Ruh Roh (One on One)

She laughed slightly, her hand on his calf for a moment before she went over to the window, sitting on the sill.

 

“That sounds great,” she said, looking over at him. “Thank you.”

 

“Tired,” she said quietly. “I feel really weird. Like my brain is finally my own.”

 

She shook her head slowly, resting her head on the window.

“Don’t worry, Sam. I just need to get used to it.”

 

“I missed you,” she said quietly, glancing up at him. “When I couldn’t talk to you. I missed you.”

 

She bit her lip, not looking up at him.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know. It’s not your fault,” she said quietly, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

 

Her lower lip trembled and she bit it to keep from crying, not answering him for a moment.

“I don’t... I don’t feel like you used me. You didn’t know. You didn’t know.”

 

She looked up slowly, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Of course I would never mean that.”

 

Her eyes were watery, and she exhaled, looking away from him embarrassedly as she swiped at her cheeks.

 

She sniffled slightly, still not making eye contact.

“I don’t know. I know... I know...” She covered her eyes with her hand, and her voice trembled as she spoke. “I know you didn’t know, and I know it wasn’t your choice, but there’s just this, like... it feels like there’s a sharp rock in my chest and every time I take a breath, it jabs into my lungs and I don’t... I don’t know how to make it better. There’s just this awful feeling in my chest that makes me feel like there was something that’s lost to us now.”