Warning! May... no, Will contain randomness and lack of coherent plot! Also, if there are any mistakes, disregard them. They are either meant to be there, or add to the randomness. Nouns : Apple_Core, Beer, Herring, Brick (Part one)| Apple_Core, Gorilla, Kama(Part two) Part 1 ~ Barfight “Gimme... Gimme DAT one!” slurred out one of the ponies at the bar, pointing a hoof vaguely at one of the bottles on the counter behind the barpony. “Sorry, Apple Core, but we ran out of the Scumble about three shots ago. How about another pint of beer though?”, replied the barpony, wedging a pint of beer in the wavering hoof of the white pony. “YEAHH!!! BEER!!! Beer for the beer alicorns! Yeah! B-” Apple Core tried yelling out, but in his excitement fell over, hitting some of the other ponies on his way down. As usual, no one minded, and the poor white pony, after adjusting his hat to a position somewhat resembling normal, got back to drinking what was left of his spilled beer. For a few hours, this episode repeated itself, untill, sometime just before midnight, another pony came. Sockmane was different. No one knew his real name, or why he wore a sock on his head, but at 11:30 sharp, every day, he came to the bar, drank a pint of gin, and left. The regulars all knew this, but Apple Core was here for the first time, and no one cared to warn him. This may have been for the better, but it was most obviously worse for Apple Core. Unknowing of the danger, Apple core walked up to the besocked pony, wedging a shot glass in his eye to imitate a monacle. “Hello, good sir! Would you care to be treated to a pint of beer?”, the white pony asked, trying to do his best sir voice. The reply was short and simple. “No.” “What? You would refuse my help and generosity? Neigh, this shall not stand! I propose we settle this like gentlemen!” Applecore exclaimed, outraged by this turn of events. The reply was again the same. “No.” “You unworthy, senile knave! You coward! You call yourself a pony? A duel! This calls for a duel!” Sockmane sighed, but got up. “You wish to duel me? First, let me drink. Then, at midnight, we shall meet at this very spot.” said the sock-headed pony, got up, and went to get his pint of gin. The rest of the patrons, knowing how to act around the mysterious pony, started moving the tables to make an arena. - A half hour later, the stage was set. A ring of tables took up the centre of the area, the two contestants were waiting on each other, the bets were being made, and all that was left was for the two ponies to choose their weapons. “As the answering party, I shall let you choose your weapon first!” Yelled the shot glass wearing pony across the arena, oblivious of it’s small size. To this, Sockmane responded by taking off, in a symbolic gesture, the sock on his head. As he took it off, instead of the expected flowing mane that people thought would be hidden under it, there was instead a sock and a brick. Without breaking the staring contest that was going on between the two duelers, the sock-maned pony put the brick in the sock he took off, and firmly bit down on his weapon. “Ah, very well, good sir! I, for one, shall use the traditional weapon of the Knights who say Neigh! Bring me... the herring!” A wave of shudders engulfed the hall. Everypony knew of the Knights who say Neigh, and anypony that was brave enough to invoke their name was asking to be beaten with a sock-brick. Luckily, Sockmane was happy to do so. However, he had to wait, since the Herring Procession came to the former nobleman named Apple Core. Four ponies carried a massive gilded box. As it was set down, the box opened, revealing inside it a strange creature known only as “Sir Walrus”, which was holding a container that was called a “Bukkit”. Out of this container, a red herring jumped out into Apple Core’s waiting teeth. Then, the duel began. Apple Core rushed Sockmane with his herring, slapping the other pony across the muzzle with the fish, but also taking a blow to the neck from the sock. Doing a fancy headspin, he slapped with the fish from another angle, with the same result. Ten minutes into the battle, and the only thing that changed is that Sir Walrus was yelling for more fish. Then, suddenly a yell from outside. “One, Two, Five! Uh.. Three! Yes!” No one was sure what happened next, but everypony knew how it ended. Since that day, The Walrus and the Bukkit never left the area, and even to this day, the regular visitors, Apple Core and Sockmane included, dance the Dance of Socks and Herrings, commemorating the epic duel of the two heroes of Ponyville, fighting to prove which is worthy to be chosen by the Grenade Alicorns to be the next Holder of the Holy Orb of Splosins. Le end. Part 2 ~ Barfight... With a Twist! It has been several months since Sockmane and Apple Core first met in the ring of honor. The tavern was as lively as ever in anticipation of today’s battle, and the bets were almost all already in place. The Lolrus took it’s rightful place as the ever-watchful patron of Apple Core, holding tight it’s mysterious implement that was only known as the Bukkit. As the last regulars took their places, the lolrus let out it’s roar, and began the ritual of opening the fight. First to come to the ring, by tradition, was Sockmane. He took of one of his many socks that covered the various parts of his head. He then took the carefully placed half-brick from the floor where he entered, and stuffed it into his sock, grasping the weapon in his mouth. Next to arrive was the One-Who-Says-Neigh, Apple Core, now Knight of the Lolrus. He took his stance, and then walked over to his liege lord, the Lolrus, and bowed before it’s might form. With a grunt, the beast took out a herring from his ever-present container, and tossed it over to the aspiring combatant, who caught it in his mouth as he has many times before. As the battle was about to start, an unexpected visitor walked into the building. Nearly everypony knew of the daily battles that happened here, so an interruption was nearly unheard of now. To make matters even stranger, this pony was but a child, obviously lost, scared. “Shoo, child! Leave! This is grown-up business!” Sockmane yelled, trying to scare away the foal, oblivious to the fact that she was already scared. He then growled, scaring the little blue filly further. Outraged, Apple Core roared in his alcohol-fueled rage, and rushed at the bully, making it half way across the right before the scared foal snapped, and her horn, until now hidden in her iridescent mane, flashed, and emitted such amounts of magic that all of reality was turned inside out. The Lolrus roared in outrage as it’s bukkit became a crown, and then it itself turned into a strange, humanoid creature, with a black mane, strange, outlandish fur that seemed almost to be a second skin, much like the clothes that ponykind wears. Without as much as a second though, the new creature put the crown on it’s head and started singing a rebelious song about it’s being a prince of an esoteric realm called ‘Bel Air’. Sockmane too was hit by this blast. First, all the socks in the room turned into strange, hooked, bladed weapons. For Sockmane, this was an advantage, since it gave him many more weapons, all of which were tied to his head. For his fans, however, who wore their sock son hooves, tails, and a few on places that are best left unmentioned, saw that their appendage was suddenly covered in wood and metal. Apple Core, on the other hand, suffered no ill effect besides the fact that the herring he was holding was suddenly a gorilla. Of course, this was quite the surprise, but it was only jaw dropping enough to release the ape into the brawl that the enraged supporters of Sockmane started. The combatant himself, however, has left in the confusion, leaving Apple Core confused, drunk, and lonely. “So, I see you’re into the kinky stuff...” the gorilla said to Apple Core, who was still trying to grasp it’s feet in his mouth, as he would with the herring. Blushing, Apple Core stopped. “Uh... What’s your name, ape?” the confused pony said, not sure where this was going. “Oh, I don’t know... I was a herring only moments before, remember?” --------------- Many drinks later, and one short naming ceremony, the gorilla, now called Firemane, carried Apple Core in it’s arms to the rooms upstairs. What happened there, and how it is anatomically possible, is left to the imagination of the patrons, but the consequences are well known to all. --------------- Next morning, from the ruins of the former tavern, emerged Apple Core, affectionately cuddling a fish, kept in a bag of water. Whether it was the fighting on the ground floor, or the passion on the floor above that destroyed this building, we may never know.
