"But I'll be meaner tomorrow," he said tiredly. "I'll be sharper tomorrow. I'll be less honest tomorrow."
She frowned slightly, taking his face in her hands and kissing him. "We can figure it out, okay? We'll sort it out the best we can.:
"I don't want you to go," he said quietly. "I feel like... all the color in the world leaves when you go away. Maybe that's just what breakups are like..."
She watched him sadly. "I feel like that too. I guess it might be the break up, but.. It's you. I don't want to leave you."
He watched her, his brow furrowed. "Why, Fleur? I don't understand. You're in love with a bum criminal. You could have anyone."
She frowned slightly, her thumb brushing his cheek. "Because I love you for your personality, Fer. You treat me so well."
He leaned into her hand, clearly touch-starved. "I lie to you and lead you into dangerous situations."
She kissed the corner of his mouth. "You lied to make me happy.. I still don't like it, but you always have my best intentions in mind.. You never lead me into dangerous situations intentionally. They come to us."
"But... your life would be better, Fleur, just objectively, if I wasn't in it," he said softly. "It would be better."
"No it wouldn't," she said quietly. "They would have found me anyways to get to Alyona. I would have been vulnerable and weak, and nobody would have been able to help me because I had no one." She hesitated, moving to take his hand. "But.. with you I have a better idea. I'm safer. I have someone who is always by my side. Someone who will keep me safe and love me as much as I love you. I was.. I was so alone, Fer. I am so much happier with you."
His face seemed to lighten a little as he kissed her knuckles, his fingers still cold from the downstairs. He seemed to be considering this logic before his eyes flickered to her, his face darkening a little. "What you want, Fleur, is a relationship," he said softly. "And intimacy and love and closeness. I would love to be the one to give that to you, but... all that stuff you're describing... someone to be by your side and keep you safe... there are millions of other men, better men who would walk to the ends of the earth to give that to you. I don't... I don't understand why I'm the one you choose. The only conclusion I can come to is that I gave you something different, something exciting... I mean, it's the one benefit of my life is that it's pretty dynamic..."
"I suppose life with you is exciting, but.. Those other men aren't you. They're different.. I like you as you are. Your cleverness, your humor, your kindness. Even your experiences make you amazing to me. You're so special, Fer."
Tears filled his eyes at her gentleness and he bit his lip, looking down so she wouldn't see him cry.
He buried his face in her shoulder, pulling her close and hugging her tightly, trying to catch his breath. "I love you so much. I miss you so much when you go."
"I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly, shaking his head. "I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry I'm crying... I've just had a lot to drink."
