SlapStick Theater

"Hey, I'm completely fine," DownStep said, "Its this goofball that I'm more worried about. Few years ago our father decided to leave out in the wilderness in the Everfree, we didn't know what to do. He was killed by a pack of timber wolves, we didn't care much, the guy was a tyrant that didn't care for his children.I'm not worried about survival at all, its WarTune, he's killed off more animals than I could count, caught most of the Everfree forest on fire, and lastly, he is "a little" insane without his counterpart brother."

 

Nightshade snarled.
"That was you? Do you have any idea hard it was to put that fire out? My mother and three other weather Pegasi nearly died from smoke inhalation!"

Thoroughly disgusted, she began walking deeper into the jungle.
"I've suddenly developed a case of indifference to your well-being.
Do what you want. My role is to search for our host, and I intend to do so."

 

The giant pony had wandered through the Island for days, looking for the evidence of new life he had seen not too long ago. Adrian had been on this Island for years, in an attempt to leave the mainland for the farthest reaches of the world. But the reason he was there was not the reason of a good man; He had escaped as a murderer. He had killed plenty of others, and now he waited on this island to hunt new prey without the fear of being discovered...

 

Mr. Hoof Five lit his horn and let the way through the dark cave. "WE BETTER FIND RICHINGTON SOON! MY HORN TENDS TO MAKE THE NEAREST THING COMBUST IF IT GOES TO LONG WITHOUT CAUSING AMAZING EXPLOSIONS!"

 

As the group entered the cave, they suddenly found themselves surrounded by a several dozen ponies wearing warpaint and tribal masks, wielding spears and clubs, chanting in a strange language, and generally behaving like stereotypical island cannibals.

Nightshade groaned.
"It seems to me that at least one of us should have seen this coming.
I don't think that surrendering will end well for us.
I suggest we fight back in a comically over-the-top fashion!"

 

Along the tribals, a prisoner. His guns unloaded just outside his rusty cage.
The pony seemed asleep- his forehead bleeding slightly.
(Trying to get it!)

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WarTune picked up a large boulder, "SCREW LOGIC!!!" He then threw it at the wild ponies, crushing a few of them but not killing them.
Out of nowhere, both DownStep and WarTune grabbed out flamethrowers and began shooting off hot flames, WarTune yelling, "BURN!!! BURN!!!" As he laughed like a maniac.

 

Suddenly, He woke up.
"Marshmallows, why so serious? No, not the windmill, we'll kill all of the cupcake-ants..." Before a wave of heat hit him straight in the face.
"Woah! Hey, pyromancer, watch out with those flames! And don't you ruin my post-trauma induced sleep, I was having the sweetest mind-blowing dream."
He reached out for his guns, unable to grab them by a few millimeters.
He then remembered he was a unicorn, and not some finger-having monster. He reached out for guns with his magic, slid them in the cage, and bashed the lock with the pummel of his knife (which was at his side the whole entire time).
He flung open the cage, unsheathed an ancient, yet strongly built sword with his mouth, and leaped at one of the tribal-thingy, his warcry muffled by his sword.
"Brmgrlgmrgmr!"
(All of that in exactly 12 seconds...)

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Nightshade sighed, and grabbed the smallest native by the hind legs.
"I'll beat a motherbucker with another motherbucker!"
Wielding him as a club, she swung the unhappy pony into the head of one of the larger natives.
Both ponies fell to the ground, unconscious, and Nightshade moved on.

The next native was treated to a tradition Griffonian kick-dance, which he thoroughly failed to appreciate, possibly owing to the fact that he had been knocked out cold by the third kick.

Another native found himself trapped in a cage of fallen stalactites which Nightshade had knock from the roof of the cave, using yet another small native as a hammer.

 

"WOO! EXPLOSIONS!" Torgue yelled, as his horn sent out small projectiles that made things that touch it explode. "WOOO! THIS CALLS FOR AN AIR GUITAR SOLO! MEEDLY MEEDLY MOW!"

 

Jericho fell on a native, his sword easily cutting through the ponies hide. After a few swings, three natives were already down, and his sword was halfway stuck in a native's neck.
He tried to remove it, but failed. His only option was to result to his guns.
Grasping them with his magic, he flew two of them out of their holsters. He used his mind's eye to aim at the closest native.
"Taste the earth, lead pony."
A quick shot after (and a bloody mess around him), He opened his eyes. "Horsefeathers! I've missed my catchphrase! Flying monkeys!" He quickly shot, without aiming, at another native, the bullet ending in his front leg. "That's what you natives get for making me miss my catchphrases! They're godly commands, not useless chitchat!" He walked to the injured Native. "First, you capture me, promising cookies. which you don't even give me. Then, ponies come around and you threat them. And then, I miss my catchphrase.What are you looking for? Death?"
He turned towards the others. "Thanks for saving me. Kill the remaining, they're yours. If you'll excuse me, I need to get going. I was to find a group and join them, but I missed the first game."

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