"She attacked first! What was I supposed to do? Just let myself get stabbed!? I might as well, Rowan! You think just because I attacked you means I was supposed to! It's not like she pats my head and tells me to be a good little soldier and kill all your friends and family! I never mesnt to get off track and find you! That was coincidence. The orders she gave was to kill anyone outside the community. This was all just one big, stupid mistake!"
He took her shouting with a tilt of his head. When she finished, he took a deep breath and coughed, making bubbles in the water. A frown crossed his lips and he took another breath, gesturing to the surface.
He pulled away instinctively, swimming up on his own. When they broke the surface, he gasped for breath, swimming for shore. They had surfaced a ways away from his home, and he pulled himself onto the beach, trying to catch his breath. "I... I've been pushing it... more and more... it's not very smart."
He sighed, looking up at the moon, his brows furrowed. "I... God. I wanted to find a way to make this work, Tez. I wanted to figure it out. But I don't think there's an easy solution. I don't think we can make it work, you know?"
He looked over at her, the sand sticking to his hair, almost white in the moonlight. "Why are you sorry?"
"Well, I think we're past being mad at each other at this point, right?" he said, looking back up at the moon. "It doesn't really matter now."
He sighed, folding his hands on his stomach. "Tez... it's really tough. I don't want to have to think about this anymore."
He sighed, closing his eyes. "I just... do you ever wish you could just... I don't know... do you ever wish you could just stop living for a while?"
He closed his eyes, wishing he could sink into the sand. "I've been wanting it more and more lately."
