http://www.fimfiction.net/story/152636/1/the-part-of-you-that-wants-out/the-awakening A fimfic based off a dream I had awhile back. Damn, I haven't gotten a proof reader in a few weeks so its just been sitting there doing nothing. I would love for anyone who could proof read this over. :derpe:
I do dabble in writing, so I've got some advice for you on this piece, if you're willing. - I'm noticing you don't start a new paragraph when a new character begins to speak. This is a crucial practice that they won't even necessarily teach you in school; it might just be the sort of thing you have to pick up on your own. Spacing out the lines in a story makes it that much easier, not to mention more enjoyable, to read. When a new character speaks, make sure to hit enter/return to start a new line. On many fanfiction websites, it may even be advisable to hit enter/return twice to create spacing between the lines. In a Microsoft Word document, that wouldn't be necessary, but most websites don't have as much control over spacing between lines as Word does. Even when a new character isn't speaking, sometimes breaking up the lines just makes sentences look nicer. With a little practice, you can recognize good and bad spacing. - There are a couple instances where you don't capitalize "Twilight." Make sure to always capitalize proper nouns. - You seem to have an idea that you want this story to follow. That's good. But the different section of the story (the bit with Twlight and the CMC, the part with the unknown man, and the parts with Pinkie) don't seem to tie in with each other as much as they could. In some cases, that's fine. The part with the unknown man is meant to stick out as mysterious, and therefore is fine being separate. However, those other three pieces only seem correlated by Twilight's presence in the first and last, as well as Pinkie jumping from the third to fourth. It might help your story out to give more purpose to the character's interactions. Pinkie contacts Twlight because Rainbow Dash is missing. That was a good move on your part as a writer, but it might also be nice to offer some explanation as to why Pinkie picked Twilight, out of all her friends. - Last of all, this is the most important piece of advice I can give to someone who wants to write fiction: let your characters tell the story. If you find that you, as a narrator, are explaining things often or trying to justify the characters actions outside of thought or dialogue, don't. Let those characters, through their dialogues and internal monologues, tell the story for you. Not only does that make the story feel more legitimate, but it also makes it a whole lot easier to write. That's it! Good luck on all your creative writing endeavors!
Wow, those are some exceptional points you brought up there. I would also like to thank you for taking your time to write that massive block of text for me.
