Hi.. I just was wondering if you'd like to read a poem I wrote? If not.. don't.. um.. worry. That's perfectly fine. There is a split, beyond conciousness. The good fights the bad. The light against the dark. Everyone has their own version. Some are solely in the good. Some are drowning in the bad. But some sit, perched on the line, balancing. Teetering. Sometimes they slip, and fall. The sorrow and the hate, The fear, and the pain. They swarm the human. And at that point, They have to make a choice. The evil is persuasive, charming. It would be much easier to simply accept what it says, and stands for. Most slip. They falter. And the dark sweeps them away. Within a blink, they are gone. But.. Every once in a while. A shell creeps over them. A light among the dark. It protects them from the dark. They sit. In their bubble of benevolence, and love, and kindness, and optimism, and find a foothold. They rise from the dark, pure. They resume their wait on the edge. Waiting. Forever caught in the battle against the dark.
Did you write this? Cause it is quite good! But on another note, I believe you posted this in the wrong place!
Heheh, it's fine as far as I'm concerned. But maybe you should come on up more, I'm sure the others would love to have a new face!
There's a story to be told here. That's what I hate about poetry, if it's good, I want more! Very nice work Eluuna!
Here's another one... How do you deal with the fear of the dark? The unavoidable suspicion, hovering on the edges, a vulture, perched on the far reaches of one's mind, ready to feast on the hesitation. It floats, bouncing around, avoiding you when you try to look at it. The reason you look behind you, at the end of each step. The reason why you hide under the covers. The howling at the moon. The wide eyes, glancing around for security. Trembling. Fearful. Anxious. But then, the sun comes up. Illuminating. An ember in the sky. An auburn tulip. The security blanket.
The poem is very well worded. You do poems like I do persuasive and narrative essays. But I have one objection... WE COME OUT AT NIGHT!
I would comment on it, however a poem is only based upon how it is interpreted to the reader. The poet could be thinking something totally different and at the end of the day it's about expressing thoughts. When it comes to getting a message across, a poem tends to have more of a solid structure, like a poignant sonnet or triadic verse. Likewise when a poem tells a story there tends to be a rhythmic structure almost like a ballad. But in this case I personally see your poems as more about a release of ideas and creativity. If they're trying to get messages across or tell a story then the constant breaks in the stanzas don't work, on the other hand if it's just putting thoughts and ideas together then there's not much I can comment on for improvement, in that case it's what comes from the poet's mind. Ever get taught about stuff in high school where it's like "The poet/author describes the umbrella as being red, this symbolises violence, anger yada yada yada." That's a bunch of crap, it's red because it's red, it has to be some colour. And that's the case here, I can't make a judgement on what I think the poem represents because it's what it means to the poet. I could explain my interpretation but because it's just creative thoughts and imagery it'd be unfair to make a judgement. This is also possibly the first post I've ever made regarding poetry on this site yaaaaay.
What the...? I hate absolutely no idea what any of that meant. Then again, your username is PoeticPony, so that might of been really a poem. About... Poems...?
Nice. Both make me think of the struggle of my internal thoughts that happens almost daily for me, even if I don't realize it. Thank you for sharing these, I look forward to reading more.
