She hesitated, looking down at her feet and folding her arms self-consciously. "I'm feeling a lot of things, Abel," she said quietly. "You'll have to forgive me."
She followed him, quiet for most of the trip back. They got back to the nook and Ophelia's brows were furrowed and she looked conflicted. "Why are you mad at me, Abel?"
She began to unfold the cots, her shoulders hunched as she did so, her back to him. "I know," she said quietly. "I know this is kind of an unglamorous life to be thrown into. I don't blame you for being unhappy."
"No, I.." he looked confused, hugging himself and his pillow. "I miss you. I miss everything being normal. I want to remember everything and I want to be with you again."
She turned back to him, her expression one of uncertainty and fatigue. "How can you miss me?" she asked quietly, her voice soft and small. "You don't even remember who I am. All you know of me can be contained in these last three days." She gestured vaguely, grabbing the other cot and going to set that up as well. "You don't need to say this stuff, Abel. It's okay to not be the same person you were. That's not your fault."
This upset him. "So what? Am I just doomed to remember the loving memories of who I was? What we had?"
She turned to look at him sharply, her voice thick with emotion. "I feel like I'm cheating on you with you, Abel," she said, her eyes filling with tears. This seemed to irritate her and she swiped at her eyes hastily, looking up at him, her voice quieter. "The boy I loved tried to kill me less than a week ago. That's not your fault, and I know you weren't in control of yourself, but the only way I can process that is to separate you into two people. I can't... I can't think about you as the same person. Not right now. I will support you through this as we work to try and settle you into this life that isn't yours. I will always be there for you. But you gotta realize that I can't think of you as the same person as you were. Not yet."
He clenched his fists. His eyes were teary but his voice didn't show it. "Stop telling me to settle into a life that isn't mine! This is my life! I'm still me! I- I can't remember and I'm trying, but I am me and this is my life!"
When he raised his voice, she faltered before she sat on the edge of the cot limply and started crying in earnest, putting her head in her hands and trying to catch her breath.
He sat on the edge of his own cot, his shoulders heavy as he faced away from her. "I.. I know I love you. Or.. I loved you when I was 'normal'. I don't know if it counts now."
She took a shaky breath, dropping her hands from her face. "You don't know that, Abel," she said quietly, her voice low and exhausted. "And even if you loved me then, you don't love me now, because things are different. That's the bottom line. Things are different and we both need to stop expecting that it will go back to the way things were."
"That's.. That's hurtful, Ophelia," he said, she would be able to hear the frown in his voice. "I know what I remember. Why do you think you're the expert on this? Neither of us know what we're doing."
She laughed sharply, her voice catching in her throat. "You love me right now, Abel? Is that what you're saying?" she asked, sitting up a little. "You love me when you've only let me touch your hand without trying to kill me for about 24 hours?"
He shrunk a little bit, looking down at his hands. "I like when you touch my hair.. and when you smile and make jokes, and the way that you run your hands along things as you walk.. I liked waking up next to you, and watching movies.." he shook his head. "I can't take back what I did under Eve's control.."
She frowned, standing up and coming around to him, squatting in front of him. "What else do you like?" she asked quietly, her voice gentle.
He gave her a small, sad smile, reaching out instinctively and running his fingers through her hair. "I like how you eat takeout, and lean against me when we're watching movies.. I like how brave you are, and how you don't judge me for my decisions." He looked up at her, his dark eyes focused. "I love you, O. Everything you do."
