Now that the Train is back on the rails, I'll speak my mind. *WallofText.jpg* Not once in my life, have I ever had problems associating myself with my Gender. I have never felt like a woman trapped in a man's body. Ever. I've always associated myself with being of the male gender, specifically because I am one. But I know full well what it feels like, not knowing who or what you are. That feeling you get when you don't know how to answer that one question for yourself: "Who am I? Why am I here?" is a dreadful one. I haven't found the answer to the first question, but I have for the second one. More on that later in the post. The feeling is overwhelming, it makes you feel crushed by the pressure of society, always unaccepting of change. The world forces you to make choices that sometimes you're just not ready for. The people are even worse. They label you and slap you into a group that you have nothing to do with, and then expect you to make decisions not only for yourself, but for others, also. You make your own choices, just as we all carve our own path. People try to carve paths for you, lead you in the wrong direction, like pigs to the slaughter. People try to disregard transgendered individuals because most believe that your gender, along with your personality, are determined by what "Parts" you have, to say it appropriately. I cross my legs when I sit. People associate that with Femininity and Female activity, but I just find it very comfortable. Often times, by school counselors, because of my actions and my looks, I've been asked if I've ever felt like a woman. I've always said no for a specific reason: I know what gender I am. Femininity and Gender Identity are two very commonly associated things, when in reality, they are extremely different. For most, if you are a male, people associate you with being "Tough and masculine, always flexing your muscles and providing a loud, thundering voice." And label you as gay if you don't hold up the "Tradition" of being a male. I'm extremely feminine, for someone of the male gender, and I often-times answer the questions I get with "I'm a guy who likes different things than other guys. Does that make a difference? No. I enjoy the same things most guys do, I play sports, I watch TV, I run around a bit. But I also enjoy a lot of things other than that, too. Does that make me a woman? No." I'm bisexual. That for a fact has nothing to do with my femininity, mainly because when I was homophobic, I still was extremely feminine. I've always accepted this fact as a part of my life. I know that people can''t change me, because I love who I am, and I love who I love and like who I like. The question "Who am I?" is a question most of us spend days upon weeks upon months upon years trying to answer. Some of us never find out. The people who find their true gender have finally found that answer. They are a woman/man trapped in the opposite gender's body, and they have finally figured out who they are. "What am I here for?" is another question that many people find themselves asking. I know for a fact that I'm here to help others the best I can and to support those who love me, as they support me. My Sexuality, Gender, and Masculinity have nothing to do with my personality. I hate it when all people do is associate me with speaking Queeny and watching a TV show for little girls. I am, and forever will be, regardless of who or what I do or become, the same person I am today. I urge anyone who is having trouble identifying themselves to search for their answers to these questions. Take your time. Life lasts a long time, so you have plenty amounts of it to find it. For me, it took 15 long years to find who I was. For some, it will be easier. Others, it will be extremely challenging. For MattyJei, I'm happy you answered this question. It shows strength, courage, and determination, something I have not found, or had, for the entirety of my life up until 2 months ago. My life is my own, just as your life is yours. You live life the way you see fit, and when the ride is over, you look it back, proud of what you've accomplished... and move on. That's my words. And that is my opinion, and one I'll cherish for a very, very, long time. Transgendered people are THE strongest people I know. I'm happy that I feel this way.
I had a pretty bad depression spell the other night and decided to go see the university counseling services as soon as I woke up the next day. Although the depression was a chemical problem, one of the things weighing on my mind is my gender identity and sexuality - but mainly gender identity. The counselor that I spoke with, who has been working with me for numerous weeks in group therapy sessions, indicated that I am definitely not delusional, the concept of "delusion" was ingrained in my thoughts by my parents who could not accept that their son is a bisexual who is also transgendered. Hopefully, one day, I'll have the guts to bring this up to my psychiatrist, but I don't feel like my parents will ever approve fully, so I'm not sure if I should bring it up to them, even though they could potentially be a great support. Either way, I am confident in myself: I am bisexual and I am gender confused, and probably transgendered. I don't know if transitioning is a good option for me or not. I can't say that I would mind it - I'd love to be pretty and a true representation of how I feel on the inside, but at the same time, I'm not sure if I could handle it given my other issues. Does anyone have any thoughts on this matter? I'm very confused and I'm not sure who I should tell about my feelings...
For one thing, you can tell me, either on Skype, or PM. For another, you can ask Matty herself. She (I'm pretty sure) knows full well what you're going through.
From what I can tell of where this thread has gone, it has gone down the path of self-identity. Here, I've had my fair share of musings, and I might as well share them here. What is identity? Identity is what we define ourselves as. It is what we normally associate with traits of other people, the image that our mind forms when a name is mentioned, but unlike in all cases but one, we apply this to ourselves. Time to jump topics a bit. Cartoons. I once read in a book on art theory about the evolution of the cartoon style versus the realism style. To put it simply, the seed of both is in identity, in how we see others and how we see ourselves. The first to come was the cartoon style. If we look as far back as we can, we can see that these old cartoony drawings were religious in nature, just as plainly as we can see that most religions at the time were self-centered, based on the perfection of the self. This is because cartoons are based off of how we see ourselves, and here, we are only vaguely aware of our traits, since we base who we are not off of how we look, but what we think. So, when one tries to draw others based on oneself, the art style is cartoon-like. Then, the road to realism began. As the religions became more and more about selflessness, servitude, and in general, as Christianity spread, so did representations become more realistic. Again, in art theory, this is because here, we draw based on others, where we see very little besides the shallow husk that is their mortal coil. We see from this that the view of society has become less focused on figuring out what they themselves are, and more about figuring out the souls of others. Now, fast forward to the impressionist era. Again, we begin to see a movement away from realism, a movement to draw impressions of objects as opposed to their image. This personally is my favorite genre of classic art for this very reason, but that is far from the point is. The point is, this is a turning point in the history of society. From this day forth, both movements were seen, even if they have fluctuations in popularity. Back to our time. Even in 'cartoons', much store is put in realism. What this tells me is that now is a shallow time, when people have trouble seeing themselves for themselves, and instead focus on their peers. This, plus rather conservative views all around, leads to this kind of questioning, many of which give up on. This, while it saddens me, makes me wonder when the next pulse will be, when the inner view will again triumph. Perhaps then people will be able to come to terms with who they are, and more importantly, others will.
Sorry to break up the convetstion hand. I somehow never saw this thread. Matty I'm so glad you were brave enough to post this. I offer you all the support I can in your choice. I'm glad you are living the way you want to live. You are a inspiration to us all to find are selves. -- Sent from my Palm Pre using Forums
I don't know how to quote Saikyo's post as a TL;DR without losing its value, so if you read this and skipped it, go back and read it. @DanSze - A lot of it has to deal with identity. It's not easy breaking away from what society considers "normal", even in exploring yourself.
What does society consider 'normal'? Normal is a label applied to anything that society Understands; anything they can relate too. Abnormal is anything that people cannot immediately Come to understand, Whatever they cannot see the motives for, Or have no personal experience of. As such, Normal isn't something I put priority on. It's not something people should prioritize at all; Sure there are boundaries of reason, But conforming to limitations of others' Imagination or life experience will not result in Any useful progress in life. Society has conditioned itself to Isolated itself from anything it doesn't understand; Like a self inflicted form of Xenophobia. Normal and abnormal are relative, Since they are only based off of what A person considers such. But in any case, Normal is just a setting on the dryer.
In my world, there is no such thing as "Normal". A normal world is a bland and boring place, filled with grey and no life to it. A normal world is where everyone wears the same suit, has the same hair, same skin color, same (Or lack of) religion, where everything is the same. At first glance, this world appears to be ideal, but would you want to have someone who looks exactly like you, and everyone around you looking exactly like you, acting like you, and doing the same thing you do? There is no unique in a normal world. A normal world is a world I hope we will never have, because being unique is so... magical.
This is how i always considered it. Everyday at my school.. or at least 5 days a week people call everyone who isnt like them "Weird" "Abnormal" etc. It doesnt make sense, and since i am the only Brony in my school out of 600 people.. it is hard to fit in. Let alone, i only got 2 friends. One is in highschool, and i only see him on my bus, but he is a brony. The other is just.. um. Crazy. But, this opened my eyes. Thanks for posting this grey.
Heterosexuality is considered normal, in a broad example. I would like all of the aforementioned preferences to be accepted as normal, therefore peace, happiness, and harmony can be. The alienation of others is... saddening.
The reaction, unfortunately, is the expected one. Humans fear change. Homosexuality, in their eyes, is change. Hence why they condemn such acts.
Yet we strive for advancement, For the furthering of ideas. The hypocrisy of the human race pains me. Especially my own.
Hypocrisy. It pains ^. It amuses me, however. Most things do. See? Having a twisted sense of logic is good! Oh, wait...
So I had a talk with my parents that reminded me of things that I was told when I was hospitalized three years ago, things that led to three years of happiness with myself and my identity. Long story short, I used to have gender confusion that popped up three years ago when I had met some transgendered individuals online. These people most definitely had an agenda to "convert" me to the way that they were, whereas I was simply an emotionally vulnerable boy who had an idea put in his head and couldn't escape it in the ongoing loops of OCD. I was obsessed with the idea that I may be transgendered, nothing more. My parents took me to the mental hospital with the attitude that if I turned out to be the real deal, so be it. It wasn't an effort to "fix" me, they would have supported me no matter what. As I talked to the therapists there, they learned that I was simply obsessive about things and that my brain chemistry needed to be adjusted with medication, which, when I was put on my current cocktail, I forgot the problems of gender identity for three years. I was confident that I was male, I was confident in who I am. I was happy I suppose the countless threads on other sites about gender identity has made me obsessed again, and instead of dismissing this as part of my past, I decided to consider if it was actually me once more. It most probably is not, for three years I have not thought about my gender identity and have not let others' words get to me. It just so happens that my medication is losing its effect, and it was adjusted again yesterday morning. But, as confident as I was that I was transgendered, I am actually not, I don't think. It's one of those sticky issues where the only support that you have want to make sure not to step on your toes and tell you that you're wrong, they want to support you. As it turns out, my OCD and anxiety are the real issues, not gender identity, and these people who encourage me are doing unintentional harm by fortifying an obsessive thought.
Then we'll help you with your OCD. If this ever comes up again, I'll make a note to ask more questions, And delve deeper towards root causes Rather than surface symptoms.
I think the ideas are like a forbidden fruit to us. We do not know of them, then suddenly it's something new to explore and intrigues us. That's how it has always been for me anyway. I never really cared or found interest in gays until I was 13. To me, they were like new people. (Bear in mind, I was a naive and immature 13 year old.)
Oh hon. You have your terms mixed up. Transgender is when you feel you aren't the right gender. Transsexual is SRS or the process leading up to it.
I've never frowned upon transgendered people (nor anyone in the L.G.B.T. community). I simply never met any, nor did any friends of mine come out as transgendered, or at least thinking of changing their sex, until a few weeks ago. Granted, these two friends are only on the Internet, but from what they've told me, I've really grown to appreciate and respect the transgendered community. I only wish everyone could understand the psychological affects that they have, hating their body and feeling out-of-place. I only wish they could become completely like the opposite gender, having the ability to make babies and other things. I used to think that they should accept themselves for how they, but sometimes that isn't an option. From what I've learned, people who feel like the opposite sex have had depression and other unfortunate things. Also, I've felt more like a woman than a man sometimes, and vise versa. If I had to give a conclusion, I'd say that I wouldn't care if I was born either way. Gender had barely any meaning to me, but I've assumed a more masculine identity in my appearance throughout my life. I haven't appeared "manly," but, from my viewpoint, I've appeared more "masculine" than I feel on the inside, which is why I'm working to succeed at the androgynous look. Sometimes, I see pictures of me with a rather masculine atmosphere, and I'd try my best to ignore those pictures and even prevent people from seeing them because that's not how I want to appear. I'm trying to work up the courage to tell my father that I don't want a haircut. I'm going to college soon, but I know that he'll bring up the topic of me getting a haircut before I leave, and I dread it. I want to have nice flowy hair like women and I want to appear like how I feel on the inside. And I'd love to do some other things. I don't want to look entirely feminine, but a mix between the two, I.E., androgyny. Also, I'm bisexual, and I have the experience to know this. I've done and enjoyed things with both men and women, and I think I understand my sexuality well, like how it teeter-totters slightly with whom I feel more attraction to.
