Oh, not this again.... As for advice, a wonderful quote: I had to cut out a bunch of irrelevant drivel, but that's what this topic boils down to in the end.
A few things I'd like to say: First off, I thought it'd be rude not to comment and just congratulate you on being up front about such a topic that most people would consider sensitive. Seriously, I tip my hat to you, madam, it's inspiring. Second? Well, with all my support there is a slight bit of sadness. I am sorry to hear that some of your friends and local transexuals have shunned you (if that would be the correct word). I am happy that you are proud of who you are, and most should aspire to feel the sane about themselves. Lastly, again, you have my support. I have lost my ignorance towards others that I once had before I delved deep into this community, so if you want to talk, add me on skype or message me. Awesome stuff.
Thank you so much, greyOne; I appreciate it. That's a very philosophical quote; I'll need to think on that one for a while. Thanks, DanSze. Thank you so much, Merriweather; your support means a great deal to me. I do believe I will take you up on your offer. :3
I thought about what I would say for a while after I saw this thread, and I think I've got it down. I run into a lot of members of the LGBT community, on account of how I participate in a school club called PRISM, which is all about gay rights and anti-bully and acceptance. I totally get where you're coming from, and I think you're really cool for saying what you said. Being open about these things is never easy. I hope your relationships with others end up well, irrespective of what they think of you being transexual (or to use a similar term, transgendered); though, I do hope they accept you. If you ever need someone to talk to, there are tons of great organizations out there ready to support you. I for one will always be here for youu, and from what I read here, so will many other Bronies.
Unfortunately, my experiences with LGBT support communities and groups in my area have been awful. Both the local PFLAG branch and the local transsexual community have shunned me and I no longer feel supported or welcomed by them. The very reason I posted this thread is because I felt I had nowhere else to go; I was out of options for community support and I was about ready to give up and just become a social recluse from everyone save close friends. As it turns out, the response from this community was much more amazing than I ever would have expected to to be; I feel loved, supported and welcomed. I couldn't have hoped for anything more. Again I say a huge "thank you" to everyone here; you've really saved me from feeling hopeless again. Thank you to you as well, Dilly Star, for your support and post to this thread. I could just cry tears of happiness all night long.
I'm posting with several pieces of updated information: Thing one: I'm going to see the doctor who prescribes my hormones today. I'm currently at the lowest dose. My main doctor drew blood labs a week ago and the clinic I am going to today is going to review those with me; hopefully I'll have my hormone dosages adjusted. :3 Thing two: tomorrow, with the support of my gender therapist, we're going to confront the local trans community support group that he facilitates and try and resolve the issues I am having with them. Thing three: my very first bra came via UPS today; I'm very excited! Thing four: To everyone here who gave me input about a new full name, thank you very much! I will be talking with my therapist on Thursday about the possibility of using "Madeline/Matty" as long/short forms. I'll keep everyone updated as things continue to happen this week.
I don't know if you watch Burn Notice, but Michael's mom's name is Madeline, and they refer to her as "Maddy" for short. I wouldn't be so worried about what people think of you before meeting you, based solely on a shortened name.
Great news all around, Matty! Good luck with the group, especially, I hope that you can come out of this with some real local support!
Keep us posted. I for one am intrigued to know What their problem is. (Whether there is actually A sensible reason behind their actions. Or at least, in their eyes.) Perhaps it was a miscommunication or some misunderstanding? I can't say. Anywho; Best of luck and wishes!
Hello, everyone. I'm aware that it's been days since I've updated; I'm sorry about that. I have plenty of information for everyone about my current situation. Let's begin with responding to all your posts: ******** I've struggled with a few things this week, but the news I have is mostly good. Thank you so much for your input! The support group thing went well (as you'll see below), but I think I'll mainly rely on Everypony for my support needs from now on. Well, there were myriad reasons why things ended up the way they did. You shall see below. ******** Many of your questions will likely be answered with the detailed information I am about to share. Let me know if you have any other questions. I'll begin this part of the post with a report regarding my appointment. I went to see my doctor and she increased the doses of my hormones: I'm now on 0.1 mg estradiol (estrogen) via a transdermal (patch) system; I change the patch twice a week. That dose was doubled from what I was taking previously (0.05 mg). I also had my dose of my anti-androgen (spironolactone) increased from 50 mg to 75 mg, which is good. There were no real major health concerns, although my blood urea nitrogen blood test (kidney functions) was high, meaning I have to increase my fluid intake. Let's move on to the support group confrontation. Not everyone came to group on Wednesday night, but those who did were very receptive to what I had to say and listened to the concerns I had. There seemed to be some misunderstandings about the fine line between support and social interaction; along with that confusion was the fact that many of them didn't seem to know how to respond to me when I brought my problems forward about what I was struggling with. Either way, we managed to work things out for now and I will continue to attend the support group here. I think I might rely on the Everypony community a little more often from now on, though; I get the best support here. The third thing I want to mention is why I've been absent for the last few days. My depression over the loss of most of my local supports has really gotten to me lately and I've felt like I have no hope. I felt like I couldn't handle making replies here and I even spent some time feeling suicidal. Today, I sat down with my mother and had a very serious talk with her about how I feel like my life is worthless in my city and that I have no future here; I don't feel welcome and I feel like nobody cares in my city. I told her that I had to have her help in moving away from the city in a few years, because I didn't know how much longer I could survive in this city. She was very receptive and empathetic; she said she would do what she could although there is nothing she could do immediately. Aside from that, I've spent a great deal of time conversing with Chapien, who has made me feel better about things. He's encouraged me and given me several things to consider when it comes to my depression. I am forever grateful to him for being with me during this time. Anyway, that's it for updates for now. I'll keep you all posted!
Starting from the beginning. It's good to see that everything is working out Medically speaking, and it's also good to hear that there And no major medical concerns either. Next order of business, the support group. I had thought that it would be some form of misunderstanding On one or both sides that was the culprit, and it's good to know that That was the case; not some other serious matter. And it makes me feel better to know that we've been a Help to you; that what we had to offer was of consequence, And did good for the world. (I just feel glad we could help.) Thirdly, It genuinely grieves me to hear that things have been as Harsh for you as they have been. Depression and thoughts of suicide are horrifying things (in my mind); I am sorry things have been so grim. It's good to hear that your mother was as understanding as she was; I'm glad you had at least someone close to you to turn to. I don't think I want to consider alternate possible outcomes. Fourthly, I'm glad you had someone like Chap to turn to in your time of need. He is a good person. But don't be afraid to ask any of us for help, I doubt (and hope I'm right) any of would refuse. And finally, We're all here for you, All of us. I care about your well being, I believe most (if not all) of everyone else here does too. If you ever need someone to turn to, I think we'd all be glad to help. It doesn't matter how hopeless, bland, useless, monotonous, dull, slow, dragging, heavy, sorrowful, painful, unspoken for, and down right grey your world might feel. We're always here, You're always spoken for, And always welcome here; Among friends.
Wow, thank you so very much, greyOne. I should try to hook up with more people here for sure; I'll start with you.
Well in any case, You helped me dig up my Steam account. And my Skype. I just hope good comes of this. All of this.
Quite a bit of good has come out of me opening up to this community; thank you so much. I guess I have a brief update: my mood has just been so bad for the last few weeks that I finally had a breakdown on Sunday, November 27. My boyfriend was there to console me as I sobbed heavily. He suggested something to me that got me thinking: perhaps because I just started on the hormones about two months ago, maybe I am going through a "second puberty." Thinking about it, it all makes sense; it would explain all the violent mood swings, my major depressive fits and all the frantic racing of my mind. Thanks to the support of this community and of my boyfriend, I feel like I can keep going forward in life. I want to thank everyone here for their love and support once again; you have no idea just how much of an impact you all have had on my life...
Thank you so much! I know how wonderful this community is, but I can never say "thank you" enough; this community has given me more than I ever could have hoped for.
I was JUST going to mention this right before I read these lines. This is <strike>almost</strike> definitely what you are going through. I'm surprised your transition counselor didn't prepare you to deal with the emotional impact that going on hormones, not to mention upping them, would inevitably have. It's going to be a rough... Well, honestly from what I've heard this can last a year or more. However long it takes your body to regulate and flatten out hormonally is how long you'll experience these symptoms, though to what degree of intensity will vary as your body adjusts. I had a friend who stopped the process because he couldn't stand the person Testosterone was turning him into. Estrogen can cause lashes that are just as violent, but from what I've seen they are generally more inward centered than outward. Knowing this and accepting your emotions as side effects rather than truly coming from how you feel is crucial if you don't want to self destruct. If you ever need to talk, feel free to pm me. I've been keeping an eye out for you on AIM when I'm on. *HUGS* You have all our support. We care about you.
*hugs back* Thank you so much. It's not that I wasn't prepared by my gender therapist for emotional changes; it's more the fact that I wasn't sure how severe they would be or how I would end up having them so internally-focused. Your post has allowed me to make more sense of my feelings; it is for sure my "second puberty." Thank you again! Thanks again; I really appreciate it!
