She took a deep breath, but it sounded like a shudder. "She has black hair, Francis. Curly black hair and brown eyes and she has a beautiful smile and she..." Her voice cracked and she smoothed the covers on the bed, not meeting his gaze. "She loves hikes and she loves the wintertime and she hates dirty sheets or- or she hates grasshoppers and she's just this miraculous little being and... and you don't see her graduate."
"Or a little boy who has hair like mine or, or freckles," she continued, her words growing faster and faster as she panicked, "with your hands or your eyes and you don't get to see him get his first girlfriend. You don't get to see him fall in love and then talk with him when his heart breaks."
He went quiet, realizing what she was talking about. He felt his heart break, and he sat on the edge of the bed quietly.
Tears spilled over and she wiped them away angrily, getting into bed and saying nothing more, pulling the blanket tighter around herself and turning away from him.
He left the room momentarily to throw it away, returning to her and sitting on the edge of her side. He leaned down, brushing her hair away from her ear. "Hey.. Everything will be alright, okay? I'm quitting. I'm done. It was just a one time thing." His voice was soft and soothing, keeping quiet enough to be reassuring.
She kept her eyes shut, but wiped away the tears on her face, taking a shaky breath. "I can't lose you."
He kissed her cheek. "You won't, my love. I would never even dream of leaving my girl." He hesitated. "I'm even going to stop drinking."
She was quiet for a moment, clearly surprised, before she took his face in her hands and kissed him deeply, her fingers grazing his jaw. "I'm so proud of you."
Her fingers ran through his hair and she was quiet for a moment, guilt wiggling in her stomach like a parasite. "Is that why you smoked? Was it hard?"
