Rowan watched thoughtfully before leaning against a tree and taking a deep breath, looking up at the sky.
Tez noticed him, excusing herself from the conversation to approach him, her hands behind her back and head cocked curiously. "You look lonely."
He looked down at her slowly, the lanterns illuminating the scar on his nose. "I'm not," he said slowly. "Who's your friend?"
"My sister," she replied, glancing back. "In a sense. I don't have any sisters related by blood. What are you doing?"
"Waiting for this to be over," he said with a sigh before giving her a slight smile, although it was still stiff. "I'm not exactly a party person."
She looked hesitant. "You can leave if you'd like. I doubt Lark would notice, as she's busy with Miko.. I mean, I wouldn't see a point if it's not very enjoyable to you."
"She asked me to say," he said simply. "I promised her I would." He was quiet for a moment before he spoke again, his voice a shade gentler. "How are you?"
She seemed surprised, her gaze meeting his for a moment. "Just as well as I can be doing. What about you?"
He hesitated, his face reflecting a rare uncertainty. "I don't... I don't know how to talk about this. I don't know what the right move is."
She sighed, crossing her arms self-consciously. "I suppose that depends on what you would say, Rowan."
He looked down at her, looking genuinely distressed. "You... It just came so out of the blue, Tez. I mean, one moment you're upset, or... or angry at me or something and I'm confused because I think that you just don't want me around or something and then you say something like this, and..." Something like a mixture between a growl and a groan sounded in his throat and he ran his fingers through his already disheveled hair as he looked back up at the sky. "...and now I can't sleep because I can't get you out of my head, and it's ridiculous, because you just told me that you had feelings for me, and you weren't the first and you definitely won't be the last and I tell myself that you're just like all the rest and that I just need to roll my eyes and forget about it, like I always do, but I can't. I can't just let it go, can't let you go. I can't just will myself to stop thinking about it. I don't know how to handle it. I don't... I don't know how to solve this."
She watched him with wide eyes, pulling her arms tighter. "I do want you around, Rowan. I do. I just get nervous.. You were unkind to me for awhile, and that's okay, but I was nearly certain you hated me.."
“I do hate you,” he said with certainty. “I definitely hate you. I had this orderly world created for myself and then you showed up and threw everything off balance and now I’m not sleeping because I’m too busy thinking about you. I feel like I’m sick, or.... infected or something.”
She watched him, her brows furrowed. "I'm sorry. I.. didn't mean to do anything bad to you." She looked down nervously. "I think about you, but sometimes it makes me sad knowing that I make you unhappy."
"No, don't you get it?" he asked, visibly agitated now. He hesitated before taking her hands in his. His skin was calloused from years of working with the taut string of his bow, but his fingers were deft and careful around hers. "You don't make me unhappy. That's the problem. You are one of the few people who doesn't make me unhappy."
Her eyes widened, and he would be able to hear her breath quicken. She looked down at their hands. "Why is that a problem?"
Despite her reaction, holding her hands seemed to calm him. “You are one of the very few people who I want to see,” he said quietly, looking down at their fingers. “Who I actually seek out. I don’t have that... I haven’t had that for... a long time.”
