eyes filled with rage.

She seethed, “No, Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell… I will NOT be attending the party that’s being held by Star Dancer. Nor will I be attending any soirees, shindigs, get-togethers, box socials, celebrations, fiestas, bashes, or jamborees. Now, please… Go. Away.” At that, she turned her back to me and continued reading from her gigantic book.

Thoroughly defeated, I returned to my home.”

-----

“Did you attend the party, then?” Rarity asked, a frown upon her face.

Quill shook his head. “I had no reason to.” He added, “The only one I wanted to see there was Twilight. If she wasn’t going, then neither would I.”

“So…” Applejack said, “That’s what Twil-“ She was promptly interrupted by Rarity, who nudged her with her hoof.

Quill apparently hadn’t noticed their exchange, as he was at that moment pensively munching on his apple tart. “If it weren’t for the Princess sending me here, I don’t think I’d ever make an effort to speak to her again…”

The two other ponies appeared to snicker and gave each other a knowing glance.

“Umm… Excuse me.” A tiny voice sounded from somewhere behind Quill. He turned around to meet the new pony and saw that it was a pastel yellow pegasus with a long, pink mane. If he could see Rarity and Applejack, he would’ve noticed that they instantly recognized their friend, Fluttershy.

“Oh! I must be in your way. My apologies.” Quill took a few steps back, giving Fluttershy room to pass to get to Applejack’s cart.

“Oh no, not at all… Um, are you Quill Inkwell?”

Quill glanced around. Why did it seem like every pony in Ponyville knew who he was? Word travels fast around here… “Why, yes. I am. Why?”

“Well…um…Pinkie Pie sent a bunch of us out to find you…”

“Pinkie…Pie…?” Quill gulped slightly.

“She says she organized a party for you. To…celebrate your first time in Ponyville.”

Applejack spoke up. “Well, shoot! Y’all can’t turn down an invitation from Pinkie Pie. She throws the best parties!”

Rarity nodded in agreement. “It’s true. The least you could do is attend.”

“Please…?” Fluttershy beseeched. Her lip quivered slightly.

Quill found it to be impossible to resist not one or two, but three different ponies. Especially Fluttershy. He sighed, “Sure.”

The three mares cried out in unison, “Hooray!”

-----

Sugarcube Corner was decorated top-to-bottom with streamers, balloons, and signs that happily proclaimed “Welcome Quill Inkwell!” in bold, pink letters. Great Celestia…everypony in town must be here… Quill’s gaze panned from one side of Sugarcube Corner to the other. Among the attendees were the three ponies that came with him, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy. He also spied the pegasus, Rainbow Dash (who wasn’t quite as scary when you got to know her) and of course, Pinkie Pie (who was still kind of crazy once you got to know her, but it was a good crazy). But there were many others there as well. How do they fit so many ponies into one bakery? It’s simply mind-boggling… Not that he minded. He rarely attended any parties, and less of which had him as the Guest of Honor. In between socializing and sampling the delicious cakes, he kept an eye out for Twilight Sparkle. Not that she’d be here, of course. She doesn’t like parties. Especially if she knew that I-

“Quilliam?”

Quill spat out his drink and whipped his body around. He knew that voice anywhere. Speak Nightmare Moon’s name… “Twi- Twilight S- Sparkle!” He gulped loudly. Party’s over… Let’s just get this over with. “Um…yes.” He immediately assumed a more formal tone that one would use to address those from Canterlot. “Yes. I’ve been sent here by the Princess. Uh… To retrieve a book.”

Twilight smiled and flipped her mane. “Well, I have a lot of books. Which one is she looking for?”

“Th- TheCompendiumofCreaturesCrittersandCreepyCrawliesoftheEverfree…Forest?”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow. “Uh… Come again? I didn’t catch that…”

Quill gulped and repeated, “The Compendium of Creatures, Critters, and Creepy-Crawlies of the Everfree-“

Twilight smiled again. “Oh, yes, that book! Of course I have it! But there’s something we have to talk about first.”

Quill flinched. Here it comes. The Ultimatum. “Go away and never come back…” “Okay,” he sighed. “Just say it and I’ll get out of your mane. I can take it.”

Twilight cast her glance downward. “I…I’m sorry. It's just th-”

“Look, I get it. You don’t want me around. I’m okay wi-“ It was suddenly Quills turn to raise an eyebrow. “What? You’re…what?”

“I’m sorry, Quill! The time in Canterlot after the Magical Midterms, the one that burned out so many of us! It’s…it’s just that ponies had been bugging me all day about going to Star Dancer’s party and all I wanted to do was read and study for the next test and I certainly couldn’t do that if I was at a party, and your invitation was so well-meaning and I think you’re the only one who offered me a daisy and I completely went crazy on you and was way meaner than I should’ve been and…” Twilight was huffing and puffing by this time, trying to catch her breath. “I didn’t mean it. Can you forgive me?”

Quill was frankly taken aback by Twilight’s request. The whole thing…it was… It was a misunderstanding… And apparently, she’s felt as bad about it for all this time as I had… “Ah…of course, Twilight… I mean, heh, forgive and forget, right?”

-----

The party was fantastic. We shared more cake and drinks, and I even got the chance to tell them all a few stories of my own creation. And, as it turns out, the ponies that I had run into were all friends of Twilight’s! Can you believe it? I was surprised by how much she had changed in the short time since the Magical Midterms.

In exchange for my stories, they also told me many stories of their own. They told me about a birthday party that they threw for Pinkie Pie, the annual Running of the Leaves race, their Winter Wrap Up festival, and their experience at the Grand Galloping Gala, among many others. Did you know that they don’t use any magic to clear the snow and clouds during their Winter Wrap Up? I’d like to observe this phenomenon, with Your Majesty’s permission, of course! It sounds wonderful!

But, I digress, and this letter has gone on for far longer than it should have. The book is in my possession, and I will bring it back to Your Royal Highness straightaway.

Your Faithful Servant,
Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell

P.S.
My sincerest apologies, but I simply must ask, because I can’t shake the feeling that this was some kind of…”Set-up.” Please, don’t get me wrong or think that I’m being too brash as I indeed believe in coincidences, but… I’ll just say that if I was making all of this up, as with my stories, I would include a twist at the end wherein it turns out that Your Highness conspired with Twilight Sparkle to get me into Ponyville so that I may speak with her and make amends.

-----

After receiving and reading Quill’s letter, Princess Celestia smiled softly as she replied,

Dear Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell,

Allow me to begin by saying that I enjoy reading your letters, as well as those of all of my students and subjects, no matter how long they might be.

I am glad that you have retrieved the book for me. All of Equestria and I sincerely thank you from the bottom of our collective hearts. You have performed a great service on this day, and since you performed so well, I will be sure to keep you in mind when I need more tasks done in Ponyville, or anywhere for that matter.

Of course you may attend Ponyville’s Winter Wrap Up! Regrettably, I’ve not had a chance to see it since Twilight Sparkle has taken charge of organizing it, as I unfortunately have other tasks to attend to during that time. I expect a full report when you return to Canterlot afterwards.

As far as your inquiry regarding your journey to Ponyville: I have no idea what you are talking about regarding this “Set-up” as you call it. I simply sent you to retrieve a volume that I did not believe that we have in the Royal Library. Nothing more. However, if your task was indeed some elaborate ruse, which it is not, do you not feel better anyway that you were able to speak to Twilight Sparkle again and resolve whatever ill feelings you may have had? That, my little pony, is what is most important.

Sincerely,
Princess Celestia

-----


A Note from the Author: This 'episode' takes place some time after the first. Just as in the show, there is really no concrete timeline. We'll just say that each episode occurs after the one before it.

Spoiler: Chapter 2: A Real Page-Turner

Having placed the final book on her shelf, Twilight Sparkle turned to her Canterlotian unicorn friend, Quill Inkwell. “Thanks for staying to help me organize all these new editions you delivered. It would’ve taken a lot longer if you weren’t here.”

Quill smiled as he packed the old books into his saddlebags. “It’s my pleasure, Miss Twilight. I’m more than happy to help out a fellow ‘bookie’.” He turned to inspect their work. The shelves were packed tightly with the combined knowledge of hundreds of ponies from over the course of generations. He’d be willing to bet that there were books here that couldn’t even be found in Canterlot’s Royal Library if he looked hard enough. “It’s a good thing I got them here. That copy you had of Exploring the Aether for Fun and Profit is at least two editions old! I can’t even imagine what would have happened if you had tried to use some of the outdated spells in there!”

Twilight blushed. “Well…it’s not just that reason that I’m happy you stayed. I… I have a confession…”

Quill turned toward his friend. “Oh? What is it?”

Twilight’s voice almost became a whisper as she slowly approached him. “Quill… I… I…”

“Yes?”

“CAW!” Twilight’s eyes took on a wild quality and she began to flap her front hooves. “CAW! CAW!”

*pop*

Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell tossed and turned in his bed before finally grumbling, “Edgar…Just gimme five more minutes…” He pulled his bed sheets up over his head, which Edgar, the unicorn’s faithful raven assistant, promptly yanked off. The persistent avian landed on Quill’s head and began picking at the colt’s ear, causing him to thrash out of his bed. “Fine! I’m up!” Getting onto all fours, the colt glared at his assistant. “You can be quite impetuous sometimes. You know that?”

Edgar cawed affirmatively and puffed out his chest.

Quill rolled his eyes. “Of course you do…” Moving to his window, he opened it and squinted his eyes at the bright sunlight outside, then turned his attention to what the rest of his hometown was doing. The view from his loft never ceased to impress him. From his place on the third floor of one of the castle’s many, many wings, he could see a great deal of Canterlot. Most of the land was covered in a blanket of white, as it was still winter time. And there on the horizon, almost out of view, was Ponyville and, by extension, the home of Twilight Sparkle. He muttered, “And I’d still be there, if SOME one...” At this, he glared at Edgar, “...would’ve let me sleep.”

The raven cawed again and lifted his leg, bringing to Quill’s attention a letter tied to it. Part of the unicorn was envious of those students who had magical creatures as their familiars, such as dragons and the like. He had heard that some can send and receive messages almost instantaneously. He snickered as he imagined Edgar belching up a letter from the Princess.

Using his magic, he untied the letter from his assistant’s leg and read it aloud:

Dear Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell,

I, Princess Celestia, have an important mission for you. Please report to my throne room personally at your earliest convenience.

Quill gulped deeply. He knew that “at your earliest convenience” was Royal Code for “NOW!” and that he was most likely already late. He quickly checked his mane in a nearby mirror, and after gathering his things: a pair of saddlebags, some paper, several quills, and a few bottles of ink, he dashed out of his room.

------

“Excuse me! Pardon me!” Quill dashed through the hallways of the castle, as he had done many times in his life, dodging ponies left and right with many giving him dirty looks as he passed. Just before making it to the throne room, he ran headlong into a royal guard. The pegasus guard barely budged an inch while the unfortunate unicorn took a moment to recover.

“State your business!” the guard demanded.

Quill shook his head. “Give me a second, please.” He wobbled back and forth, still attempting to recover from the impact. Who knew that the guards were so…solid?

“State what business you have with the Princess!”

“If you’ll just give me a second…” Quill replied, fishing through his saddlebag. I know I have the letter around here somewhere…

“What business have you with Her Royal Majesty?”

“Great Celestia!” Quill shouted, “How many ways do you have to issue the same command? Do you carry a thesaurus under all that armor?”

The guard seemed taken aback, but replied, “As a matter of fact…”

“Ah, Quilliam. I’d recognize that voice anywhere. Come on in, my little pony.” Celestia’s voice rang out from inside her throne room. “It’s quite alright, Guard. You may let him in.”

The guard replied to the Princess, “Very well.” Turning to Quill, he stated, “You may enter. Don’t make a nuisance of yourself.”

Quill nodded to the guard. “Thank you. My sincerest apologies for shouting at you.” As he stepped into the throne room, the guard’s eyes followed him.

Quill had always been startled by how loud the throne room’s doors were when they closed, and this time was no exception. He also couldn’t help but notice that the Princess snickered when he jumped slightly. After regaining his composure, he straightened himself up and addressed the Princess in as formal of a tone as he could muster. He cleared his throat before saying, “Your Highness. I am sincerely sorry for my late arrival. I assure you, it won’t happen again.”

The Princess chuckled, “I’m sure it won’t, Quilliam. Please, step forward.”

The unicorn took a step forward. He had learned from his teachers early on that when in the presence of the Princess, that one must never, ever speak out of turn, and follow her orders to the letter. He stared at her expectantly. This task was made all the easier as Quill believed that the Princess was probably the most beautiful mare in all of Equestria. He sincerely hoped that he wasn’t staring, but wouldn’t be surprised if he was. He fidgeted slightly, awaiting the Princess’s next command.

Celestia didn’t disappoint, but she did let him wait longer than he would’ve liked. “Quilliam.”

“Yes! Your Majesty!”

Celestia chuckled again. “Please take a step to your left.”

The unicorn cast a quizzical glance in her direction, but obediently took a step to his left. As his hooves left the plush carpeting and landed on the hard stone, they produced a sharp click.

“Excellent. Now, hear my words…”

Quill immediately used his magic to withdraw a quill and paper from his saddlebag. He also knew from his teachers that it was wise to record every word that the Princess spoke in one’s presence. Upon bringing them to his front, he discovered that the implements were covered in ink. “WHA-!” He let the paper and quill fall to the floor and spun around and saw to his horror that one of his containers of ink had broken and had leaked all over the inside of his saddlebag, and that same container had leaked onto the carpet in the throne room!

Panicking and breathing heavily, Quill threw the saddlebags off of his back and quickly began rummaging through it to find the offending glass container. In between tossing paper and quills to either side of him, he would occasionally poke his head out of his bag to apologize profusely to the Princess. “I-I-I- I’m sorry! I’m- I’m so sorry! I-I-I- d-didn’t mean to-!”

Suddenly, a yellow glow enveloped Quill’s saddlebags. The bags raised up off of the floor, and turned over, spilling its entire contents into a space just below the bags’ openings; nothing touched the floor, not even the spilled ink from the broken ink container. All of his implements hung in space. Quill turned toward the Princess, knowing that she was the source of the glow. He bowed deeply and in a voice barely more audible than a whisper he said, “I’m sorry, Princess…”

Rather than immediately banishing the unicorn, however, the Princess chuckled a little. “You really don’t need to carry so much, Quilliam. Let’s take this load off of your back.” She brought the bag closer to her and inspected it. “I’ll have the Royal Tailor make you a new one. I’ll be sure to replace all of your instruments as well.” As she moved Quill’s things out of view, she stated, “Now, on to why I asked you here…”

Quill immediately shot up to attention. “Princess!”

“I am in need of another volume. The tome is question is called ‘The Perky Princess’s Guide for Proper Party Planning, by Lady Crème de la Crème III.’ It should be in the Royal Library. I cannot ask the librarian to bring it himself, since he is very busy at the moment. He recommended you for the task.”

The brownish unicorn touched his hoof to his forehead and muttered something.

“Quilliam,” the Princess inquired, “What are you doing?”

“Oh!” Quill snapped out of his reverie. “I’m memorizing the title of the book. Uhm…if you don’t mind me asking, are you sure it’s in the Royal Library?”

Celestia smiled, recalling the last errand that she had sent Quilliam on, ending up with the unicorn travelling all the way to Ponyville to find a book that had been in the Royal Library the entire time. “I am certain. I’ve already contacted Twilight Sparkle about it, and she claims to not have it.”

“Oh.” Quill hung his head. He was actually looking forward to travelling once again to Ponyville, and visiting the new friends he had made there.

“Do not worry, my little pony. Winter Wrap Up is approaching. Did you not make plans to attend the one in Ponyville?”

Quill’s expression brightened. “I did! I- I mean, I have. Uh…with your permission, of course.”

The Princess smiled and nodded.

After a moment of silence, the young unicorn chuckled. “Aheh… I suppose I should find that book for you now, Your Majesty.”

Celestia smiled. “That would be nice.”

Quill bowed deeply and left the throne room.

-------

Quill had always been impressed by the sheer size of the Royal Library. The stacks of books seemed to go on for miles. There was nary a volume that couldn’t be found in the massive library, and Quill knew it. When he attended class at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, he would spend his downtime exploring the rows and rows of books. He tried to recall the amount of hours that he had spent here before an elderly stallion’s voice rang out, “Hey, Quill! Nice ta’ see ya’!”

The unicorn turned to greet his old friend, Dewey. Dewey was a grey earth pony with a mane to match and an open book for a Cutie Mark. He had many years on Quill, so many in fact that the young unicorn couldn’t remember a time before there even was a Dewey. “Hiya, Dewey!” He stepped up to the massive desk that the grey pony was manning. He appeared to be organizing some books and putting them on a cart.

The elder pony looked up from his work for a moment. “So, the Princess got ya, did she?” He lifted a hefty volume and placed it on the cart. Quill noted that the work was the newest edition of Exploring the Aether for Fun and Profit.

“Yes, sir. She wants me to find ‘The Pesky Princess’s Guide for Proper Party Planning, by Lady Crème de la Crème.’” A light orange glow surrounded one of the tomes as Quill magically lifted it and placed on the cart for his friend.

The stallion gave Quill a quizzical glance. “’Pesky’ Princess’s Guide, young Quilliam? Perhaps you mean the Perky Princess’s Guide, eh?” he snickered. “You know, my great grandsire and Lady Crème de la Crème used to be an item? Yup! Those two threw the best parties in all of Canterlot!” The grey pony heaved another book onto the cart.

“Seriously?” The young unicorn would’ve inquired more about it if he wasn’t on a mission for the Princess. He always thought Dewey had the most interesting stories. “You’ll have to tell me more about it sometime!” Noticing that the cart appeared to be fully loaded, Quill took a step toward it. “I’ll take those for you, if you want.”

Dewey smiled and stretched, causing popping sounds to emanate from his back. “Well, that’s be mighty good of ya, Quill. These old bones could use a rest. I thank ya.”

The young unicorn bowed to his elder and wheeled the cart into the library proper.

------

“…and that’s the last one!” Quill levitated the copy of “The Picky Pony’s Guide for Picking out the Perfect Gemstones” into its place. “It’s a good thing I saved the last one for when I got the ‘P’ section of the ‘How-To’ shelves!” The young unicorn grinned to himself. “I surprise myself sometimes! Now…’Perky’…’Perky’…P-E…” His gaze followed the rows of books. “P-E-T…P-E-S…P-E-R…aha!” He raised a hoof and traced the spines of the books in front of him. Then he traced them backward. He scratched his head and traced them again.

“That’s odd…I can’t find it…” He raised his glasses and squinted as he examined the shelves more closely. “It should be…right…here.” He scratched his head again. “Hmm…” he wondered. “Maybe it’s in another section…? I’ll check the ‘T’s, for ‘The’.” He trotted over to the T section and examined the volumes contained therein. “The Perky Princess’s Guide for Proper Party Planning” was nowhere to be found, as Quill expected. After all, books that begin with the word “The” aren’t sorted under the ‘T’s’. They’re sorted, as the book-loving unicorn already knew, under the first letter of the next word. The subject.

He walked back to the ‘P’s and tried again, but to no avail. “Odd…” Quill shrugged. “Perhaps it’s in another section. Dewey made it sound like it was written a long time ago, judging by how he said that his great grandsire knew the author. Maybe it’s under ‘Classics.’”

So, he checked there.

And failed to find it.

Then ‘General Non-Fiction.’ Then ‘Humor,’ ‘Biography’, ‘Autobiography’, ‘Science Fiction’, ‘Cookbooks’, ‘Fantasy’, ‘Gaming Manuals’, ‘History’, ‘Historical Fiction’, ‘Choose-Your-Own Adventure’, ‘Pop-Psychology’, ‘General Psychology’, ‘Armchair Psychology’, and even ‘General Magic and Spellcasting’.

“AAAUUUGGHHH! I CAN’T FIND IT!” Quill’s voice echoed throughout the stacks and shelves of books. The young unicorn’s panic was rising as he checked every section once again.

------

“It’s not here…”

“It’s not here…”

“It’s not here…”

His eyes darted side to side as he stalked through the aisles. “Why can’t I find it? Where are you, BOOK? Come out, come out, wherever you are…Heehee… It must be here…the Princess said it was.” A wild grin crossed his face. “And she’s always…RIGHT!” The young unicorn smacked himself in the head with his hoof. “CORRECT! She’s always…CORRECT!”

“No, no…I have to look at things more…RATIONALLY!” He rubbed his hooves together. “Yes… Much. More. Rationally…” His eye twitched. “If I were a book, where would I be?” He looked up. “Of course! I’d be on the highest shelf! Yes…that’s where I’d be…hehe… Up above all the other common books. Yes…” he hissed, as he found a nearby ladder and began his ascent. “I’d have a castle with gates…and a moat! With crocodiles! To devour any barbarian books.” He glared at the cookbook section. “Oh, yes! Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to! I see you there with your delicious cakes and muffins…Trying to sweet talk your way into MY KINGDOM!”

“I WON’T STAND FOR IT!” He thrust a hoof in the cookbooks’ direction, nearly causing him to fall off the ladder. Wrapping himself around the ladder to steady himself, he suddenly shouted at the Fiction section. “Don’t you laugh at me! You’re next!” He resumed his climb and checked the tops of the shelves.

The book wasn’t there.

-------

“I finally understand what’s going on,” Quill explained to a worn copy of ‘Basic Spells of Beginning Unicorns.’ He and the book had travelled down the General Spellcasting aisles for some time now, and had gotten to know each other rather well. “You see… I should’ve realized it sooner.”

“Oy?” Quill had the book answer in a very thick cockney accent. “Then wot is it, guv’nah?”

“Well… I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but… I think the Princess set me up again.”

The book gave him a questioning glance.

“Ugh…I told you. The Princess sent me to Ponyville so I could make up with Twilight Sparkle. That was a while ago.”

“Oy, yeah. That’s a right fit mare there, eh guv?” The book nudged Quill in the side. “Wink wink, nudge nudge, eh? Heh!”

“Hey! Don’t talk about her like she’s some cheap…tramp! She’s much more classy than that.”

“Oy, that’s wot she wants ya ta think…” the book snickered.

“SHUT UP!” Quill threw the book into the shelf in front of him, causing several books to tumble from their place.

“Blimey! Don’t ya know a joke when y’ear one, guv?”

Quill smacked himself in the forehead with a hoof. “I’m sorry. I think I need to sit.” The book took on a faintly orange glow as the unicorn levitated it and moved it toward him. “C’mere a minute. I’ll tell you what happened.”

“I don’t right know if I wanna know now. That really hurt.”

“Too bad. You’re going to listen” Quill cleared his throat. “So, I went to the Princess in her throne room today.”

The book nodded, slightly disinterested.

“And I accidentally leaked some ink onto the carpet… That’s when she hatched her plan, you see. She’s very clever like that. Anyway…” Quill stopped for a moment and a realization hit him. “No…she hatched her plan long before that. Of course!” He picked up the book in his forehooves and excitedly explained, “It was because I was TARDY! The Princess doesn’t like when her students are tardy! Do you know what happened to the last student who failed to report to her on time? I DON’T EITHER!” He let out a maniacal giggle. “Oh, and then, on top of that all… I assaulted a Royal Guard! THEN…oh…and then… The coup de gras… I spilled INK all over her precious CARPET! INK! Can you believe it? It’s her fault, really. INK IS IN MY NAME, for crying out loud! She’s been looking for a good reason to banish me for a while now, and she’s finally found it. I can imagine it now… ‘Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell, you are hereby charged with wanton destruction of royal property, tardiness, assaulting a Royal Guard, and you didn’t FIND MY BOOK!”

Quill’s eyes darted around the room. “You know what,” he whispered to the book in a conspiratorial tone. “I’ll bet she has it. And that’s why it’s not here. Why I’ll bet that any second now, she’ll be here with a smug grin on her fa-“

“Quilliam!” Princess Celestia’s voice rang out from behind him. “What is the meaning of this?”

The young unicorn suddenly felt as if he was crushed by hundreds of rocks. Stiffly, he turned to face the Princess. As he turned, he saw that the library was in chaos. Books were strewn everywhere, ladders were set up across aisles like bridges, and some shelves were toppled over. When he finally faced her, he saw that his old friend, Dewey was also present. He gulped deeply.

Celestia gazed sternly at her subject. “I was coming in here to inform you the Twilight Sparkle had found the book. It was in her friend, Pinkie Pie’s, possession.” She looked around at the destruction that Quill had caused. “And instead of finding you diligently searching for the book, I find you…well, to be honest, I’m not quite sure what you were doing…”

Quill stammered something, but it was too inaudible for anypony to make out.

“Eh? Come again, Quill?” Dewey asked.

Quill hung his head shamefully. “I…I…let my imagination run away with me. My most sincere apologies…” He straightened himself up. “If you want to banish me, Princess, I understand…”

Celestia drew back in surprise. “Banish you? Now why on Equestria would I do that?”

“Well…look what I’ve done…”

The Princess smiled. “I won't banish you, Quilliam. That doesn't mean you won't be punished.”

Quill gulped.

Celestia turned toward Dewey. “If you’ll allow it, Dewey, I request that you have Quilliam organize every shelf and put every volume in its rightful place.” She looked at Quill. “He is also hereby forbidden from checking out any books until his task is complete.”

Dewey nodded solemnly. He knew that, for Quill at least, that was a far worse punishment than being banished.

“Very well.” With those words, a flash filled the room as the Princess teleported away and onto more pressing matters.

Dewey pushed a broom in Quill’s direction. “You heard the Princess. Get to work.”

Quill levitated the broom and begun to sweep. “Say, Mister Dewey?”

“Hm?”

“Will you tell me about you’re great grandsire and Lady Crème de la Crème?”

Dewey smiled. “Well…seein’ as you have a lot of time on your hooves now… Sure…”

 

Added a new chapter. I'll be doing this every once in a while when I find the time. :derpe:

 

Thank you both! Page-Turner was directly inspired by "Party of One" (talking to inanimate objects) and "Lesson Zero" (freaking out). My personal headcanon says that anypony who directly works for Celestia is probably a little neurotic.