ePONY - I wouldn't worry too much about your girl situation. In High School, I went on a total of four dates - and one was to my Senior Prom with my friend. I didn't have a date, and her date decided he would rather save money for a car than go to the prom, so we went together. In collage, I dated no one, but hung out a lot more with many people. In fact, in collage was where I learned how to become friends with women. That might kind of sound strange, but before, it didn't quite dawn on me to just be friends with them - I didn't have to date every girl I met. After college, I had what would be the closest to girlfriends - two to be precise. One I married. Any ways, as far a nature vs. nurture, I think we're born with certain leanings, and depending on what kind of events we experience in life, we become more or less extroverted. For example, Fluttershy has the shyness gene - she takes confrontations as an excuse to linger in the back of the classroom. Rainbow Dash does not have the shyness gene, and she takes confrontations as an excuse to show how great she is. If Fluttershy had no confrontations, she'd still be quiet, but perhaps not as shy. If Rainbow Dash had no confrontations, she'd still be bold, just not as confrontational. OK, that's my 2 1/2 cents.
I think shyness is a natural defense mechanism, same way as fire is a natural deterrent to most animals. Back in the days of evolution, early humans had tribes, that for the most part were extremely territorial. It would have been the smartest thing to be afraid or shy of any other tribes, Simply because they would be a potential threat to you. With bigger brains and more developed social abilities, the fear of death is no longer imminent, but the feeling is still there. Kind of like being scared of heights. It goes with genetics i believe. Also your upbringing.
I think a fine example of why shyness exists in some people is fear of being made fun of or ridiculed if you go out and try to make a name for yourself. I know one thing, when I was young, I would just sit quietly in class and never speak to anyone, not even during breaks. I was so terrified of what people would think of me that I was too afraid to even ask someone how their day was. But my wife is a different story. She was made fun of terribly at high school, and she also told me that she was made fun of in other grades as well... I guess being shy also warrants being made fun of as well. It's a double edged sword.
Shyness. What is Shyness you may ask? Shyness is a Natural Disorder of Socialism and Communication. I had this for countless years, down to the year when i got to 6th grade. I'm not a person who wants to cause trouble in anyway, possible. Unlike the people i had to deal with, in school. 6th grade is where my shyness around people, started but didn't really shine until the end of 7th and beginning of 8th grade. 6th grade? Not so bad but could of been worse. Well it did. 7th grade. Chaos, rains on my life. Being put down a lot and even in Gym class, as an example. Showed me on what used to be my friends have really have become, to me. I Was never popular in my school, nor did i ever wanted to be popular in the first place. I wanted to do my work but still have fun as well. Well doing that seem to logical to me but not for the ohers. I was not respected in anyway but the teachers. The teachers seem to me, were my only friends at the time up till the 8th grade. I found people who suffered the same treatment as I and sat next to those people and started to talk them in good way to make them feel comfortable, around me. As i made some friends, I Still suffer over the fact that i was being unacceptable by the other students. I started to be an outcast to most people but my friends i had left who still stood next to me. High school comes. Oh boy, was i just terrified of going to high school. 9th and 10th was the worst times i really had, that really inpact a huge part of me being a outcast to in school. I didn't really talk to people, nor did i have my intention to do so. I would sit alone in lunch time and eat alone, as well. I did fine myself, crying but only in lunch time cause me looking at full tables but mine. It was till 11th and 12th grade where i was really accepted but only to nerds and geeks. didn't really bother to me at all, since i really wanted in school was a friend to talk to and to be there with me. I've learn over time that the human mind develops a much more positive told other people, around 11th and 12th grade, since i was little happy and happy in 12th grade the most. Now that i'm in college. There are tons of people who suffered the same thing like i did in the past. College has been good and respectful to me for the past year now and now i can smile, once more. [edit] Forgot to mention that Shyness doesn't always have to be something that had be school related and which it most of times is where it develops. It comes around kids who been living with their mothers though out there lives or most of their lives, in which make that person, feminine. Which to me is Okay to me since it doesn't bother me, so. Homeschooling is another example but this amount the few who live in this style of schooling and being around social with others.
Thank you for reading and responding to it. I appreciate that a lot. Also, I'm glad that you didn't have to go through it. Nobody deserves it. I wish we lived in a world where everyone could just respect each other's differences and get along, but we know that's never going to happen. Sorry about what happened with that girl you mentioned. Yeah, if it wasn't for my girlfriend at the time, I wouldn't have even gone to my Senior Prom. I guess I got lucky there, because I never thought I'd go and then just a couple months prior a relationship started. That was a surprise. I do talk to some girls in college, but it's usually just academic related stuff most of the time. I don't usually have a problem talking to girls if it's business. I understand what you mean about becoming friends with women. That's actually what I'd rather do. I think part of the reason I feel weird asking a girl out is because I don't know them. I know how they look, but I don't know their personality, and the latter is much more important to me anyway. Actually, back to my first (and only) girlfriend, we were just friends (I think for about a month) before we entered into a relationship. I have a feeling that's why it worked out so well. What's so weird is at the end of my senior year in high school, during yearbook signings, one girl wrote down "It's a shame that [my girlfriend's name] got to you first. <3" which caught me off guard.
i know how you feel, i had panic attacks when went to talk with other people :/. But believe me b eing different is not that bad, (hipster moment), all these people who are common will never be unique, but we are different just for boing here and will be remembered for that, im sure of it. i like being diferent and liking things that make me different, even if it dont make me that popular. because being normal must be boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring :derpe:
I consider myself a shy person; I tend to not try and meet new people, I have my small tight-knit group of friends and I stick inside of it. I slowly add on to it, but normally one person at a time, and always because somebody else decides to drag them into the group. I have been bullied since 5th and 6th grades. After that, my group was established and I didn't have to worry about too much. Throughout 7th and 8th grades I was still somewhat of a recluse, I didn't even really talk too much with the friends in my little group. Compared to some of you guys, I've had it the easy way. I feel really sorry for you guys, and I'm happy for you, since you have tried to overcome all the disadvantages behind being shy. Your stories make me want to reach out to the people shier them me, but I don't know if that would be more helpful or harmful. I guess it depend on how anti-social they are, but since you guys have been through that experience I want your opinion on whether or not I should try to reach out to them and try to provide a close friend, or even just get to know them a little bit better.
My dad just walked in and saw me reading in this topic. I told him I was a member of this forum and he asked if I had also shared the story of my own shyness. I let him read it and he was quiet for like 5 minutes... and then he hugged me. Perfect moment. Now he also understands why I like MLP. Because it's an awesome show and the fans are awesome people.
(picking up jaw off floor) Dawwwwww, Tell your dad I love him as do we all. He sounds like an awesome person. Heres another revelation about me, I have never met my dad.
^ So sorry to hear that. I know I'm very lucky with my awesome parents. Hah, and I'll think of a way to tell him you love him.
Wow. I wish my parents were even 10% like that. Of course, I didn't have a computer or the internet back then, but if I did, I'm sure they'd just yell, and say, "Clean your room!" or "I've got chores for you!"
Aww.. *hugs Twinkledust* That is so sweet! I wish I had moments like that with my Dad. Our relationship is mad complicated. Also, I've read through all these posts, and you people are so lovely. :3 And I definitely use shyness as a defense mechanism. My mum gets mad at me for being timid, and my Dad just uses it to give him a reason to yell. If the past 21 years have taught me anything, it is that he must always be faced with boldness. It's the only way to counter his epic angry powers. Now I kinda gotta explain. This may get a little long and I apologize for that in advance. I will separate it into parts so peeps don't get too bored and fall asleep on your keyboards. :3 PREPARE FOR ZE WALL OF WORDS. 1) Me as a dynamic shy potato. I've always been considered strange. I've been a bookworm since 3 years old, and generally I've been books > people. I wasn't allowed to watch television, play video games or play at friends houses, so when I got to kindergarten I was immediately pegged as "the weird one" for my lack of social tact. I didn't get their jokes, I didn't know when people weren't being serious and I was extremely gullible. Over the years, it got to the point where I always felt like everyone was laughing at me for not being normal. My reaction to ridicule was to either put on a brave face, or retreat into my books. My mom didn't understand why I made the switch so often. I'd go from being talkative, boisterous and seemingly fearless to mumbling, nonconfrontational and hesitating. To me it seemed like every time I kinda started making friends, we would move and I would start from square one. And weird kids without friends are like bully magnets. By 4th grade, I learned that the fastest way to avoid bullying was to make nice with popular kids. It worked, but we never got close, I was more like their... cat ^^' and they only saw me in the classroom. So even as a chatterbox from 8 am to 3 pm, I would come home and curl up with a book and a blanket in an empty room. I liked it that way. I'd talked to enough of the other kids to believe they'd never understand my life or even my culture (and I lived in really waspy neighborhoods, so it wasn't exactly their fault). I ended up always talking and yet, never saying much. 2) Bad times Since I can remember, my household was one of yelling, flying fists and projectiles. As a kid, unable to do anything about the violence, I just accepted it and moved on. I spent a bit of time in a women's shelter with my mom, but for the most part, we stayed home because custody and financial reasons. Due to Mom's bad history with men in general and of course, the current events, I grew up manhating and cynical. I had an intense hatred for my father and a fear of all grown men. As far as I knew, all my relatives were female, and I didn't quite believe the examples on TV or in books to be indicative of reality. Mom figured I was depressed and in order to get me out of the house, she decided to enroll me in EVERYTHING. At one point I was in ballet, karate, swimming lessons, piano and flute, and girlscouts. Each one ended after a couple years, one by one because of transportation issues. Mom and Dad were really busy working full time so i never had a ride, but there was less fighting. But they also came home less and I saw them, particularly her, once or twice a week. They sent me to a highschool several cities away. It was like moving again, and we'd moved 3 times at this point. Back to square one. I showed my actual emotions more in highschool. No one knew me, I had no image to uphold. I made my first really real friend then, but she was full of surprises. For the summer and first quarter, everything was fine. Then, all of a sudden, she kept trying to die. Eventually, I had to intervene, and needing help with that, I told an adult. She hated me after that (quite vocally too), and we still aren't on talking terms. She left the school, but I've been checking up on her whereabouts and she's fine atm. 4)The Better times My little brother (who is awesome) changed my opinions about guys, but the general situation at home didn't change much until I finally reached my father's height. My first fight ended in a stalemate, and I've had few problems with him since. This was about when HS came around so most of the damage was already done. I'd picked up some anxiety problems, a extreme fear of abandonment, and I was completely unused to physical contact. Group work was meh, and I shied away from affectionate people. I didn't want to freak out if someone hugged me or violated my personal space, then everyone would think I was strange again. Even when friend #1 came along, I never opened up to her. She didn't understand the many reasons why I didn't agree with her complaints about her life, her family and herself. By the time we parted ways, I resented her for the things she took for granted and thought she didn't value our friendship. I made friends after her and they are great. They're like.. nerdy social ninjas, constantly foiling my efforts to be a hermit. People still made fun of me at that point, but I didn't care so much anymore. My friends had convinced me that I was totally likeable, even though I was talkative, self loathing and uncomfortable . They were the first people to ever see me cry, and haha, that was only because they glomped me (ALL OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME @_@) when I announced that I was moving away. 5) The now times! Luckily, I didn't actually have to move. Instead Dad moved. Our relationship HUGELY improved since fights could only happen over the phone, I started seeing him as a person (with serious issues), and he started being nicer (except for when he's not). I'm in college now, and my friends have gotten awesome to the point where I share even the bad parts with them. And they give me lots of hugs even though they know I'm awkward, and sometimes they make me delicious noms. None of them are normal and I love that! Err.. I'm still really awkward around men. It puts some of them off that I'm shy, uncomfortable and don't know how to deal with compliments. My guy friends understand, but romantic interests seem to be offended by my awkward hesitation... I don't think they realize how "green" I still am. But its not so bad. ^_^
@FeynManyFilly, thanks for sharing your story. I realize how hard it can be for people to share personal stuff. I'm glad your improving with your friends and dad. @Twinkledust, your dad sounds like the coolest of people. I don't even know my dad, but don't feel bad for me, he spends his time running from the cops and in jail.
@FeynManyFilly Oh, when I see what some people have to go through in their lives, I almost feel guilty complaining about my own life... I'm very happy you found such awesome friends. And I don't want to make you awkward or anything, but you sound like a really cool person to me!
I feel that I really empathize with this. Please don't feel guilty Twinkledust and I don't think you're complaining. What you gave was a personal narrative, a description of your experiences. It is by no means a negative thing for you to share it, especially here. I hope you make awesome friends in the future, because I think you're really cool too and you totally deserve it. :3 *offers endless digihug voucher*
